Lonely and misery
so I think of sucide
This is what I’m feeling
I believe I should die.
I love heaven
so I should surrender my life.
I fear hell
so my life
should not yet be scarficed.
Angel on my right shoulder
Demon on my left shoulder
Part time job as a pastor
to seek forgiveness in sinners.
Also a part time music composer
on certain days my heart is colder.
Demons torture me like a run away slave
without no type of warning.
I should at least get warnings
like the kids on beyond scare straight
My pain I choose to hide
like a gun in a safe.
So I pray to God today
to help me walk straight
For years I hope things would get better,
but now realize at 27 nothing last forever.
Now I feel like Japan in 1945 when the bombs dropped.
Destruction lies within the center of my heart.
For years I search for glory but tragedies seek me.
I play hide and seek with sin but the demons travel forcefully every time to seek me.
I’m trapped like a death row inmate with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I understand exactly how it felt to be Tookie but he still remained humble.
I stayed away from gangs as a youth, but church sermons didn’t subdue my struggles.
I been baptized with Holy water but the skin still remains dirty.
Even though I haven’t reach thirty and I know it’s too early,
I’m ready to not open my eyes tomorrow morning.
I always wonder what it feels like to be a man that’s blind.
To not see able to the sun set or rise.
To not see the rain or snow falling from the sky.
To not see tears from a babies eyes.
To not see the organ in between a woman’s thighs.
To not see the difference between black and white.
To not see the stars at night.
To not see fireworks on the 4th of July.
You can take my eye sight away and give someone else that’s blind.
I always wonder can a blind man have dreams in his sleep
since he don’t know what pictures he sees in his mind because images to him is nonexistent,
like Santa Clause on Christmas
I know my journey has been difficult,
but am I being too cynical?
Still haven’t received a miracle,
as I look up at the sky.
Questioning myself, are you still on my side?
Feel like a grown man in a child’s body.
How can you expect me to act grown with a child’s mentality?
I don’t want to rebuke you,
but look at all the stuff I go through.
Suppose to be my protector and guider.
I’m searching for an answer,
but my questions remain unanswered.
With your help, I will have no fear.
I stand below you right here,
begging with a face full of tears.
I just want to talk with you.
I just want to walk with you.
I’m soaking up pain like water in a sponge.
Unclog my suffering, I’m your toilet, your my plunge.
I’m screaming from the top of my lungs,
“Please give me a sign”
From ancient times to modern times,
life been filled with violence and crime.
Answers through prayer we hope to find
but sometimes we don’t understand why.
We accept Lord is almighty and divine.
The creator of all things God exist and we choose to believe.
We believe what the naked eye can’t see.
The power to giveth and taketh away
balances the families of mines, yours, and others around the way.
The war between Good vs Evil.
God vs The Devil
Demons vs the angels
Lucifer was once an archangel,
and he was cast out of heaven for trying to take over God’s throne.
Lake of fire was created and that’s where he belongs.
Misery loves company so he’ll bring some souls along.
Earth was covered with darkness and formless until light was created.
But the essential creation was on the day of the 6th.
Man and woman was created in God’s image
and they both were naked.
They were meant to enjoy life in the Garden of Eden.
Everything upon this time was all part of God’s creation including the serpent.
Serpent lead the woman to temptation to eat from the tree of knowledge that was forbidden.
Woman choose to listen to the Serpent and eat the apple and gave to the Man and he ate it.
Sooner or later God saw the Man and Woman and they were no longer naked.
The Man and Woman would of never knew they were naked if they were obedient.
For being disobedient ,the Man,Woman, and the serpent were punished.
So ever since then sin and evil became existent and we die because of it.
Do you ever imagine what would it be like if sin never existed?
Life would be completely different.
We were made to be fruitful and multiply.
Everyday somebody is born, everyday somebody dies.
This is a cycle to balance human population worldwide.
Without sin, the world is not balanced.
Earth would of been overpopulated.
God knew this and that’s why God is perfect.
God makes no mistake he had a reason for why the tree of knowledge was created.
He wanted humans have to right to free will which is a choice between obedience and disobedience