Ever Wonder Why Your Life IS Fucked UP?

Mind is static
Like a routers IP address.
A hole in my heart
like a hollow in your chest.
I begin to ponder death
Contemplate the scenery
of the after life
since I have gave up on life.
I tried reaching for the sky
but can’t reach for something
you can’t touch.
Life is double dutch
and the double ropes
is the demons and
I’m struggling to not
come in contact.
20/40 vision
and can’t afford contacts
So as I age
I became unsighted like bats
for putting true love over everything.
Poetry is my Vaseline
to help mitigate
Since the demons in my head
are a pain in the ass.
So used to being uncomfortable,
when the mood is peaceful
automatically assume I don’t deserve
it’s presence
like a naughty kid on Christmas.
Negative is a shark
that smells the blood of my
positive thoughts.
When it devours,
light is overshadowed by the dark.
I worry like a parent searching at the park
for their missing child
 after dark.
Over and over I overthink.
The thoughts deeper than
a stab wound from a shank.
Worry like I have bills and no
money in the bank.
Disappointed like a husband
for only shooting blanks.
I’m always been ashamed of my pace
in life.
Just imagine racing with a tank during a drag race.
Dependent like a house wife
and broke like Buzz Lightyear’s arm.
These negative thoughts are annoying like flies.
When your broke and seek no improvement, time flies.
Like a confident player’s finger wrapped around a naive girl,
my mind is suffocating in this world
So I over eat when I feel lonely.
I masturbate when I get horny.
So embarrassed, so I avoid company.

Am I Ahead Of My Time

Life is mixed up like a crossword puzzle.
Sometimes happy but sometimes in trouble.
Images in my head can be so vivid.
If I choose to be violent, I can make a murder scene graphic.
Serial killer like Dexter sometimes it cross my mind
to take a life since I’m pissed off all the time.
Like a immature kid running across the street
dodging a car just in time.
I’m build like Apollo Creed and I sweat more than rocky between the sheets,
but not from engaging in intercourse  becuase of nervousness.
My mind is imprisonment which results in the lack of erections.
So devasting when you pay attention and
still didn’t understand the lesson.
I’m like a old man who take forever to respond to a text message
My life is plain and dull like salad with out dressing.
But salad is healthy that’s  why I eat it but never toss it.
Hope those of you reading this understands the double entendre of the last sentence.
Sometimes feels like I am serving a prison sentence.
Days to months from months to years.
My mind is it’s own tier.
My life is a notebook and each page represent a year.
Every year on my bday, I open the book and tear
the pages becuase my life feels like it’s wasted.
When I die would I rather be buried or cremated?
I once use to think Tupac faked his death
Did death row lead him to his death?
When he died, Stanely Tookie was all we had left.
Co-founder of a gang and he realized he made
a mistake.
Sometimes wish I could of personally saw his face
when he was on his knees and prayed
to God for his mistake.
Arnold Schaeggner inspired others to lift weights
but he is a racist.
What’s  worst being a racist or a rapist?
To be honest I hate a rapist  with a passion.
In our unique ways we  all appear attractive
to somebody
So why force a woman and tell her what to do with her body?
Disappointed in Bill Cosby even though he was funny
in a clean way.
But his heart was in a dirty place.
Richard Pryor expressed his comedy in a dirty way
But wondering if he was alive today
and saw Bill Cosby
What would he say?
Maybe he wouldn’t have nothing to say.
Sometimes words can’t express when we are disgraced
with role models.
So instead I turn to the bottle to take way tomorrow’s trouble.
So I get use to the bitter taste and swallow.
Sprite and cough syrup made me want to throw up at first.
But now I got addicted, I drink it before I go to church.
In the service I can’t sit up straight, so I have to lean in my seat.
Doze off and fall asleep.
This poem was delivered to me in a dream for next Sunday
and today is Monday.
Only 6 days away.
Ahead of my time and I’m starting from the end.
I already made it to heaven
and I rather stay there
then to come here
on planet Earth.