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Would a 14 year old be proud of what I’ve become?

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Would a 14 year old be proud of what I’ve become?

When I read this question, I thought to myself this might be deepest.

My life I do take extremely serious, but why do I move so careless?

For years, I’ve tried so hard to be fearless

but I’m just a scared little boy mentally with a bad porn addiction.

What is living the dream?

Is it doing what you love, or is it about the money?

Does life flow smooth like milk and honey

in the promise land

or is life collapsing like the holy temple in 70 A.D.?

I’ve yet to figure out my real feelings

What do people think when they recongize my true identity?

I have lots of battles I have to fight and I’m running out of soldiers.

Lack of preparation increases the pressure.

I wake up sometimes and my heart beat fast.

Worry from the future and worry from the past.

I wonder how long this anxiety disorder will last.

Do you know what it feels like to wake up nervous because knowing ahead of time you are going to have a hard day?

You physically living safe in life, but your brain is 100 grand in an apartment without a safe.

Mentally sometimes my thought process is unsafe.

My long term memory is 200 GB, and its 170 GB full.

Almost 30 and I tell you, when I was 14, I didn’t vision this.

I didn’t vision still living with my father.

I didn’t vision barely making minimum wage.

I didn’t vision life getting harder, I thought life would of got easier since I didn’t care for childhood.

Now damn near almost 30, I have accomplishments, but to be honest, I feel like it’s not enough.

I’m tired of working for a boss.

I’m tired of dreaming.

I’m tired of sexual intercourse due to my porn addiction.

I’m tired of studying.

I’m tired of trying to advance in my career.

No matter how many times I make an effort to succeed, I get nowhere.

Life is too fast paced.

I feel like a 4th grader stuck on 1st grade reading level.

It’s like I’m close to the pot of gold behind the door

but I don’t have an access code.

No matter how many times I have tried to find a way to be happy, access is denied.

Will a million dollars make me erase all the pain or would I still find reasons to be miserable?

I won’t blame everything on my childhood, but I wonder if I grew up in a different family, different home, would I be in a much better place or is misery is where I forever belong.

It took me almost 30 years that I have a huge anxiety disorder.

I wish I had good things to say, but I be lying to every 14 year old.

So to every 14 year old that’s reading this, I speak advice into your souls.

Life is cold, but please if you not happy living at home or doing what you love for a living 10 years later,

It will put a pile of bricks on your shoulder that will slow you done making you feel like 65 when your only 25.

You don’t have to believe me, I’m the living testimony.

I one thing I do have good going that I’m proud of is my poetry.

I love to write and I believe I’m good at it.

I wish there was a way I could make a living off of it.

So to every 14 year old reading this, take my advice and don’t follow my footsteps.

Is My Life Making a Turning Point?

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Harbor the strain

Ignore the pain

days are swallowed

like kids slurping spaghetti.

Never ready, but attack

life like Jason with a machete.

Life and death is every day

like a criminal in a locked cage.

Need space, but want comfort.

Despise the race, why didn’t she abort?

Lack faith, and the fight been fought.

I am  mentally a worn out,

for retaining everything I’ve been taught.

Forced myself to find a reason to be satisfied

like trying to make excuses for a sexless marriage.

Hide emotions and reasons

by running away like inexperienced men

making excuses for the lack of an erection.

I wish faith was a bottle of cialis

that I can devour once a day

to be excited for my future accomplishments.

My mind never sleeps, its been awake  for 10767.5 days.

To be man enough to admit that you have a attraction

is hard

and to not act upon it is even harder.

What you are attracted to does not always benefit you.

A long walk will always provide an answer,

since air is an provider.

Silence is the answer, so have more faith

by listening to what flows between your ears.

A conscious is our father in shrunk size

drawing the blueprint to open the eye

to see the joy in life.

 

 

 

 

 

The Heart Can Change Temperature

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Should I compare you to a winter night?

Jet black is the color of your heart 

and temperature is of ice.

Sweet side is a dormant like bats in the day time. 

Anger is active like the mind of Jesus Christ, in 1st century’s time.

Was once sweet like brown sugar, I lost belief in my taste receptor.

Though vinegar is salubrious for the skin of your face,

the quality of your personality is no longer invigorating,

like leftovers in the fridge for days. 

The morning mist is your innocence fading.

So much more brutal than a winter evening.

Russia is no longer in competition with your heart.

Hardened like the pharaoh, can’t tell you and the serpent apart. 

Stab my flesh with something sharp like claws of wolverine. 

My belief towards you is of shark meat. 

Positive thoughts  devoured, cleansed away like germs in the shower. 

 

A Deep Conversation With Myself

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You told me write a love poem?

My self expression of love in a poem

I don’t love myself, loving myself is wrong.

I hate myself, and I been good at it for so long.

How can living in fear be so wrong

when it happens and appears so easily?

Misery is greedy and it hogs me

and don’t want to share my 200 pound body

with anybody that appears lovely and spiritually.

How can you tell me to write about something

that I can’t define my myself?

How can you tell me to write about something

that I can’t find myself?

I never heard of Jesus, but the devil strikes me below the belt.

That’s the pain that surronds my brain.

They say no pain no gain, well I feel the pain without the gain.

Why love myself if I have you to do it for me?

Why do you need to understand why I hate myself? I love to be lonely so I don’t need your company.

Fuck being love and spiritual, Fuck being romantic and hopeful, I only write poems

that are dark and painful.

Fuck being loved, I rather be feared.

Fear overrides love anytime anywhere.

The fear in me rises and the demons in me are hiding.

I am tired of disguising

Kindess is overrated, kindess made me desperate.

But I thank those that took adavtange of me,

becuase anger is my greastest weapon.

Well tell me this, if Jesus is the way

Why do more people go to hell than heaven?

What are the best types of poems to read?

1)dark/painful

2)hopeful/inspiring

3)Spiritual/Religious

4)Love/Romantic

My favorite poems to read and write are dark/painful,hopeful/inspiring,Spiritual/religious, then love/romance in that order

For those of you that like poetry, comment below and tell me what is your favorite type of poetry you enjoy reading and who is your favorite poet and why?

Should men always pay for the first date? What is the appropriate budget for the first date?

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Please go to my Podcast and listen to my episode on “Should men always pay for the first date, and what’s the appropriate budget for the first date. The episode is about 20 minutes long.

After you listen to my podcast, leave a comment and give your thoughts on if you believe a man always pay for the first regardless of who initiated the date, what’s the appropriate budget, and are coffee dates good first dates or is coffee dates lame!

Do women prefer nice guys or assholes?

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Image result for picture of nice guys vs assholes

As a man, have you wondered what goes through a women’s mind when she get approached in public by men?

As a man have you ever wondered if women prefer to have a nice boyfriend or a boyfriend that’s an asshole?

As a man, have you wondered why you constantly get curved or put in the friend zone?

As a man, do you feel like being nice is overrated and women are only attracted to assholes?

What women really want?

Now I can’t give you a straight forward answer regarding if women prefer nice guys or assholes because not all women are the exactly same even though most women have similar wants and needs when it comes to dating. But there are pros and cons to being a nice guy and asshole and I will list a few.

Pros of being a nice guy

  1. Nice guys are always available.
  2. Nice guys are good communicators.
  3. Nice guys are always there to listen when you are depressed and need to get something off your shoulders.
  4. Nice guys will make scarifies and won’t make excuses and will always put his lady first.
  5. Nice guys are always on time.
  6. Nice guys don’t expect anything from a woman except for her to be herself around him

Cons of being a nice guy

  1. Nice guys lack confidence
  2. Nice guys are afraid to speak up when they don’t agree with something so they may lack the ability to protect a woman from harm
  3. Nice guys are sometimes boring because they may always allow the girl to take the lead instead of taking charge.
  4. Nice guys are too available
  5. Nice guys are probably too straight forward and don’t know how to flirt.
  6. Nice guys take too long to make a move or express their feelings.
  7. Since a nice guy lack the characteristic of being in charge, most women will think the ice guy is boring in the bedroom.
  8. Nice guys sometimes are sneaky and aren’t faithful.

Pros of being an asshole

  1. Assholes are more confident compared to the nice guy and women love confidence
  2. Assholes are men that can be fixed and women feel like they can change this type of man because assholes are more challenging and women love challenges.
  3. Assholes are not always available and tend to be available on his own time in which makes him unpredictable and woman love men that are unpredictable.
  4. Assholes are an addiction and this is why women want to be around them more
  5. Assholes are annoying in a good way and know how to make women laugh
  6. Assholes sometimes are nice guys on the inside behind close doors when a woman takes the time to get to know him.
  7. Assholes are dominant and decisive and have a lot leader qualities in which make women more attractive to the asshole.

Cons of being asshole

  1. Assholes can be too arrogant in which could turn most women off
  2. Assholes are good for canceling plans with their significant other last minute to hang out with their boys.
  3. Assholes are very insecure because their past has taught them that being too passive and letting other people take advantage of their kindness and letting people steal the spotlight from them, makes them jealous so they always have to be center of the attention.
  4. Asshole have too much pride and don’t know how to apologize or admit when their wrong.
  5. Assholes are only a phase in the beginning. Overall women do get tired with them overtime and learn to appreciate the nice guy.
  6. Assholes do not take their significant other feelings in consideration whatsoever.

What’s my input

Now I can’t give you a straight forward answer because every women thinks and behave differently, but I can only tell you my point of view from my experience. To be honest, I don’t really like hearing the question “Why women prefer assholes over nice guys” because nice guys are not perfect. Nice guys think that being nice is enough to get a girl to catch feelings for him. I meet nice people all the the time and just because someone is nice to me doesn’t automatically assume that I want to invite that person over my house, or hang out with that person. Nice guys have a hard time accepting rejection. Rejection is promised to everybody and rejection is how we learn from our mistakes in order to move forward in life. The main problem with nice guys is that they are trying too hard to make an impression by being extra nice. This leads to unsuccessful results for two reason. When your too nice, most women will take advantage of you and will only be around your presence for financial support and emotional support, or some women will just keep it moving and move on and not waste her time with a nice guy at all so she won’t lead him on. Nice guys are always confused because the nicer they are, the harder it is for someone to tell them the truth because we believe nice people are too sensitive and can’t handle the truth. This is partly the reason why nice guys get a lot of mixed signals.

The assholes are a bit more complicated. Assholes confuse women since they tend to be unpredictable. Women want men that are dominant, decisive, confident, and know how to take charge. Assholes don’t seek validation on rather or not if the girl they are pursuing is interested in them because they know they can get any girl at any given time. Assholes know how to make a good time out of anything. Assholes know how to keep the conversation interesting. Assholes tend to be more experienced with women. Assholes actually tend to be goodhearted and sensitive people behind close doors when you take the time to get know them. But at the same time, assholes are only a phase because assholes are very insecure people when you get to know them. Assholes can be very impolite. Assholes are not capable of making the sacrifices and effort to be committed to a relationship. Overall an asshole make his girlfriend feel lonely because he tend to neglect her needs and not care about what’s on her mind. So overall an asshole can actually make a woman appreciate a nice man so much more since assholes tend to be toxic men.

So overall there are pros and cons to being a nice guy and a asshole. Nice men need to understand that being nice is not enough for a woman to catch for feelings. Nice guy need to know that when they are pursuing women, they need to focus on what they like, don’t like and speak up when they don’t agree with something. Don’t worry about making mistakes and if you want it impress any woman, just be yourself by focusing and demonstrating your positive characteristics towards the woman you are pursuing. Stop worrying about why women prefer assholes. If a woman is not interested in who you are as a person and rather be with somebody else, than that’s her problem. For assholes, remember that your personality can make some women interested being around, but it takes effort and scarifies to keep her around and don’t forget that. It’s okay to be dominant and in control because I get it, you don’t want to seem like a pushover, but remember to be respectful always and respect come first always. Stop letting your pride get in the way because a lot you assholes are so concerned about impressing your friends by being a asshole to your girl because you care more about what your friends think than what you or your girlfriend thinks. If you keep treating your girl like a second option, she will eventually leave you for somebody else that will treat her like a priority and you’ll never see it coming. Once she leaves, it will be too late to get her back(in most cases) and your friends will not give you the support that you need.

Image result for Nice guys over assholes art

Discussion Questions

  1. The meme I posted above, do you agree with this?
  2. Is there anything in this post that you disagree with?
  3. I talked about nice men and asshole men, would you like me to do a follow up and take about nice women and asshole women?
  4. Do you believe that women wanting an asshole is only a phase or do you think that women will always prefer the asshole over the nice guy?
  5. Do you think there is any situations where nice guy finish first?

Is it healthy to have a close friend as a Ex?

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This post is a very short post.

 

Now before I get into today’s topic, I saw  good question on twitter. The question was “Ladies, if a dude had flowers sitting in the car for you on the first date. Would y’all say he’s doing too much?” Me personally as a man, I think flowers is not a terrible thing but I would wait until the third or fourth date. But for the women reading this question, comment below and tell what you think about this!

 

Now please read my last post What will My future Blogs Will Be About?. 

Now is it healthy to have a Ex as a close friend? 

 

Unless you have a child with your ex, I don’t see an good reason why a person would communicate with their Ex. I believe if somebody is still in contact with their ex, then they probably stilling fucking.

The top three reasons why I believe people still keep in contact : 

  1. They still love you
  2. You still love them
  3. You’re lonely

 

Just a few questions for you to think about!

  1. If you just got in a new relationship and your new partner is close friends with their ex, how would you feel?
  2. If your current partner was invited to dinner by their ex, and your current partner was willing to go to dinner with their ex, how would you respond?
  3. Have you ever kept in contact with your ex, while dating somebody new and did the current partner know that you was still in contact with your ex?
  4.  Is it possible to have a successful relationship with your new partner, if you just broke up with your ex?
  5. Besides the three reasons I listed above, why do you think people still keep in contact with their ex?
  6. What if you was friends with your ex first before ya got together, now after ya realized a relationship between ya isn’t the best option and ya just rather remain friends, would you expect your new partner to accept the fact that you are friends with your ex?

 

Pick at least 2 out of the six questions and comment below and if you have any questions, feel free to comment!

 

Also come and listen to my podcast “Spoken Word“.

 

What will My future Blogs Will Be About?

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Questions On Dating/Relationships/Marriages

 

I was on Youtube and I recently discovered this channel in which a group of young people express their opinions on questions about relationships, dating, marriage, sex and among other things. Some of these questions definitely caught my attention and I believe these type of questions are things that should be discussed with your peers.   The name of the channel I’m talking about is “Krew Season“. So if you are curious about this Youtube channel , just go to Youtube now and type in Krew Season.

So for my next five topics, I will be blogging about these five topics listed below:

 

 

  1. Is it healthy to have your Ex as a close friend?
  2. Do women prefer nice guys or assholes?
  3. Are men obligated to pay on the first date?
  4. Top 5 lies Women tell?
  5. Top 5 lies Men tell?

 

If if you get a chance, you should check out their youtube channel because they have a lot of interesting discussions that I believe most of us would be  interested in .

Are We Meant To Be Happy?

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Why does a heart so warm
can have such a guilty conscience?
Why does the negative
have to outweigh the positive?
Why does the potential
have to become wasted talent?
Why do good people
choose to be dishonest?
Why is it so hard to use logic?
Why can’t we control our emotions?
Why do we achieve accomplishment
after accomplishment
but still feel worthless?
Why do hearts get broken
when we are the ones
that made sacrifices?
Why do we learn the real lesson
after rejection?
Why do a honest mistake need
lots of criticizing?
Why is the demons existing
when we are on our knees
praying?
Why is it when we die,
we take our secrets
instead of exposing it?
Why do employees
provide rude customer service?
Why does a spouse have to go
through a sexless marriage?
Why does masturbation
have to be so addictive?
Why is motivation and subscription
a 1 week vacation and misery is a
lifetime subscription?
Why can’t relatives
we barely hear from
mind their business?
Why is it when we post a blog,
we can’t get comments?
Why nice men don’t get appreciated
by women?
Why do men fail to protect women by becoming abusive?
Why do we still have sex unprotected
when there are so many diseases?
Why is it when we become teenagers, we
argue with our parents?
Why is it so hard to get the book
that we spent sleepless nights writing
about so hard to get published?
Why do people that quit everything get criticized when quitting is simplistic?
Why is it so hard to take your own advice
but we expect others to listen?
Why is it so hard to follow our passion?
Why is it so hard to be dedicated?
Why are we still having children, when earth is becoming more overpopulated?
Why are so many entry level jobs require years of experience?
Biggest question of all,
Why did Adam and Eve choose to disobey God and listen to the serpeant?
Why are we meant to be happy after reading all of these questions?

If heaven was guaranteed this minute, would you still think life is worth living?