Would a 14 year old be proud of what I’ve become?

Would a 14 year old be proud of what I’ve become?

When I read this question, I thought to myself this might be deepest.

My life I do take extremely serious, but why do I move so careless?

For years, I’ve tried so hard to be fearless

but I’m just a scared little boy mentally with a bad porn addiction.

What is living the dream?

Is it doing what you love, or is it about the money?

Does life flow smooth like milk and honey

in the promise land

or is life collapsing like the holy temple in 70 A.D.?

I’ve yet to figure out my real feelings

What do people think when they recongize my true identity?

I have lots of battles I have to fight and I’m running out of soldiers.

Lack of preparation increases the pressure.

I wake up sometimes and my heart beat fast.

Worry from the future and worry from the past.

I wonder how long this anxiety disorder will last.

Do you know what it feels like to wake up nervous because knowing ahead of time you are going to have a hard day?

You physically living safe in life, but your brain is 100 grand in an apartment without a safe.

Mentally sometimes my thought process is unsafe.

My long term memory is 200 GB, and its 170 GB full.

Almost 30 and I tell you, when I was 14, I didn’t vision this.

I didn’t vision still living with my father.

I didn’t vision barely making minimum wage.

I didn’t vision life getting harder, I thought life would of got easier since I didn’t care for childhood.

Now damn near almost 30, I have accomplishments, but to be honest, I feel like it’s not enough.

I’m tired of working for a boss.

I’m tired of dreaming.

I’m tired of sexual intercourse due to my porn addiction.

I’m tired of studying.

I’m tired of trying to advance in my career.

No matter how many times I make an effort to succeed, I get nowhere.

Life is too fast paced.

I feel like a 4th grader stuck on 1st grade reading level.

It’s like I’m close to the pot of gold behind the door

but I don’t have an access code.

No matter how many times I have tried to find a way to be happy, access is denied.

Will a million dollars make me erase all the pain or would I still find reasons to be miserable?

I won’t blame everything on my childhood, but I wonder if I grew up in a different family, different home, would I be in a much better place or is misery is where I forever belong.

It took me almost 30 years that I have a huge anxiety disorder.

I wish I had good things to say, but I be lying to every 14 year old.

So to every 14 year old that’s reading this, I speak advice into your souls.

Life is cold, but please if you not happy living at home or doing what you love for a living 10 years later,

It will put a pile of bricks on your shoulder that will slow you done making you feel like 65 when your only 25.

You don’t have to believe me, I’m the living testimony.

I one thing I do have good going that I’m proud of is my poetry.

I love to write and I believe I’m good at it.

I wish there was a way I could make a living off of it.

So to every 14 year old reading this, take my advice and don’t follow my footsteps.

Does Possibilities Leads To Worries

I dedicate this poem to Roshonda N. Blackmon. She asked me to write a poem on “Possibilities”  and I just want to let her know that it was a pleasure writing this poem and this is a very releatable topic and I hope you enjoy reading this poem

 

Does possibilities  and worries
mean the same thing?
Hmm interesting

https://i1.wp.com/diysolarpanelsv.com/images/hmm-clipart-18.jpg?resize=387%2C387

and I say possibly
As we dwell among living things
besides death and taxes
nothing is guaranteed
and a life or death situation
will lead to over thinking
or worrying
about the possibilities of situation

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Pregnancy Scares, Death Scares
The words acquitted and convicted
will have you up all night stressing
for not making better decisions.

https://i1.wp.com/comps.canstockphoto.com/insomniac-girl-drawing_csp15738790.jpg?w=809&ssl=1

Ever been up all
night wondering
how the hell
will you support your unexpected
male child
as a female
and for the males,
do you worry having a female child
because as an adolescent
you was running wild
and you did every girl
foul?
Now you fear and worry
karma
will harm you daughter.

https://i1.wp.com/i.pinimg.com/736x/ec/60/18/ec6018b7e4a619f3ec82a2e1abe10d12--karma.jpg?resize=258%2C249&ssl=1

Ever worry
you will be lonely
as you get older
and years come by faster
but because of karma
body falls apart
like a burning building

https://i1.wp.com/image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/483673/483673,1328581540,1/stock-photo-burning-house-cartoon-94665172.jpg?resize=231%2C290&ssl=1

and teeth are missing

https://i0.wp.com/comps.canstockphoto.com/two-front-teeth-missing-vector-clipart_csp49873303.jpg?resize=229%2C162&ssl=1

hair is falling
and gray hair is forming
along your face

https://i0.wp.com/media.breitbart.com/media/2017/01/Barack-Obama-2008-Barack-Obama-2017-Getty-640x480.jpg?resize=331%2C248

and you worry you may
die before 60
because you wasn’t in great shape
and you stacked your dinner plate
pouring massive amount
of sauce on your steak

https://i0.wp.com/i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn18/Tolepb/DSC05322.jpg

Clocked you arteries
with grease and oil

https://i2.wp.com/positivemed.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/heart.jpg?w=809

while sipping on beer bottles.
Now caught a stroke
and a possibility you
might not make it tomorrow
and your family filled with sorrow.
Also the sorrow
will follow
those of you
that have court tomorrow
Arms is shaking like a dinner plate
in a California home
experiencing an earthquake.

https://i0.wp.com/images.clipartpanda.com/earthquake-clipart-Kcjedpjpi.gif?w=809

You hate the court dates
because it’s a possibility
you that you may never see
your family.
You’ll see I just
demonstrated the possibilities
of the foundation of anxiety.

https://i1.wp.com/www.allthingsclipart.com/09/anxiety.08.jpg?w=809

A thin line between a positive
and negative result
When you come out
below the belt
that hides
inside
your father pants , jeans,
sweat pants,trousers
to make it to see
the light of the world

https://i1.wp.com/hddfhm.com/images/light-of-the-world-clipart-3.jpg?resize=371%2C278

is a possibility
to live free with liberty
and we learn to pursue
our happiness
but what’s the possibility
of being happy
if tomorrow is not guaranteed?
In fact what’s the possibility
of this poem getting published
without any curses?

https://i0.wp.com/www.pw.org/files/pw_live_2.jpeg?w=809&ssl=1

1) Do you fear more what you  know or what you don’t know?

2) What are the possibilities of becoming a famous blogger?

3) What are the possibilities of getting married in this generation?

4) What are the possibilities of having kids before the age of 40?

5) What are the possibilities of falling in love with a blogger?

6) What are the possibilities that a woman will become president one day?

7) All the mistakes you made in the past, what are the possbililites that you will repeat those  mistakes?

8) What are the possibilities that another celebrity will die in the year 2018?

9) What are the possbililites of winning the lotto?

10) What are the possibilities of a blogger replying back saying “thank you” when you left them a comnent stating how much you appreciate their blogs?

Unanswered questions go hand and hand with possibilities. Some things are possible, Some things are impossible. We all try to live by a motto to stay out of trouble, but’ s that’s not possible. Drama, death, and taxes promised to everybody. Possbililites exist when we don’t know the outcome of a situation. A possibility is an hypothesis that we all have and we hope at the end of our science experiment that our hypothesis was correct but what is the possibility that our  hypothesis will be correct?