The Pleasure In My Dark Soul

Pay attention
From the heart and soul
I wrote this,
and this poem
by far is the deepest.
Relationship is a test.
A heartbreak is the lesson.
Body needs rest.
Mind has questions.
Heart split into pieces
and each piece
scattered like roaches
in the kitchen
when the lights come one.
Was you prepared for
this lesson on the day
you was born?
I say about 40% of you
reading this are probably
still heartbroken.
Pain we don’t choose
but yet how the fuck
do we accept it?
Ever wonder what was
go through Toni Braxton’s
mind when she wrote
“Breath Again” or
“Another Sad Song”
or Marry J Blige
when she wrote
“I’m going down”.
It’s all a trend.
When you get a chance
give these songs a listen.
What it feels like
to be heartbroken? Broken like egg shells
and going through withdrawals.
Trapped underwater
and it felt like forever.
I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.
Still drowning but occasionally resurface
to be pushed further
into heartache.
A responsibility evaded
will make a dream faded
like a college kid being
told “You ain’t Michael Jordan
so become a janitor”.
It’s like telling your great-grandmother
your too old for romance.
Criticism is constant
and people blame and say
you were being stupid
and get over it.
Those same people are
the biggest hypocrites
when they suffering life problems
because they will call you and
expect you to listen.
It’s a division
between your
mind and heart,
making you bewildered
like figuring out where to
start
when cleaning a messy room.
Pain is intense
like a woman wearing
too much perfume.
Bride and groom
is part of God’s Plan
am I right?
Why is something that is very precious
such a tough fight
like a baby is teething and you trying
to put the baby to sleep at night.
How much is a diamond worth?
What’s more precious,
jewelry or a child’s birth?
Cash corrupts loyalty
and expose greed and jealously.
Misery makes me overwhelmed.
All the shit I been through.
Stress sticking to my mind like glue.
I need relaxation
like a couple on a cruise.
Like soup,
I need something that heals
since stress is like a toxic person
right behind me on my heels.
Life is real and it kills
like cancer.
Stress moves around
like a dancer?
Am I in danger?
I feel like Simba
during the stampede.
My heart breaks
and for years it bleeds
like a girl on her period.
Stress rushes me like
adrenaline.
Ain’t nothing different.
Every day same shit
until death takes me home.
To me pain is historic
like a Maya Angelou poem.
In a world full of thieves
and loyalty made me naive
and oblivious to disloyalty.
Loyalty pushed to the side
like a chick
that’s only purpose to
satisfy’s a niggas dick.
Money and pussy
bullies loyalty
until it no longer has meaning.
An abuse kid with scar and bruises
from beatings
is a mental feeling
when your a slave to loyalty.
So broken
need more flowers
than fried chicken
and place them in the kitchen.
I’m my own hero to the rescue
and I need rest too.
Like A McDonald’s public restroom,
the heart is vacant
and I plan find a way
to keep it occupied.
Reminding myself that my heart scraed
and I should no longer be terrified.
But all I do is tell myself lies.
A heavy load like a man without
ejaculation.
For four weeks,
carrying boulders on my shoulders
for weeks.
Was told complaining was for the weak.
I believe I won’t last long like a man
not having sex in weeks.
Face is wet like pussy
and body is sick and infected
from eating raw meat.
Sleepy,but still writing
because this poem
was calling me.
Words and sentences blending
with a unique style of rhyming.
Lightbulb over my head.
A good feeling like getting some head,
Sparking a light,
so my poem can shine
which excites like a family
welcoming a new-born baby.
But yet, I am here
fighting off habits that are shady.
Gossip and laziness, I’m trying to
detach from my vocabulary.
This poem has mixed feelings
and restore like dental fillings.
Being broken will turn me loose
like a screw or a baby tooth.
“They say heartbreak is short distance
but it feels like long distance
Around the corner
but a week we converse
only a few minutes.
Decrease in the amount of time we spend.
I pretend that I have strength
until the length of me without you extends.
I can’t no longer be more than a friend.”
This is what I think to myself
wishing I was the one that broke your heart
instead of you breaking mine.
Sometimes the thing we humans
hate most is time.
It’s short and never stop
and we struggle to keep up.
So now reaction to my depression
lead me on the roof of a building
Is suicide the objective?
Good question
On a mission like America soldiers
seeking weapons of mass destruction.
I am insatiable for declining
to treasure the rainbow.
Life hard like erections
sometimes I wonder If
Death > > depression?
Phone becomes dry like a desert
and it get worst since you thirst.
Only hear notifications when an email arises,
just waiting for a call or text message
and yet receive nothing.
Do I feel abandoned?
I began to question
Lack of attention is the center
of my attention.
Heartbreak will make you different.
Instead of committing suicide,
I pretend I’m immortal.
I can be untouchable.
Every girl I talk to,
I smile in her face
but my mind says fuck you.
Turn into a player
and break hearts and crumble
them like potato chips.
I don’t give a shit.
Fuck human nature
because it’s too much pressure
wanting to be accepted and liked.
Be making you confused about your identity
like a transvestite.
Fuck a wife and worry about my life
is my motto.
Self-confidence will shoot through the roof
faster than I ever imagined.
I play my strengths to their weakness
like Eve in the Garden
manipulated by the serpent.
A serpent or demon
whatever you wanna call it,
I’m still a savage.
Poison disguised as medicine.
Prince charming
with a soul of a demon.
Fuck forgiveness,
revenge is the mission
through divine intoxication.
Logic or emotion.
Thinking of drinking love potion
while trying to stay focus.
Different choices
determines the outcome of a situation.
An immediate reaction
lead to decisions or using mindful
techniques to determine my destiny.
But still Feeling blue like the child
of Beyoncé.
I’m going “Halfway crazy”
Like Musiq.
Practicing baptism by affusion
Is similar feeling after I got my heartbroken.
I am now born again.

Please read Suicidal Thoughts/In Case Tomorrow Not Promised as well and that is another very deep poem that I may plan to read at an open mic.

1) How relatable is this poem to you?

2) What was your favorite line in this poem?

3) What was the darkest line in this poem?

4) By reading this poem, what was going through your mind?

5) One question that has nothing to do with this poem but summarize in a sentence on how are you different from other bloggers!

Also please listen to “Another Sad Song”, “Breathe Again” by Toni Braxton

Image result for Another sad song toni braxton

Listen to “I’m going down” by Mary J blige

Image result for mary j blige I'm goin down

Listen to “Halfway Crazy” by Musiq.

Image result for musiq half crazy

I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1)

I just want to let you know that  tomorrow at 6AM, I will be uploading a Christmas poem so make sure to check that out. On Monday December 3, I will upload the answers to the riddle I posted yesterday Who Can Solve This Riddle? and it’s an interesting riddle. For those you that watched Nickelodeon as kid, you might be able to solve my riddle.  I just want to thank all of my followers and God bless you all.  Before reading my story, I will advise for the ones that don’t know me to read Who Am I? to understand what type of person that  I am and I think that will help you make sense of this story. If you have any questions about the story below please comment below

 

 

I will never forget my 25th birthday. 2014 – 2015 I was going through depression. In October 2014, was the first time I got my feelings hurt and went through serve depression and it was over a girl I use to date. But I might as well start from the beginning and this is a long blog just to give you a warning.
Now in October 2014, that was the year that I had lost my great grandmother and also the year that I have lost the love of my love. Now I will admit, it was mostly my fault in which why things ended between us but I had good reasons into which why I broke up with her. 1) because I didn’t want to get her pregnant and 2) I felt like like she wasn’t really into to me like she said she was. So anyway to continue, we broke up but remained friends. While we remained friends, I still had strong feelings for and deep down wanted to be with her but still was satisfied with being friends with her. Throughout the friendship from December 2014 until July 2015, I received nothing but mixed signals from this girl. At first I feel like she wanted to be with me, but then on other days I felt like she wanted nothing to do with me. I am going to talk about all the bullshit I went through for 7 months.
In December 2014 me and my ex was texting. Now my dad told me that he was going away for 3 weeks. So I told my ex, I am happy because I will have the house to myself for 3 weeks. Her exact words were “Nice and you better invite me over to your house”.
I responded “lol nah you can’t”. She responded “Why not lol?” Now at the time I was naive and I thought alright maybe she does wanna come over. So fast forward 2 weeks later on New Years Eve I texted her ” Since you off tomorrow do wanna come over?
She said ” What time?”
I said “At 2, but it don’t matter what time.”
She said “She said well if it don’t matter the time, then I will let you know.” Now in the back off my mind I felt like she didn’t wanna come over because if she really did then she just would of said yes. Next day comes by and I didn’t hear from her. I wished her Happy New Year and she wished me Happy New Year and she never even mentioned come over to my place or anything. So I assumed she was hoping that I didn’t bring it up or hoping I forgot about inviting her over. Even though in the back of my mind I knew she was avoiding coming over to my house, I didn’t make it a big deal though,I let it slide becuase I figured maybe it wasn’t best that we have sex anyway since we just friends.
Fast forward to February 2015, so me and my ex were still friends texting on a regular basis. I wanted to hang out with her before school started in March. So  we were on the phone talking and it was a Sunday. Over the phone, I asked her “Since I’m going back to school soon and I’m gonna be really busy do you wanna hang out this Friday ?” She was hesitant and said “I’ll let you know” So now in my head I’m like wtf like it’s either yes or no you know if you free on Friday or not. So we texted throughout out the week. Now Friday comes and for second I thought about asking her again if she was free for Friday, but then I’m like nah, she said she would let me know so the ball is in her court. So we texted throughout Friday and she never mentioned or got back to me about hanging out for Friday. So now I got a little irritated. So what I did was I purposely waited until two days to bring up the issue. You see, what she was doing was she she says”I’ll let you know” because she really don’t have interest in hanging out with me but she don’t wanna be straight forward she rather string me along. So I decided wait two days because I knew she was hoping I would forget. So two days later which is a Sunday I texted her “You never got back to me about hanging out on Friday” She says ” I was waiting for you to mentioned it” So I said “When I asked you to hang out and you said you let me know” She said”Oh I did, oh I’m so sorry it’s just that I’ve been stressed out this” basically she was giving me bullshit excuses.
Now let’s fast forward to April 2015. I was texting her and I was a little tipsy. She knew I was tipsy so she ask  me do I still have feelings for her. Now I honestly don’t remember what my response to that question was because this happened like three years ago, but one thing that did cross my mind was the fact that as soon as I told her that I was tipsy then she wanna know if I had still had feelings for her. It’s funny because when you tipsy or drunk that’s when the truth comes out. She thought she was slick lol. But anyway this was when the fast and the furious 7 movie came out and I told to her that I plan on seeing fast and the furious movie and your invited if you want to see it. So basically I was leaving it up to her because I was going to see the movie regardless. So she said that she wanted to see it. So I said to her well alright just remind me on Saturday so I won’t forget. I purposely said that to leave the ball in her court because I’m not really trying to chase after nobody too hard. On Saturday surprisingly she texted me ” So we still going to see this movie right?” and I said “yeah “I will pick you up at work.” So I picked her up at work and we go see this movie. The mood was alright for the most part. So after the movie we walking towards my car and I tried to kiss her but she wasn’t feeling the mood. I kissed her for about 5 seconds. I tried to get closer but she stop me, went in the car and closed the door on me. You have no idea how that felt. Like we texted everyday, I was going to church with her family on a regular basis, I would  pick her up from work, and a  week prior she asked me if I still had feelings for her and this is what I get in return. I got pretty pissed off. So on the ride back home it was quiet in the car. I dropped her off home and I was tight. I came to the realization that maybe I should just move on because at this point I felt like there was another guy she was messing with.

I will stop it right here because this is a long story. I know this is confusing and hard to follow and this may seem unorganized but this happened a while ago and I’m trying to remember everything that happened. In case you guys are wondering why I was angry and confused is because throughout the months when my ex and I broke up,  did try to get back with her back in November 2014, but she told me that she needed a break and time to heal because she been heart broken before and I understood that but we agreed that we will remain friends. But as the months went by, I started to think to myself like if she needed time to heal then why are we friends? Either we should just be together or just go our separate ways. I now know that when you  need time to heal from a broken heart you should not remain contact with your ex. For those of you reading this, if you think this is bad, it gets much worst but I will upload the rest of the story next Friday. If any of you are annoyed or pissed off with what was said in this story, I highly recommend you not to read part 2 because it get worst. That’s all I’m gonna say. Part 2 will take place from April 2015 until July 2015 which will lead to my 25th birthday.

Heartless and Heartbroken 


Through our actions
subconsciously choose
to be heartlesss or heartbroken.
Loyalty, commitment, and passion
to complete our satisfaction.
But sometimes we so desperate
we fall victims of affliction
but what was the addiction?
Was it jealousy or possession?
Poession  mistaken for power.
Most rather be leaders than followers
but does power last forever?
If it does,  what happens
when forever over?
Do broken hearts stay broken?
Or do we heal like Logan?
A straight line like
the lowercase ‘l’
is  really a lowercase ‘s’.
Every answer won’t
always be yes.
We all want go straight
but get lost along the way
by turning  right or left.
Imagine being right handed
fighting a left handed fighter
Your an quick dodger
but most of the punches still land .
Prime example of the demonstration
of the lowercase ‘l’ and ‘s’.
Bewildered head spinning right and left
Life seems like a open book quiz
but it’s a complex test
The path looks straight
but look hard enough
you find some curves
along the way.
Life don’t have a VCR
can’t rewind the tape.
Thought you could
run a mile
but your out of shape,
breathing hard after
the first lap
about to have an asthma attack
Listen to the words
I just spoken.
I just describe the feeling
of being heartbroken.
Think they love you
until they hurt you.
Is love overrated?
Is being heartless underrated?
Are we born ruthless?
Ask the master
behind the behavior
of being ruthless
as we listen
like obedient students
that dances to the devil’s music.
Sell your soul to Satan
so now the lies are blatant.
To get what I want
by any means neccessary
and everybody is an adversary.
Eyes are bleary
as I’m examining my reflection.
Humans are complicated like
a c-section
and I turn aside from
the positive affections.
Went from affectionate boyfriend
to abandoning her at 8 months pregnant.
You got hurt and now you hurt back
twice as bad.
To support your infant
fucking every man in sight
for some quick cash
until you catch the monster
in which  turn you
into  a monster
in which turn you
into a hunter
and every man is a deer
you kill  by letting
them give it to you
in the rear.
Loyalty is rare
in this world
you can die anywhere
but how is that possible
if God is everywhere?
Wishing on a miracle
for being spiritual
turns you suicidal
after you have remorse
for being  homicidal.
Wishing on a miracle makes you desperate
seeking unnecessary attention
looking for affection
in the wrong places
which leads to
tears out of faces
in which you are
now invasive
so you seek revenge
with everbody
you have static
with.
Is retaliation
more potent than
forgiveness
when your heartbroken?

Darkest Days

Feel exhausted
Constantly nervous
Feel worthless
Do I deserve this?

Filled with anger
Life is in danger
Days pass get darker
and black like
a permeant marker
Should I blame my
father?

Give love
but receive hate.
Refuse to lust
but still no dates.
Respect is a must
but disrespect
cuts my face
like a knife
to a steak.
Why do you invade
my personal space?

I love to sleep
for the sweet dreams
since nightmares are
the reality.
“Flawless Victory”
sound like Shang Tsung
and I’m the  dead opponent
but ironically I took
my own life.
I am in Hell  writing this
I send this to the world
Now tell me
was suicide worth it?

Who Cheats More Men Or Women?

1
How would you feel if this was your parent?

 

791198aa68c8345d46d4e183a9e782f0--funny-texts-website
How would you feel if this was your parent ?
e267b93fe535b4a607116da21c3a2df3--funny-shit-hilarious
How would you feel if this was your parent?
maxresdefault
I can’t even that lie this one is the most fucked up. If I was the husband and I read this bullshit I would hurt somebody. Forget your wife fucking another man but sucking another man’s dick will is the worst.

 

Women would say Men
Men would say Women

To be honest

I don’t see a difference

Cheating is wrong regardless.

Why disrespect

your boyfriend/girlfriend

wife/husband?

I can list a shitload

of reasons why

cheating is existing.

It doesn’t matter because

it’s never a valid reason.

It don’t matter who

cheat more because

men and women

are both doing it.

Why do men

and women do it?

Unsatisfied with their current

partner

So in return

they search for a new lover.

Hell some would

go far

and sleep with

the significant other’s

brother or sister.

Sometimes people

are satisfied and

completely happy

in a relationship

but yet still take

the relationship

for granted.

What I don’t understand

is why when some of

us get cheated on

we give our

significant other

second chances?

Giving significant other

a second chance is

only going to

make your significant

other take you for granted

and use the 2nd chance

to his/her advantage.

Besides remaining

single, how do we

stop people from cheating?

Truth is you can’t stop it

because you can’t control

nobody Else’s actions.

Sometimes to others

cheating is an addiction.

But whatever the reason

it’s wrong regardless.

That’s why some people

don’t take chances

and would rather die

single then to

get cheated on

That’s a good question

to my followers

would you rather die single

and never experience love

or experience love but

get cheated on?

 

index

For anybody reading this, if you are interested in who I think cheat more between men and women then I too can post up another in a few days going in depth on who I cheat more and why and the reasons why men and women cheat and to discuss the similartites and differences between why men and women cheat and I can explain the different levels of cheating
This poem was to explain that it don’t matter which cheats more, cheating is wrong both ways and we need to stop blaming one particular sex for doing most of the cheating and learn to move forward and learn how to exist with each other without blaming each other for everything that goes wrong.

For anybody reading, if you agree, disagree, or have anything to add, comment below and tell me what you think?
Always open to hearing others opinions

“What I don’t understand
is why when some of

us get cheated on

we give our

significant other

second chances?”

Just curious for those of you reading this, if you have an answer can you explain why people give second chances when cheated they get cheated on. I never understood that. I know love is powerful and people should be forgiven but I just don’t see how people can give second chances.

 

rkelly-downlow-5
If don’t wanna end up like R Kelly then don’t cheat. Watch “Keep it on the down low” video.

 

 

 

Are You A Slave To Loyalty?

Have you ever been loyal to somebody that betrayed you and stab you in the back over and over?
Have you ever been in a situation where you realized moving on was harder than you thought?
Have you ever prayed that the person that treated you like dirt, would change?
Were you disappointed when the person made false promises on how they would change but they just remain the same?
Ever been hurt so bad that you regret falling in love in the 1st place?
Ever cried yourself to sleep and the tears kept pouring down your face?
Last but not least, have you ever thought about committing suicide becuase you thought suicide would help the pain escape?

Learn to let go
when people act cold.
Not everyone has a pure soul
and heart.
Don’t hold on when
your broken.
Holding on is
sometimes poisioned.
They take your heart
and destroy it
and they can’t rebuild.
Like Toysrus
going bankrupt
but the kids are still living
So why when people go corrupted
the pain your still holding
and suffering?
Same thoughts keep rethinking.
Worrying yourself to death
becuase you think
the painful memories is all you have left.
Loyalty is going to lead you to death
and become a rat trap
that snaps your neck.
Waiting for others to change
but you are the one
that have to change
Begging them to stay
like a begger asking
for spare change
Go to work
Go the gym
Go to church
Go make new friends.
People come and go
for a reason.
Some are only meant
for a season.
You are not nobody’s slave
So use the time and space
to help create
an opportunity
to move forward.
Slavery is in the past
Staying loyal to
the wrong one
is ass backwards.
Mental slavery
have us corrupted
and people behaviors
sometimes make
me disgusted.
Here’s a question
and think it
Why are we loyal to
the ones that don’t
give a fuck about us
and they turn their back
on us?
Now why do we ignore
the ones that are are loyal
to us and use  the ones
that would give the world
to us?

I Owe You

I will never forget the day,

the time and place

where you jumped in front

of my face

We were at the park playing basketball

and I’m not paying attention at all.

My back was turned

where the neighborhood

Gang banger was behind the fence,

aiming at my head from a distance.

Now having my 1st near death experience

thinking what a coincidence

when you grabbed me and pushed me

to the ground.

But unfortunately you got shot

in the windpipe.

You sacrificed your life

to save mine.

It’s so sad to see you die.

It’s hard for me to sleep at night,

but not only because the fact

that you died,

because I have a regret

and I owe you this secret,

and I’m ready to expose it.

as you look down from heaven,

just know that your wife

and I had an affair

and she’s pregnant.