How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie

To explain how I feel

don’t know where to start.

Friends and family are fake

but emotions are real.

So much bottle up inside

it’s making me ill.

But its’ time to tip over the bottle

and let it spill

and lay it out on the the table.

To start expressing, I don’t if I’m able

but I will try my best

and this is not a fable.

Well lets just say there is a thin line

between love and hate

and I cross over the line

back fourth like

I’m playing jump rope.

My emotions is not a dirty body

that could get washed away with soap.

I am starting to lose hope

Why I should I fight

When I can jump of the

Throng Neck bridge and Die?

Why should I cry

I since don’t know how to

since I keep everything bottle up inside?

I hide whats inside to protect the outside.

Getting tired of being told what to do.

On my mind,two words on it is “Fuck You

I rather be isolated.

The nice guy in me is slowly dying

Have to the mind set to commit a homicide.

Fuck it,If I love you,I rather see you die

then ask forgiveness later

Build up with such much anger.

My mind is in danger

and its killing me slow like lung cancer.

I look in the mirror and ask myself

“Am I a murder?”

“Am I a serial Killer?”

“Will I be the black version of Adolf Hitler?”

I had a dream one time

that my soul went to hell.

So might as well give my soul to sell

I can be the devil’s ‘Michael’

one of his arch demons.

Evil should be my focus

and I should spread it

and make it contagious

like farmers going through a famine

because of locusts.

When I try to do good I can’t stay focus.

Maybe evil is my calling.

Every baby aborted

I wish I could trade lives

with.World full of hypocrites

that are only kind for their own benefits

and I can’t stand it.

Relationships is rare like job benefits.

Nobody now hires full time

and this is how I view relationships

because people only want the benefits

but won’t make scarfices to commit full time.

I rather be lonely forever.

I though by the age of 28

I would be alone

but still stuck at home.

This right here is more than a poem

I needed to write this because

I am in the zone.

I can relate to all the sad songs

while writing this poem.

Held on things for so long.

I ready to release like ejaculation.

Fuck my concentration

I am almost starting to give up on praying

I won’t lie and be hypocrite

I do believe there is a God

but I gave up going on church a long time ago

“The one that invite you to church are the ones

that wanna see you in hell.”

The gate is wide

and the fake angels will smile wide

when they say hi

but deep down they despise

looking in your eyes.

I know this so I trust no one

Show love to no one

because love will get you killed

and LLPhate you make you live.

“We eat more than we can shit.”

I ponder because I have two hands

juggling everything you can imagine.

It’s like I drink 10 glasses of water

but still dehydrating.

Does reading this sounds devastating?

Now how the fuck you think I feel?

This pain is real

This poem is selfish.

My feelings I choose to conceal but

I was told that was selfish.

I will say I am a talented poet

but that’s because I have hidden emotions

disguised as love which is really hate.

“I feel like Eve

because I have been deceived

by so many serpents

and yet I get punished

suffering the consequences

of others being persuasive.

Have you been in debt

or almost went to jail

because of somebody’s actions?

It’s a tragic and another life lesson

I learned at 23.

“There are criminals in society

and innocent ones in the penitentiary.”

Being naive will have serving a sentence

for not using common sense.

I’m gonna reiterate and capitalized this shit

“BE NAIVE WILL HAVE YOU SERVING A SENTENCE

FOR NOT USING COMMON SENSE.” – David Hocakday

‘Proud To Be An American”

Lmao yeah right

This country is fucking racists.

This is not a place for the poor.

Every year we struggle

more and more

since salaries

don’t keep up with the cost of living.

Am I better off in prison?

The meals are for free

The weights are for free

Besides there nothing on TV

thanks to social media.

I am satisfied with my jobs

but problem is I can’t afford a living

with both my jobs.

I tired of asking money from my mom

I am almost 30

yet I still feel like a 3 year old.

Do my parents have to hold my

hand while I cross the street?

What’s funny

is that I’m to the point where I’m almost

ready to give up and live on the street

since I love being lonely.

I only feel peace when I sleep

or when I masturbate when I’m horny.

I said earlier that I am a talented poet

because of hidden emotions.

So my question is

will have another poem left in me

after this get uploaded?

I will upload a part 2 and maybe a part 3 sometime this week

If Today Was Your Last Day, How Would You Want Your Family Members To Remember You?

 Click play button to listen  #np on #SoundCloud
 
If I could go back to the day where I can fix what held me back I would be able to trust myself Here am I with a picture of memories thinking of hurting myself. All I need is a chance in a day One shot, one place to fix my mistakes that I made, vomiting all of the pain. If I had one angel and a prophet to guide me safe along the way. Cup of holy water, mixed with wine anointing myself as I lay across the sofa. Re-learn all the politics so I could use to my advantage. Need the sermons to subdue the hollowness in my heart affected by relationships. Shallowness are common in companionships. Life is a bitch and she will suck the life out of you like a woman that's avoiding conception but ironically life is a blessing. Blessings are only appreciated when materialistic things involved. Motivation dissolved since good times don't last forever. Felt type of pain like a heartbroken mother because her daughter commit suicide. Never saw the defeat in her eyes since the smile was a disguise, hiding the true feeling inside. Friends are really spies watching from a distance like binoculars zooming in until they found a weakness and use it to their advantage and catch you blinded sided like driving and getting hit from the right side. We don't wanna be right when logic and emotion aren't on the same side. We do what feels good instead of what's actually right. Getting high in the hood feels right being up all night because loud music don't know the difference between night and daylight. Converse more with strangers on social media then family members.
I'm trapped in a circle,
Stuck in a bubble 
Nowhere to go 
Blessing since trouble 
is within my distance.
Walls are 
closing in towards 
the skin 
on my bones 
Me and my shadow 
all alone 
for so long
but the gray hairs 
on my ears 
reminds me that
life is short.

Drunk off of hallucinations
Pictures, images 
extremely haunted, 
existent upon
the environment.
I don't comprehend 
eccentric expressions 
in the area.
The length and width 
of these images  
are possessed with spirits
which penetrates 
my mental anguish.

First of all 
I ask lord to forgive me.
For my loves ones, 
listen to me
before you speak.
Don't act first 
please think.
For every waking
moment that I breathe
I live a lie
a double life
and I wonder how 
I sleep?
I lie to seek peace.
Mentally I'm weak
like a sheep
surrounded by a world 
full of German Shepard's 
and wolves
and I'm terrified 
karma will charge 
me like a bull.
Doing something you hate
I believe is a disgrace 
and a waste.
Wasted talent 
should not be any man's plan
even though this is 
something that's so common.
Alot of the most talented 
men are serving a life sentence 
in prison.
I think to myself 
money, goals, and success 
Don't mean shit without happiness.