If Today Was Your Last Day, How Would You Want Your Family Members To Remember You?

 Click play button to listen to me recite this poem #np on #SoundCloud
 
If I could go back to the day where I can  fix what held me back I would be able to trust myself Here am I with a picture of memories thinking of hurting myself. All I need is a chance in a  day One shot, one place to fix my mistakes that I made, vomiting all of the pain. If I had one angel and a prophet to guide me safe along the way. Cup of holy water, mixed with wine anointing myself as I lay across the sofa. Re-learn all the politics so I could use to my advantage. Need the sermons to subdue the hollowness in my heart affected by relationships. Shallowness are common in companionships. Life is a bitch and she will suck the life out of you like a woman that's avoiding conception but ironically life is a blessing. Blessings are only appreciated when  materialistic things involved. Motivation dissolved since good times don't last forever. Felt type of pain like a heartbroken mother because her  daughter commit suicide. Never saw the defeat in her eyes since the smile was a disguise, hiding the true feeling inside. Friends are really spies watching from a distance like binoculars zooming in until they found a weakness and use it to their advantage and catch you blinded sided like driving and getting hit from the right side. We don't wanna be right when logic and emotion aren't on the same side. We do what feels good instead of what's actually  right. Getting high in the hood feels right being up all night because loud music don't know the difference between night and daylight. Converse more with strangers on social media then family members.
I'm trapped in a circle,
Stuck in a bubble 
Nowhere to go 
Blessing since trouble 
is within my distance.
Walls are 
closing in towards 
the skin 
on my bones 
Me and my shadow 
all alone 
for so long
but the gray hairs 
on my ears 
reminds me that
life is short.

Drunk off of hallucinations
Pictures, images 
extremely haunted, 
existent upon
the environment.
I don't comprehend 
eccentric expressions 
in the area.
The length and width 
of these images  
are possessed with spirits
which penetrates 
my mental anguish.

First of all 
I ask lord to forgive me.
For my loves ones, 
listen to me
before you speak.
Don't act first 
please think.
For every waking
moment that I breathe
I live a lie
a double life
and I wonder how 
I sleep?
I lie to seek peace.
Mentally I'm weak
like a sheep
surrounded by a world 
full of German Shepard's 
and wolves
and I'm terrified 
karma will charge 
me like a bull.
Doing something you hate
I believe is a disgrace 
and a waste.
Wasted talent 
should not be any man's plan
even though this is 
something that's so common.
Alot of the most talented 
men are serving a life sentence 
in prison.
I think to myself 
money, goals, and success 
Don't mean shit without happiness.


Am I Satisfied?

Please click here 1.Writing Prompt Challenge 2.Relationships And Marriage (2 blogs in 1) and you will see a schedule of blogs I have lined up for the next 2 months.

Always asked good questions
but now I ask myself a great question
that arises in my mind
“Am I Satisfied?”
All my life
I found myself
staring at the sky,
asking why.
Been told I always been hard on myself.
Well I always think about my wealth.
Only if you knew the struggle I felt.
Parents were divorced at eight.
As a teen, I had pimples across my face.
I got rejected by most colleges
because of my high school grades.
It wasn’t until I was 23 when I had my first date.
25 was when I felt my heart snapped like a pencil
and tears were running down my face.
Imagine living thru your mid twenties
and constantly up all night
because pregnancies scares affected your life.
How can I be a father explaining to my parents that I don’t have a wife?
At 26 I got fed up with women.
I was paying for sex every minute.
I only wanted fast women
and at this time I learned to use protection.
At Friday night buying condoms at 7-11
so strippers can put Trojans over my erection.
Also at 26, was talking to chick,
who had a friendship
with my dad’s chick.
So another words, I met a girl through a mutual
friendship.
We was not in a relationship.
It was more of situationship
or a friends with benefits kind of situation
however you wanna call it.
But anyway be careful who you share your secrets with
because the gossip that was going on behind
my back
I was oblivious to it.
Life full of fucking hypocrites
so sometimes I have a hard time forgiving.
Forgiving to me is hard
like a teenage virgin trying to figure out
why he can’t get an erection.
But anyway this chick I was dealing with
was telling my business to her friend
and I stated earlier
this friend was in a situationship with my father.
Eventually I got a call from my sister
and she told me
“David, be careful what you say to that girl because dad thinks your talking about him”
Well I’m going to stop and I will continue this story on a future blog of mine’s.
Sometimes life shine, sometimes life is blind.
I imagine myself covering my eyes because the life is too bright
so I rather stay stuck in the cave
to play it safe.
Sometimes misery so addictive
u get comfortable
instead of trying to fix it.
So now for you bloggers that are reading this,
Do you think I am satisfied with my life?

Pussy Makes You Evil If Not Handled Right

An internal organ
that makes you lack
concentration
of whats important.
In a heartbeat
pussy can collapse a marriage,
relationship, or a friendship.
Sexing your friend’s wife
behind his back because
the pussy is tight.
Pussy so addictive
makes you loose your mind
and make you blind.
Can’t see your mistake
until it’s too late,
with the cold sweat
pouring from your face,
when looking at your dick
realizing, the night
before you penetrated
unsafe when you
released the mayonnaise
inside twice without thinking
twice
of the consequences.
Unwanted pregnancy,
now trying to figure
out how
to remain conscious.
Child support is gonna
kill those pockets,
since home girl
don’t want an abortion.
Looking at that minimum
wage check
and home girl is about
to get 17% portion.
Now thinking
“I should of used
my hand and bottle of lotion.”
Life is suddenly moving
in fast motion,
since you didn’t use
no Trojans.
Should of followed the commercial
slogans,
and use a latex.
Now in regret, you do
something seriously that
you seriously regret.
Not ready for that responsibility
since you was thinking irresponsibly.
Hire a hitman to kill
home girl and the unborn baby.
He wraps his hands(wearing black gloves)
around her neck,
and strangles her to death.
She coughing up blood
until there is nothing left.
A homicide committed.
Hitman leaves fingerprints
and the evidence
is prominent.
Now hitman arrested and
interrogated
he snitched
on you and now you
are arrested.
Looking at murder
and conspiracy charges.
Now you facing a long term
prison sentence.
On the bus ride to your
new home you ask yourself,
was it worth it?
A deep question,
is it better to just become
a deadbeat father than
to murder a baby to escape
this type of responsibility?
Be careful when it comes to pussy,
because pussy that shit kills

A One On One Deep Conversation About Death

This was a heart to heart conversation about life and death. Two people are going back and fourth, expressing their deepest thoughts

Michael:

We don’t know what it feels like to die.

Never been in it’s presence or time.

We know it exist and it’s something we don’t wish.

Until you experience the true meaning of life.

Life is about smile and cries but let’s talk about cries

Why do we cry?

Tears falling from the face comes from a broken heart.

Feels like your life fell apart.

Life itself isn’t hard but the people in it make it

unbearable.

A broken heart makes pain unbeatable.

Pain hurts most when it’s unexpected

like an STD for having sex unprotected.

School teaches you education but what about real life lessons?

Feeling like bubble boy trapped in a bubble.

Trying to remain humble but people mock and laugh at you

So bad that you either become suicidal or homicidal.

Suicide will break your mother’s heart on the inside.

Or you can conserve your life by committing homicide.

Turn to a serial killer.

A broken heart turns a person so apathetic

Secrets of deep thoughts exposed

like diaries in dusty attics.

Joyce:

Or matter of fact feeling low like a crack addict or even standing on a bridge thinking of doing something drastic

In your mind you’re thinking to yourself wouldn’t this be fantastic, I gotta have this
The pain released from my soul which would give me happiness


It’s all madness

We all have problems in different shapes and sizes but, most of us take a passive approach and try to hide or disguise it

Like a sad clown behind his mask or forgotten child in need of assistance you didn’t ask
They all say the hurt and pain you had is in the past but, what about that new job that didn’t last or more recently when one of my loved ones just passed


It’s real and part of life. Yes there’s positivity but, there’s also strife. With one there always come the other and nine times out of ten the obvious one outweighs the other.
But I choose life over death.


The best to do list item I keep close to my chest. It’s been weeks tossing over this idea, in which I hadn’t slept.


But what do you expect?


Every day I pick up the pieces of what life couldn’t been and work on ways for how it should be.
One of the keys to success and to see and believe.


Now I know there’s nonbelievers and can’t fathom seeing the other side but, although I see it from their view, I’ve decided to put my pride aside.


Let’s face it, we don’t really decide if we live or die.

Michael:

Because death is promised to us all.
It’s never a goal

but rather we stand still like a pole


or move around like electrons
death come to us all.

Ever since the devil broke his bond
with God

Life is the real death


and death is the freedom

Demons and angels maybe imaginary
and humans are the real demons.

Think about Cain and Abel

It’s all hereditary.

Thou shall not kill

Thou shall not steal


we disobey by our own free will.

Every step u take, we could be stepping in a trap


and be a victim in a person’s attack.

Life is overrated


like sex to a person with a low sex drive.

Babies are forever precious


but even Tupac new parents are devious

just ask Brenda.

Unlike the tribe in black panther,

black people don’t stick together.

We receive hate like the Jews did from Hitler.

A devil in disguise,


poisoning minds

by disguising poisoned mushrooms


into red apples.

What seems healthy


can put you in the grave early.

But maybe an early grave


is the best day


since we escaping dooms day,

you know the place we call life.
Shit I don’t fear death

 


I fear life and I’m tired of the fight

Joyce:

It’s interesting that we think the fear of difference is fear of life itself.

Worrying about other people’s opinions to the point it affects our health.

However, remaining hidden in plain sight like a cheetah that’s stealth.

Or masking our fear with creating problems that haven’t been dealt.


I believe there are demons that walk amongst us on this earth, the same people that need to look in the mirror and go to church.

They need to worry about getting themselves right and avoid at all costs for them not to get hurt.

Betraying their spouse, mother, or brother or throwing a friend’s name in the dirt.
It’s not that death is the better choice for us all but, for some it’s the easier option to befall.
Drugs, sex, money, they’re all a different kind a poison. Leading to our so called miserable lives and causing mass destruction.
The root of all evil is sometimes staring us in the face, evil has no color no matter the race.
Divide and conquer is what has been the trend. The endless violence on each other seems to never want to end.
It’s takes only one voice to be heard, hand to be raised, two feet to be stood on to choose peace. Reminding us all that we all need to love one another as Martin Luther king Jr essentially quoted in his I Have a Dream Speech.
Life is tough and life can seem like a personal hell. But, only God can judge the living based on how we followed his rules well.
So turn the other cheek and love hard towards one another because when that judgement comes God surely won’t stutter.

Questions to think about

1) If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

2) The bible says more people will go to hell then heaven, what’s your opinion about that?

3) If misery didn’t exist and everybody was happy, would this affect music and poetry?

On Tuesday May 1st, I will post my next blog

My Thoughts

Last few years, shit got deep.

The mountains got steep.

Nobody knew what I was going through

Real life problems

and I didn’t know how to solve them.

felt like I was under pressure

trying to disarm a bomb.

Ever felt so miserable

you hate the sound of the alarm?

In the morning

heart was constantly beating

at a fast pace rate.

Ignoring my stomach growling

because I felt like I had no escape

out of a bad situation.

The frustration and hate

intensifies only more

when you accept misery

instead of trying to change it.

Mind was insipid.

I kept quite

I held my composure,

but on the inside

I was livid.

I seen the ones I loved

as role models

turn into hypocrites.

Ever got hurt so bad by the opposite sex

you thought all women are bitches?

Ever got so hurt so bad by the opposite sex

You thought all men ain’t shit?

What keeps myself going?

Remind myself everything happens

for a reason.

But felt like I was lying to myself

because the humble ones

receive the most attention and drama

without any explanation.

The day, week, month and season changes

but the pain remains constant.

Stuck on bullshit

I felt constipated.

I compare myself to a mouse

in a house.

Ever heard the term

“quiet as a mouse”?

Cartoons portrays mice

as if their innocent

but in reality at midnight

behind the walls

they make loud noises

all night gnawing and clawing.

I am quiet, minding my business

but up all night overthinking.

Overthinking so much

for a second I thought

I was nocturnal.

I refused to invite company

when facing misery.

I refuse to bring anybody

in the lake of fire with me.

Thoughts were bigger than a grizzly.

Beer kept me from doing

something crazy ironically.

One at a time I started

devouring beer bottles a minute.

Instead of the bible

Heineken was my weapon,

Corona was my idol,

Budweiser was my hero.

On the dresser nothing but empty bottles

and this was the affect

since there was nothing on cable.

Related image

I shed a puddle of tears.

My bed received more rainfall

then the month of April.

I wished stories of people

getting their hearts broken

were only fables.

The ghetto is filled with people

with real talent

and most politicians are ignorant,

sucking d*ck to make it.

In this world

You have to fake it

until you make it.

Then when you make it,

you have to fake it more.

People make it difficult

for you

When you are completely honest.

Now think about it

I respect the truth more than deceit

but honor and loyalty can

End you up in a cemetery.

So is honesty overrated?

I don’t know, maybe

Fear in your heart

Will have lying

So much

That you think it’s a blessing

and the truth is a sin.

Some people won’t admit it

but to some, the devil

Is feared more than God.

We underestimate God’s power

and refuse to cower.

Rumors on social media

receive more attention

then family members.

Technology is the slave driver

to today’s generation.

It press its feet on the minds

of the innocent

until the innocent is out of gas

and now stuck on stupid.

but no excuses.

Technology is not the scapegoat,

because people always been ruthless,

The only difference is because of social media

We are exposed quicker

but the demons been exist.

They were once angels in heaven.

However, here is a question,

Can someone describe the view

of heaven?

What if everybody living was aborted

and every baby that was once aborted

had a chance to live life?

What would be the outcome of life?

What would be the percentage of crime?

When is the end of time?

More than welcome to comment and thank you for reading and please stop by and visit again!

I Sink

It’s been a while since I posted a blog on here so I just want to say to my followers that I am back and I have a lot of content to post.

For these last 3 months, I have been busy with school and work but now school is almost over and I have some free time.

So I plan to keep in touch with my followers and to meet more followers as well.

For those of you that missed me, I just want to say that I’m back.

Please read and comment below and I have questions at the end

You may try to build me up

and protect me with your sword

but like a burning building

I will burn and fall.

You feed me with words

You rescue me by default

but like a snowman

eventually I will melt and fall

Love and peace

is what you installed in me

The virus inside me

will delete the peace

inside of me.

Like a Windows computer

I will crash and fall

Like a caterpillar to a butterfly,

I began to rise

Like a whale in the ocean

I will jump up and rise

but only temporary

Just like a whale that dive

back in the ocean

I too as well fall

and crumble with confused emotions

Does my humbleness make you proud?

Do I stand out to you in the crowd?

As of now I stand tall

but eventually, I will fall.

1) What do you fear most in life?

2) When you read this poem, did this poem remind you of the way you perceive life?

3) What line in the poem caught your eye the most?

4) Do you ever feel people give you more credit then you deserve?

5) Have you ever tried to help somebody that was ungrateful?

6) Do you think that everybody in this world is ungrateful?

7) Between the rich and the poor, who is more ungrateful?

On Friday, I will be posting another poem

Hospital 3 Times Back To Back To Back

Time was almost
seven years back
The flu attack
me like a rat
out the trash can
landing on a homeless man.
Couldn’t walk
Could barely talk
Strepthoart made it hard
to swallow.
“I will get better tomorrow”
I said to myself.
Worst and worst
my health
became more weak
could barely move my feet.
I was paralyzed for a week.
Hips was dealing with torment
without no explanation.
Doctors took blood and cat scans
but my hips
just couldn’t find nothing wrong with it.
Could barely eat
Could barely drink
Could barely sleep.
Uncomfort was misery
plus I missed a week
of college.
Yet doctors still
didn’t have the knowledge
or explanation
of why I am
In this hospital building.
Homework was piling
and I’m dying.
Without any explanation
I gradually restored my health
thank to the painkillers.
but I was still bitter
because now at home
I looked Skinner
eyes looked darker
school became harder.
I still couldn’t sleep
using the bathroom
interrupted my dreams
every hour.
I would be on the
toilet for an half an hour
The waste wasn’t solid,
it was liquid
like the process of water melting
I was not in the mood for college
wanted to drop my classes
Couldn’t concentrate like a kid
without his glasses
with 20/40 vision.
Being sick interfered with my mission.
Almost a whole month with this sickness
hoping I would get better with the quickness.
Little by little my virus vanished

1 month later

I went back to normal.
At this point
life was incorrigible
because at work
I got sharp cut
by the elbow
so deep saw the white meat .
Definitely saw the vein,
but ironically I barely felt pain.
Back at the hospital again
to get stitches.
I was livid.
Confused since
my thinking became
ambiguous
try to comprehend
both hospital situations
within a month’s period.

2 weeks later

Another situation approached even
more perilous
but due to my stupidness.
Reactions from others
we’re “oh my goodness”
drinking
vodka on empty stomach
my insides were punished
and I lost balance
head spinning
like a washer machine
and sweating hard
as if my clothes came out
the washer machine.
This took place seven
years ago
Until this day I still
don’t know what I
was thinking