How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie(Part 2)

Before you read this, I highly recommend you ready How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie first. I share my very personal thoughts in poetry format cut and dry and I don’t give a fuck. Through out this poem, I will have some sentences in bold in this poem because those are the quotes that are most powerful lessons that I learned

I can write for days

while you observe

the pain on my face.

Plus I’m poor

like a report card

with bad grades.

“Myself, I choose to isolate

and use to do it

to keep my heart safe

but it just increased the rage

and I write poetry to release frustration.

to keep my head straight.”

I can snap at any given time

and space

and I’m sure some of you can relate.

I mean how much can a muthfucka take?

It’s sad when you ain’t

comfortable at your home base.

I zone out and stare off into space

wishing somebody else can take my place.

I use to wonder why I never had so many dates?

As I got older, I was like fuck a date,

paying for sex was the way.

For those of you that follow me,

I mentioned this in so many ways.

So many ways I can express my hate.

I hate a person that always thinks he/she right.

Thinking their opinion only matters in life.

I hate a person that’s tight

with money in their hand.

“I know people that will help a stranger

before a family member

or friend.

Loyal to the wrong person

until they are betrayed

and now back to family

they complaining expressing their hurt

and this is how life works,

the ones that don’t have it like that

will give you their last

and the ones that got it like that

are tight with it.”

It hurts because money rules the world.

I said over and over

“Loyalty push to the side when the price is right

and it been like this

way before Bob Barker’s time.”

Judas betrayed Jesus

for 30 silver pieces

way way before social media existed.

“Performing miracles isn’t impressive

because money is the real magic.”

Mind is playing tricks

falling victim to the devil’s wish

selling him your body and soul

and you just became his trick

and he pimps

you out to be worldly.

“Is worshiping God boring?

If the answer is yes

is this the reason

why more people go to hell then heaven?

How can we make worshiping God more exciting?”

Excitement comes three times,

when the dick is hard,

when the pussy is wet,

and when money involved.

Its an addiction we can’t stop.

If money was promised

to every person

that go to church on Sunday,

more people would be worshiping God.

Wouldn’t you agree?

See how this is fake pretending?

People only around to seek cheese

until you speak up and say no.

Behind your back

they make fun of the way you speak

after they take your money.

A few post back I said

“Same niggas they say

“Money over pussy”

put

“Pussy over family””.

Mothers out there fucking their son’s

right hand man to receive money in their hand.

Some mothers fuck for free.

If one of my friends

fucked my mother he dying for free.

“But I don’t have friends,

I have family.

So another words,

never trust a friend

because they can never be family.”

Friends are temporary like the temp agency.

We chase the wrong ones,

chasing the popularity.

“As a kid in high school,

was told talking to bitches

was what make you popular

because niggas want bitches

and bitches want niggas

that are popular

and being around fine bitches

is what make niggas popular.”

“High school is popularity chasing and chasing

something is a full time job

which is time consuming

and chasing too hard for something

will get you nothing”.

“Chasing too hard for something

will have trying

to pretend to be someone you not”.

It will make you look eve more corny.

Like a comedian trying to hard to be funny?

“Sometimes good things will come naturally

but we hate patience with a passion

and this destroys us spiritually

and we disconnect with God

and feel empty

like being in a relationship with somebody

w/o the chemistry.

But we get comfortable in solitary

so avoiding communicating

leads to cheating

and looking over your shoulder

to make sure you don’t get caught.

But we just students and bad experience

is the teacher but some students

don’t listen

so we try avoiding

getting caught

but being lucky isn’t guaranteed”

I will reiterate that

“Sometimes good things will come naturally

but we hate patience with a passion

and this destroys us spiritually

and we disconnect with God

and feel empty

like being in a relationship with somebody

w/o the chemistry.

But we get comfortable in solitary

so avoiding communicating

leads to cheating

and looking over your shoulder

to make sure you don’t get caught.

But we just students and bad experience

is the teacher but some students

don’t listen

so we try avoiding

getting caught

but being lucky isn’t guaranteed”

What is guaranteed?

Taxes, death

but what else is left?

Never guaranteed life

but we guaranteed

we will die the moment

you planted inside a woman.

Not guarantee to see life

some cells never make out the vagina

Some lives die inside but did God do those lives a favor?

Life is not sweet like candy

you’ll either will learn this now or later.

Either way it don’t matter

because I’m still bitter.

This is more than a long poem

I’m expressing true life emotions

and I’m doing ya a favor. I

tell the cold hard truth

and the amount of people that lie

you’ll see that the crowd is wide

like an angle that’s obtuse.

Lies we get so use to

we don’t believe it

when we actually meet a person

that tells the truth.

My poetry might not be great

but it speaks the truth

even if it embarrasses my personality.

So much to say

I have alot to say

I can write for days

while you observe the pain on my face.

My hidden emotions is my excuse

to how I became a talent poet

and I can tell a life story better than fresh prince

But what happens after I finish telling my life experiences?

So my question is, will I have another poem left in me

after this get uploaded?

I will upload a part 3 and maybe a part 4 .

Whats Unforgivable In A Relationship

My plan

is to kill a man

that fucked my spouse

in my house.

It hurts my stomach

as I picture him

taking off her blouse.

Quiet as a mouse

as watched

from the windows

from outside

covering her mouth.

Giving it to her good

I can tell by the looks

on her face.

I felt ashamed.

I felt the pain

and I’m crying

by the window frame.

 I pull out the pistol.

Revenge need to get out

of my system.

I try to subdue

my resistance

as I converse with

my bullets.

They thought I was foolish.

The dragon was whispering

and provided me

with  hollow tips.

I aim at the window

Pow Pow

I shoot two bullets

to stop the movement

of them having sex.

The feeling felt like the best

I ever had.

I went in the house

but become more sad.

This was really bad

I thought to myself.

I made a mistake

and it’s too late

to take back

I looked down at the dead

bodies and what I thought

was my wife

was actually  my daughter.

Holy Shit

I killed my own daughter.

This was really bad

I thought to myself.

I made a mistake

and it’s too late

to take back

Death makes no mistake

Or does it?

 

1 Peter 3:9 –  Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Personal Thoughts On Cheating

This is not a poem becuase I wrote a poem “Who Cheats More Men Or Women?“about cheating already. This post is  sharing a page in my journal and in this journal, I will discuss my opinion on cheating. This blog is very long so if cheating is a topic you are not interested in, then you may want to exit this blog because you probably will get bored reading this. I didn’t plan on writing a blog about cheating but after reading a blog yesterday about cheating, I had  thoughts on my own about cheating. 

For some reason, I really am trying to understand why people cheat on their spouse/signficant other. For those of you that read my “Who Am I” post some if you already know that I am an over thinker and cheating is one of those topics where I really over think. Since I’ve been blogging for the past two months, I’ve came across alot of blogs on failed relationship stories, heartbreak stories, and cheating stories. In this blog, I will discuss and breakdown cheating in different ways.

    Now why do people cheat? So many different ways I can break this down. So many ways to look at this. People are like snowflakes, no two people are alike. We all unique in our own way. Everybody comes across different situations along their path so the outcome of a bad situation will be either a good one or a bad one. But what are some of the common  reasons why people cheat? People will cheat when they feel neglected from their partner which leads to loneliness. People will cheat because they are taking advantage of their partners trust. People will cheat becuase they are pressured from their peers to do so. People will cheat becuase the relationship is long distance and they know for fact they can get away with it becuase their partner is like 75 miles away. But a very common reason why people cheat is becuase of sex. Sex is powerful. For the love sex is the root of evil just like money. Sex is almost as powerful as money. Money too will make person cheat.
“I seen wives turn whore for the right man” quoted by Tsu Surf (for those of you that don’t know, Tsu Surf is a battle rapper). When I think of this quote, automatically money and sex comes to mind. I really believe the two most important reasons why people cheat is becuase of sex and money. Last but not least, another very common reason why people cheat is becuase people can’t let go of the past. This reason I will discuss in detail in the second to last paragraph of this blog.

   Now I am going to talk about why people cheat. Well first of all, men and women cheat for different reasons. Many people believe men cheat more than women. I feel like when a man cheats, he is automically placed in the “Men Are Trash” category but why is that? When women cheat it’s a different story. I’m not saying that people are accepting women cheating, I’m not saying that at all but when women cheat, alot of times people will say ” She was wrong for cheating but she should at least picked  a random guy instead of her boyfriends brother” or “Well she was wrong to cheat but you can’t judge becuase you don’t know the whole story.” Now why is it different when a woman cheats?

First of all let’s talk about cheating men. I am a man so this will be easier to talk about. It’s simple, men glorify other men cheating. For some reason, when a man treats his wife/girlfriend like a queen, sometimes other men will bash him calling him pussy whipped. He looks like a sucka among other men. In the previous paragraph I stated that sometimes people are pressured to cheat from their peers. This is common with men. I’m going to tell you a quick short story. There was a guy I use to work with who was faithful in his marrige. He told me and the other male co-workers about how he was at a bar and he was approached by a young sexy girl in her early twenties on Halloween. She was giving obvious clues that she was into to him and she asked him ” What are doing later on tonight and can I have your number?” His response was “I’m sorry but I am happily married.” When he told us that, alot of the male co-workers were laughing at him. Their response was ” Yo you did some sucka  shit. Why the fuck did you tell us that? Yo for now on, I’m going to call you ‘Theodore Huxtable’.” To myself I’m thinking like “Why are they laughing at him, he did the right thing? He choose to faithful to his wife.” On top of that, him and his wife were having problems but yet he choose to remain faithful. I brought this story up to show you an example of how men being faithful are looked upon as soft or weak men . So sometimes men will cheat to  for the respect and positive attention he will get from his male friends. Another reason why  men cheat is becuase of sex. Sometimes men get bored of having sex with the same person. Sometimes men are addicted to girls that are promiscuous. Sometimes men just addicted to busting an nut(ejaculating) in whoever by any means neccessary. Another quick story I will discuss.

I don’t know this guy   personally but a friend of mine use to be friends with this girl that was a little on the promiscuous side. This girl was engaged to this guy and she was in love with him. But things went sour when the guy got her pregnant. He pressured her to get an abortion. She didn’t want to but she gave in. After she got an abortion, the guy broke up with her. He broke her heart in a million pieces. She lost the love of her life and a baby. Fast forward a year later the same guy that broke this girl’s heart had a new girlfriend. But even though  he had a new girlfriend, he still remained in contact with his ex fiance and eventually he started cheating on  his new  girlfriend with his ex fiance. What made this really bad was, when he was cheating, he wasn’t wearing any protection. In my opinion I think he cheated becuase the sex was probably better with his ex fiance then with new girlfriend and he was addicted to the sex , I believe he was taking  advantage of his ex fiance promiscuous ways  becuase he knew he can get it any time, and he didn’t plan on leaving his new girlfriend so he probably figured he can have sex with his ex fiance for the time being even but since  didn’t plan on getting back with her and loved his current girlfriend he probably figured in selfish that he wasn’t doing nobody no harm. So this story is an example of how powerful sex can be. Good sex lead to cheating. Another thing that’s common in men unlike women is that a man could love his wife and kids with all his heart, never have plans of leaving his wife but will still have sex with numerous women. Prime example of this, look at the movie “Baby Boy”.

   Now let’s talk about cheating women. Unlike men,  majority of the time women cheat when they are not sastfied with the relationship. Some women want money, some women want male company, some women want spectacular  sex, some want all three and probably more  Men usually tend to only put forth the effort to make a relationship strong and healthy in the beginning. Once he gets comfortable(another words once he gets the p*ssy) he will gradually decrease putting forth the effort(especially if he knows he hittin the p*ssy good). Women love good sex but after a while women will feel like the sex is becoming reduant. I believe good sex will make the average woman patient towards men that don’t put forth the effort but after a while women will get fed up. So sometimes when women get fed up they have 2 options, either break up or cheat. A select few will break up but majority will cheat but alot times cheating is not intentional. Women get approached more often then men do so in my opinion, it’s easier for a woman to cheat. Most women don’t wake up and say “Hey I am going to cheat on my man today”, cheating is a bad decision that usually is made when a person is at the wrong place at the wrong time. Another common reason why women cheat is  they secretly still have feelings for their ex.

       Half of the time when women cheat, they will cheat on their current partner with their Ex from the past. I believe that most women have that one guy in the past that they can’t seem to let go no matter how hard they try.  Being stuck over an ex is like being addicted to an fatal attraction because most likely her ex is usually an asshole that treats her like shit. For the men that’s reading this, do you ever wonder why do women seem to go back to the same no good men that treats them like shit? Well it could be that she is in love with him and can’t let him go. It could be maybe because he has money and just only interested in the money. She could be lonely and is afraid of being single or it could be possession where she doesn’t want nobody to have him. All of these reasons are common reasons why people go back their Ex but another common reason in which people don’t bring up is  sex. What I’m about to say is something I think the average women would agree which is,  it’s not hard to find good sex but it’s rare to find a guy that’s spectacular in the sex department. I’m talking about the perfect size penis, big and thick but not too big, nice lips, nice body, very good with hands, very experienced, able to last a long time without cuming, knowing when to go back and forth between short and deep strokes without having to tell him. The type of guy that possess theses qualities in the bedroom are hard to find and if the average girl find him, she don’t want to let him go. Women do love spectacular sex, but the problem is the men that are very skilled in the bedroom are usually(not all) shitty men, assholes, douche bags, etc because they only have sex to offer in a relationship and nothing else. So this makes women very frustrated because even though women love sex they do want to feel appreciated. Now those you of reading this, are wondering what does this have to do with cheating? I will explain.  If sex is all a man has to offer then this can cause alot of problems. Now for the women reading this, have you ever had a boyfriend that you argued with all the time and you knew the relationship was unhealthy and you would leave him but after a couple of weeks past you end up going back to him? If you did go back to him, was one of the reasons going back to him was because the sex was spectacular? After breaking up with your ex, have you ever quickly jumped into another relationship to help you move on? When you got your new boyfriend, was you happy or was you starting to miss your ex boyfriend twice as much? If you was missing your ex boyfriend what was it about your ex boyfriend that you was missing? All these questions that I’m asking one after another do you see where I’m going with this?

Women(as well as men) will sometimes search for a new soulmate when heartbroken just to be happy again. They think finding a new boyfriend is their escape from the past. But 95% of the time when your heartbroken it’s because you still in love with your ex so your ex will be on your mind constantly. So because of this, women will compare their current boyfriend to their ex in every area and it will be almost impossible  for the current boyfriend or any guy for that matter to compete with the ex.   
So now all it takes is a phone call or text from your ex for her to cheat. After that one phone call or text, she will start to miss him more and more. More than likely  the no good ex will sweet talk her feeding her bullshit lies talking about he miss her and he wanna see her again. Now she will play hard to get and act she don’ t miss him telling him she’s found a new man  but the ex could see right through that bullshit lie and will use charm and persuade her more and more. The more he persuade her, the harder it is for her to resist until she finally gives in and meet up with him. In her mind she thinking “We just gonna talk for a half an hour and that’s it.”  Once they meet up, she will be a little hesitant and nervous because deep down she misses him but yet still don’t want to make it obvious. The ex will try his best to make her comfortable and he will move closer so he can make his move. Slightly touching her, complimenting her on her looks which makes her so  vulnerable to the point that sex is on her mind. She will remember all the times her and the ex had sex in the past and how good and experienced he was. Sex will began to conquer her mind and control her body making her horny tricking her into thinking that no man can ever compete with her ex. She is now stepping back in familiar territory and she has now found her comfort zone. The ex will read her body language and take advantage and make his move. All it takes is one kiss. Once the ex kisses her, 9/10 times she will completely give in and stop resisting which leads to cheating. More than likely she will have sex with her ex and realize that maybe she can work things out with her ex. Great sex will change a person’s mind in a heartbeat. What I just explained is a very common reason in which why  women cheat but I feel like most people don’t bring this up or don’t want to admit it.
        I’m going to summarize this blog and talk about how to avoid cheating. Alot people automically assume if you cheat you trash. On Twitter every I’m reading a tweet about your automically trash if you cheated. Everybody on Twitter swear they are loyal. I’m gonna tell you this, most people cheated at least once but most won’t admit it. The ones that didn’t cheat sone of them haven’t been in a situation where they had the option to cheat. It’s easy to avoid cheating when your approached by somebody you have no feelings or attraction for. But once your in a situation where your approached by someone your attracted to or started developing  feelings for, is it really easy to avoid cheating? Cheating is dead wrong never an excuse regardless but it’s not always easy to resist. Also people need to stop judging people. If someone cheated and you don’t know the whole story or situation, then you can’t automically assume the cheater is a piece of shit. Get the facts first before you determine that. There are a select few of people that never have and never will cheat no matter what. For those of you that avoided cheating (especially when the person was attractive) you definitely have my highest respect.  For those that find it hard to resist cheating, well here some tips to help you stay faithful

1.  Don’t be selfish breakup and move on if your unhappy in your relationship
2. Never let your peers pressure you to cheat because if you cheat and you get caught and your signficant other leaves you, those same  peers of yours that encourage you to cheat will not be there to support you
3. If you still have feelings for your ex, do not get into a new relationship until you are completely over your ex.
4. Once you break up with your ex, delete his/her number and move on. Don’t answer their phone calls.
5. Don’t cheat if the sex is wack. Communicate with your partner and try to work with your partner. If the sex doesn’t improve at all then you break up with your partner, not cheat. To be honest I don’t even think that wack sex is a good reason to breakup with your partner but it’s better than cheating
6.Now sometimes cheating does happen on spur of the moment and if it does, at least wear a condom. The worst thing is to have an affair and not wear a condom.

I will repeat this, cheating is wrong no matter the situation. If you got cheated on, don’t ever give your signficant other that cheated on you a second chance. Cheating is wrong but some cheaters are worst than others and sometimes when we don’t make scarfices or put fourth the effort in a relationship to make our signficant other happy, you can lead your signficant other to cheat. We all want happiness but some of us just look for happiness in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    
    
       
              

I Owe You

I will never forget the day,

the time and place

where you jumped in front

of my face

We were at the park playing basketball

and I’m not paying attention at all.

My back was turned

where the neighborhood

Gang banger was behind the fence,

aiming at my head from a distance.

Now having my 1st near death experience

thinking what a coincidence

when you grabbed me and pushed me

to the ground.

But unfortunately you got shot

in the windpipe.

You sacrificed your life

to save mine.

It’s so sad to see you die.

It’s hard for me to sleep at night,

but not only because the fact

that you died,

because I have a regret

and I owe you this secret,

and I’m ready to expose it.

as you look down from heaven,

just know that your wife

and I had an affair

and she’s pregnant.

Don’t Tell A Soul(Part 2)

Please read part 1 before you read this story

Link is here  https://younghock.blog/2017/08/17/dont-tell-a-soulchapter-1/

 

I look at the cable box and it’s 9 p.m on Christmas day.

While the radio station is on hot 97 playing “Jumpman” by Drake,

I say to my wife ” I have an confession to make”

but then I hear the sound of the doorbell and I stopped myself from  what I was about to say.

I get up to go to the front door wondering who would be at my door this late.

It was my brother’s wife (Michelle) with tears falling from her face.

I’m curious and I say,

“What brings you hear so late?”

She says “Kile'(my brother)’ was shot in the chest at work today,

and I don’t know if he gonna make it to see another day.”

Aww for heavens sake this is a fucked up day as I think to myself.

I go to the bedroom and tell my wife,”Honey a family emergency just came up my brother got shot and I gotta go.”

She say”I hope he’s okay and do you want me to go with you babe?”

I say “No it’s okay, but I pray that he’s okay.”

She said “Okay drive safe!”

Then I rush out the front door

and all the previous stressful thoughts about my side chick I choose to ignore

while I’m driving 75 miles on residential streets speeding.

I’m remaining calm, but I feel like fucking screaming .

My mind is on tunnel vision.

I’m thinking about my brother and nothing else matters.

I went from driving 75 miles to driving 85 miles per hour.

I drive to Nassau Medical Center parking lot.

Michelle  and I run to the front entrance but then we get stopped,

by a bald head security guard.

He ask, ” How can I help you?”

“I’m here to see a patient, he was shot” I say.

The guard says “Follow me, and sorry for the bad news.”

He leads us to the ER room.

I go to the front desk and say to the lady with the caramel complexion

working behind the desk, “I’m here to see a patient, Kile Brown.”

She tells me to sign in and have a seat.

I’m in the ER, bored as hell staring at the vending machine,

listening to the boisterous group of kids running, and Michelle is watching TV.

Each minute passes by feels like an hour.

I’m hot and sweaty and I could use a shower.

I reminisce how I was sexing Brittany(side chick) in the shower.

Michelle ask me” How do you get that mark ?” pointing at my neck.

I really got it from Brittany when her nails were digging into me

while she was kissing me.

But I lied and said” I got it from work. I got scratched by pencil rod.”

She stares at me cold and hard,

like I was a lying remedial retard.

Then I hear my name called.

I walked up to the desk and the lady says”Go through the double doors

make a left and he’s in room 6B.”

Michelle tells me ” I have to use the bathroom to pee.”

I said “Okay just meet me in room 6B.”

As I go to the room, I swear to God I wish I was fucking dreaming.

I see a nurse and it’s Brittany and I felt like fucking screaming .

I couldn’t tell but it looks like she’s leaning over my brother.

I get a closer look and they are kissing.

Then she looks at me and she don’t say a fucking word.

I say to myself this bitch is a fucking hoe.

But why am I surprised that’s something that I already know.

I look at Kile and I’m like “Bro!”

He quiet me down and tells me “Don’t tell a soul!”

Don’t Tell A Soul

Keeping secrets and telling;

That’s the way of life according to my eyes.

I say things that she believes as I swear to Christ.

Until the day I die, this lie will remain alive.

My wife thinks every other night I’m working overtime.

I’m leaving the house at a quarter past nine and I text the wife Goodnight.

Lying about where I’m going, she believes me as I can’t do no wrong

She is naive and don’t know what the fuck is going on.

As I drove 10 miles to your house since your man is out of town.

I’m sexing you right, and I’m layin it down.

The bed rocking back and fourth.

I got your head banging between the bed post.

Then I pick you up and take you to the bathroom and sex you raw in the shower.

I hit it from the back for about a half an hour,

Until I release my strong load into your vagina.

We were both exhausted and you suggested that we cuddle under the covers.

But I’m not trying to do that,

you’re just a side chick ,

I’ll never leave my wife and kids.

I don’t want our little fling thing to be exposed so don’t tell a soul.

At 5am I go back home on Christmas day,

My wife and kiss me and ask me “How was work last night did you miss me Babe?”

I lied and said ” Of course I missed you and work was great.”

She leads me to the kitchen and made me breakfast.

I tour up the bacon and eggs with cheese and I don’t leave a crumb on the plate.

After I empty the paper plate in the garbage she had a smile on a face.

She said “Babe come to the bedroom I wanna give you your present!”

I head to the bedroom and she was on the bed and she hands me a pregnancy test with a red bow on it.

I see the two red lines parallel and she hugs me and says “Merry Christmas Honey I am pregnant!”

I’m shocked and happy for this blessing.

I tell my wife” I love you” and she tells me back “I love you too.”

I slowly began to take her purple robe off to make love to her on this Christmas afternoon.

It was beautiful we was meant to be together.

Now what’s better than a good wife that loves you more than life.

Then after we finished making love I fell asleep with my wife by my side.

One week later, I go to church with my wife and tell all the church members she is pregnant.

I heard my phone vibrate and noticed I have 5 missed calls from my side chick.

I go outside by the car and I received a text that says “I’m pregnant and I know you said don’t tell a soul but about our affair but I don’t know who the father is”

All of a sudden I wake up and I realized I had a nightmare looking nervous

as a teenage kid getting pulled over by the police and he don’t have insurance or  a drivers license.

My wife was in the bed next to me watching TV.

She saw me waking up suddenly looking around the room as I was sweating.

She asks” Honey are you okay, talk to me. Did you have a bad dream?”

I think to myself, should I confess and tell what’s bothering me and the nightmare that lies ahead of me?