A Deep Conversation With Myself

You told me write a love poem?

My self expression of love in a poem

I don’t love myself, loving myself is wrong.

I hate myself, and I been good at it for so long.

How can living in fear be so wrong

when it happens and appears so easily?

Misery is greedy and it hogs me

and don’t want to share my 200 pound body

with anybody that appears lovely and spiritually.

How can you tell me to write about something

that I can’t define my myself?

How can you tell me to write about something

that I can’t find myself?

I never heard of Jesus, but the devil strikes me below the belt.

That’s the pain that surronds my brain.

They say no pain no gain, well I feel the pain without the gain.

Why love myself if I have you to do it for me?

Why do you need to understand why I hate myself? I love to be lonely so I don’t need your company.

Fuck being love and spiritual, Fuck being romantic and hopeful, I only write poems

that are dark and painful.

Fuck being loved, I rather be feared.

Fear overrides love anytime anywhere.

The fear in me rises and the demons in me are hiding.

I am tired of disguising

Kindess is overrated, kindess made me desperate.

But I thank those that took adavtange of me,

becuase anger is my greastest weapon.

Well tell me this, if Jesus is the way

Why do more people go to hell than heaven?

What are the best types of poems to read?

1)dark/painful

2)hopeful/inspiring

3)Spiritual/Religious

4)Love/Romantic

My favorite poems to read and write are dark/painful,hopeful/inspiring,Spiritual/religious, then love/romance in that order

For those of you that like poetry, comment below and tell me what is your favorite type of poetry you enjoy reading and who is your favorite poet and why?

Are We Meant To Be Happy?

Why does a heart so warm
can have such a guilty conscience?
Why does the negative
have to outweigh the positive?
Why does the potential
have to become wasted talent?
Why do good people
choose to be dishonest?
Why is it so hard to use logic?
Why can’t we control our emotions?
Why do we achieve accomplishment
after accomplishment
but still feel worthless?
Why do hearts get broken
when we are the ones
that made sacrifices?
Why do we learn the real lesson
after rejection?
Why do a honest mistake need
lots of criticizing?
Why is the demons existing
when we are on our knees
praying?
Why is it when we die,
we take our secrets
instead of exposing it?
Why do employees
provide rude customer service?
Why does a spouse have to go
through a sexless marriage?
Why does masturbation
have to be so addictive?
Why is motivation and subscription
a 1 week vacation and misery is a
lifetime subscription?
Why can’t relatives
we barely hear from
mind their business?
Why is it when we post a blog,
we can’t get comments?
Why nice men don’t get appreciated
by women?
Why do men fail to protect women by becoming abusive?
Why do we still have sex unprotected
when there are so many diseases?
Why is it when we become teenagers, we
argue with our parents?
Why is it so hard to get the book
that we spent sleepless nights writing
about so hard to get published?
Why do people that quit everything get criticized when quitting is simplistic?
Why is it so hard to take your own advice
but we expect others to listen?
Why is it so hard to follow our passion?
Why is it so hard to be dedicated?
Why are we still having children, when earth is becoming more overpopulated?
Why are so many entry level jobs require years of experience?
Biggest question of all,
Why did Adam and Eve choose to disobey God and listen to the serpeant?
Why are we meant to be happy after reading all of these questions?

If heaven was guaranteed this minute, would you still think life is worth living?

Please God

The side where light is absent.
The first demon of lust is present.
The second is hidden
like materialistic items inside
a box.
This demon is hidden like secrets
and clever like a fox.
A poison that can dismantle a focus
that’s meant for greatness.
Precious like Eve’s nakedness,
lose its value
like Adam’s place in the Garden of Eden.
Lust will place me in conflict
like R kelly in 96.
I’m on the downlow and no I’m
not homosexual.
I have a secret, that one day I will
open up to the world and expose it.
My mind is an overloaded circuit.
My choices is why my life
is like a circus.
My circuit breaker is tripping
like a clumsy kid with untied shoelaces.
My world is darkness with no emotions.
A heart of stone, like corrupted politicians
that abuse power and criticize those in poverty.
Lost like odyessus in the Odyssey.
Finding my way home damn near
almost an imaginary
This is year 2 of a 20 year journey.
A punishment that has my world blindness.
Fires, cannibal giants, seductive women, hinder
my path to reach heaven.
Why is life defined like learning lessons
in physics?
All I ask for is to reach home in peacefulness.
I just want skip life like an intelligent child
skipping 1st grade,
and make it to heaven.
God, if you can hear me, can you please, I’m not asking to be rich, or for a big house.
Can you please destroy the two demons
because they block the path of me
from achieving greatness.
I do not want to burn in hell with Satan.

Back To College After 4 Years Off

It’s been a long time
and feel like I’m behind.
Move forward in life
can’t look behind
Discipline in my bones
and I have to get
back in my zone.
Harder than stone
instructions aren’t
always clear.
Danger of failure
is what I fear.
Interaction of
others
I watch
from a distance
since I’m a loner.
Technology makes
classes much faster.
I’m just trying
to keep up with
the pace
while I have
a blank stare on
my face.
I can’t let this
go to waste.
My past I ran
away
So I hope
for God’s sake
I can move
along a smooth pace.
Gotta get back in line
and keep my head straight.
It’s like I’m going to war
and I need to be strategic
for reading comprehension
or arithmetic.
Nervousness is in
my genetics.
People may think
I’m pathetic.
But I’m learning
to be apathic.
Learned lessons for
being sympathetic.
Left me in a panic
like I’m diabetic.
I need to be energetic
So I search for
my motivation
to be my new replacement .
My brain is a messy room
that’s need straightening.
I drink milk to strengthen
my bones.
I walk on campus
and say to myself
“Welcome Home”

Poetry Freestyle

This is not a test, it’s complexity

Imagine closely, hear this slowly

I write poems, that leave minds numb.

These words stick, in heads like gum.

I’m the true poet author, as I age

my mind is sharper, like gillette

blue razors. I respect my elders,

of both genders, since my heart is tender.

So I’m humble with my endeavors.

Smart, but never clever.

My love is pure, I’m a savior.

The mechanism of me as a writer,

is similar, to the Manhattan Project.

Ready to explode like nuclear weapons,

but keep my composure

by thanking Jesus for helping me discover,

my true nature of unique metaphors.

The immortality of my poetry,

heals the sickly mentally.

Bitter without discipline, put limits

to positive emotions.

Angriness, lead to mistakes because of hastiness.

The measure of toture takes place

when the truth is not heard, but viewed.

Hatred of the truth, is a marathon and your endurance doesn’t improve.

What ripens is your skin, becoming thick

like smoke, from memorial day barbecues.

Feelings are intangible like souls, emotions are buried like gold.

Forced smiles stretch like rubberbands, snaps your heart, when the body gets old.

Poetry don’t dissemble what’s real, life is ungentle, crime is intentional, the blueprint,

of success is confidential, alot of lives are accidental, the outcome is unpredictable, when sins vicious like pitbulls.

There’s no sequal, souls will burn beneath you.

No crossing guard whistle to guide you, the road’s narrow with a beautiful view.

Be lead by the archangel, carrying souls above you.

The Devil(Part 2)

Please read The Devil(Part 1) first before this.

 

Nobody hides pain better than

a man

that’s trying to do right.

Now, here I am

indirectly explaining

the pain

that harasses me

mentally and spiritually

which causes me

to overeat everything

that’s unhealthy.

When people read my dark

poetry

they usually ask

“What’s bothering you?”

I reply nothing.

I wish that was the truth

but the more I do right,

the more I lie.

The more I try to be outgoing,

the more I hide.

I fear what I don’t understand.

Why is so hard being a man?

Being a child was hard,

so being an adult in today’s generation

is mission impossible.

Is psychological integration

possible?

I found millions of demons

in my body

but I can’t personify them.

They have me condemned

to a life sentence of imprisonment.

Trying to remain strong

but my patience wearing weak.

The evil possessed in me

is unique.

What I learned is what feels like heaven

is really defined as demon.

It uses pretty looks as a form of sedation.

The fallen angels placed me on suicide watch.

They forcing me to stay alive which forces

my confidence to drop.

Is it better to rest in peace or to be alive being agonized?

I’ve heard that emotions are incredible gifts

that we have to let us know

what we are thinking.

So is this true for all the inmates serving a life sentence?

What is incredible about emotions?

What is a gift?

A present, a materialistic item inside a gifted wrapped box where an emotion hides.

But emotions don’t have an return policy.

This is a complex process and I don’t have the skill to deal with negative feelings.

Why do I feel so negative about today’s generation?

Vaginas stretching wide open easier to access.

Marriage became harder to request.

This is today’s world and we have no choice but to accept

thanks to the precious gift of an emotion.

The pleasure of something becomes so much of an addiction,

it’s blinds the morals of the righteous,

and the pleasure of doing something negative,

like smoking, drinking, gambling, sex, robbing, is the god we worship

but this is just finding happiness in wrong places.

When we listen to our emotions, we won’t always make the right choices.

We listen to those voices.

The voice that speaks in your mind to play a hoax on you

so you don’t use logic.

A temporary fix can lead to a lifetime of guilt and this kills

like weed killer in a vegetable garden.

As life on earth ages, it as well hardens the lives of humans.

Technology, Music, Television, is different in each generation.

Is change always a good thing?

When a change in your life occur

is that God’s blessing

or did the devil grabbed your face and took a swing?

I am a man in the clouds of heaven trying to fly with one broken wing.

Man I wish everything written in this poem was a dream.

The Devil(Part 1)

The devil is a preacher
The devil is a prophet
The devil is a teacher
So what does this mean?
It means that the devil
use disguises.
Why is evil in a disguise?
Deceit is more astonishing
than any magic trick.
Its extremely secretive
like Alex Mack power.
Can slide under locked doors
at any given hour.
The devil time is coming to an end,
so life for the millennials is getting harder.
My struggle is against the spiritual forces of evil.
When I solve a problem, it’s always a sequel.
Many many more issues and I’m only human.
So sometimes I think about God’s victory
over Satan and believe the light is overrated.
Life, I’ve been hate it because of Satan.
Demons were once angels, so kindness is always overrated.
Nobody is safe in this world, safety is overrated.
The technique to solve problems aren’t demonstrated
until you fail the life lesson.
This is why I believe college is bullshit.
Student loans and tuition balance are expensive charges
and make stress charge at you mentally like a bull.
The curriculum for majority of the courses is full of shit
because after graduation just empty pockets while receiving minimum wage payments.
It’s a tease and confusing like your best friend of the opposite sex giving mix signals.
Sometimes I wish life was simple like making a wish before blowing birthday candles.
I wish miracles were automatic deposits in your life like directed deposit in a checking account.
Days, hours, minutes, even seconds I count.
I count since I am closer to death, I can almost taste her.
She is brutal like the winter in 2015 in NYC.
I define her characteristic as being petty for holding grudges against me.
She celebrates my misery, blocking me from accomplishing my journey.
The nickname I gave her was Poseidon because I feel like Odyessus in Odyssey.
She stalks me so I wonder if death has schizophrenia.
Should I have mercy due the disorder?
I mean, she turn 151, 600 bodies cold a day of all ages.
That’s 105 people a minute, so that everybody from people locked in cages, millionaires in mansions, homeless on the streets starving, babies in garbages, innocent victims during school shoots.
This 105 excludes the abortions that didn’t need coffins.
But what scares me is the 250 births a minute because think about it,
how many of these babies will be possessed by demons?
How many of these babies are will burn in hell with Satan?
Now people always say stop being so negative
and you should always think positive.
Well in Matthew 7:13 – 14, it says “Enter by the narrow gate.
For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find are few.”
So now after reading this bible scripture, is this a positive or negative?
So after reading this, I believe hard work doesn’t pay off, it’s really about the connections.
Think about it like this.
Christmas lights, electricity, technology, or with anything equipment with a plug don’t work
unless you connect it to a outlet.
So in order to see the light, it’s not about hard work, it’s about connections.
Let’s be honest, when we think of the ‘light’ most of us Christians think of Jesus.
Jesus is who we worship.
The spirit of Jesus is used by many for a selfish benefit.
We follow the laws of the bible and do right by God until money involved.
Money is why we cheat, money is why we lie.
Love of Money is the root of all evil, so money is a curse in disguise.
Corruption reaches its peak when the price of selling your soul began to rise.
Rich is greedy for seeking attention of wealth
but the poor is cold hearted looking to empty your pockets.

 

After reading this, do you think the devil’s power is underestimated?

I Am Nothing

Won’t lie

Wish I could sleep

My life away

until I die.

Being stuck in a world of confusion,

make me have hallucinations.

Creating a happiness that doesn’t exist,

this is how I give a sight of bliss.

This is another way of me running from

the past instead of facing it.

I refuse to accept myself and my life the way it is

so bizarre imaginations is a demonstration of what I have been missing.

Everyday I pray to God to release me from the is prison called Earth and take me to heaven.

I have dreams of perfections

and every morning, I wake up to nightmares of destruction.

My brain is like the apocalyptic skies,

the location of the afterlife, the fire rise.

The torture in my brain is underrated, but to loved ones, that view of me is not too blatant.

They believe in greatness, but I know my soul

is too corrupted, covered with dark stains like a smokers lung.

Feel like I’m on crutches, but I’m still young.

My soul need to catch some rays, to paint over the ways of darkness on my frame.

A description of life for me is trying to lift myself to heaven with drug money.

I want the fast and easy way out since the fallen angels committed a robbery.

I was disarmed, and my only peace was my Beretta

ready to shoot.

I am nothing like Peter when Ironman took his suit.

Life Is Hard

Life in split second decisions.

A division of situations.

Life is not a broken toy

so never a replacement.

It’s only one shot, and we have

to take it.

We either aim and hit the target

or miss by a long shot.

A miss shot can kill us when

life shoots back.

Blood leaks from a wound

that defines mistakes and excuses.

It’s always easier said than done.

Dreams don’t lie, it can reveal a ton.

I made a mistake or did I?

I am more miserable or am I?

I believe in myself, or do I?

How to realize when you are control in your life?

A dream is a secret wish in a disguise.

Do you ever wish a dream can last forever

when real life feels like it got much colder?

Logic and emotions are like cats and dogs.

Mixed emotions is the fog that make it difficult to view.

A dream was a preview of tomorrow’s news.

A message of hidden clues, to tell you what to do.

We try our best, but fear doesn’t take a rest.

It disturbs someone’s rest as a distraction to steal peace.

Little by little, it takes a piece of your peace

until you got robbed of everything

that gave you peace

so now you become desperate just for a moment of peace,

it turns you into a selfish being.

Drugs and alcohol all of a sudden

becomes a great reason

to subdue the overthinking.

But yet it’s still a lose lose situation

because somebody’s heart could get broken

for the time wasting.

Unpurposely you are guilty until you don’t know who you are anymore and this feeling hurts.

Raised well but yet, felt like you committed every crime that exist, and yet you have a clean record.

True Meaning Of Popularity

Popularity is potent,
but commonly identifies 
itself as a form of poison.
Angel with wings on the surface,
but deep within, the angel transforms
to a demon.
Popularity gives off a vibe
like its Christmas morning,
but stay long enough 
and you see pitch forks 
like its a Halloween evening.
Good looks are deceiving 
and fade away 
like the sun in the evening.
Even though popularity 
feels like a nice warm welcome
like birthday hugs,
As it’s time ages, 
you realize the moments were wasted,
trying to fit in
like an over weight grown women
squeezing into her prom dress
to look exquisite for her high school reunion.
Problem we can’t seem to solve
is that inner beauty is within 
the soul of a human.
Lucifer was beautiful
like a wedding dress 
but the person in it was Dennis Rodman.
Popularity is pleasing from a distance
but up close and person,
hideous like restroom toilets
without flushing.
When perfection is the goal,
when you kick, you will miss
every time.
Picture it like this;
popularity is a huge  bicep.
The main attraction, the main focus,
but your true character is your legs,
which gets neglected, since women
only focus on the top half of your body.
We will do anything for compliments and attention honestly
to the point we lose our integrity,
taking credit for accomplishments
that we didn’t accomplish.
We love others reactions more than our own decisions.
No gun pointed to our heads to make a forced decision, we just addicted to somebody’s reaction.
So basically, we have bear arms and chicken legs.
This means we search for power in the wrong place
because power really comes from your legs.
We realize this too late and now we can’t bare to stare at our arms.
The right to bear arms, work against us and do self harm
with our own arms.
Lethal affliction is hidden within, but eventually comes out when the lungs fail to bring oxygen.