The deep affection I have for hip hop. I will always love it until the beat of my heart stops, Listening to it on the beat box.
I love listening to the beat. Just the sound, I listen to right before I fall asleep. I close my eyes I feel so mesmerized. Like brown sugar in oatmeal, Hip Hop, you are so tasteful. You are my addiction. In a good way, unlike a cocaine addiction. You are healthy and lift up my spirits As I hear you and I listen, To your words. You articulate your sentences, in a powerful way to be heard. I love you like I love hip hop, And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. And I always will until the clock stops
Mind is static Like a routers IP address. A hole in my heart like a hollow in your chest. I begin to ponder death Contemplate the scenery of the after life since I have gave up on life. I tried reaching for the sky but can’t reach for something you can’t touch. Life is double dutch and the double ropes is the demons and I’m struggling to not come in contact. 20/40 vision and can’t afford contacts So as I age I became unsighted like bats for putting true love over everything. Poetry is my Vaseline to help mitigate Since the demons in my head are a pain in the ass. So used to being uncomfortable, when the mood is peaceful automatically assume I don’t deserve it’s presence like a naughty kid on Christmas. Negative is a shark that smells the blood of my positive thoughts. When it devours, light is overshadowed by the dark. I worry like a parent searching at the park for their missing child after dark. Over and over I overthink. The thoughts deeper than a stab wound from a shank. Worry like I have bills and no money in the bank. Disappointed like a husband for only shooting blanks. I’m always been ashamed of my pace in life. Just imagine racing with a tank during a drag race. Dependent like a house wife and broke like Buzz Lightyear’s arm. These negative thoughts are annoying like flies. When your broke and seek no improvement, time flies. Like a confident player’s finger wrapped around a naive girl, my mind is suffocating in this world So I over eat when I feel lonely. I masturbate when I get horny. So embarrassed, so I avoid company.
This isn’t a poem but a question that I want you to answer in the comment section?
When a woman gets pregnant, is it the woman’s choice as far as keeping the baby or wanting the abortion?
Now most say that a man shouldn’t tell a woman what to do with her body but if the woman wants an abortion but the man wants to keep the baby and the man and woman can’t agree with each other, who do you believe has the right to make the final decision, should the final decision be made from the man because he actually wants own up to his mistakes for being irresponsible and take care of his responsibility or does the woman has the final say so becuase it’s her body and no one can tell her what to do with her body?
A choice to make but time to think about it. Weighing the options , the positives and negatives. A hard choice to make, but happiness is definite Your true soul mate is promised to you after 4 years for a lifetime with 3 kids share with if you choose to practice abstinence for a quadrennial period. Guaranteed a lifetime of paradise after but the struggle to survive won’t be concise. A choice to demise your sex life, but sex is constantly on your mind. Used to getting it all the time to not getting any at all . Now life don’t feel so sweet like candy made of cotton. Sex toys and vibrators now out the closet and put it in the coffin. Vaseline and lotions now serve for only one particular purpose.(side note do you know what I mean by one particular purpose?) Compared to others now at a disadvantage like the tortoise. We all want freedom of happiness, but can you go thru hell to find it by facing every demon following satin. Every morning you see a new demon, scheming, pressuring you to have sex and how much you need it. Feels like your guardian angel is nonexistent when Satin sends his followers to pay u a morning visit. Whispering in your ear leading you to temptation. Promising you a way to escape prison remanding you being celibate is stupid telling you everybody else is doing it Guarantees you endless sex with the sexiest models and celebrities any time you want. Guarantees you massive amounts of money and gives you courage to flaunt to the public since money attracts sex. Promises you that having sex is the new level of success which gives you the respect you deserve since lack of sex damages your nerves. Telling you that how you live off of sex way before you started living by the good word. God not trying to bless you, why would he put you through a curse like this. So now ask yourself, is celibacy worth it?
Ask yourself what matters, You are your own leader. You are your own follower When you look at the mirror, you are your own competitor,
You are your greatest competition. In a world that’s non-fiction, Revamping who you are is your own mission, Just like the company you work for have their own mission statement demonstrating their values and vision.
Motivating yourself on your own. No home court advantage to cheer you on. Makes it harder to come upon. Much harder to be motivated when people aren’t around to believe in you, In reality you are more focus on your goal when people look up to you, but sometimes that puts more pressure on you.
Pressure is being serverely afraid of being a successful failure. People don’t put you through pressure, you put yourself through pressure. You make your own choices, In your head, you rely on your own head voices.
Greatest disappointment is impressing others Greatest satisfaction is impressing yourself and no other but your mother
On the planet earth, we are only visitors. But the afterlife is where we are looked upon by the only true inspector. Now that’s where you feel the pressure. You are judged on everything you done on earth, starting from birth. Once you die, no second chance, no such thing as rebirth. Your born alone and you die alone. Nobody’s knows their true permanent home. Everything you do at this moment,you are being watched by a spirit beyond way greater than a person. People don’t determine you final destination.
Closet is not clean, Skeletons are hiding and time is a demon like a child without discipline. Like gasoline, the closet is toxic and the skeletons, need to get rid of them. Put them in a coffin and finally close it. Love and pain is blinding, emotions leading to crying but for different reasons. Different like the cells inside the semen. Still blinded from emotions so I don’t see men that can provide motivation. The ones who hearts aren’t decent are warriors for the demons inside my closet. Personalities are foul like the smell of garbage and negative energy travels like sewage. Can’t have love without pain So subconsciously fell in love with pain when I learned that falling in love is painful. It’s pitiful being trapped in your own closet. Remaining still, suffering while time is moving like a old man driving while it’s raining. No umbrella but withstand the rain that make puddles near the drain. Thoughts run like a drug addict’s nose from sniffing cocaine. Mind is racing but my body is at ease. For so long I wanted to seek peace. Like a homeless man that wants to eat, I beg and plead for these demons to leave me. It’s like a submissive wife being abused by her alcoholic husband. She is nervous and sweating every waking moment. She loves him but is petrified of the horrendous beatings. Is she in love with pain? Does she stay with him becuase she believes she can’t have love without pain? This type of thinking is insane like a section 8. Like a parents reacting to their teenage daughter getting pregnant on the first date is the type of feeling where I can relate. Frustration and fear is a bad combination. A pitbull and an American bobtail in the same yard. A mile away I can just sense the tension and these demons are staring at me hard. In my own backyard, I struggle with my demons. like a man on steroids struggle to maintain an erection. Need to elude so suicide is what I am contemplating. An easy way out is to let my demons have the closet. Need to end my worrying which is destroying my mind like a earthquake to a building. Tired of being out numbered and fighting alone without friends and family so I will do myself a favor and put myself inside the coffin.
It will be at least 2 weeks (maybe even longer) before I upload my next post.
Comment below if you think this is a good poem to recite at a open mic!
Comment below if you ever gave up on something and end up regretting it!
Next post I upload will be continuation to this poem of me being in hell and having regrets of committing suicide!
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