This Is A Cold World 

This is real
and time kills
The stress is
what I feel.
Living in a nightmare
since birth
I ask myself
“Am I cursed?”
Things just got worst
Overthink shit
becuase life is a bitch.
Walk and walk around
all over town.
Contemplating and imagining
wishing things was different
My mind and personality is insipid.
Failed to take leadership
of my priorities.
Tired of responsibilities
Time to take the easy way out.
I need a cheat code
to defeat the boss of each level.
In the mirror I see devils
whispering in my ear
telling me
“God don’t exist here”
I’m tired of working for
a boss
I want to be my own boss.
I’m lost.
Who am I kidding
I been lost,
mentally and spiritually.
Should I turn to Jack Daniels?
Devour liquor like sharks
devour people.
“All men are created equal”
This is hysterical
becuase the man that wrote this
is on Mount Rushmore.
I will never go to visit Mount Rushmore
becuase I don’t look up to slave owners.
Freedom in America is overated.
It’s hard being a man,
especially a black man,
darkskin or tan
most lack funds
to carry out the plan
to live the American dream.
I blame America
for bombing Nagasaki
and Hiroshima
Later on our sercets
we’re stolen from russia.
One day in the future
there will be another
world war.
More blood and gore
then a mortal combat
game.
Violence and pain
is more common
than peace and happiness.
Slavery existed since ancient days.
From Egyptians
to Babylonians
to Persians
to Greece
to Romans.
Picking cotton in the 1700’s
and 1800’s
Jim crow laws existed
between late 1800’s to mid 1900’s
If you think about it,
humans were easily
living past 100
back in ancient days
Humans were twice
the size back then
compared to the humans
today.
Where did black people come from?
Where did Spanish people come from?
Where did Asains come from?
If Tupac and Biggie Smalls were white
do you think their murders would still be a mystery?
Why do we have black history?
Why can’t white and black combine together
and just be history?
White and black is always a label.
I missed days when I watch Disney movies
and fairytales.
I thought happily ever afters was guaranteed.
That’s all a big dream.
The older generation think we’re lazy
That might be true maybe.
Technology makes life more complex.
Owners of businesses will work you to death.
They don’t give a fuck about you
or your kids.
They still expect you to come to work
while your sick.
In high school, kids and even teachers
prejudging you every minute
Now days beef gets personal becuase niggas will bring your kids into it.
This what happens when you mix family
and busniess.
Kids robbing and killing their parents over Jordans.
As a kid, Michael Jordan was my hero, but now to me he is a asshole.
He don’t give a fuck about the poor.
His sneakers the poor can’t afford.
Why can’t he lower the prices?
We have a president that clueless
and he don’t respect women.
A man will kill another man over a women.
A woman will be a side chick to man
and wear the title proudly
becuase of jealousy.
Humans are the crack
Humans are the cocaine
Humans are the acholic beverages
Humans are the HIV/AIDS
Humans are wicked
Guns aren’t evil,
but the person that pulls the trigger
is the real devil
A man can take your life without
pulling the trigger
by stealing your wife.
But is it really called “stealing”
If your wife is voultnerairly cheating?
Being deceiving, sending nudes
behind your back
while you break your back
providing her a lifestyle
and yet she fucking another man
with out using a Trojan or a lifestyle.
Men are just as bad and it’s sad.
A man will live a double life,
get his girl pregnant
while all along he had a wife.
Lie about his name and age
just to get pussy.
Taking advantage of a girl
that’s naive.
She gets heartbroken
when she find out the truth.
The truth hurts becuase the
facts are rude.
Imagine if you was this girl,
would you trust another
man in this world?
Life is cold,
when you gotta get an abortion
and kill a baby that you wanted
becuase you love a man
that promise you
that you are in his future plans.
Ya takes pics and you post them
On Instagram.
Brag to all your Follwers
and friends
until you get pregnant.
He telling you to get
the abortion
and he don’t
take you to clinic.
Now you tell your parents.
Mother is ashamed and disgusted
Well maybe it’s her fault
for being too strict and not understanding.
Saying No to everything is not
protecting you daughter.
It’s pushes her futher and further
away from her mother
and closer into men that are abusive
mentally or physically or both.
Video games are addictive
I remember when I was a kid
They said it poisonous to a kids mind
They say video games is a waste of time.
Parents act mature around their children
but around other adults they don’t like,
they act immature ,some act worst then
the children.
Sometimes parents can be the biggest hypocrites.
Sometimes as an adult, you can learn from children.
Sometimes we fail to protect our children
from the rapist and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach when muthafuckas say victims are the scapegoat.
Listen I don’t care how tight her dress or how short her shorts are,
nobody deserves that.
People have issues and through their anger and issues animals get abused.
Torture and slaughter of animals is evil.
Dog fighting is common and this was not God’s intention.
Wealth imbalances, Famine, Diseases, War and terrorism, Addictions, racism and unemployment
having me fearing the future
worrying I’m going to die young
or be a bum searching for crumbs
for not taking school serious.
I do take education serious
but I’m delirious
without my therapist
becuase I keep over thinking
for a hundred different reasons
and I’m addicted to over thinking.
I hate giving advice when people
ask for it because I feel like a hypocrite.
Everything in this poem I mentioned
is what I think about over and over.
One day I fear it will be my last
day
and a voice says to me
“Game over”
Beginning of November I posted
a “Meaning of Fear” post
but that wasn’t a third of what
I really fear
I don’t know what’s in my future

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My Personal Thoughts On Cheating

This is not a poem becuase I wrote a poem “Who Cheats More Men Or Women?“about cheating already. This post is  sharing a page in my journal and in this journal, I will discuss my opinion on cheating. This blog is very long so if cheating is a topic you are not interested in, then you may want to exit this blog because you probably will get bored reading this. I didn’t plan on writing a blog about cheating but after reading a blog yesterday about cheating, I had  thoughts on my own about cheating. 

For some reason, I really am trying to understand why people cheat on their spouse/signficant other. For those of you that read my “Who Am I” post some if you already know that I am an over thinker and cheating is one of those topics where I really over think. Since I’ve been blogging for the past two months, I’ve came across alot of blogs on failed relationship stories, heartbreak stories, and cheating stories. In this blog, I will discuss and breakdown cheating in different ways.

    Now why do people cheat? So many different ways I can break this down. So many ways to look at this. People are like snowflakes, no two people are alike. We all unique in our own way. Everybody comes across different situations along their path so the outcome of a bad situation will be either a good one or a bad one. But what are some of the common  reasons why people cheat? People will cheat when they feel neglected from their partner which leads to loneliness. People will cheat because they are taking advantage of their partners trust. People will cheat becuase they are pressured from their peers to do so. People will cheat becuase the relationship is long distance and they know for fact they can get away with it becuase their partner is like 75 miles away. But a very common reason why people cheat is becuase of sex. Sex is powerful. For the love sex is the root of evil just like money. Sex is almost as powerful as money. Money too will make person cheat.
“I seen wives turn whore for the right man” quoted by Tsu Surf (for those of you that don’t know, Tsu Surf is a battle rapper). When I think of this quote, automatically money and sex comes to mind. I really believe the two most important reasons why people cheat is becuase of sex and money. Last but not least, another very common reason why people cheat is becuase people can’t let go of the past. This reason I will discuss in detail in the second to last paragraph of this blog.

   Now I am going to talk about why people cheat. Well first of all, men and women cheat for different reasons. Many people believe men cheat more than women. I feel like when a man cheats, he is automically placed in the “Men Are Trash” category but why is that? When women cheat it’s a different story. I’m not saying that people are accepting women cheating, I’m not saying that at all but when women cheat, alot of times people will say ” She was wrong for cheating but she should at least picked  a random guy instead of her boyfriends brother” or “Well she was wrong to cheat but you can’t judge becuase you don’t know the whole story.” Now why is it different when a woman cheats?

First of all let’s talk about cheating men. I am a man so this will be easier to talk about. It’s simple, men glorify other men cheating. For some reason, when a man treats his wife/girlfriend like a queen, sometimes other men will bash him calling him pussy whipped. He looks like a sucka among other men. In the previous paragraph I stated that sometimes people are pressured to cheat from their peers. This is common with men. I’m going to tell you a quick short story. There was a guy I use to work with who was faithful in his marrige. He told me and the other male co-workers about how he was at a bar and he was approached by a young sexy girl in her early twenties on Halloween. She was giving obvious clues that she was into to him and she asked him ” What are doing later on tonight and can I have your number?” His response was “I’m sorry but I am happily married.” When he told us that, alot of the male co-workers were laughing at him. Their response was ” Yo you did some sucka  shit. Why the fuck did you tell us that? Yo for now on, I’m going to call you ‘Theodore Huxtable’.” To myself I’m thinking like “Why are they laughing at him, he did the right thing? He choose to faithful to his wife.” On top of that, him and his wife were having problems but yet he choose to remain faithful. I brought this story up to show you an example of how men being faithful are looked upon as soft or weak men . So sometimes men will cheat to  for the respect and positive attention he will get from his male friends. Another reason why  men cheat is becuase of sex. Sometimes men get bored of having sex with the same person. Sometimes men are addicted to girls that are promiscuous. Sometimes men just addicted to busting an nut(ejaculating) in whoever by any means neccessary. Another quick story I will discuss.

I don’t know this guy   personally but a friend of mine use to be friends with this girl that was a little on the promiscuous side. This girl was engaged to this guy and she was in love with him. But things went sour when the guy got her pregnant. He pressured her to get an abortion. She didn’t want to but she gave in. After she got an abortion, the guy broke up with her. He broke her heart in a million pieces. She lost the love of her life and a baby. Fast forward a year later the same guy that broke this girl’s heart had a new girlfriend. But even though  he had a new girlfriend, he still remained in contact with his ex fiance and eventually he started cheating on  his new  girlfriend with his ex fiance. What made this really bad was, when he was cheating, he wasn’t wearing any protection. In my opinion I think he cheated becuase the sex was probably better with his ex fiance then with new girlfriend and he was addicted to the sex , I believe he was taking  advantage of his ex fiance promiscuous ways  becuase he knew he can get it any time, and he didn’t plan on leaving his new girlfriend so he probably figured he can have sex with his ex fiance for the time being even but since  didn’t plan on getting back with her and loved his current girlfriend he probably figured in selfish that he wasn’t doing nobody no harm. So this story is an example of how powerful sex can be. Good sex lead to cheating. Another thing that’s common in men unlike women is that a man could love his wife and kids with all his heart, never have plans of leaving his wife but will still have sex with numerous women. Prime example of this, look at the movie “Baby Boy”.

   Now let’s talk about cheating women. Unlike men,  majority of the time women cheat when they are not sastfied with the relationship. Some women want money, some women want male company, some women want spectacular  sex, some want all three and probably more  Men usually tend to only put forth the effort to make a relationship strong and healthy in the beginning. Once he gets comfortable(another words once he gets the p*ssy) he will gradually decrease putting forth the effort(especially if he knows he hittin the p*ssy good). Women love good sex but after a while women will feel like the sex is becoming reduant. I believe good sex will make the average woman patient towards men that don’t put forth the effort but after a while women will get fed up. So sometimes when women get fed up they have 2 options, either break up or cheat. A select few will break up but majority will cheat but alot times cheating is not intentional. Women get approached more often then men do so in my opinion, it’s easier for a woman to cheat. Most women don’t wake up and say “Hey I am going to cheat on my man today”, cheating is a bad decision that usually is made when a person is at the wrong place at the wrong time. Another common reason why women cheat is  they secretly still have feelings for their ex.

       Half of the time when women cheat, they will cheat on their current partner with their Ex from the past. I believe that most women have that one guy in the past that they can’t seem to let go no matter how hard they try.  Being stuck over an ex is like being addicted to an fatal attraction because most likely her ex is usually an asshole that treats her like shit. For the men that’s reading this, do you ever wonder why do women seem to go back to the same no good men that treats them like shit? Well it could be that she is in love with him and can’t let him go. It could be maybe because he has money and just only interested in the money. She could be lonely and is afraid of being single or it could be possession where she doesn’t want nobody to have him. All of these reasons are common reasons why people go back their Ex but another common reason in which people don’t bring up is  sex. What I’m about to say is something I think the average women would agree which is,  it’s not hard to find good sex but it’s rare to find a guy that’s spectacular in the sex department. I’m talking about the perfect size penis, big and thick but not too big, nice lips, nice body, very good with hands, very experienced, able to last a long time without cuming, knowing when to go back and forth between short and deep strokes without having to tell him. The type of guy that possess theses qualities in the bedroom are hard to find and if the average girl find him, she don’t want to let him go. Women do love spectacular sex, but the problem is the men that are very skilled in the bedroom are usually(not all) shitty men, assholes, douche bags, etc because they only have sex to offer in a relationship and nothing else. So this makes women very frustrated because even though women love sex they do want to feel appreciated. Now those you of reading this, are wondering what does this have to do with cheating? I will explain.  If sex is all a man has to offer then this can cause alot of problems. Now for the women reading this, have you ever had a boyfriend that you argued with all the time and you knew the relationship was unhealthy and you would leave him but after a couple of weeks past you end up going back to him? If you did go back to him, was one of the reasons going back to him was because the sex was spectacular? After breaking up with your ex, have you ever quickly jumped into another relationship to help you move on? When you got your new boyfriend, was you happy or was you starting to miss your ex boyfriend twice as much? If you was missing your ex boyfriend what was it about your ex boyfriend that you was missing? All these questions that I’m asking one after another do you see where I’m going with this?

Women(as well as men) will sometimes search for a new soulmate when heartbroken just to be happy again. They think finding a new boyfriend is their escape from the past. But 95% of the time when your heartbroken it’s because you still in love with your ex so your ex will be on your mind constantly. So because of this, women will compare their current boyfriend to their ex in every area and it will be almost impossible  for the current boyfriend or any guy for that matter to compete with the ex.   
So now all it takes is a phone call or text from your ex for her to cheat. After that one phone call or text, she will start to miss him more and more. More than likely  the no good ex will sweet talk her feeding her bullshit lies talking about he miss her and he wanna see her again. Now she will play hard to get and act she don’ t miss him telling him she’s found a new man  but the ex could see right through that bullshit lie and will use charm and persuade her more and more. The more he persuade her, the harder it is for her to resist until she finally gives in and meet up with him. In her mind she thinking “We just gonna talk for a half an hour and that’s it.”  Once they meet up, she will be a little hesitant and nervous because deep down she misses him but yet still don’t want to make it obvious. The ex will try his best to make her comfortable and he will move closer so he can make his move. Slightly touching her, complimenting her on her looks which makes her so  vulnerable to the point that sex is on her mind. She will remember all the times her and the ex had sex in the past and how good and experienced he was. Sex will began to conquer her mind and control her body making her horny tricking her into thinking that no man can ever compete with her ex. She is now stepping back in familiar territory and she has now found her comfort zone. The ex will read her body language and take advantage and make his move. All it takes is one kiss. Once the ex kisses her, 9/10 times she will completely give in and stop resisting which leads to cheating. More than likely she will have sex with her ex and realize that maybe she can work things out with her ex. Great sex will change a person’s mind in a heartbeat. What I just explained is a very common reason in which why  women cheat but I feel like most people don’t bring this up or don’t want to admit it.
        I’m going to summarize this blog and talk about how to avoid cheating. Alot people automically assume if you cheat you trash. On Twitter every I’m reading a tweet about your automically trash if you cheated. Everybody on Twitter swear they are loyal. I’m gonna tell you this, most people cheated at least once but most won’t admit it. The ones that didn’t cheat sone of them haven’t been in a situation where they had the option to cheat. It’s easy to avoid cheating when your approached by somebody you have no feelings or attraction for. But once your in a situation where your approached by someone your attracted to or started developing  feelings for, is it really easy to avoid cheating? Cheating is dead wrong never an excuse regardless but it’s not always easy to resist. Also people need to stop judging people. If someone cheated and you don’t know the whole story or situation, then you can’t automically assume the cheater is a piece of shit. Get the facts first before you determine that. There are a select few of people that never have and never will cheat no matter what. For those of you that avoided cheating (especially when the person was attractive) you definitely have my highest respect.  For those that find it hard to resist cheating, well here some tips to help you stay faithful

1.  Don’t be selfish breakup and move on if your unhappy in your relationship
2. Never let your peers pressure you to cheat because if you cheat and you get caught and your signficant other leaves you, those same  peers of yours that encourage you to cheat will not be there to support you
3. If you still have feelings for your ex, do not get into a new relationship until you are completely over your ex.
4. Once you break up with your ex, delete his/her number and move on. Don’t answer their phone calls.
5. Don’t cheat if the sex is wack. Communicate with your partner and try to work with your partner. If the sex doesn’t improve at all then you break up with your partner, not cheat. To be honest I don’t even think that wack sex is a good reason to breakup with your partner but it’s better than cheating
6.Now sometimes cheating does happen on spur of the moment and if it does, at least wear a condom. The worst thing is to have an affair and not wear a condom.

I will repeat this, cheating is wrong no matter the situation. If you got cheated on, don’t ever give your signficant other that cheated on you a second chance. Cheating is wrong but some cheaters are worst than others and sometimes when we don’t make scarfices or put fourth the effort in a relationship to make our signficant other happy, you can lead your signficant other to cheat. We all want happiness but some of us just look for happiness in the wrong place at the wrong time.