How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie

To explain how I feel

don’t know where to start.

Friends and family are fake

but emotions are real.

So much bottle up inside

it’s making me ill.

But its’ time to tip over the bottle

and let it spill

and lay it out on the the table

To start expressing I don’t if I’m able

but I will try my best

and this is not a fable.

Well lets just say there is a thin line

between love and hate

and I cross over the line

back fourth like

I’m playing jump rope.

My emotions is not a dirty body

that could get washed away with soap.

I am starting to lose hope

Why I should I fight

When I can jump of the

Throng Neck bridge and Die

Why should I cry

I since don’t know how to

since I keep everything bottle up inside.

I hide whats inside to protect the outside.

Getting tired of being told what to do.

On mind two words on it is “Fuck You”

I rather be isolated.

The nice guy in me is slowly dying

Have to the mind set to commit a homicide.

Fuck it If I love you,I rather see you die

then ask forgiveness later

Build up with such much anger.

My mind is in danger

and its killing me slow like lung cancer.

I look in the mirror and ask myself

“Am I a murder?”

“Am I a serial Killer?”

“Will I be the black version of Adolf Hitler?”

I had a dream one time

that my soul went to hell.

So might as well give my soul to sell

I can be the devil’s ‘Michael’

one of arch demons.

Evil should be my focus

and I should spread it

and make it contagious

like farmers going through a famine

because of locusts.

When I try to do good I can’t stay focus.

Maybe evil is my calling.

Every baby aborted

I wish I could trade lives

with World of of hypocrites

that only kind for their own benefits

and I can’t stand it.

Relationships is rare like job benefits.

Nobody now hires full time

and this is how I view relationships

because people only want the benefits

but won’t make scarfices to commit full time.

I rather be lonely forever.

I though by the age of 28

I would be alone

but still stuck at home.

This right here is more than a poem

I needed to write this because

I am in the zone.

I can relate to all the sad songs

while writing this poem.

Held on things for so long.

I ready to release like ejaculation.

Fuck my concentration

I am almost starting to give up on praying

I won’t lie and be hypocrite

I do believe there is a God

but I gave up going on church a long time ago

The one that invite to church are the ones

that wanna see you in hell.

The gate is wide

and the fake angels will smile wide

when they say hi

but deep down they despise

looking in your eyes.

I know this so I trust no one

Show love to know one

because love will get you killed

and hate you make you live.

We eat more than we can shit.

I ponder because I have two hands

juggling everything you can imagine.

It’s like I drink 10 glasses of water

but still dehydrating.

Does reading this sounds devastating?

Now how the fuck you think I feel?

This pain is real

This poem is selfish.

My feelings I choose to conceal but

I was told that was selfish.

I will say I am a talented poet

but that’s because I have hidden emotions

disguised as love which is really hate.

I feel like Eve 

because I have been deceived

but so many serpents 

and yet I get punished 

suffering the consequences 

of other people’s actions.

Have you been in debt 

or almost went to jail 

because of  somebody’s actions?

It’s a tragic and another life lesson

I learned at 23.

There are criminals in society

and innocent ones in the penitentiary.

Be naive will have serving a sentence 

for not using common sense.

I’m gonna reiterate and capitalized  this shit

“Be naive will have serving a sentence 

for not using common sense.” – David Hocakday

‘Proud To Be An American”

Lmao yeah right

This country is fucking racists.

This is not a place for the poor.

Every year we struggle

more and more

since salaries

don’t keep up with the cost of living.

Am I better of in prison?

The meals are for free

The weights are for free

Besides there nothing on TV

thanks to social media.

I am satisfied with my jobs

but problem is I can’t afford a living 

with both my jobs.

I tired of asking money from my mom

I am almost 30 

yet I still feel like a 3 years old.

Do my parents have to hold my 

hand while  I cross the street.

Once funny 

is that I’m to the point I almost 

ready to give up and live on the street

since I love being lonely.

I only feel peace when I sleep

or when I masturbate when I’m horny.

I said line earlier that i am a talented poet

because of hidden emotions.

So my question is 

will have another poem left in me

after this get uploaded?

 

I will upload a part 2 and maybe a part 3 sometime this week

I Will Protect You Always

My hands are windshield wipers that wipe your tears away.

Here to help you navigate through the rainfall you cry away.

I am here to keep you heart protected and safe.

We all break and when working too hard we need a break.

Picture me as a resort of some sort to help u relax on your break.

Alot of feelings we can pretend and fake

but stress isn’t one of them.

To relieve it, you ask yourself

“Where do I begin?”

Meditation, reading, exercising,

all great stress relievers but

most powerful reliever of all is praying

Have faith and believe

because there may be a plan

better than your original dream.

The future is like being under water in

the sea without a snorkel.

It’s something we can predict but can’t see.

All I can say is move forward and pray and just believe.

My advice might not be right if God has another plan.

High School

We all have been here.
The place where we spent four years.
When school was for free
to earn a  regents diploma or GED.
It was all about being popular
Comparing to others to see who clothes looked better
Food fights in the cafeteria
All the strict rules, like all hats and ipods kept in lockers
Missing homework was a phone call home
Cutting class was a phone call home
Talking in class was a phone call home
As you read this, I know you was one of those that had a phone call home
five days a week of school.
Bell rings a little after two.
So redundant and tedious
Sit through each class, yes all nine periods
But senior year was the best year
Regents and phone call home, who cares
Coming close to the end of your high school career
To look forward to a place more freedom
That’s what I’m gonna talk about in my next poem

Where Have You Been?

I normally write thought provoking poems but his is one of my more painful and darker poems. Before you read, if you are curious to know more about me, click on this link Who Am I?

Shit felt like yesterday when I was looking for you.
Alot of painful thoughts, late nights praying to you.
I was going thru scriptures in the bible trying to find answers.
A non-response from you left me drowning in deep water.
Now three years later, I now understand what it feels like
Overthinking during the sleepless nights and you was teaching me to hang tight.
Inexperience had me at a disadvantage, almost felt worthless when got my heart broken.
So instead of praying, I looked at every woman as a enemy.
I hated bitches and though they wasn’t shit and was only worth dick.
I had the wrong type of thinking, at first I tried praying to you but you wasn’t listening.
Your distance has me wanting to seek revenge
so paying for sex was my healing.
The orgasm was addictive even to this day I still need healing from masturbating.
The more I kept praying, the more I kept overeating.
My heart was like engine that was overheating.
It stopped beating and operating.
It was broken and dead and I held a grudge against you.

Why did you abandoned me when she destroyed me?
Why did you allow her to?
Everytime I look in the mirror I cried tears of pain?
I was really starting to hate you?
You said to cast our my anxiety since you care for me
but you left me drowning in the pool.

I made plenty of mistakes but my heart was in the right place.
Needed help since I experienced love a little late.
I prayed for the right path, but I fell in love at the wrong time and place.
Before I knew, I wasn’t doing things that I shouldn’t.
My only concern was to obtain a proper ejaculation even if it was premature.
Lack of erections had me feeling like a politician losing the election.
A gentleman but yet felt like a loser.
Got tired of this feeling, so went to the doctor
for Viagra.
Felt good to satisfy her needs, but dependent on a pill and I was only 24?
I blamed myself and hated myself.
I had thoughts wondering if I was corny?
I had thoughts wondering should I be lonely?
I had alot of potential in my personality
but you made me antisocial.
I feared being laughed so till this day
still don’t know how to be sociable.
Every time I think about it made me sick.
I was ashamed of my dick.
I fought this battle alone
and you didn’t defend me.
The klove songs no longer lifted me
It made me empty.
Strippers were the remedy.
I just wanted easy women and hated wome
that were classy.
But this wasn’t the proper thinking.
I looked up to but then I started to hate you like an enemy.
Because of the summer of 2015 was my worst memory.
I think bitches are the enemy.
I became a selfish because I don’t care to satisfy a bitch needs.
Now I’m quick to tell a bitch to cheat
if my dick can’t stay hard
I dom’t give a fuck.

Why did you abandoned me when she destroyed me?
Why did you allow her to?
Everytime I look in the mirror I cried tears of pain?
I was really starting to hate you?
You said to cast our my anxiety since you care for me
but you left me drowning in the pool

To get the Full Story please read I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1) and I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 2) This is a very long blog personal blog

Can You Handle The Size

Angel eyes
and thick
like stripper thighs.
Hit it all night
As long as the angle right.
Take a ride,
the size is nice.
Catch more than a stroke tonight
Alot to handle so close your eyes
While I take your breathe away
and tears come out of your eyes.
Imagine a pastor that hates life,
it doesn’t make sense right,
how I left you hypnotized?
You feeling surprised?
Do you like the way
I take your breathe away at
any give time?
Do you want to take a ride
anywhere and any time?
By the bed post, wrist handcuffed
like a criminal committed a crime.
You say I’m too much to handle right?
Is it because of my size?
Like the saying
“If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime”
This is my saying to you
“If you can’t handle the size, don’t ask for a ride”

Poetry Is Underrated

Poetry is underrated

Poets put their

hearts and souls

trying to be poetic.

Poetry is used to express

depression to our audiences.

Poets teaches lessons.

Poetry is acting as poets

use open mic as a demonstration.

Poets are artistic.

We paint perfect images

by our face expressions.

A good question that was asked on Twitter about poetry?

Which type of poetry do you find most interesting?

1)Dark/Painful

2)Inspiring/Hopeful

3)Spiritual/Religious

4)Love/Romance

It Was Only Suppose To Be A Simple First Date Only

Everything seemed normal until I laid eyes on her.

Swear the most gorgeous figure and her hairstyle is most what I adored.

Definitely have caught my attention for sure.

I approached her, got her name, number, and I wanted to get to know her

some more.

A week later I took her to dinner and we conversed.

She told me she was a school nurse and on

Sundays she goes to church.

A beautiful working woman that’s God fearing, what more can I ask more.

I admire her curves as we talked for a while.

The round hips on her, and the dimples when she smiles.

Something was happening to me while she speaks to me.

The flirtatious look on her face turned me on and had me blushing.

I got a little embarrassed when she noticed that because I like to keep 

what’s on my mind a secret.

But truth be told it was obvious even to a first grader that I was catching feelings.

As usual she had to say “Aww you look so cute when you blush”

I started to giggle a little and I said “Okay now that’s enough.”

A little while later, the waiter brought the bill.

I pulled out the 50 dollars and left a 10 dollar tip on the table 

and asked her “Did you enjoy your meal?”

She said “It was cool, even though I didn’t finish it”

I wanted to invite her to my house, but I couldn’t form the sentence.

Finding the rights word at that moment was nonexistent, I guess I was nervous. 

I been on dates before but  I still felt like a novice.

So instead I played it safe an drove her back home in silence.

So I pulled up to the curb in front of her house and put the car in park.

I felt the tension between us like where in a horror movie and it was after dark.

She said “So what are you about to get into now?”

I said “Nothing much then I started daydreaming imagining her in a sexy gown.

She said “I didn’t expect to get home so early now”

I was caught off guard and I was thinking hard.

I was almost certain she was throwing out the clues.

Like  a game of chess, how do I start, how do I make my first move?

What do I do?

She started touching my arms admiring my Sean John sweater but felt my body tense up.

She really had to push her luck and now at that point I already know wassup.

She began to cares my neck and armpits and tickle just to hear me giggle.

This moment was definitely official because I knew I was soon going to yell checkmate.

But I didn’t make any move yet I choose to play it safe

by saying ” What do I have to do to get you to stop?”

She pulled me closer and said “come here” we  kissed and I didn’t want to stop.

After thirty seconds I stopped and I pretend  I was shocked even though deep down

I knew ahead of time what she was gonna do.

I waited for a few seconds then I went in for the kiss full force and aggressive. 

I kissed and touch her with a little bit of lust and affection.

She felt the bulge between my pants and I anticipated on what she was about to do next.

I reclined my seat back, close my eyes and she was giving me some neck.

Five minutes later just when I was about to cum, she asked me ” Do you have a condom?”

 

To Be Continued!

Image result for is feelings enough to commit gif

or

 

Image result for I can't do this gif

 

How should I continue the next part of this story?

1) The guy has a condom in his pocket and get his groove on and sex her good?

2) The guy has a condom and get try to get his groove on but can’t obtain an erection?

3) The guy doesn’t has a condom and the girl just has sex with him anyway and they both have a pregnant scare?

4) The guy doesn’t have condom and she told him I can’t have sex with you without a condom but the guy gets angry and decides to rape her?

5) The guy doesn’t has a condom and the girl just has sex with him and she catches an STD?

 

 

What Is A Talent That You Love To Do?

Poetry is my heart and soul

Being a poet is my ultimate goal

I can view things in any direction.

God blessed me with an imagination

I break down words and dissect them.

I provide lessons and deep questions.

I’m imagining my writing being published.

Life around me is poetic

I can write 2 poems in day

Hell I can write 2 poems at a time.

I just need the space.

I just need the time.

Like a crossword puzzle

the words I will find.

Like a detective digging for clues

to solve a crime.

Dig into my mind

and my pencil is a shovel

as I write.

I want to be the best poet of all time

by writing whats right

and my style is I write

how I feel.

Like wheel of fortunate

each line on paper is blank

and the words I fill

until I completely express how I feel.

Words can kill

and I can slay

but words are uplifting

and I can heal.

I can’t even explain

how I do it.

All I know is I was blessed with a talent.

With pure silence

I find the zone when I’m alone.

close my eyes

like Dorthy for wanting to go back home.

Every situation I bring to light

like a document you can’t see in the dark.

As long as the pencil point is sharp

I will write poetry

until the beat inside my heart stops.