I Am Nothing

Won’t lie

Wish I could sleep

My life away

until I die.

Being stuck in a world of confusion,

make me have hallucinations.

Creating a happiness that doesn’t exist,

this is how I give a sight of bliss.

This is another way of me running from

the past instead of facing it.

I refuse to accept myself and my life the way it is

so bizarre imaginations is a demonstration of what I have been missing.

Everyday I pray to God to release me from the is prison called Earth and take me to heaven.

I have dreams of perfections

and every morning, I wake up to nightmares of destruction.

My brain is like the apocalyptic skies,

the location of the afterlife, the fire rise.

The torture in my brain is underrated, but to loved ones, that view of me is not too blatant.

They believe in greatness, but I know my soul

is too corrupted, covered with dark stains like a smokers lung.

Feel like I’m on crutches, but I’m still young.

My soul need to catch some rays, to paint over the ways of darkness on my frame.

A description of life for me is trying to lift myself to heaven with drug money.

I want the fast and easy way out since the fallen angels committed a robbery.

I was disarmed, and my only peace was my Beretta

ready to shoot.

I am nothing like Peter when Ironman took his suit.

Do I Perfer Strippers?Women Got Me Fed Up 

Listen to me
I’m not selling a dream
I’m not a company
that sell products
I’m here to tell you
I had enough.
I mean why should
I try?
What’s the point of being nice?
I appreciate them
but they don’t appreciate me
Why can’t you understand me?
I’m done I rather just be single
I done with Christian mingle
or any kind of dating site
I’m headed in a new direction in life.
I thank God for my allowing
my heart to be broken
because now I have access
to many women.
Women are complicated
but strippers are simple
Not looking for commitment
anymore
because I became exhausted
from being ignored.
Tipping the strippers
while I’m getting drunk
and for extra money
I can get a quick fuck
I mean why take a woman
on a date?
Where I can get a stripper
easily that has a nice shape.
Why do I have do to dress up
and impress a woman
where I can pick a stripper
of my choosing.
Spend money on date
where I’m not
gurantee another date
where I can sex from
a stripper as long as I
pay.
The process is simple
just busniess
and I don’t need to meet
her parents or kids.
Oral sex and intercourse
but of course I’ll be protected.
I have no choice.
Strippers aren’t that reckless
they too don’t want any type
of infection.
I met plenty of strippers
a little ratchet they can be
but they accept me easily.
Very friendly and
easy going.
No attitude unlike these
other girls.
Don’t ask for
much unlike these other girls.
With strippers I can
wake up everyday
and be proud becuase
I know for a fact
that I’m not getting cheated on.
Strippers and jerking off to porn
until dawn
while I listen to ratchet songs
I don’t mind being home alone
on A Friday Night.
This is really the life.
I be telling guys all the time
yo don’t sweat no female
 because they give mix signals
that be confusing as  hell.
Strippers are straight to the point.
You ask me why am I acting like
this?
Simple nice guys get dissed
and women chase the men
that treat them like shit.
So now I turn into a piece of shit.
So I guess now I am
in the “Men Are Trash”
category.
Don’t bother me
because I’m still gonna
get p*say.
Listen  I am about
to end this
but what I am going to say to you
is most important and potent.
When you reading this
remember this
I once was a nice guy
maybe a little shy
but I use to be the guy
that would spare a woman’s
 life
The type of guy
that would step front of a bullet
as a scarfice.
I use to love women more
then my own life.
I use to treat them like queens
let then have their
way.
Eventually they use me
and eventually I get played.
They take my kindness
for weakness
leaving me weak
like I caught a disease
So I was the nicest guy
that turned mean.
Being a gentleman
dont’ always get you the p*ssy
sometimes it make you look
like a p*ssy
Believe me.
The guys that act ruthless and mean
usually get the most p*ssy
Now for the women reading this
it’s not all about p*ssy
I swear it’s  not.
But sometimes I been
more than patient
providing love and affection.
I want to commit to you
but you say you gotta to think
about it.
I think shit
what can I do
to prove  to her I’m a gentleman?
So many unanswered question
leaves me in confusion
until I’m draining every ounce
of energy out of me
while you just lying to me
stringing me alone
like a viloin
while fucking a different
man that’s not looking for a commitment
while I put in all that fucking
work to show you I’m different
from other men
and you said yourself
I’m better than all
the other men
from the past.
Fuck this
Fuck commitment
Paying for sex
is my mission.
I jerk off to porn
for the rest of my life
I’ll still get my nut
because you women drive me nuts
Ya women can have the shitty men
because when they break your heart
again and again
I will have the last laugh at the end.

I wrote this poem for all the nice men that get taken advantage of.
Just like women, men get heartbroken too.
There are alot of men that are trash but let me tell you something, alot of men that are trash were once good men. Men that actually respect women and would do anything to make a woman happy. But guess what, when we  act nice and act like a gentleman, some women will take our kindness for weakness. When I wrote this, I was describing how I was feeling when I got heartbroken. I’m not gonna lie, I was angry and it changed me. Can’t lie I was so broken and angry I almost had a grudge towards all women. So every word I wrote is exactly how I felt. At one point I thought women were the problem. I thought women were the sneaky ones. I thought women played too many games and it wasn’t worth it to treat them good. I thought marrige and having a family was a waste of time. But I was hurt. As time move on, I started  healing more and more. I realized that everybody get hurt. We all hurt people because we been hurt and we take it out on everbody else. It took me a while to realize that there are good women(not many)that appericate good men and it’s wrong to hold every woman accountable for what one girl did. A heart break will change you.


Heartless and Heartbroken 


Through our actions
subconsciously choose
to be heartless or heartbroken.
Loyalty, commitment, and passion
to complete our satisfaction.
But sometimes we so desperate
we fall victims of affliction
but what was the addiction?
Was it jealousy or possession?
Possession  mistaken for power.
Most rather be leaders than followers
but does power last forever?
If it does,  what happens
when forever over?
Do broken hearts stay broken?
Or do we heal like Logan?
A straight line like
the lowercase ‘l’
is  really a lowercase ‘s’.
Every answer won’t
always be yes.
We all want go straight
but get lost along the way
by turning  right or left.
Imagine being right handed
fighting a left handed fighter
Your an quick dodger
but most of the punches still land .
Prime example of the demonstration
of the lowercase ‘l’ and ‘s’.
Bewildered head spinning right and left
Life seems like a open book quiz
but it’s a complex test
The path looks straight
but look hard enough
you find some curves
along the way.
Life don’t have a VCR
can’t rewind the tape.
Thought you could
run a mile
but your out of shape,
breathing hard after
the first lap
about to have an asthma attack
Listen to the words
I just spoken.
I just describe the feeling
of being heartbroken.
Think they love you
until they hurt you.
Is love overrated?
Is being heartless underrated?
Are we born ruthless?
Ask the master
behind the behavior
of being ruthless
as we listen
like obedient students
that dances to the devil’s music.
Sell your soul to Satan
so now the lies are blatant.
To get what I want
by any means necessary
and everybody is an adversary.
Eyes are bleary
as I’m examining my reflection.
Humans are complicated like
a c-section
and I turn aside from
the positive affections.
Went from affectionate boyfriend
to abandoning her at 8 months pregnant.
You got hurt and now you hurt back
twice as bad.
To support your infant
fucking every man in sight
for some quick cash
until you catch the monster
in which  turn you
into  a monster
in which turn you
into a hunter
and every man is a deer
you kill  by letting
them give it to you
in the rear.
Loyalty is rare
in this world
you can die anywhere
but how is that possible
if God is everywhere?
Wishing on a miracle
for being spiritual
turns you suicidal
after you have remorse
for being  homicidal.
Wishing on a miracle makes you desperate
seeking unnecessary attention
looking for affection
in the wrong places
which leads to
tears out of faces
in which you are
now invasive
so you seek revenge
with everbody
you have static
with.
Is retaliation
more potent than
forgiveness
when your heartbroken?

 

Are You A Slave To Loyalty?

Have you ever been loyal to somebody that betrayed you and stab you in the back over and over?
Have you ever been in a situation where you realized moving on was harder than you thought?
Have you ever prayed that the person that treated you like dirt, would change?
Were you disappointed when the person made false promises on how they would change but they just remain the same?
Ever been hurt so bad that you regret falling in love in the 1st place?
Ever cried yourself to sleep and the tears kept pouring down your face?
Last but not least, have you ever thought about committing suicide becuase you thought suicide would help the pain escape?

Learn to let go
when people act cold.
Not everyone has a pure soul
and heart.
Don’t hold on when
your broken.
Holding on is
sometimes poisioned.
They take your heart
and destroy it
and they can’t rebuild.
Like Toysrus
going bankrupt
but the kids are still living
So why when people go corrupted
the pain your still holding
and suffering?
Same thoughts keep rethinking.
Worrying yourself to death
becuase you think
the painful memories is all you have left.
Loyalty is going to lead you to death
and become a rat trap
that snaps your neck.
Waiting for others to change
but you are the one
that have to change
Begging them to stay
like a begger asking
for spare change
Go to work
Go the gym
Go to church
Go make new friends.
People come and go
for a reason.
Some are only meant
for a season.
You are not nobody’s slave
So use the time and space
to help create
an opportunity
to move forward.
Slavery is in the past
Staying loyal to
the wrong one
is ass backwards.
Mental slavery
have us corrupted
and people behaviors
sometimes make
me disgusted.
Here’s a question
and think it
Why are we loyal to
the ones that don’t
give a fuck about us
and they turn their back
on us?
Now why do we ignore
the ones that are are loyal
to us and use  the ones
that would give the world
to us?

Am I Ahead Of My Time

Life is mixed up like a crossword puzzle.
Sometimes happy but sometimes in trouble.
Images in my head can be so vivid.
If I choose to be violent, I can make a murder scene graphic.
Serial killer like Dexter sometimes it cross my mind
to take a life since I’m pissed off all the time.
Like a immature kid running across the street
dodging a car just in time.
I’m build like Apollo Creed and I sweat more than rocky between the sheets,
but not from engaging in intercourse  becuase of nervousness.
My mind is imprisonment which results in the lack of erections.
So devasting when you pay attention and
still didn’t understand the lesson.
I’m like a old man who take forever to respond to a text message
My life is plain and dull like salad with out dressing.
But salad is healthy that’s  why I eat it but never toss it.
Hope those of you reading this understands the double entendre of the last sentence.
Sometimes feels like I am serving a prison sentence.
Days to months from months to years.
My mind is it’s own tier.
My life is a notebook and each page represent a year.
Every year on my bday, I open the book and tear
the pages becuase my life feels like it’s wasted.
When I die would I rather be buried or cremated?
I once use to think Tupac faked his death
Did death row lead him to his death?
When he died, Stanely Tookie was all we had left.
Co-founder of a gang and he realized he made
a mistake.
Sometimes wish I could of personally saw his face
when he was on his knees and prayed
to God for his mistake.
Arnold Schaeggner inspired others to lift weights
but he is a racist.
What’s  worst being a racist or a rapist?
To be honest I hate a rapist  with a passion.
In our unique ways we  all appear attractive
to somebody
So why force a woman and tell her what to do with her body?
Disappointed in Bill Cosby even though he was funny
in a clean way.
But his heart was in a dirty place.
Richard Pryor expressed his comedy in a dirty way
But wondering if he was alive today
and saw Bill Cosby
What would he say?
Maybe he wouldn’t have nothing to say.
Sometimes words can’t express when we are disgraced
with role models.
So instead I turn to the bottle to take way tomorrow’s trouble.
So I get use to the bitter taste and swallow.
Sprite and cough syrup made me want to throw up at first.
But now I got addicted, I drink it before I go to church.
In the service I can’t sit up straight, so I have to lean in my seat.
Doze off and fall asleep.
This poem was delivered to me in a dream for next Sunday
and today is Monday.
Only 6 days away.
Ahead of my time and I’m starting from the end.
I already made it to heaven
and I rather stay there
then to come here
on planet Earth.