The way I wrote this, I wrote this as if I was having a private conversation with a very close person in a confidential place, like in a pastors office or at a therapy session. So when reading this, picture this as if you are a pastor or therapist and after reading this or hearing this verbally, how would you respond?
I have a frightened look in my eyes,
so lord I ask you to be by my side.
It’s better to tell the truth than to lie.
I have a good heart
but I think about homicide and suicide.
Scared for my life and I’m weak
like an abused wife.
I don’t get beat, but at times,afraid to speak.
Absent minded is a weakness of mines.
I know improvement comes with time
but being criticized for years destroyed my spirit and pride.
Please show me the way to keep me safe.
When the way is available
I pray that I choose the right path to keep me safe.
Today all I know is that I have to pray
but how do I start?
Another weakness of mines
how do I finish what I start?
My mind is like
a hockey player skating on a hockey ring,
I am all over the place.
Can’t stay focus and I always had problems to concentrate
I never had interest in going back to church
but I would reconsider if I can find the right person to relate to,
to show me how to follow you and make the right moves.
To teach me to do not what always feels good
but do what is right.
I don’t know why but all I know is I fear for my life?
I haven’t cried in three years.
Maybe I should release the pain by shedding tears.
Sometimes I hate myself for not speaking up.
So many times I let things slide like a water ride.
Am I worthy to be a man?
What is it that I don’t understand?
I am curious to know what is your plan?
Will I die in happiness tomorrow
or live in misery for the rest of the century?
Will I accomplish more than my parents
Or will I die with nothing and go to hell
when people visit me in the cemetery?
Will I be a legend?
Will I be just a short term memory?
Will I be loved for eternally?
“Will I escape the weather when it rains?
Or will I stand still and accept the rain
and look above my head at the dark cloud?”
I was fortunate to have both parents
and yet so many doubts.
“Is it right to hate someone you love?
Another words, can you love and hate somebody
at the same time?”
It’s better to tell the truth than to lie,
so I am fuming on the inside.
“So stressed since over the years I’ve been criticize,
so I became addicted to free time.
All I wanna do is just being alone with my thoughts
and zone out but this is not healthy right?
Is this the reason why I am lazy?
Is it because I am addicted to free time?
I can write and write
about all the fucked things that happened to me
but what am I accomplishing in life
by complaining all the time?
I have lied at times but it was because I am addicted the free time.
I should be happy and free right?
Telling the truth is the right thing
but telling the truth make you regretful
when the result of it makes you miserable,
so is it better to lie than to tell the truth?
So see how I am addicted to free time?
For being criticized
and always doing things other people’s way
is why I rather isolate into my own space.
I keep my feelings inside
but it takes up space
in my head and when it is time
for me to handle my responsibilities,
I can’t concentrate.
Overthink shit every single day.”
They say be careful what you wish for.
Well for years I wished for peace
but instead I bleed
and the people that stabbed me
are usually the people I don’t see
so I learned that betrayal is beyond my reach.
So I isolate my self to protect myself.
I talk to myself.
Is this bad for my health?
Well you can answer that
but I don’t give a fuck about your opinion
if you think I’m not an ordinary civilian
when you haven’t walked years down the path I took.
“You ever had a bad dream and thought it was real
and you was thankful you woke up and it wasn’t real?
Well imagine it in reverse,
I sleep and dream about heaven and peace
and wake up to brimstone and fire
so another words my reality is a nightmare?”
I can relate to the average inmate on the tier.
Ever wondered how an inmate or homeless person sleep?
Imagine having a good dream
and waking up to living on the street or in prison.
Or imagine dreaming about endless sex
with beautiful women but wake up knowing you are a virgin?
“Now this don’t sound so unpleasant
and this pain sounds lenient
but we all view things different.”
To that virgin, it feels like
his dick is in prison
and he has to wait years to release his semen.
His wrist has limited movement
from being cuffed and his wrist hurts
from constantly jerking off.
“For those of reading this,
do you see how I am relating masturbating to prison?
It’s about guilt and this how I feel.
Guilty like a criminal and my guilt
has my mind and body in a cell.
So jerking off is my exercise and freedom
to release tension and the blood flow is increasing
like I ‘m pumping iron
and my arm is so sore
I could barely lift it.
See how I related masturbating to prison?”
Let me stop bragging and explain my flaws
through erectile dysfunction.
My mind couldn’t function.
It was a little over four years ago,
but felt like yesterday
when I couldn’t play with it my way.
When I say it, I’m talking about
It’s in front me but I didn’t have the tool to use it.
“As a child you ever had video games and toys in front
but wasn’t allowed to play with them
because you was on punishment?
Imagine that is this.
Felt like an unprepared student
always forgetting his pencil.
I had so much potential to be an excellent lover
but the pain was mental
and this is where I learned mental slavery
is worst than physical slavery.”
My mind is worn out
like the big bad wolf
when trying to blow the third little
pigs house down by huffing
Got tired of stressing
so went to the urologist
and got a sample of cialis.
Like nicotine, I got addicted to this
and raw vagina and cream pies felt
good like holding your urine for a hour straight
until you finally get home and then you start
like a new video game coming out for Christmas
and because of cialis, the cells in my seamen
was like the crowd rushing on Black Friday in the front doors
of Walmart at midnight.
But constant pregnancy scares had me fearing for my life.
This was another mental fight.
So lesson I learned was, one problem solved
can add on another when you take shortcuts
but I’m hardheaded and I don’t know if I give a fuck
about making the same mistakes.
But anyway I went off topic and let me get back to it.
So I blamed and hated myself and blamed God for not
But it’s whatever
because I realized there is better
and I’m talking about better vagina.
I pushed my integrity out the window
and paid for professionals.
Fuck passion and romance
getting my dick sucked and rough sex
became my best friends.
and sex with average girls became overrated.
Instead of letting them judge me,
I decided to judge them
and thought women were worthless
and do I still feel this way, hmm I honestly don’t know?
My lack of sex skills had me despising black women
and I am going to be honest,
I was in my emotions
acting sensitive like a little bitch
but I reminded my self
that I was a man
and I’m suppose to think with logic
and this time period for me
was difficult like algebraic expressions
so I found a way to simplify it
by reminding myself sex is overrated
and reminding myself of that
defined my mentality
like I was looking up something
in a Websters dictionary.
I was told
“Love is a serious mental diseases?”
“So hate is my weapon to conquer my enemy
because being hateful is selfish
and selfish people usually have the biggest hearts
and been through the worst type of heart breaks.”
This was something I just learned yesterday.
I will be more selfish
tomorrow for hating my yesterday
and today I received a present
a got a small heart to fit in my body.
So I’m an writing this to present
my soul for you to witness.
I can write for so long
you would think I am immortal.
My thoughts are for free, they are affordable
like united healthcare
but in reality it’s worth more
than any coin or dollar.
Was told plenty of times
my poetry is deep and powerful
so I hope when you read this
I helped you witness a miracle.
Now I can’t turn water into wine
but maybe I can save you from
committing a crime
or exiting out of somebody’s life
over some fucked up shit
because don’t be like I.
I am here to change lives
like a inmate on beyond scare straight
but I doubt if I would,
before I die.
Fuck wishing to be a billionaire,
I would rather die broke tomorrow
if tonight I can save a life.
As you can see, I can write all day
and all night
like an inmate, have nothing but time.
But what happens after I finish telling my life experiences?
So my question is, will I have another poem left in me
and when my work is complete, should I take my
life story to recite to an open mic?
I still have more to write and I think I will get darker and deeper. I think one day in the distant future, I will recite this to a large crowd to save people from becoming like me.
So when you reading this an imaging that you are a pastor or therapist, how would you respond?(No need to answer this question but its is something think about or even discuss with somebody else you close with)
But I will leave three questions for you to answer in the comment section
After reading this, what are three words to describe this poem?
Can you get your heart broken if you are a selfish person?
While you were reading this, the statements I left in quotes, did you learn anything new or was everything relatable?
I am always willing to learn so is there anything you would like to share about his or if you have a view point about something that I mentioned, feel free to comment below
Also comment below if you have a good deep question for me to think about and I am willing to respond.
I normally write thought provoking poems but his is one of my more painful and darker poems. Before you read, if you are curious to know more about me, click on this link Who Am I?
Shit felt like yesterday when I was looking for you. Alot of painful thoughts, late nights praying to you. I was going thru scriptures in the bible trying to find answers. A non-response from you left me drowning in deep water. Now three years later, I now understand what it feels like Overthinking during the sleepless nights and you was teaching me to hang tight. Inexperience had me at a disadvantage, almost felt worthless when got my heart broken. So instead of praying, I looked at every woman as a enemy. I hated bitches and thought they wasn’t shit and was only worth dick. I had the wrong type of thinking, at first I tried praying to you but you wasn’t listening. Your distance has me wanting to seek revenge so paying for sex was my healing. The orgasm was addictive and even to this day I still need healing from masturbating. The more I kept praying, the more I kept overeating. My heart was like engine that was overheating. It stopped beating and operating. It was broken and dead and I held a grudge against you.
Why did you abandoned me when she destroyed me? Why did you allow her to? Everytime I look in the mirror I cried tears of pain? I was really starting to hate you? You said to cast our my anxiety since you care for me but you left me drowning in the pool.
I made plenty of mistakes but my heart was in the right place. Needed help since I experienced love a little late. I prayed for the right path, but I fell in love at the wrong time and place. Before I knew, I wasn’t doing things that I shouldn’t. My only concern was to obtain a proper ejaculation even if it was premature. Lack of erections had me feeling like a politician losing the election. A gentleman but yet felt like a loser. Got tired of this feeling, so went to the doctor for Viagra. Felt good to satisfy her needs, but dependent on a pill and I was only 24? I blamed myself and hated myself. I had thoughts wondering if I was corny? I had thoughts wondering should I be lonely? I had alot of potential in my personality but you made me antisocial. I feared being laughed so till this day still don’t know how to be sociable. Every time I think about it, made me sick. I was ashamed of my dick. I fought this battle alone and you didn’t defend me. The klove songs no longer lifted me It made me empty. Strippers were the remedy. I just wanted easy women and hated women that were classy. But this wasn’t the proper thinking. I looked up to but then I started to hate you like an enemy. Because of the summer of 2015 was my worst memory. I think bitches are the enemy. I became a selfish because I don’t care to satisfy a bitch needs. Now I’m quick to tell a bitch to cheat if my dick can’t stay hard I don’t give a fuck.
Why did you abandoned me when she destroyed me? Why did you allow her to? Everytime I look in the mirror I cried tears of pain? I was really starting to hate you? You said to cast our my anxiety since you care for me but you left me drowning in the pool
Before I start on how to build your traffic, how to get more likes, how to get more comments from my point of view, I will introduce my self
I’m David Hockaday, 27 years old, and I am just your friendly, ordinary blogger. I decided to make a blog account on WordPress to upload my poems and to speak about other life issues. I must say that I have really enjoyed blogging for the past four months and it has been exactly four months since I have been blogging and I believe this is my 110th blog that I will be uploading. Now I am going share what experiences learned about blogging. But remember, getting more followers, likes, comments is not primary, the primary thing is to blog from the heart. One thing I must say is, if you want to be a successful blogger, you have to like reading and writing.
Now when I first started blogging, I had no idea what blogging was about. I had no idea on how to gain traffic. I had no idea on how to get more likes and comments. All I knew was that I wanted a place to upload my poems, and I wanted to connect with other people. I remember the first blog that I ever liked and comment on. The blog was about opinions on having sex on the first date. Now I decided to give feedback and comment on the blog. Now to be honest, I wasn’t expecting a reply back because this blogger did not know who I was, nor has she ever heard of me, but to my surprise not only she responded but she followed me. I was not expecting that at all. So I followed her back. I gained my first follower. So thought to myself, if I can get one follower, I get two. If I can get two, I can get four, If I can get four, I can get eight. Another words, in my mind if I can get one follower, I can get a thousand. So from that point on, little by little, I was researching all over wordpress searching all kind of topics regarding, sex, heartbreak stories ,poetry, cartoons, deep questions, basically just anything I can relate to. To me in my honest opinion, getting my followers on WordPress is pretty straightforward as long as you show interest in the blogger’s content and you have something to offer in your content and you don’t have to have the best blog in the world to obtain a lot of followers.
Now getting bloggers to like your content isn’t too hard neither. The more followers you get, usually more than likely the more likes you will get. Usually if you put effort in you blog and the blog is somewhat relatable, people will like your post.
Now getting comments is more complex. Getting bloggers to comment on your blog is not so easy. I’m going to talk about the comment process in my opinion. I read a few blogs, stating how to get people to comment on your posts. The blogs that I have read about increasing the comment rate on your blogs is very accurate and what most of them have in common is to not be boring and make sure your organized. I agree with this completely but I will talk about this depth. First of all, if you want more comments, you must reach out to other people and give sincere comments on other people blogs. If you are a blogger having trouble getting comments, ask yourself, “Do I reach out to others to comment on their blogs?” If you are not reaching out to other bloggers, you will not get any comments, you rarely get likes, and you’ll rarely get new followers. Blogging is a give and receive relationship and to be honest, for the typical blogger you will probably do more giving than receiving when it comes to blogging. When your new and nobody knows you, normally you have to be the one to reach out to people. If you’re lucky, once in a while, a blogger may reach out to you first. When you are reading through other blogger’s content, pick a time where you know where you won’t be busy, a time where you won’t be distracted and make sure your fully awake and focused. When you’re tired or busy while reading other’s content, more than likely you will find it tedious to the point you become lazy giving half ass comments. Remember you wouldn’t like it if someone gave you a half ass comment on your blog. Now I can’t lie, I am guilty of this because we are all human and none of us is perfect but if you have a habit of doing this, just make a schedule and pick a time for blogging where you are not busy like maybe before you go to bed, maybe for about half an hour before you go to bed, use that time to blog since more than likely you won’t be distracted. 40% should be you reaching out to other bloggers, the other 40% should be you communicating and reaching out to the bloggers that already follow you, the other 20% should be used uploading your blogs and trying to find ways to improve your content. When I first started blogging, I was just uploading simple poetry, but overtime I realized that I had to improve if I wanted more traffic so I became creative because poetry can be very boring if you don’t add any style and flavor to the content your posting. So eventually I started making riddles in poetry format, I started making poetry battles(freestyle battles), writing stories, and just asking random deep questions to keep my followers entertained. I would be lying if I said keeping people interested in my content is easy because it’s not but it is definitely worth effort and I love it because the comments that I receive on my posts lights me up like a Christmas tree. So again always find ways to improve your content because nobody is perfect. In fact, look through all your posts on your blog right now, find the blog with the most comments and likes and ask yourself, “What can I do to improve this content?” Always, always respond back to people that leave comments on your post. Have common courtesy and say thank you to the bloggers that leave comments on your blog. It’s a little rude to ignore the people that left comments on your blogs. Commenting on other people content is a lot of work and for them to leave real, sincere comments on your blog shows that they are interested in your blog. Don’t ignore because you will leave a bad taste someone’s mouth. A bad impression will affect you in a bad way and that’s not with just blogging, that’s with life in general. Also when you are reading through someone’s blog, if you disagree with what the blogger is saying or if the blogger is offensive, either politely disagree with the blogger or just move on. Don’t try to embarrass the blogger in their comment section because, that too will put a bad taste in someone’s mouth and you could lose followers because of that. Politely disagree on move on.
One important thing to remember is to blog from the heart. Yes blogging is about, getting more likes, more comments, and more followers but impressing yourself comes first. Sometimes will upload content that won’t receive any comments and that’s okay because you will always have future blogs to upload that you can focus on. What works for me, is to leave questions at the end of your blog and telling people to comment below. Leaving questions at the end of your blog, can help you generate more comments. Another thing, make sure your blog is organized. When it comes to organization, I can’t really give advice because I don’t have the most organized blog in the world, but somehow I manage to make my blogs interesting according to my opinion. I always hated decorating and arts in craft as a kid so that’s why I don’t have the most colorful blog in the world. Another thing about blogging , sometimes when you don’t get no comments or get very few comments from your followers, don’t be hard on yourself. Remember this world is ruled by popularity and I mean no disrespect when I say this. When you’re a new blogger, with barely any followers following you, barely any comments or likes, people will tend to skip over your blog. I know it sucks but that’s just how it is. So it’s on you, to go and search other people blogs and look for more followers and to keep commenting on other’s content. I will tell you something, according to my speculation about blogging, majority of your followers will not comment or like your post and it’s not necessarily because they are selfish and don’t care, it’s just that every blogger has their own niche when it comes to blogging. Example, a Christian follower will more than likely look for other Christian followers and will be more interested in other Christian bloggers because Christianity is probably what they can relate to. A poetry blogger will be more interested in other poetry bloggers. Look at it like this, if you’re a poetry blogger and you have mostly fashion and design bloggers, more than likely you won’t receive too many comments or likes. You may receive a lot of likes, but not that many comments because more than likely most fashion designer aren’t into the poetry and even if they are into poetry, they won’t be into poetry like the way you are into it. It’s not rude for them not to comment, it’s just everybody has their own interest. So in a situation like this just find more poetry bloggers and comment on their blogs because more than likely you will receive more comments from poetry bloggers than fashion design bloggers if you are a poetry blogger. Whatever you do don’t blog about something you know absolutely nothing about just to impress other bloggers, be yourself, put the effort into improving your content, put effort into reaching out to new bloggers, and your original followers, try and give feedback if you can, and little by little I promise you more comments will come gradually but remember don’t get addicted to receiving comments, blogging from the heart is primary.
My blogs will change the world like pinky and the brain. With me it’s not money over everything but I’m addicted to the fame. My words and phrases are more addictive the cocaine but I don’t do harm to the body, I’m worthy like I’m the brother of Cain. I plan to make Christian bloggers think different. I plan to make comedian bloggers be like Cedric. I plan to make poetry bloggers become more more poetic. I plan to help new bloggers to use their passion and use dedication. I plan to make selfish bloggers to reply to responses on comments I plan to help unpopular bloggers to build their traffic. I plan to help relationship bloggers that are heartbroken and expose them to my blogs as token to listen to the words that are spoken. I plan to make bloggers that write erotic fiction, to mentor a virgin. I’m not perfect and neither are you so blogging is worth it . Never give up, and always blog from the heart.