Have You Ever Had regrets For Giving Up On Someone Or Something?

Closet is not clean,
Skeletons are hiding
and time is a demon
like a child without discipline.
Like gasoline,
the closet is toxic
and the skeletons,
need to get rid of them.
Put them in a coffin
and finally close it.
Love and pain is blinding,
emotions leading to crying
but for different reasons.
Different like the cells
inside the semen.
Still blinded from emotions
so I don’t see men
that can provide motivation.
The ones who hearts aren’t decent
are warriors for the demons
inside my closet.
Personalities are foul
like the smell of garbage
and negative energy
travels like sewage.
Can’t have love without pain
So subconsciously
fell in love with pain
when I learned that
falling in love is painful.
It’s pitiful
being trapped in your own closet.
Remaining still, suffering
while time is moving
like a old man driving
while it’s raining.
No umbrella but withstand the rain
that make puddles
near the drain.
Thoughts run like a drug addict’s
nose from sniffing cocaine.
Mind is racing
but my body is at ease.
For so long I wanted
to seek peace.
Like a homeless man that
wants to eat,
I beg and plead
for these demons to leave me.
It’s like a submissive wife
being abused by her alcoholic husband.
She is nervous and sweating every waking moment.
She loves him but is petrified
of the horrendous beatings.
Is she in love with pain?
Does she stay with him
becuase she believes
she can’t have love without pain?
This type of thinking is insane
like a section 8.
Like a parents reacting
to their teenage daughter getting pregnant
on the first date
is the type of feeling where I can relate.
Frustration and fear is a bad combination.
A pitbull and an American bobtail in the same yard.
A mile away I can just sense the tension
and these demons are staring at me hard.
In my own backyard, I struggle with my demons.
like a man on steroids struggle to maintain an erection.
Need to elude so suicide is what I am contemplating.
An easy way out is to let my demons have the closet.
Need to end my worrying which is destroying my mind
like a earthquake to a building.
Tired of being out numbered and fighting
alone without friends and family
so I will do myself a favor and put myself
inside the coffin.

It will be at least 2 weeks (maybe even longer) before I upload my next post.

Comment below if you think this is a good poem to recite at a open mic!

Comment below if you ever gave up on something and end up regretting it!

Next post I upload will be continuation to this poem of me being in hell and having regrets of committing suicide!

God Bless You All

This Is A Cold World 

This is real
and time kills
The stress is
what I feel.
Living in a nightmare
since birth
I ask myself
“Am I cursed?”
Things just got worst
Overthink shit
becuase life is a bitch.
Walk and walk around
all over town.
Contemplating and imagining
wishing things was different
My mind and personality is insipid.
Failed to take leadership
of my priorities.
Tired of responsibilities
Time to take the easy way out.
I need a cheat code
to defeat the boss of each level.
In the mirror I see devils
whispering in my ear
telling me
“God don’t exist here”
I’m tired of working for
a boss
I want to be my own boss.
I’m lost.
Who am I kidding
I been lost,
mentally and spiritually.
Should I turn to Jack Daniels?
Devour liquor like sharks
devour people.
“All men are created equal”
This is hysterical
becuase the man that wrote this
is on Mount Rushmore.
I will never go to visit Mount Rushmore
becuase I don’t look up to slave owners.
Freedom in America is overated.
It’s hard being a man,
especially a black man,
darkskin or tan
most lack funds
to carry out the plan
to live the American dream.
I blame America
for bombing Nagasaki
and Hiroshima
Later on our sercets
we’re stolen from russia.
One day in the future
there will be another
world war.
More blood and gore
then a mortal combat
game.
Violence and pain
is more common
than peace and happiness.
Slavery existed since ancient days.
From Egyptians
to Babylonians
to Persians
to Greece
to Romans.
Picking cotton in the 1700’s
and 1800’s
Jim crow laws existed
between late 1800’s to mid 1900’s
If you think about it,
humans were easily
living past 100
back in ancient days
Humans were twice
the size back then
compared to the humans
today.
Where did black people come from?
Where did Spanish people come from?
Where did Asains come from?
If Tupac and Biggie Smalls were white
do you think their murders would still be a mystery?
Why do we have black history?
Why can’t white and black combine together
and just be history?
White and black is always a label.
I missed days when I watch Disney movies
and fairytales.
I thought happily ever afters was guaranteed.
That’s all a big dream.
The older generation think we’re lazy
That might be true maybe.
Technology makes life more complex.
Owners of businesses will work you to death.
They don’t give a fuck about you
or your kids.
They still expect you to come to work
while your sick.
In high school, kids and even teachers
prejudging you every minute
Now days beef gets personal becuase niggas will bring your kids into it.
This what happens when you mix family
and busniess.
Kids robbing and killing their parents over Jordans.
As a kid, Michael Jordan was my hero, but now to me he is a asshole.
He don’t give a fuck about the poor.
His sneakers the poor can’t afford.
Why can’t he lower the prices?
We have a president that clueless
and he don’t respect women.
A man will kill another man over a women.
A woman will be a side chick to man
and wear the title proudly
becuase of jealousy.
Humans are the crack
Humans are the cocaine
Humans are the acholic beverages
Humans are the HIV/AIDS
Humans are wicked
Guns aren’t evil,
but the person that pulls the trigger
is the real devil
A man can take your life without
pulling the trigger
by stealing your wife.
But is it really called “stealing”
If your wife is voultnerairly cheating?
Being deceiving, sending nudes
behind your back
while you break your back
providing her a lifestyle
and yet she fucking another man
with out using a Trojan or a lifestyle.
Men are just as bad and it’s sad.
A man will live a double life,
get his girl pregnant
while all along he had a wife.
Lie about his name and age
just to get pussy.
Taking advantage of a girl
that’s naive.
She gets heartbroken
when she find out the truth.
The truth hurts becuase the
facts are rude.
Imagine if you was this girl,
would you trust another
man in this world?
Life is cold,
when you gotta get an abortion
and kill a baby that you wanted
becuase you love a man
that promise you
that you are in his future plans.
Ya takes pics and you post them
On Instagram.
Brag to all your Follwers
and friends
until you get pregnant.
He telling you to get
the abortion
and he don’t
take you to clinic.
Now you tell your parents.
Mother is ashamed and disgusted
Well maybe it’s her fault
for being too strict and not understanding.
Saying No to everything is not
protecting you daughter.
It’s pushes her futher and further
away from her mother
and closer into men that are abusive
mentally or physically or both.
Video games are addictive
I remember when I was a kid
They said it poisonous to a kids mind
They say video games is a waste of time.
Parents act mature around their children
but around other adults they don’t like,
they act immature ,some act worst then
the children.
Sometimes parents can be the biggest hypocrites.
Sometimes as an adult, you can learn from children.
Sometimes we fail to protect our children
from the rapist and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach when muthafuckas say victims are the scapegoat.
Listen I don’t care how tight her dress or how short her shorts are,
nobody deserves that.
People have issues and through their anger and issues animals get abused.
Torture and slaughter of animals is evil.
Dog fighting is common and this was not God’s intention.
Wealth imbalances, Famine, Diseases, War and terrorism, Addictions, racism and unemployment
having me fearing the future
worrying I’m going to die young
or be a bum searching for crumbs
for not taking school serious.
I do take education serious
but I’m delirious
without my therapist
becuase I keep over thinking
for a hundred different reasons
and I’m addicted to over thinking.
I hate giving advice when people
ask for it because I feel like a hypocrite.
Everything in this poem I mentioned
is what I think about over and over.
One day I fear it will be my last
day
and a voice says to me
“Game over”
Beginning of November I posted
a “Meaning of Fear” post
but that wasn’t a third of what
I really fear
I don’t know what’s in my future

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Heartless and Heartbroken 


Through our actions
subconsciously choose
to be heartless or heartbroken.
Loyalty, commitment, and passion
to complete our satisfaction.
But sometimes we so desperate
we fall victims of affliction
but what was the addiction?
Was it jealousy or possession?
Possession  mistaken for power.
Most rather be leaders than followers
but does power last forever?
If it does,  what happens
when forever over?
Do broken hearts stay broken?
Or do we heal like Logan?
A straight line like
the lowercase ‘l’
is  really a lowercase ‘s’.
Every answer won’t
always be yes.
We all want go straight
but get lost along the way
by turning  right or left.
Imagine being right handed
fighting a left handed fighter
Your an quick dodger
but most of the punches still land .
Prime example of the demonstration
of the lowercase ‘l’ and ‘s’.
Bewildered head spinning right and left
Life seems like a open book quiz
but it’s a complex test
The path looks straight
but look hard enough
you find some curves
along the way.
Life don’t have a VCR
can’t rewind the tape.
Thought you could
run a mile
but your out of shape,
breathing hard after
the first lap
about to have an asthma attack
Listen to the words
I just spoken.
I just describe the feeling
of being heartbroken.
Think they love you
until they hurt you.
Is love overrated?
Is being heartless underrated?
Are we born ruthless?
Ask the master
behind the behavior
of being ruthless
as we listen
like obedient students
that dances to the devil’s music.
Sell your soul to Satan
so now the lies are blatant.
To get what I want
by any means necessary
and everybody is an adversary.
Eyes are bleary
as I’m examining my reflection.
Humans are complicated like
a c-section
and I turn aside from
the positive affections.
Went from affectionate boyfriend
to abandoning her at 8 months pregnant.
You got hurt and now you hurt back
twice as bad.
To support your infant
fucking every man in sight
for some quick cash
until you catch the monster
in which  turn you
into  a monster
in which turn you
into a hunter
and every man is a deer
you kill  by letting
them give it to you
in the rear.
Loyalty is rare
in this world
you can die anywhere
but how is that possible
if God is everywhere?
Wishing on a miracle
for being spiritual
turns you suicidal
after you have remorse
for being  homicidal.
Wishing on a miracle makes you desperate
seeking unnecessary attention
looking for affection
in the wrong places
which leads to
tears out of faces
in which you are
now invasive
so you seek revenge
with everbody
you have static
with.
Is retaliation
more potent than
forgiveness
when your heartbroken?

 

Money, Power, and Popularity 

World is corrputed 24/7
Criminals or reverends
everybody’s loyalty in question.
Money, Power, and popularity
seems to be over loyalty.
Jeasouly always more common
than loyalty
since bible days
That’s  why Abel
was murdered by cain.
Money addictive like
Cocaine.
Money combined 
with fame
turn Christian wives
promiscuous
The morals they use to
have made them oblivious.
Personalities of the
rich and poor
always a difference
No food on a
plate will make
somebody commit
a homicide.
Same person
commit a homicide
today
prayed to God yesterdsy
to be in a better place.
In society popularity
rules everything,
Overshadowing real talent
morals loyalty.
Drug lords and hustlers
pussy  is handled to them
easily
until they become state property
even if they state property
temporarily.
Always concerned
about celebrities
Tweeting on Twitter
“Free etc”
But are celebrities
saying “Free us”
when we locked up?
Most of these celebrities
don’t give a fuck
about us
it’s just us being a fan
help them to generate money
into their savings.
When we locked
people that visit us is
family.
But some of us
will turn our back on
family for a celebrity.
Some celebrities refer
to women as bitches
and they accept it.
But let your average guy
or some geek
refer to women
as bitches
now do you think
those same
women accept it?
Money, power, and
popularity makes
ignorance rule over
common courtesy.

Sex Or True Love?

Good question I thought about a while ago and I want everybody that’s reading this to think to themselves
Would you rather live the rest of your life
having sex but never find true love ever
or living the rest of your life with a soul mate that loves you and you love right back but never ever having sex again for the rest of your life?

Let’s look at the first option:

Sex is definitely a stress reliever and one of life’s greatest pleasure.
Sex is a great form of exercise.
Sex can put you in a better mood.
Sex is also needed for the growth of  the human population which is crucial if your somebody that want to be a parent.
Sex can build your confidence.
Sex without love is simple since you can have sex with different people enjoying your freedom.
A healthy sex life can make you look younger
Ture love is not always simple.
Falling in love can be expensive causing you to spend money every so often.
True love can limit your freedom and take time away from your close family and friends.
True love can make you feel sad or jealous over somebody else that’s not even a threat to your relationship
True love can cause you to overthink things in your head which can lead to arguments.
True love will limit your privacy.
True love could have you worrying over your significant other which can bring you more stress.

Let’s look at the second option

Fornication is a sin.
Sex with the wrong person could have you in child support or  deadbeat parent.
Sex is commonly confused with love and could make a situation more complicated.
Sex could lead to STD’s (even with a condom)
Sex can distract you from other responsibilities because sex (depending on the person can be addictive)
Being sexually active means that you are more vulnerable to abuse and mistreatment from your partner or from others
Sex without love could get tedious  fast
If you never have sex ever, you will always be curious to what’s it like to have sex in your mind which can make you grumpy.
Lack of sex could make you miserable so having sex can keep you well balanced
True love brings happiness and joy
True love brings comfort
True love can give you peace of mind
True love subdue boredom alot
True love without children could be the best thing because you can travel the world anytime you want and a life without children could safe you money

Love and sex have both it’s pro’s and con’s.
Think about the times you regret having sex with the wrong person or a person you wasn’t in love it and ask yourself was it worth it?
Think about how sex on a rainy day was a stress reliever and put you in a better mood the next day and how the greatest feeling is when you climax and ask yourself is it worth it?
Think about how being in love led to those late night arguments and long paragraph text messages, over thinking and having you in your emotions and we all have our bad days at work, school, or other things and love is just adding to it with the huge resonbility it comes with so ask yourself is it worth?
Think about how being in love is a wonderful feeling , like the late night walks and deep conversations. All the pictures taken on various dates, the sleep overs, cuddleing under the blankets next to somebody and learning about different things and being introduced into a new world now ask yourself is it worth it?

So another words would you rather live the rest of your life finding true everlasting love but never having sex ever?
Or would you rather have sex anywhere, anybody, anytime but never ever finding your true love and soul mate which means you die alone?

To make this choice easier think about it like this, what’s more boring a life without never experiencing  sex or life without never experiencing love?

When I ask this question to those of you reading this, look at it as if you had to make this choice by Sunday, what’s life mean to you more finding love or having sex?
So remember if you choose love over sex and you don’t have any children, then once you make this choice you can’t have children and you will live rest of your life without having any children?
Also remember if you choose sex over love, then you have the option of having children and you have the option of even being married becuase you don’t need to love to get married, but do you really wanna be married with children but you and your spouse don’t love each other?
Is that an healthy environment for the children?

A sexless marrige being horny all the time with real true  love with many things in common  and many things to talk about or a  marrige that lacks love with not much to to talk but guaranteed the best sex of your life and never leaving the house horny?

(Btw if you choose love over sex you can’t masturbate or watch point ever)
(If you choose sex over love you can’t watch any romantic movies ever and no love making just strictly great satisfying rough sex)

Also keep in mind that things that are harder to find are usually more appreciated than things you can achieve easily

I asked so many questions on here for all my fellow followers and others reading this.
If you plan to comment on this, you can just one of the questions I asked and answer the one that interest you.

Thankful for all my followers and all the likes and comments on my blogs.
I love to write poetry and talk about things people are scared to talk about.
I tend to be a deep thinker so I posts blogs expressing some of my thoughts so others can relate.
I try to relate to the people that’s why my poetry can be so relatable and I will continue to post poetry and other deep topics for all of you to read.
What I like most about having followers is that it’s an oppurnitiy for me to learn from my followers and for my followers to learn from me.
God bless you all. 

Love and Hate

Complete opposites of one another,
but yet very similar.
Co-existing forces,
that come from complex sources.
You can give ,receive, have, feel, both,
but only love is growth,
for the heart.
But yet falling in love is so goddamn hard,
with each other.
Steve Urkel and Laura(family matters).
Steve was in war and he won every battle and he finally conquered Laura,
and won her over.
It took him years to get out of the friend zone territory.
To him it’s extraordinary.
But its not that simple and  ordinary.
Most give up after one or two tries when your heart been shattered to a million pieces.
Heart gets broken on the floor, we walk away and leave it.
Quitting is easier than fixing.
Love has 2 frenemies.
Sex and money.
This is very common, very ordinary.
You don’t just love sex, you get addicted.
Let me break it down and explain it.
People confuse love with addiction.
Look them up in the dictionary, you’ll see there’s a difference
Ask yourself (for the women) is sex with the right person addictive?(especially if he hitting it right with a long dick)
Does sex make a unhealthy relationship stretch longer than its supposed to?
Or have you cheated on your s/o to get better sex from somewhere else?
Think about it to yourself and answer it?
You ever let a guy hit, and he never called you again?
You ever still let a guy that treat you like shit hit over and over again?
Just like sex, you don’t just love money, you get addicted?

(For the men)
Has a female ever persuade you to trick(and still ain’t let you hit)?
Have you ever thought to yourself the more money I spend, the more pussy I get?
Have you ever try bagging a girl when broke with no change in your pocket?
You ever had a girl only willing to have sex and suck your dick(even swallow) just when she need something( money mostly)
If females didn’t come with fame and money would you still be motivated into making money?
Hmm interesting.
Is it really love?
Give it a second thought.
While you think about that, lets talk about the worst.
Can’t have one without the other.
Since the beginning of time thru today.
Thin line between love and hate.
Love turns into hate so easily,
But when has hate turn into love?
A broken heart will make you hate falling in love
Don’t take much to hate.
God and Satan, Cain and Abel.
Not a fairy tale, not a fable.
Straight from the bible.
Thin line between love and hate but
Its a thick line between hate and love.
Hate don’t ever turn into love?
God forbid you have sex with your spouse without using a glove,
and you find out that you HIV positive.
Now would you kill your spouse?
And if you do kill your spouse, would you even attend the funeral or visit the grave or would you piss on the grave?
Most people say, I don’t hate and wish death on no one.
But trust, let hate conquer your mind and heart like a territory and try saying telling yourself” I wish death on no one”
Love and hate are parents of every emotion(jealously, happy, anger etc)

Emotions are so complicated.
They are not always demonstrated.
It’s not easy to explain it.
Like you can’t explain to someone how to fall in love.
You can only explain why its complicated.
You can’t explain how to hate someone, you can only explain what triggers the emotion hate.
Problem in life, a plate hate is commonly swallowed,
But the crumbs of love we only receive a taste.

 

addiction