Have You Ever Had regrets For Giving Up On Someone Or Something?

Closet is not clean,
Skeletons are hiding
and time is a demon
like a child without discipline.
Like gasoline,
the closet is toxic
and the skeletons,
need to get rid of them.
Put them in a coffin
and finally close it.
Love and pain is blinding,
emotions leading to crying
but for different reasons.
Different like the cells
inside the semen.
Still blinded from emotions
so I don’t see men
that can provide motivation.
The ones who hearts aren’t decent
are warriors for the demons
inside my closet.
Personalities are foul
like the smell of garbage
and negative energy
travels like sewage.
Can’t have love without pain
So subconsciously
fell in love with pain
when I learned that
falling in love is painful.
It’s pitiful
being trapped in your own closet.
Remaining still, suffering
while time is moving
like a old man driving
while it’s raining.
No umbrella but withstand the rain
that make puddles
near the drain.
Thoughts run like a drug addict’s
nose from sniffing cocaine.
Mind is racing
but my body is at ease.
For so long I wanted
to seek peace.
Like a homeless man that
wants to eat,
I beg and plead
for these demons to leave me.
It’s like a submissive wife
being abused by her alcoholic husband.
She is nervous and sweating every waking moment.
She loves him but is petrified
of the horrendous beatings.
Is she in love with pain?
Does she stay with him
becuase she believes
she can’t have love without pain?
This type of thinking is insane
like a section 8.
Like a parents reacting
to their teenage daughter getting pregnant
on the first date
is the type of feeling where I can relate.
Frustration and fear is a bad combination.
A pitbull and an American bobtail in the same yard.
A mile away I can just sense the tension
and these demons are staring at me hard.
In my own backyard, I struggle with my demons.
like a man on steroids struggle to maintain an erection.
Need to elude so suicide is what I am contemplating.
An easy way out is to let my demons have the closet.
Need to end my worrying which is destroying my mind
like a earthquake to a building.
Tired of being out numbered and fighting
alone without friends and family
so I will do myself a favor and put myself
inside the coffin.

It will be at least 2 weeks (maybe even longer) before I upload my next post.

Comment below if you think this is a good poem to recite at a open mic!

Comment below if you ever gave up on something and end up regretting it!

Next post I upload will be continuation to this poem of me being in hell and having regrets of committing suicide!

God Bless You All

Questions That Are Good Potential Blog Topics?

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him” – 1 John 4:9

Before I go any further with my questions, I’m not 100% sure as of now but I could be taking a another break from blogging. For one, I have alot of shit I’m going through right now and I plan to take my poetry to another level by going to open mics, joining a poetry contest, and maybe getting my poems published. I wanna thank all of my followers I have gained since I started blogging. I really want to give a special thanks to my close followers and supporters because they always take the time to read my post and give me feedback. It’s easy to gain followers but it’s hard to build a fan base and make connections with people so I am thankful for the dedicated followers that support me 😎

I have a few questions that I think about since I am a curious person

1) What is the best relationship advice you can give somebody that don’t believe in God?

2) Do you notice that people that ask you to support them, will never support anything you do?

3) Why do we worship God, is it because we love God or is it because we fear God?

4) If you read the previous question, is it more common for people to be loyal to you because they love you or fear you?

5) How has social media made people anti-social in real life?

6) Why is it so hard to find a job in your career after you graduate college and why does internships and basic entry level jobs require experience like where are you suppose to get experience if every internship requires experience?

7) I may be crossing the line with this question but do you think bloggers use other bloggers just for support(if you confused just comment below and I will go in detail)?

8) Be honest, when you are reading a blog, what makes you more interested into reading a post?

9) Is it harder for a father to raise a daughter or for a mother to raise a son?

10) What are the pro’s and con’s of being a house wife?

11) What are the pro’s and con’s of being a working wife?

12) If a woman see a guy in her class, at her job, or at her church, and she thinks he is attractive and she wants to get to know him, should she approach him and ask him out or should she wait for him to approach her?

13) When is it acceptable for parents to lie to their kids?

14) If you are miserable at your job, should you wait until you find another job or should you just quit because your happiness comes first?

15) Do you believe that you can make it to heaven if you refuse go to church but you believe God and read the bible?

16) What is the most common thing that marriage couples argue about?

17) How long and how often should you pray to God?

18) If Bill Cosby was to pass away soon, overall was he positive influence towards black people in America?

19) Why is life unfair?

20) Based on where you live, who you live with, where you work, and who you work for, are you truly happy?

21) Do all truth comes to light or do people take secrets with them to the grave?

22) Do you think Valentines Day is overrated?

23) If men are suppose to be head of the household, what happens if the man dies, who will be head of the household if the man dies?

24) If all women were housewives and the cost of living was cheaper, would the divorce rate be much lower?

25) Do you support gay marriage?

26) Can judging a book by it’s cover save your life?

Black Like Me, White Like You

Before you read my poem, I just want to say a few things that I always think about!

I always wonder on social media(especially on twitter) I notice that black people always say stuff like

“Black Men, I love y’all. Y’all are so strong. I appreciate y’all!”

“Black women……..we are the shit and I love y’all fine asses too”

“It’s very motivating to see young black people making moves and being successful”

Now I am a black man and I want black people to do well and exceed. In all honesty, I want every race to succeed. Now I notice black people on social media compliment each other and express how beautiful black people are and that’s great but in reality, how come I don’t see this same support in real life? Doesn’t it feel like black people compete with each other instead of trying to help each other in real life? Besides social media, what are some ways that black people can support each other in real life? Besides boxing and dancing, do you feel like black are a step behind every other race in this world? Let’s say in the google search bar, you typed in “Men” and then you select the images tab, now do you see more white men faces or black men faces? Why do we celebrate black history during the month of February? Instead of celebrating black history during February, why can’t history be history and we celebrate black and white people from the past together every month all year round? Why are we taught in elementary schools that Christopher Columbus discovered America? How can white people be more supportive against black people and fight with us against racism so black people can achieve more?

Another scenario I wanna make is, lets say you take the average young black man about in his twenties. His best friend is a white man name “Tom”. They been friends for years. One day, Tom seems him in the street and tries to give him a hug and says to the black man “Wassup my nigga”. Now how do you think the average black man would respond?

Now after you answer that question, let’s say Tom was black, hell lets say Tom was black and the young black man Tom only knew each other for a few months and Toms says “Wassup my nigga” now how do you the the average black man would respond? After you answer this question, is your answer different from the answer you provided for the previous question?

Imagine you reverse the color of your skin

and your now among a different trend.

To experience a new life, a new difference.

To see what it’s like to have parents

that are complete opposites of what your use to.

Is their really a difference between black and white people?

Based on declaration of Independence, are all men created equal?

Let’s say for a week, I switched lives with a white guy and see things

through his eyes and he see things through mine.

What would I see?

I vision a difference.

I now come from a different birth place, different space.

See different people, see different faces.

I see the powerful unity between I and my siblings

and we have the same parents.

Coworkers and their friendly persona without much drama.

It’s definitely an honor to dressing a fancy suit

with my own office

Through the help with my parents and thought out choices,

my career will take me to long places.

Good grades in high school and college.

Even though I’m friendly with everybody,

I refused to get involved with ignorance so

I never got accustomed to black faces.

I kept my distance.

Even with the help of Martin Luther King,

I never comprehended the ignorance and violence

towards one another the blacks demonstrated.

Their race as a whole is devastating.

This is what I see in a white man dream.

But what does white man see in me in his dream?

He visions a difference.

Now he comes from a different birth place.

Now dwell in a different space.

See different people, different faces.

Forced to endure betrayal of his siblings

and live under a roof of a single parent.

Co-worker act friendly in front of each other faces

but deep down really jealous of each other.

Workers are being abused by supervisors

and the poor management and constant drama.

It’s a shame to work at a place where he only make

a dollar above minimum wage.

Even though he had decent grades in college,

yet still struggling to reach high places.

He learned in this world

it’s not what you know,

it’s who you know with the right color face.

He is constantly involved in ignorance and drama,

but really just wanna be friendly with everybody.

Hard to find friends of his kind, so he looks to find

friends of the kind of mine.

The black people, he keeps his distance,

unfortunately the white people resist him.

Plus his own kind think he is a sellout.

He realize his race as a whole is devastating.

What Comes To Mind When You Hear “We Got All The Time In The World?”

Zone out thinking is there a heaven or hell?
Face expressions appear to be under a spell?
Thoughts loud like a Japan peace bell
but this thought isn’t a bombshell
so this type of thought, I hear it well.
Life after death, ever wonder what’s in store for
yourself?
Souls that are with us in sprirt can’t speak or talk.
A after life after we die and what do I picture when I close my eyes?
God and angels in the clouds.
A marvelous place but wondering why such a small crowd?
Angels cover me, protecting my body like a towel.
A “Welcome Home Invitation” I received.
“Don’t be nervous” a mighty voice soothes me.
I respond “Indeed” and began to dwell in peace.
Like sperm cells, thoughts appear more than one at time
and each one is uniquely defined
and this next thought of mine is horrific like a rape crime.
A after life after we die and what do I picture when I close my eyes?
Lucifer, and demons seem to be aroused
as my soul falls to 50 billion light year
below the ground.
A undesirable place to be but why is there such a large crowd?
Demons used pitch forks, picking at my body
which leads to leaking
of blood from stab wounds all over my body.
A “Your Soul Is Mine” echoes loud in this place which is 100 times hotter than a volcano.
“Down here your soul is worthless” a bloodcurdling voice talks
and becuase of the heat from the fire,
my head twist and twirl like a tornado.
I respond ” Away from me Satan! For it is writ”

but I don’t complete my sentence as demons play tug of war with my body then drag me
to be devoured by the red dragon.
I share with you all my thoughts patterns.
On earth we are only visitors.
Life is really a dream world
So next time you rushing and make a mistake
and someone patient says
“Relax we got all the time in the world”
always remember the words written in this poem.

The Pleasure In My Dark Soul

Pay attention
From the heart and soul
I wrote this,
and this poem
by far is the deepest.
Relationship is a test.
A heartbreak is the lesson.
Body needs rest.
Mind has questions.
Heart split into pieces
and each piece
scattered like roaches
in the kitchen
when the lights come one.
Was you prepared for
this lesson on the day
you was born?
I say about 40% of you
reading this are probably
still heartbroken.
Pain we don’t choose
but yet how the fuck
do we accept it?
Ever wonder what was
go through Toni Braxton’s
mind when she wrote
“Breath Again” or
“Another Sad Song”
or Marry J Blige
when she wrote
“I’m going down”.
It’s all a trend.
When you get a chance
give these songs a listen.
What it feels like
to be heartbroken? Broken like egg shells
and going through withdrawals.
Trapped underwater
and it felt like forever.
I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.
Still drowning but occasionally resurface
to be pushed further
into heartache.
A responsibility evaded
will make a dream faded
like a college kid being
told “You ain’t Michael Jordan
so become a janitor”.
It’s like telling your great-grandmother
your too old for romance.
Criticism is constant
and people blame and say
you were being stupid
and get over it.
Those same people are
the biggest hypocrites
when they suffering life problems
because they will call you and
expect you to listen.
It’s a division
between your
mind and heart,
making you bewildered
like figuring out where to
start
when cleaning a messy room.
Pain is intense
like a woman wearing
too much perfume.
Bride and groom
is part of God’s Plan
am I right?
Why is something that is very precious
such a tough fight
like a baby is teething and you trying
to put the baby to sleep at night.
How much is a diamond worth?
What’s more precious,
jewelry or a child’s birth?
Cash corrupts loyalty
and expose greed and jealously.
Misery makes me overwhelmed.
All the shit I been through.
Stress sticking to my mind like glue.
I need relaxation
like a couple on a cruise.
Like soup,
I need something that heals
since stress is like a toxic person
right behind me on my heels.
Life is real and it kills
like cancer.
Stress moves around
like a dancer?
Am I in danger?
I feel like Simba
during the stampede.
My heart breaks
and for years it bleeds
like a girl on her period.
Stress rushes me like
adrenaline.
Ain’t nothing different.
Every day same shit
until death takes me home.
To me pain is historic
like a Maya Angelou poem.
In a world full of thieves
and loyalty made me naive
and oblivious to disloyalty.
Loyalty pushed to the side
like a chick
that’s only purpose to
satisfy’s a niggas dick.
Money and pussy
bullies loyalty
until it no longer has meaning.
An abuse kid with scar and bruises
from beatings
is a mental feeling
when your a slave to loyalty.
So broken
need more flowers
than fried chicken
and place them in the kitchen.
I’m my own hero to the rescue
and I need rest too.
Like A McDonald’s public restroom,
the heart is vacant
and I plan find a way
to keep it occupied.
Reminding myself that my heart scraed
and I should no longer be terrified.
But all I do is tell myself lies.
A heavy load like a man without
ejaculation.
For four weeks,
carrying boulders on my shoulders
for weeks.
Was told complaining was for the weak.
I believe I won’t last long like a man
not having sex in weeks.
Face is wet like pussy
and body is sick and infected
from eating raw meat.
Sleepy,but still writing
because this poem
was calling me.
Words and sentences blending
with a unique style of rhyming.
Lightbulb over my head.
A good feeling like getting some head,
Sparking a light,
so my poem can shine
which excites like a family
welcoming a new-born baby.
But yet, I am here
fighting off habits that are shady.
Gossip and laziness, I’m trying to
detach from my vocabulary.
This poem has mixed feelings
and restore like dental fillings.
Being broken will turn me loose
like a screw or a baby tooth.
“They say heartbreak is short distance
but it feels like long distance
Around the corner
but a week we converse
only a few minutes.
Decrease in the amount of time we spend.
I pretend that I have strength
until the length of me without you extends.
I can’t no longer be more than a friend.”
This is what I think to myself
wishing I was the one that broke your heart
instead of you breaking mine.
Sometimes the thing we humans
hate most is time.
It’s short and never stop
and we struggle to keep up.
So now reaction to my depression
lead me on the roof of a building
Is suicide the objective?
Good question
On a mission like America soldiers
seeking weapons of mass destruction.
I am insatiable for declining
to treasure the rainbow.
Life hard like erections
sometimes I wonder If
Death > > depression?
Phone becomes dry like a desert
and it get worst since you thirst.
Only hear notifications when an email arises,
just waiting for a call or text message
and yet receive nothing.
Do I feel abandoned?
I began to question
Lack of attention is the center
of my attention.
Heartbreak will make you different.
Instead of committing suicide,
I pretend I’m immortal.
I can be untouchable.
Every girl I talk to,
I smile in her face
but my mind says fuck you.
Turn into a player
and break hearts and crumble
them like potato chips.
I don’t give a shit.
Fuck human nature
because it’s too much pressure
wanting to be accepted and liked.
Be making you confused about your identity
like a transvestite.
Fuck a wife and worry about my life
is my motto.
Self-confidence will shoot through the roof
faster than I ever imagined.
I play my strengths to their weakness
like Eve in the Garden
manipulated by the serpent.
A serpent or demon
whatever you wanna call it,
I’m still a savage.
Poison disguised as medicine.
Prince charming
with a soul of a demon.
Fuck forgiveness,
revenge is the mission
through divine intoxication.
Logic or emotion.
Thinking of drinking love potion
while trying to stay focus.
Different choices
determines the outcome of a situation.
An immediate reaction
lead to decisions or using mindful
techniques to determine my destiny.
But still Feeling blue like the child
of Beyoncé.
I’m going “Halfway crazy”
Like Musiq.
Practicing baptism by affusion
Is similar feeling after I got my heartbroken.
I am now born again.

Please read Suicidal Thoughts/In Case Tomorrow Not Promised as well and that is another very deep poem that I may plan to read at an open mic.

1) How relatable is this poem to you?

2) What was your favorite line in this poem?

3) What was the darkest line in this poem?

4) By reading this poem, what was going through your mind?

5) One question that has nothing to do with this poem but summarize in a sentence on how are you different from other bloggers!

Also please listen to “Another Sad Song”, “Breathe Again” by Toni Braxton

Image result for Another sad song toni braxton

Listen to “I’m going down” by Mary J blige

Image result for mary j blige I'm goin down

Listen to “Halfway Crazy” by Musiq.

Image result for musiq half crazy

What Poem Should I Recite When I Go To An Open Mic?

I have plans on going to the Bowery Club in NYC on Monday to recite a poem for open mic but I am not sure what poem I should recite so  read this poem below and comment below if I should  recite this poem on Monday for open mic!

Please click on the video to here me recite the poem I plan to recite Monday. You can copy and paste the link into a web browser. If you can’t play the video, I apologize in advance.

Listen to Open Mic Poem by David Hockaday #np on #SoundCloud

 Is what we see always guaranteed?

Death and taxes final

but is bleeding guaranteed?

All physical

but is it mental?

Laughter and pain

faces each other

with a thin line in between

This image was presented

to me in a dream

Or was this a nightmare?

Angels and Demons everywhere

I don’t give a fuck about nothing

People always want something

Life is not for free

but people constantly plead

A Broken heart and spoiled dreams

face defeat

but prepare for next war

Ever been judge for what you wore?

Short skirts means you a whore?

Should pastors be adored?

Ever been forced to be brave

to face of what you was afraid?

Negative situations

we tend to procrastinate

but the problems don’t escape.

Conflict is a fire that burns your skin

and the line between fear and suicide

is not that thick,

it’s long and thin.

Never a win win situation

and I’m reluctant from previous situations

Addictions cause my affliction

My behavior is redundant

My character is incredulous

like hypocrites

Mind is dubious and racing fast

Like women who are promiscuous

Pain became numb

So I became oblivious

Torment I’m going through

and it’s so obvious

I keep holding secrets

Life is devious.

Some mistaken me

for being conceited

But I’m being honest.

Time move fast like sonic.

Our time span is concise

So my speculations

of life is precise.

Hard life and the affect

is money is tight like a virgins vagina

because of  drinking coronas

Face is wet

like I’ve been in a sauna.

Crying at this hour

because this girl said “our”

relationship is smooth like powder

but quickly disappeared

when she found someone with more dollars.

Had me on a leash

she even picked out my pink collar.

Affliction become stronger 

Addiction might last longer

than I originally thought

Withdrawals are worst

Became too broke to devour coronas

Like a poor kid playing

with a toy that’s broke

because the parents can’t afford another

I’m wishing things would go back

to how they were

because I don’t want another lover

 

So comment below and tell me your honest opinion about this poem and If I should recite this at open mic!

 

I also have 2 more poem, I am thinking about reciting as well and here are the links

A Special Lady

and

Heartless and Heartbroken 

For those that are poets that have been to an open mic, comment below and briefly tell me your experience!

I believe this is my 165th post  and I appreciate every blogger that viewed, liked, and provide feedback on my blogs because you bloggers give me motivation to write poetry that relatable and it is an amazing feeling so thank you

Also one last thing, please comment below a link of your favorite post so I can read and provide feedback. I am always looking to connect with bloggers so  I will provide a link to my twitter and I follow back!

Twitter

Real Life

Fuck a smile

Nothing 2 smile about

Sweating like slaves on the cotton fields in the south

Nervous, anxious, apprehensive

3 different words expressing the same meaning

Some think I’m devious

but I was lying 2 seek peace

but like always comfort is a mystery

This more than a poem

A true life story.

Born with worry

but still giving God the glory

Blessed with a healthy body

but heart is becoming black like coffee.

I don’t give a fuck about being mean

If you don’t like me

Sue Me

The kindness in me vanished

I’m soulless

like a inmate with a life sentence snapping

because you asked him

“Why are you not smiling?”

Money never stretch but the stress in me does

Fuck a hug.

My fear like a kid fearing bed bugs

but 10 time worst

Hypocrites inviting me to church,

will spit on my grave when I get buried in the dirt.

Dehyrdated , feeling like I’m in a desert mentally.

Immature mentality some of you may believe

But I complain since I fall victim to the greed

of others within the vicinity.

Fear of living

so I wonder if I rather be dead?

Fearing life is constant headache

that I can’t fight.

Color blind, everything

in black and white.

Walk the streets alone at night

Wishing I was more like Mike

and the tears I refuse to wipe.

Fear of living

is the reason

I love sleeping

to ignore hypocrites preaching.

An abusive parent

having their child stripping

before the beaten

is the equivalent

of how I am feeling.

Deep in my feelings

reminding myself

the affliction

is still remaining.

I’m rewinding

on 2x

the memories.

Listen as you hear the melody

from the piano.

Listen to how the story is told.

Happiness at 10 years old

But things changed at 11 years old.

Scared like a crow just saw a scarecrow.

How you take 50 dollars from an 11 years old?

Karate practice twice a week

was a habit.

“It’s good for you”

An excuse that they use as a tactic

and smooth like ps4 graphics.

12 years old, miserable at football practice.

Did a three peat,

but quit at 15.

I had to run track

becuase I ran fast.

As you see I had pressure

on my back.

To this day

It’s hard for me to laugh.

I had to quit a job last

year

becuase I knew I wouldn’t last.

A year past

and yet most don’t know.

I’m getting too old

to be living like a kid.

Stress is way beyond big.

Holding sercets,

making my thoughts

the deepest they ever been.

It’s hard to express feelings

when people don’t listen

so you resort to lying.

Pieces of my heart is missing

making me soulless.

A person you hate conserving

with.

Better off talking to a brick

and their presence

make you sick to your fucking stomach.

So this poem right now

is therapeutic.

I’m having hallucinations

and I’m not smoking

so you know I have real

life problems

and yet I hate I have to solve them.

Feels like I’m trying to decipher

a bomb.

So much under pressure

I’m ready to give up and become

A bum.

Thus is more than just poetry

This is a true life story

What Was The Most Important Lesson You Learned From Your Previous Relationship?

This post is not a poem. My next poem posted will be on June 2.

I gained some new followers but if you have time please read

I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1)

and

I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 2) This is a very long blog personal blog

Some of you might have read those blogs but those are blogs about me opening up and expressing my emotions that I felt 3 years ago. One thing that important to me about blogging is for me to learn about other bloggers. I mostly post poetry but today, I will open up a little bit about my personal experience of mine.

 

 

Have you ever wonder to yourself

1) I am a good person with a good heart, why don’t people appreciate me?

2) Why do people take advantage of me?

3) Why are people so mean and cold hearted?

 

 

 

For years I have been asking myself these questions.

A few years back, during my first relationship, I broke up with my ex through a text message. I admit, I was a coward and it was a bitch move, but overall I was a good boyfriend and I thought I was looking out for the both of us. I fear that one day she was going to get pregnant since at the time I didn’t know how to use a condom. There were other reasons as well but that was the about 75% of the reason why I broke up with her.

So anyway long story short I tried to get back with her, but she wasn’t sure she was playing games. If you read the links I posted at the top, you get the whole story.

One thing that use to drive my crazy at the time was, my ex never gave me a second chance. She told me a lot about her past and the men she use to date. Based on what she told me, I was the only good boyfriend she ever had. All her ex’s weren’t great boyfriends but yeah they all had second chances. One in particular had numerous chances but yet I couldn’t get a second chance. You would have to read the two links I posted above to get the full story to understand why I was thinking like this

But regarding relationships, I learned that

  • you can’t compare yourself to significant other ex bf/gf.
  • I also learned that doing nice things for people does not guarantee an opportunity of happiness with that somebody.
  • Everybody failed relationship will prepare you for the next relationship
  • No matter how nice you are, people will always take advantage of you.
  • Doing nice thing for people will not change on how they feel about you

 

1) I am a good person with a good heart, why don’t people appreciate me?

2) Why do people take advantage of me?

3) Why are people so mean and cold hearted?

 

 

 

Are you struggling to find answers to these questions, comment below and tell how do you feel about these questions!

Also have you ever compared yourself to your significant other’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend, have you ever thought doing nice things for people will get people to like you or change how they feel about you, do you fear falling in love because of the pain from the previous relationship still haunts you?

Comment below your thoughts?

Tomorrow I will be posting a first date scenario similar to this one

What Do You Believe Is The Most Common Mistake Made On The 1st Date?

If Today Was Your Last Day, How Would You Want Your Family Members To Remember You?

 Click play button to listen  #np on #SoundCloud
 
If I could go back to the day where I can fix what held me back I would be able to trust myself Here am I with a picture of memories thinking of hurting myself. All I need is a chance in a day One shot, one place to fix my mistakes that I made, vomiting all of the pain. If I had one angel and a prophet to guide me safe along the way. Cup of holy water, mixed with wine anointing myself as I lay across the sofa. Re-learn all the politics so I could use to my advantage. Need the sermons to subdue the hollowness in my heart affected by relationships. Shallowness are common in companionships. Life is a bitch and she will suck the life out of you like a woman that's avoiding conception but ironically life is a blessing. Blessings are only appreciated when materialistic things involved. Motivation dissolved since good times don't last forever. Felt type of pain like a heartbroken mother because her daughter commit suicide. Never saw the defeat in her eyes since the smile was a disguise, hiding the true feeling inside. Friends are really spies watching from a distance like binoculars zooming in until they found a weakness and use it to their advantage and catch you blinded sided like driving and getting hit from the right side. We don't wanna be right when logic and emotion aren't on the same side. We do what feels good instead of what's actually right. Getting high in the hood feels right being up all night because loud music don't know the difference between night and daylight. Converse more with strangers on social media then family members.
I'm trapped in a circle,
Stuck in a bubble 
Nowhere to go 
Blessing since trouble 
is within my distance.
Walls are 
closing in towards 
the skin 
on my bones 
Me and my shadow 
all alone 
for so long
but the gray hairs 
on my ears 
reminds me that
life is short.

Drunk off of hallucinations
Pictures, images 
extremely haunted, 
existent upon
the environment.
I don't comprehend 
eccentric expressions 
in the area.
The length and width 
of these images  
are possessed with spirits
which penetrates 
my mental anguish.

First of all 
I ask lord to forgive me.
For my loves ones, 
listen to me
before you speak.
Don't act first 
please think.
For every waking
moment that I breathe
I live a lie
a double life
and I wonder how 
I sleep?
I lie to seek peace.
Mentally I'm weak
like a sheep
surrounded by a world 
full of German Shepard's 
and wolves
and I'm terrified 
karma will charge 
me like a bull.
Doing something you hate
I believe is a disgrace 
and a waste.
Wasted talent 
should not be any man's plan
even though this is 
something that's so common.
Alot of the most talented 
men are serving a life sentence 
in prison.
I think to myself 
money, goals, and success 
Don't mean shit without happiness.

My Purpose

I scrutinize the face and human eyes
and analyze.
Some say I look hypnotized.
I concentrate to see the disgiuse behind
to see if people are mystified.
To see if they provide for what they lack inside.
Skeletons and devils choose to hide.
I verbally don’t express my right
as I watch from the side
and prepare for a plan to lead to their demise.
My lips are sealed but the music amplifies my mind.
I purposely choose to remain shy
but yet mind can be dark like the clouds
in the sky
during a thunderstorm.
I’m unique and I choose not to conform
to the norm in society.
So I constantly keep my mind reformed
and my brain cells is plenty
like the semen that brought me life.
I refuse to allow the world to put me in a frenzy
but like a roof I have moments when I
decline
since procrastination can be deadly
like venom
which spreads becuase of snakes in life,
but I stand tall and fight
and remind myself it’s all mental.
The intellectual process in my mind
in which I describe is clear-sighted.
Well read and intellectually nimble
Some say I’m related to a gerbil.
Non-social but yet curious about my environment
is what the ordinary person is describing
when observing me as a person.
The people in the vicinity is what I’m inspecting.
Jealously and hate I notice and always expecting.
Comprehending the disloyal helps
me to appreciate those that are loyal.
My personality so distinguished
and I learn to relinquish the grip
that made me hate myself.
It’s hard to tell at first
but watch me closely
and you will see I choose to excel.
One step at a time as I inhale and exhale.
Worst feeling is feeling guilty as hell
for failing
when you was trying to do well.
Lord would speak to me through dreams
painting a picture of whales
to expose how I was gifted with intuition and awareness.
My sense of spirituality will overcome darkness
like the light that separates from darkness
for a solution due to the war in heaven.
For every demon, I surround myself with 2 angels.
I live life according to the 2:1 ratio
which God will annihilate the Devil.