If Today Was Your Last Day, How Would You Want Your Family Members To Remember You?

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If I could go back to the day where I can fix what held me back I would be able to trust myself Here am I with a picture of memories thinking of hurting myself. All I need is a chance in a day One shot, one place to fix my mistakes that I made, vomiting all of the pain. If I had one angel and a prophet to guide me safe along the way. Cup of holy water, mixed with wine anointing myself as I lay across the sofa. Re-learn all the politics so I could use to my advantage. Need the sermons to subdue the hollowness in my heart affected by relationships. Shallowness are common in companionships. Life is a bitch and she will suck the life out of you like a woman that's avoiding conception but ironically life is a blessing. Blessings are only appreciated when materialistic things involved. Motivation dissolved since good times don't last forever. Felt type of pain like a heartbroken mother because her daughter commit suicide. Never saw the defeat in her eyes since the smile was a disguise, hiding the true feeling inside. Friends are really spies watching from a distance like binoculars zooming in until they found a weakness and use it to their advantage and catch you blinded sided like driving and getting hit from the right side. We don't wanna be right when logic and emotion aren't on the same side. We do what feels good instead of what's actually right. Getting high in the hood feels right being up all night because loud music don't know the difference between night and daylight. Converse more with strangers on social media then family members.
I'm trapped in a circle,
Stuck in a bubble 
Nowhere to go 
Blessing since trouble 
is within my distance.
Walls are 
closing in towards 
the skin 
on my bones 
Me and my shadow 
all alone 
for so long
but the gray hairs 
on my ears 
reminds me that
life is short.

Drunk off of hallucinations
Pictures, images 
extremely haunted, 
existent upon
the environment.
I don't comprehend 
eccentric expressions 
in the area.
The length and width 
of these images  
are possessed with spirits
which penetrates 
my mental anguish.

First of all 
I ask lord to forgive me.
For my loves ones, 
listen to me
before you speak.
Don't act first 
please think.
For every waking
moment that I breathe
I live a lie
a double life
and I wonder how 
I sleep?
I lie to seek peace.
Mentally I'm weak
like a sheep
surrounded by a world 
full of German Shepard's 
and wolves
and I'm terrified 
karma will charge 
me like a bull.
Doing something you hate
I believe is a disgrace 
and a waste.
Wasted talent 
should not be any man's plan
even though this is 
something that's so common.
Alot of the most talented 
men are serving a life sentence 
in prison.
I think to myself 
money, goals, and success 
Don't mean shit without happiness.