A New Man

A new lifestyle I must adjust to.
With very few to talk to
There was something I had to do.
I made a change for the better or at least I thought so.
Not much of a difference in my presence,
but at least I  learned my lessons.
The result wasn’t what I thought so.
Like quicksand, my life is sinking below.
My heart is happy but my mind worn out.
My heart is friendly but my mind is full of doubt.
In between confident and unconfident.
I made a decision and to myself I’m being honest
but to others I  am still being dishonest.
Swear life moves faster than sonic
because time is running out.
As time moves faster I am a poor farmer going through  a drought .
Lacking funds in my bank account makes the thoughts on my brain becomes loud.
So much I want to accomplish but what’s holding me back.
I don’t smoke crack and I’m not afraid to be black
but why does it feel like I am stuck in a trap?
My peers run past me on the track more than twice I have been lapped.
Be like a Malcom X who was brave but I  have the mentality of a slave.
Feel like others are robots  flying in space and here I am living in a cave.
Why am I so afraid?
My life is precipitation coming from the sky and I just watch it go down the drain in shame.
Thirty years ago and older at my age people my age were having babies.
Have been concerned for my future lately.
At my age I pray for my safety  and for that I am grateful
but I thought I would of been further so I am becoming hateful.
I lift weights and run to subdue my hate but it might be too late.
Like a violent inmate being stuck inside makes me more  to retaliate.
I am turtle trying to escape the darkness
So I hide in my shell but I  am still surrounded by darkness.
My feelings still trying to get in touch and acknowledge.
Prayed to God I don’t see myself falling as I look up to the sky.
Maybe this explains all the years I have been really really shy.
Learned not to follow others lead or let others follow mine.
Jealously is more common than loyalty most don’t want to see you shine.
I now see  rebuilding myself to get destroyed but ironically  the negativity I still choose to avoid.
There is still a little hope so no I won’t sell dope.
Life right now is stressful as I look at myself in the rest room.
Too much to multitask, so much to do.
But I will let angels guide me because I do have a plan to become a new man.
Maybe right this is just a tough battle and I will win the war.
Now I’m weak like cattle but I will have the strength of a boar.

How I View Life To Survive

My charisma contagious
Smile is priceless
but my soul is spacious
and refuse to sell it.
Been told mind is esoteric
Prelisten to speculations
of the public
which eventually made me
gregarious.
Reasons, there are various
why I remain benevolent
when the world is violent.
My habits perceived to be
idiosyncratic.
A role model
but yet not too didactic.
Reform situations
from being complicated to idyllic.
Must be concise and pacific
when articulating.
It’s not magic.
Think of it
more as recycling.
Mistakes is data on a flash drive
and my memory is saving.
To save is to prevent talent wasting
habits
I refuse to be redundant.
Resistant like a criminal
with an unexpected arrest warrant.
Nobody listens when it doesn’t benefit
their needs or attention.
so you get paid no attention
and receive no support
and easily falling apart
like a Skeleton without glue and wire.
But negative attention, we receive more than plenty.
Laughed at, being called a dummy, nasty, ugly a big baby.
Before the body is affected physically,
a stigma harms mentally.
We terrified of bullies, but we are our own worst enemies.
A second to view your reflection
will put you in a lifetime depression.
Daydreaming of hearing “You won”
gives us an obsession.
But it’s devastating, never satisfied with
being second
because we all want to be number one.
We all experience rejection.
Some of us let it go
Some of us fall victims of addictions
when we can’t handle afflictions.
A war that becomes mental
and your heart go cold.
It’s a race to seek revenge
since you have static
with the scapegoat
that left you heartbroken.

Can We Truly Get Rid Of Our Demons?

I sleep in peace

and wake up to the nightmare.

Always nervous and scared

While comparing my life to double dare.

The environment I cannot bare.

In the mirror I just stare

and pretend to be brave.

But I ‘m scared.

My luck is no where

and bad luck is everywhere.

Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out.

I no longer shed tears.

My balls is a waste of a pair.

I choose not to share

my deepest fears

since no one is near

to hear my fears.

In a world surrounded with snipers

and I am the deer.

Sometimes I dare

to let God to let me

live another day.

I wake up miserable and ashamed

Doesn’t the lord see the pain in my face?

I’m held back since I am part of the African American race.

I keep quiet so I don’t sound like I’m making excuses to some.

But being poor plus misery together,

just add the sum.

So miserable I become numb.

No matter how many scriptures I read,

I will always feel senseless.

The more I pray, the more

I feel like it’s meaningless.

Trust is pointless.

I was born a sinner

so I choose to be devious

because what’s healthy for us

seems to be tedious.

Life is supposed to be gorgeous

but I find it hideous.

How can I be cautious

when I haven’t slayed my demons?

The nightmare of living

and I wish I was dreaming.

My heart is in prison

serving a life sentence.

My mind is in hell burning

like the soul of Stalin.

Life is lonely when dick ridding

is something your constantly refusing.

Social media is the devils technology

and it’s an addiction

Instead of family,

social media become our guardians

guiding us in the wrong direction

like a broken compass.

Love and social media

have one thing in common.

The blindness of each of them

is contagious, harming generations.

Decision made of off emotions

Instead of logic.

Toxic like drunk driving.

We follow with our hearts,

but leave our brain behind

to get caught up in a bind.

Common problem is communication.

Basic skills like talking and listening

we learn in kindergarten

is forgotten.

Greed and ignorance is recurrent

leading sinners to sin

instead of asking forgiveness.

The more technology advances,

the diminish of communication

becomes more prominent.

Life becomes faster paced

and we struggle to keep up.

We are forced to be robots

In life and the program we follow is unpredictable.

So can we blame hypocrites for being hypocritical?

Technology increase the ignorance

but in reality ignorance always been existent.

This type of living is ancient,

Youtube and WorldStar

just made the ignorance

more prominent.

Life is violent now and it was violent back then.

The devil is our best customer

and demons behind him march

like American soldiers.

We pricing scanning our souls

when the price is right.

Desperate for a better life,

So we close the good book

for a better outside look.

Looks do fade,

and our bodies go out of business

because the devil found somebody else

to implicate in sin

since he already fooled you.

Now have you serving a life sentence,

now your soul burning.

Money causes a fire that can’t be

sprayed with extinguisher.

Money is the root

Jealously and hate is the stem

Bullets and HIV is the

and the dead body is the flower.

Demonstration of being a slave

to the devils power.

Power conquers

by using divide and conqueror.

So many people are modern day

Julius Caesars.

Men and women blame each other,

exposing each other on social media.

“Men are Trash”, “These Hoes Ain’t loyal”.

Children of God are so spoiled

and we are all disloyal.

Blaming each other on Social Media

Instead of helping each other.

The followers don’t care about your problems

they just entertaining your drama

and this is why I fear of having a daughter

because when years pass by it’s gonna get worst.

We as humans are overworked
Tired to the bone.
Stressed out for feeling alone.
Thoughts deep
like the voice of baritones.
Life is long but yet its short.
Time move slow when your bored
and alone.

But move fast when your under pressure
like a single father with 4 daughters.
I ask lord to forgive me for my sins
I’m devastated.
Lonely nights, so me and my hand got acquainted.
Drinking alcohol to subdue the pain until I fainted.
I look in the mirror and I ain’t shave in a minute.
My beard 6 inches long, I look wasted.
Time is precious
but I ain’t been happy in a minute.
Asking for forgiveness is complicated
because I ain’t forgive myself.
Upset like criminal
because parents refuse to post bail.
Anger consumes me and it’s an unconquerable
enemy.
Rage increases while drinking the Hennessy.
Road rage
and hallucinating like my weed was laced.
In a different time zone.
In a different space.
Cutting myself across the face
and watch the blood leak
in the drain.

Situations were too difficult to bare.
Got a mark that stretch from the chin to my hair.
Lost myself in the process
I’m searching for my soul
but I can’t find it.
I give up
I’m exhausted.
I remain soulless.
Full of shit like a toilet.
My life wasted like abortions.
I have a price tag on my body
and for the right price
I give you permission to take
my life.

Life is not a race

but I’m made fun of

for not finding my space.

A select few can relate.

My shoes tied

but still falling flat on my face.

Most problems on our own we create

but for heaven sake

bad luck is what I taste.

I wonder if my life was a mistake.

I tried for years to play it safe.

In dreams we hide from monsters

in real life the monsters are in hiding places

with the best disguises.

World full of surprises and I know this

so I always expect the unexpected

like erections in the wrong places

hoping nobody notice

but somebody is always watching.

Scheming, looking for a weakness

and bullies find this amusing.

So I’m paranoid

My heart is void

like the earth before it was created.

A monster inside me is the creation

To my devious patterns

of sinning.

A thin line between good and evil

and caught up right in the middle.

The good ones are constantly belittled.

For every problem solved,

always a more difficult riddle.

So I give up and cross the over to evil

And it was simple

Like crossing the street at midnight

and now inside of me.

Question To Think About

For now on, every Friday I will be posting a question regarding friendships, relationships, sex, family, marriage, children, anything life related.

Today’s Question!

What are the pro’s and con’s to technology and is technology the reason why the divorce rate is high compared to the 1960’s?

Ever Wonder Why Your Life IS Fucked UP?

Mind is static
Like a routers IP address.
A hole in my heart
like a hollow in your chest.
I begin to ponder death
Contemplate the scenery
of the after life
since I have gave up on life.
I tried reaching for the sky
but can’t reach for something
you can’t touch.
Life is double dutch
and the double ropes
is the demons and
I’m struggling to not
come in contact.
20/40 vision
and can’t afford contacts
So as I age
I became unsighted like bats
for putting true love over everything.
Poetry is my Vaseline
to help mitigate
Since the demons in my head
are a pain in the ass.
So used to being uncomfortable,
when the mood is peaceful
automatically assume I don’t deserve
it’s presence
like a naughty kid on Christmas.
Negative is a shark
that smells the blood of my
positive thoughts.
When it devours,
light is overshadowed by the dark.
I worry like a parent searching at the park
for their missing child
 after dark.
Over and over I overthink.
The thoughts deeper than
a stab wound from a shank.
Worry like I have bills and no
money in the bank.
Disappointed like a husband
for only shooting blanks.
I’m always been ashamed of my pace
in life.
Just imagine racing with a tank during a drag race.
Dependent like a house wife
and broke like Buzz Lightyear’s arm.
These negative thoughts are annoying like flies.
When your broke and seek no improvement, time flies.
Like a confident player’s finger wrapped around a naive girl,
my mind is suffocating in this world
So I over eat when I feel lonely.
I masturbate when I get horny.
So embarrassed, so I avoid company.

I Hate Responsibilities

Money, power, respect, I have none of the above.

They say life precious, but I’m staring point blank at my gun,

Contemplating suicide, as I just accidentally bit my tongue.

Just to survive on earth, for a job I must search,

Either burger king or a nurse

If one day I make funds, I kiss the dirt.

Until then, I steal from mom’s purse.

A wise one told me, somebody always got it worst.

But what’s worst than stealing Christmas gifts from neighborhood church?

My mind is on training wheels

I can’t balance life on my own, even though I‘m grown.

Scared to live alone, since I’ve never been shown

how to be a man.

Nobody understands.

It’s like I’m Sam I am,

Scared to eat the green eggs and ham.

My courage is unidentified.

Responsibilities are my kryptonite.

Have You Ever Had regrets For Giving Up On Someone Or Something?

Closet is not clean,
Skeletons are hiding
and time is a demon
like a child without discipline.
Like gasoline,
the closet is toxic
and the skeletons,
need to get rid of them.
Put them in a coffin
and finally close it.
Love and pain is blinding,
emotions leading to crying
but for different reasons.
Different like the cells
inside the semen.
Still blinded from emotions
so I don’t see men
that can provide motivation.
The ones who hearts aren’t decent
are warriors for the demons
inside my closet.
Personalities are foul
like the smell of garbage
and negative energy
travels like sewage.
Can’t have love without pain
So subconsciously
fell in love with pain
when I learned that
falling in love is painful.
It’s pitiful
being trapped in your own closet.
Remaining still, suffering
while time is moving
like a old man driving
while it’s raining.
No umbrella but withstand the rain
that make puddles
near the drain.
Thoughts run like a drug addict’s
nose from sniffing cocaine.
Mind is racing
but my body is at ease.
For so long I wanted
to seek peace.
Like a homeless man that
wants to eat,
I beg and plead
for these demons to leave me.
It’s like a submissive wife
being abused by her alcoholic husband.
She is nervous and sweating every waking moment.
She loves him but is petrified
of the horrendous beatings.
Is she in love with pain?
Does she stay with him
becuase she believes
she can’t have love without pain?
This type of thinking is insane
like a section 8.
Like a parents reacting
to their teenage daughter getting pregnant
on the first date
is the type of feeling where I can relate.
Frustration and fear is a bad combination.
A pitbull and an American bobtail in the same yard.
A mile away I can just sense the tension
and these demons are staring at me hard.
In my own backyard, I struggle with my demons.
like a man on steroids struggle to maintain an erection.
Need to elude so suicide is what I am contemplating.
An easy way out is to let my demons have the closet.
Need to end my worrying which is destroying my mind
like a earthquake to a building.
Tired of being out numbered and fighting
alone without friends and family
so I will do myself a favor and put myself
inside the coffin.

It will be at least 2 weeks (maybe even longer) before I upload my next post.

Comment below if you think this is a good poem to recite at a open mic!

Comment below if you ever gave up on something and end up regretting it!

Next post I upload will be continuation to this poem of me being in hell and having regrets of committing suicide!

God Bless You All

Questions That Are Good Potential Blog Topics?

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him” – 1 John 4:9

Before I go any further with my questions, I’m not 100% sure as of now but I could be taking a another break from blogging. For one, I have alot of shit I’m going through right now and I plan to take my poetry to another level by going to open mics, joining a poetry contest, and maybe getting my poems published. I wanna thank all of my followers I have gained since I started blogging. I really want to give a special thanks to my close followers and supporters because they always take the time to read my post and give me feedback. It’s easy to gain followers but it’s hard to build a fan base and make connections with people so I am thankful for the dedicated followers that support me 😎

I have a few questions that I think about since I am a curious person

1) What is the best relationship advice you can give somebody that don’t believe in God?

2) Do you notice that people that ask you to support them, will never support anything you do?

3) Why do we worship God, is it because we love God or is it because we fear God?

4) If you read the previous question, is it more common for people to be loyal to you because they love you or fear you?

5) How has social media made people anti-social in real life?

6) Why is it so hard to find a job in your career after you graduate college and why does internships and basic entry level jobs require experience like where are you suppose to get experience if every internship requires experience?

7) I may be crossing the line with this question but do you think bloggers use other bloggers just for support(if you confused just comment below and I will go in detail)?

8) Be honest, when you are reading a blog, what makes you more interested into reading a post?

9) Is it harder for a father to raise a daughter or for a mother to raise a son?

10) What are the pro’s and con’s of being a house wife?

11) What are the pro’s and con’s of being a working wife?

12) If a woman see a guy in her class, at her job, or at her church, and she thinks he is attractive and she wants to get to know him, should she approach him and ask him out or should she wait for him to approach her?

13) When is it acceptable for parents to lie to their kids?

14) If you are miserable at your job, should you wait until you find another job or should you just quit because your happiness comes first?

15) Do you believe that you can make it to heaven if you refuse go to church but you believe God and read the bible?

16) What is the most common thing that marriage couples argue about?

17) How long and how often should you pray to God?

18) If Bill Cosby was to pass away soon, overall was he positive influence towards black people in America?

19) Why is life unfair?

20) Based on where you live, who you live with, where you work, and who you work for, are you truly happy?

21) Do all truth comes to light or do people take secrets with them to the grave?

22) Do you think Valentines Day is overrated?

23) If men are suppose to be head of the household, what happens if the man dies, who will be head of the household if the man dies?

24) If all women were housewives and the cost of living was cheaper, would the divorce rate be much lower?

25) Do you support gay marriage?

26) Can judging a book by it’s cover save your life?

Black Like Me, White Like You

Before you read my poem, I just want to say a few things that I always think about!

I always wonder on social media(especially on twitter) I notice that black people always say stuff like

“Black Men, I love y’all. Y’all are so strong. I appreciate y’all!”

“Black women……..we are the shit and I love y’all fine asses too”

“It’s very motivating to see young black people making moves and being successful”

Now I am a black man and I want black people to do well and exceed. In all honesty, I want every race to succeed. Now I notice black people on social media compliment each other and express how beautiful black people are and that’s great but in reality, how come I don’t see this same support in real life? Doesn’t it feel like black people compete with each other instead of trying to help each other in real life? Besides social media, what are some ways that black people can support each other in real life? Besides boxing and dancing, do you feel like black are a step behind every other race in this world? Let’s say in the google search bar, you typed in “Men” and then you select the images tab, now do you see more white men faces or black men faces? Why do we celebrate black history during the month of February? Instead of celebrating black history during February, why can’t history be history and we celebrate black and white people from the past together every month all year round? Why are we taught in elementary schools that Christopher Columbus discovered America? How can white people be more supportive against black people and fight with us against racism so black people can achieve more?

Another scenario I wanna make is, lets say you take the average young black man about in his twenties. His best friend is a white man name “Tom”. They been friends for years. One day, Tom seems him in the street and tries to give him a hug and says to the black man “Wassup my nigga”. Now how do you think the average black man would respond?

Now after you answer that question, let’s say Tom was black, hell lets say Tom was black and the young black man Tom only knew each other for a few months and Toms says “Wassup my nigga” now how do you the the average black man would respond? After you answer this question, is your answer different from the answer you provided for the previous question?

Imagine you reverse the color of your skin

and your now among a different trend.

To experience a new life, a new difference.

To see what it’s like to have parents

that are complete opposites of what your use to.

Is their really a difference between black and white people?

Based on declaration of Independence, are all men created equal?

Let’s say for a week, I switched lives with a white guy and see things

through his eyes and he see things through mine.

What would I see?

I vision a difference.

I now come from a different birth place, different space.

See different people, see different faces.

I see the powerful unity between I and my siblings

and we have the same parents.

Coworkers and their friendly persona without much drama.

It’s definitely an honor to dressing a fancy suit

with my own office

Through the help with my parents and thought out choices,

my career will take me to long places.

Good grades in high school and college.

Even though I’m friendly with everybody,

I refused to get involved with ignorance so

I never got accustomed to black faces.

I kept my distance.

Even with the help of Martin Luther King,

I never comprehended the ignorance and violence

towards one another the blacks demonstrated.

Their race as a whole is devastating.

This is what I see in a white man dream.

But what does white man see in me in his dream?

He visions a difference.

Now he comes from a different birth place.

Now dwell in a different space.

See different people, different faces.

Forced to endure betrayal of his siblings

and live under a roof of a single parent.

Co-worker act friendly in front of each other faces

but deep down really jealous of each other.

Workers are being abused by supervisors

and the poor management and constant drama.

It’s a shame to work at a place where he only make

a dollar above minimum wage.

Even though he had decent grades in college,

yet still struggling to reach high places.

He learned in this world

it’s not what you know,

it’s who you know with the right color face.

He is constantly involved in ignorance and drama,

but really just wanna be friendly with everybody.

Hard to find friends of his kind, so he looks to find

friends of the kind of mine.

The black people, he keeps his distance,

unfortunately the white people resist him.

Plus his own kind think he is a sellout.

He realize his race as a whole is devastating.

What Comes To Mind When You Hear “We Got All The Time In The World?”

Zone out thinking is there a heaven or hell?
Face expressions appear to be under a spell?
Thoughts loud like a Japan peace bell
but this thought isn’t a bombshell
so this type of thought, I hear it well.
Life after death, ever wonder what’s in store for
yourself?
Souls that are with us in sprirt can’t speak or talk.
A after life after we die and what do I picture when I close my eyes?
God and angels in the clouds.
A marvelous place but wondering why such a small crowd?
Angels cover me, protecting my body like a towel.
A “Welcome Home Invitation” I received.
“Don’t be nervous” a mighty voice soothes me.
I respond “Indeed” and began to dwell in peace.
Like sperm cells, thoughts appear more than one at time
and each one is uniquely defined
and this next thought of mine is horrific like a rape crime.
A after life after we die and what do I picture when I close my eyes?
Lucifer, and demons seem to be aroused
as my soul falls to 50 billion light year
below the ground.
A undesirable place to be but why is there such a large crowd?
Demons used pitch forks, picking at my body
which leads to leaking
of blood from stab wounds all over my body.
A “Your Soul Is Mine” echoes loud in this place which is 100 times hotter than a volcano.
“Down here your soul is worthless” a bloodcurdling voice talks
and becuase of the heat from the fire,
my head twist and twirl like a tornado.
I respond ” Away from me Satan! For it is writ”

but I don’t complete my sentence as demons play tug of war with my body then drag me
to be devoured by the red dragon.
I share with you all my thoughts patterns.
On earth we are only visitors.
Life is really a dream world
So next time you rushing and make a mistake
and someone patient says
“Relax we got all the time in the world”
always remember the words written in this poem.