Death Tried To Follow But Couldn’t Keep Up

My mind is desolate
my world is dark as its ever been.
It feels like death follows me.
I tried to remain nowhere to be seen,
but I’m being stalked to death
by death.
He knows the size and shape of shadow
and he didn’t use a measuring tape.
Should I dig my own grave and drift to other side?
Is it time to end my life, should I commit suicide?
Jump off NYC buildings, shoot full metal jackets, drinking bleach, or starve myself to death
before I become next.
I don’t run away, I refuse to get chased
but I’m too arrogant to get slayed
by deaths name
so should I put myself in harms way
by my own hands, I think this too myself
while drinking straight liquor without a chase.
Forget the precious creation of my face, I’m running out of time and death
just jumped ahead to second place from eight place.
Death shall not win my race, I will always be first place.
This is my race, I created the track, death just runs on it.

I Destroyed The Old Me

A version of me will be different completely.
The keyword “will” becuase I’m still trying.
All I know is I need a change, but don’t know how.
So many times been knocked out to the ground.
Life is about about angels and demons.
Demons , we think of a 1/3 of rejected angels that follow Satan.
Evil smiles with pitch forks beings causing havoc,
but disgiused in music with explicit content, unprotected sexual intercourse, weed smoke or any drug even cigarettes.
An great feeling becomes an addiction thats unnoticeable,
but it makes you feel noble.
Pain in life is global, and to a certain extent, we are all spolied.
This is a sample of what I been going through.
I been negative since a child in elementary school.
I wrote so many poems that expose dark secrets in invisible journals.
I no longer want to be a slave of life, I want to be a colonel.
I had the arrogant mentality, saying to myself
“Lord I deserve you”
but I realized this type of thinking will have the lord curse you.
I need a new sin washed away, and I will began to pray.
I can’t express it yet because I’m not ready to,
but lord knows a change is overdue.
I’m my own worst enemy that ambushed myself into misery.
If I don’t change now, no matter how many accomplishments accomplished, I will face defeat.
In the future I just saw a sneak peak and I learned there is a slight difference between failure and defeat.
Failure everybody goes through, but some will get defeated and destroyed.
Failure can be temporary if we fight for the future.
Success almost feels impossible and this couldn’t be any truer.
So allowing the enemy in you destroy yourself seems much easier.
So how to go against the odds and rise above?
Do I drown myself in a white tub
to wash the sins so I can pray to the lord above?
Well I’ll start with acknowledging my fears and weaknesses
and I’ll continue writing for the next 30 minutes
until 9:36.
I try my hardest to give a fuck, but people make me not give a fuck.
Life is no training program, you learned your lesson after you fuck up.
Who do you trust? I mean people change their character like a street fighter video game when money involved.
Working hard, but its not really about working hard.
Hard workers die younger and younger everday.
Life becomes harder everyday.
I always thought when life gets harder, you work harder.
But nah, its about working smarter.
Your brain is a muscle and overtraining it won’t make it grow faster, it just delays the process.
I have so many accomplishments on hold, I’m delayed in the process.
But I’m learning to stop making excuses, I just have to do it.
I refuse to be destoryed by my own enemy, even though I’m clueless.
But I know the tools handed to me was by a demon since I tend to be oblivious.
But its not gonna work this time, becuase even though I am thrown to the wolves, I will acknowledge my common sense.
Common sense is all about survial of the fittest
and I will survie the earthquakes and reduce it to a thunderstorm
so when I witness a dark cloud, I will no longer complain
becuase the sunlight is apporaching soon, I just need to be patient.
Just a few more minutes while writing this poem in a moment of silence.
I need a moment of silence because I just destoryed my final demon.
But if you are wondering why have a moment of silence for a demon, its because in the good book, we are taught to love our enemy.
Kill then with kindess and be friendly.
Sometimes I do feel the world is against me, but I know God is with me.
I no longer have fear, I can do anything.
For example, this thought provoking poem I wrote just now within 40 minutes.
This is day 1 of the rest of my life.
I will now allow the lord to fight my battles for the rest of my life.
I will be the best version of myself and now with the lord on my side, I am ready to fight.

From Interracial couples, True Love, and Black People

This post is about my feelings on interracial couples, why I think true love is hard to find and black people as a whole.

Please click on the link below to listen to my podcast. For those of you that have a podcast, please comment below your info so I can listen to your podcast

Listen to this episode of my podcast, Spoken Word Poet, Everything About Life https://anchor.fm/david-hockaday7/episodes/Everything-About-Life-e45a0p

Love Lost The War

On Thursday, I will be uploading part 2 of a story that  I am writing. Click the link below to read part 1

I Am In Love With My Seductive Next Door Neighbor (Part 1)

 

The scar on my heart is a permanent marker that don’t erase.
Emotions are flies, flying all over the damn place.
Tears was dripping down my face like wet grapes.
Forced to keep quiet like a mouth covered with duck tape.
Forced to keep quiet like a new inmate that just got raped.
A heartbreak gave me hallucinations like my weed was laced.
Like prison food, nasty like vomit but forced myself to swallow the taste.
Ashamed of my reflection, but my stiff neck force me to stare straight
to remind me of the disappointment look on my face.
A dream I that chased was a waste like leftover food when I couldn’t finish the plate.
I was frightened like the dog next door finally jumped over the gate.
Hesitant at first like I’m driving in a blizzard with bad brakes
and now regret it because it was an accident
like a rear in collision on the southern state.
Never found the antidote so negative energy surrounds my space.
No more happy days, so I no longer say grace
since my appetite escaped
my belly and you can see my face lost it’s weight
like 40 year old pregnant woman lost her shape
by gaining weight when comparing her modern pictures
to her high school days.
From love letters and heart shapes to boxes and crates.
Crying in silence with both hands covering my face
for reminiscing the times I held the left hand on romantic dates.

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Discussion Questions 

 

1. How long does it take to heal from a broken heart?

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2. How do you know when your heartbroken?

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3. Do you think forgiving someone that broke your heart will make you live longer?

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4. Do you think more people in this world would have broken hearts if everybody told truth and spoke what was on their mind and did not hold back any secrets?

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Comment below on your opinion of the four questions I provided?

 

 

 

 

 

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Poetry Saved My Life

Haven’t wrote a deep poem in a minute.
Got me in the zone while listening to music.
I have these emotions and gotta express it.
More than a poem, I’m lonely and desperate.
This like a movie, based on a true life story.

I’m in search of the perfect poem and words form
This was written before I wrote it, daydreaming in the zone.
Racing with time and this poem fell in my lap.
Losing the race ,the dust particles landing on my face.
Eager to hustle, but forced to struggle.
Regrets, I have everyday of my life.
Poetry is my life when I lose the fight
of my real life battles.
War zone in my mind and this poem is a bloody towel
that wipes the flood of the fluid that keeps the heart pumping.
War zone in my mind and this poem is a band aide that cover the scar and keep the skin healing.
This poem saved my life, damn near close to suicide.
The fear of hell kept my soul from being sent to the ground
I was saved like money in a savings account
Life is bitter like hard liquor, but this poem is a chaser and it chased my liquor
Now life sweet like tropical juice and it respected me and influenced me
to write this poem since everything in my heart
now feels right.
Negative thoughts now get left and I move
toward the right
Towards my life goals and the demons trip
while trying to catch the soccer ball.

Imaginations Vs Reality

When I imagine,  I see blessings from heaven.
In my reality I witness hell with mass destruction.

When I imagine, I see the beauty of dreams.
In my reality, I feel pressure around  me.

When I imagine, I see smiles and hear laughter.
In my reality, I see lighting and hear thunder.

When I imagine, the pain is rain, and protection is the umbrella.
In my reality, the fortune and fame makes my mind wanders because I’m poor like a farmer experiencing a famine.

When I imagine, I’m surrounded by angels, have no concerns whatsoever
In my reality, everyday I am conquered by a new  demon.

In my imagination, I see the outside appearance of Lucifer.
In my reality, I know I’m ugly because the inside
of my heart  is evil like Satan.

In my imagination,  my heart is enclosed with love
In my reality my heart is enclosed with lust
while I pray to the spirit above.

In my imagination, my mind is a bird that  flies to every destination
In my reality, I’m a bear stuck in a trap and my mind is a car stuck in traffic because of an accident.

In my imagination, I feel like I can accomplish everything
In my reality, I feel like a disappointment because I accomplished nothing

My Life

Alot on my mind

Alot to say

Alot of time

to think all day.

I woke up today

felt nervous.

1000 thoughts

on my mind

every single time.

Head is more crowded

than a prison.

My head is a cellblock

and each thought

is a cell.

So narrow, no room

to breathe.

Annoys me like

a kid with a stick

poking me.

Is it misery

As I think suddenly

about the pain

that causes me

an affliction so deep

My faith drowns in

a pool of hate.

Imagine waking up

thinking your car can break

down any moment.

Imagine waking up 5am

on purpose to leave the house

to avoid seeing your parent

Imagine waking up loving

your girlfriend

but regret a relationship

for not having money

in your pocket.

Imagine working 2 jobs

with no days off

and still barely making it.

Imagine waking up

almost damn near 30

and still not independent

compared to your siblings.

Imagine waking up

and addicted to masterbating

because you fear

that you might be lacking

in the sex department

Imagine waking up feeling

disappointed

because you tired of seeing

the same faces.

Imagine waking up

realizing that it’s going

to be a long night of studying

Imagine waking up tired

but can’t take off because

of being broke

and have to make

room in your head to make

plans for your girlfriend.

Imagine waking up

upset with yourself

because you can’t

afford therapy sessions

because insurance

doesn’t cover it.

My body is a rope

and my thoughts

are playing tug of war

with my body.

Peace I get hardily any.

Unforribidden remedies

I seek close distance

but can’t touch.

I realized this in my sleep

when last night I dreamed

I met the former president

“Barack Obama”.

I was at buffalo wild wings

with my sister,

eating wings.

I just happen to look next

to me.

I saw him sitting right next

to me in a booth

with a blue tie matching

his dark blue suit

and black alligator shoes.

He was eating with his

wife “Michelle”.

Barack had a cheeseburger

on his plate.

Then I looked at his face.

I was astonished because

like why would the most famous

black man be a local

buffalo wild wings.

So I’m staring at him

then he stares back at me.

He extends his hands

and says

“I’m Barack and you are?”

When he said that I was beyond

shocked.

I almost fainted.

I got on my knees

and met eye level with his legs

and hugged it.

Now I don’t exactly remember what happened

next but

Barack did tell me

he was preparing for a speech.

I had a million questions to ask him

but my main question to him was

“In 2008 when you won the election,

Was you nervous, did you have doubts

that you wasn’t going to be a good president?”

I never got an answer because I woke up

from my dream.

The example of my dream is my real life.

When I feel like I get closer to accomplishing something,

my doubts consumes me realizing life is harder

than I imagine

and rejection is more common than accomplishments

Is Life More Than We Can Bare?

Laziness

Very contagious

but can’t help it.

Giving me a headache

while struggling to get out the bed

this morning.

Need to be studying

but yet get easily distracted.

2 jobs during the week

plus landscaping on the weekends.

I be so exhausted when the week ends.

The older I get

the more my patience get weaken.

Pressure made me nervous

to the point I feel like living is overrated.

Life is not what it seems

when it’s difficult to accomplish dreams.

Dreams is a star in the sky

that I will never reach.

I tried to concentrate when teachers teach

but success to me is beyond my reach.

Is it because my patience

is too short that’s why I can’t reach?

When I climb the ladder

I am still looking down

Is this why I fell to the ground?

Since I’m on the ground

Should I fight to get back up or just go to sleep

and live inside my dreams

and enjoy like watching a Disney movie

enjoying the fantasy.

So much things I want to accomplish

but so much time and effort

to be put in

I am only human

Is living in the world

beyond the human comprehension?

Beyond our level?

Living in this world

is like putting a first grader

in a fourth grade class

and expect him to have

a fourth grade reading level.

Is this why he struggle.

We are handle situations

too difficult and in life

we are tested then

learn the lesson later and I keep failing

falling harder.

Do you see why I’m so bitter?

Life is my enemy

that I want to conquer

but I have a war in my mind

I’m having a 2 front war.

Twice the energy wasted

which result me in having headaches.

Struggling to keep up

like a short man dancing wit a taller girl

Devil’s Politics

Devils politics

Technology and musical instruments

Artist perform and articulate lyrics

that help build their image

but destroy human population.

Women became thots and bitches

Symbolized as sex images

Sexual conduct is promoted

and girls are idolizing

the artists and videos

on television

and becoming sex objects

A bad bitch, a gangsta bitch

a baby momma and a diva.

We glorify these sexual personas

Gain friends and popularity

through the use of weed smoking.

That loud, that reefer, that purple haze,

orange kush

Different slang name, but it all does the same

damage in the brain.

Cells leaking out the head like semen

which leading women to abortion clinics,

children being neglected and a growth of single parents.

Husband and Wife is conservative.

Baby momma and Baby daddy is the alternative

and over the years it became repetitive.

Shit sometimes a life is created out of a situationship

since marriage is damn near facing extinction.

Marriage is the bald eagle.

Situationship is the pigeon that shit on relationships like car windows.

Peak inside the window at a isolated area

and you’ll see weed smoke and foggy windows.

Foggy windows could be viewed on porn sites.

The site that turns making love into a foreign concept.

Regular intercourse we overrate for focusing only on the body

instead of the intimacy.

The bonding hormone released at orgasm is released during masturbation ,when no one is present

so the bonding hormone we was all blessed with, stop having it’s effect.

Now privacy and safety is at risk and exposed to children

for falling victims to sexual offenders

and a quarter of teenagers been bullied through the internet or texting

and a select few have participated in sexting.

Devils strategy is to create a false sense of reality.

Schemed demonology mislead population strategically.

Evil rarely detectable, its defined as a malicious tactic in stealth mode like a fighter plane.

Devils is the president that’s winning

every election

and fallen angles are the corrupted politicians in the house of Congress

utilizing musical instruments and technology.

Comment below if you can think of ways how music and technology affect society?

Gossip Is Destructive

I will be uploading 20 more blogs then I will be moving on from WordPress for good.  Please read What Is My Next Plan After Blogging?

 

 

 

Gossip is a cancer that spreads like chicken pox.

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Like a fever it burns, nasty like filthy socks.

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Fills the air like a penis inside a woman’s tight vagina
and it spreads wider and wider 
like a forest fire.

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Without a knock on the door, it comes uninvited.
Not at all shy, disrupts quietness like a riot.

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Boisterous  as the crowd on TimeSquare on New Years Eve.

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It get passed around like the blame and guilt 
towards Eve.

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Slither like a serpent searching for a servant

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to work like a  slave in ancient Egypt building pyramids.

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Gossip starts off in hiding places like bushes that protects caterpillars.

 

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But the disguise comes to light and flies around freely like butterflies 

 

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Exposing itself to the public to kill a person’s image slowly like HIV.

 

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It sneaks and form conspiracies 
like Julius Cesar’s advisory.

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Brute is(Brutus) the force to conquer the weak and gullible to complete it’s mission. 
Gossip  is a tool that distracts a person from responsibilities and attracts a fool to somebody else’s business.