A New Man

A new lifestyle I must adjust to.
With very few to talk to
There was something I had to do.
I made a change for the better or at least I thought so.
Not much of a difference in my presence,
but at least I  learned my lessons.
The result wasn’t what I thought so.
Like quicksand, my life is sinking below.
My heart is happy but my mind worn out.
My heart is friendly but my mind is full of doubt.
In between confident and unconfident.
I made a decision and to myself I’m being honest
but to others I  am still being dishonest.
Swear life moves faster than sonic
because time is running out.
As time moves faster I am a poor farmer going through  a drought .
Lacking funds in my bank account makes the thoughts on my brain becomes loud.
So much I want to accomplish but what’s holding me back.
I don’t smoke crack and I’m not afraid to be black
but why does it feel like I am stuck in a trap?
My peers run past me on the track more than twice I have been lapped.
Be like a Malcom X who was brave but I  have the mentality of a slave.
Feel like others are robots  flying in space and here I am living in a cave.
Why am I so afraid?
My life is precipitation coming from the sky and I just watch it go down the drain in shame.
Thirty years ago and older at my age people my age were having babies.
Have been concerned for my future lately.
At my age I pray for my safety  and for that I am grateful
but I thought I would of been further so I am becoming hateful.
I lift weights and run to subdue my hate but it might be too late.
Like a violent inmate being stuck inside makes me more  to retaliate.
I am turtle trying to escape the darkness
So I hide in my shell but I  am still surrounded by darkness.
My feelings still trying to get in touch and acknowledge.
Prayed to God I don’t see myself falling as I look up to the sky.
Maybe this explains all the years I have been really really shy.
Learned not to follow others lead or let others follow mine.
Jealously is more common than loyalty most don’t want to see you shine.
I now see  rebuilding myself to get destroyed but ironically  the negativity I still choose to avoid.
There is still a little hope so no I won’t sell dope.
Life right now is stressful as I look at myself in the rest room.
Too much to multitask, so much to do.
But I will let angels guide me because I do have a plan to become a new man.
Maybe right this is just a tough battle and I will win the war.
Now I’m weak like cattle but I will have the strength of a boar.

Before I Grow Old

As a child  brought up with parents who demonstrate the meaning of love. 

Spoiled with kisses and hugs  mom and dad provided more than enough
comfort and support.
I got older and became grown, but for a while I felt alone.
The lonely nights  watching soap opera while sipping on patrone.
I have the gift of being romantic,  I can set the tone.
I can set the mood with  candles on the table.
Express myself, I  want to but I’m not able.
I was almost starting to think true love was a fable
like how I  think TV is overrated now so I  don’t  need cable.
I went to the supermarket and she came out of nowhere.
All I  could do is  stare but I am so afraid to come near.
The gold earrings on her ear, she like the finer things.
The box braids  in her hair, the design was too unique.
The outfit that she wears, and the high  heels on her feet.
It was like heaven was near, she looked like an angel with wings.
She passed by me and  smiled,
but like a coward I got nervous  and put my head down.
I was making up excuses saying there was people around,
just to keep myself from making a frown.
I’m trying to make the situation not as bad as it seems,
but if my friends were around, they would of mocked me.
Few hours later I’m home watching TV as usual until I get sleepy.
Now  that same girl from the supermarket is now on top me.
My hands explores the beauitful  curves while she’s riding me.
Kissing  my neck while grabbing on to me
with the strength of a nine month pregnant lady.
Ironically, I’m screaming loud like a pregnant lady with labor pains.
This workout is  so intense, our bodies covered with sweat and veins.
Then to show her who’s boss I  picked  her up and   lean her against the wall.
Grab her ass for support, the vagina getting pounded by my balls.
Like shoulder pads to a dummy, my penis is driving the pussy.
She’s repeatedly saying “I love you daddy”
I say “I love you too honey”.
Just as I was about to erupt like a volcano,
I woke up my head spinning like a tornado
Disappointed  that I  woke up alone as I
look at the stains on the pillows  and now I  have to replace those.
Will I ever find love before I grow old

Please give me a sign

I know my journey has been difficult,
but am I being too cynical?
Still haven’t received a miracle,
as I look up at the sky.
Questioning myself, are you still on my side?
Feel like a grown man in a child’s body.
How can you expect me to act grown with a child’s mentality?
I don’t want to rebuke you,
but look at all the stuff I go through.
Suppose to be my protector and guider.
I’m searching for an answer,
but my questions remain unanswered.
With your help, I will have no fear.
I stand below you right here,
begging with a face full of tears.
I just want to talk with you.
I just want to walk with you.
I’m soaking up pain like water in a sponge.
Unclog my suffering, I’m your toilet, your my plunge.
I’m screaming from the top of my lungs,
“Please give me a sign”

We Need Sin To Exist

From ancient times to modern times,
life been filled with violence  and crime.
Answers through prayer we hope to find
but sometimes we don’t understand why.
We accept Lord is almighty and divine.
The creator of all things God exist and we choose to  believe.
We believe what the naked eye can’t see.
The power to giveth and taketh away
balances the families of mines, yours, and others around the way.
The war between Good vs Evil.
God vs  The Devil
Demons vs the angels
Lucifer was once an archangel,
and he was cast out of heaven for trying to take over God’s throne.
Lake of fire was created  and that’s  where he belongs.
Misery loves company so he’ll bring some souls along.
Earth was covered with darkness and formless until light was created.
But the essential  creation was on the day of the 6th.
Man and woman was created in God’s image
and they both were naked.
They were meant to enjoy life in the Garden of Eden.
Everything upon this time was all part of God’s creation including the serpent.
Serpent lead the woman to temptation to eat from the tree of knowledge that was forbidden.
Woman choose to listen to the Serpent and eat the apple and gave to the Man and he ate it.
Sooner or later God saw the Man and Woman and they were no longer naked.
The Man and Woman would of never knew they were naked if they were obedient.
For being disobedient ,the Man,Woman,  and  the serpent were punished.
So ever since then sin and evil became existent and we die because of it.
Do you ever imagine what would it be like if sin never existed?
Life would be completely different.
We were made to be fruitful and multiply.
Everyday somebody is born, everyday somebody dies.
This is a cycle to balance human population worldwide.
Without sin, the world is not balanced.
Earth would of been overpopulated.
God knew this and that’s  why God is perfect.
God makes no mistake he had a reason for why the tree of knowledge  was created.
He wanted humans have to right to free will which is a choice between obedience  and disobedience