How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie(Part 2)

Before you read this, I highly recommend you ready How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie first. I share my very personal thoughts in poetry format cut and dry and I don’t give a fuck. Through out this poem, I will have some sentences in bold in this poem because those are the quotes that are most powerful lessons that I learned

I can write for days

while you observe

the pain on my face.

Plus I’m poor

like a report card

with bad grades.

“Myself, I choose to isolate

and use to do it

to keep my heart safe

but it just increased the rage

and I write poetry to release frustration.

to keep my head straight.”

I can snap at any given time

and space

and I’m sure some of you can relate.

I mean how much can a muthfucka take?

It’s sad when you ain’t

comfortable at your home base.

I zone out and stare off into space

wishing somebody else can take my place.

I use to wonder why I never had so many dates?

As I got older, I was like fuck a date,

paying for sex was the way.

For those of you that follow me,

I mentioned this in so many ways.

So many ways I can express my hate.

I hate a person that always thinks he/she right.

Thinking their opinion only matters in life.

I hate a person that’s tight

with money in their hand.

“I know people that will help a stranger

before a family member

or friend.

Loyal to the wrong person

until they are betrayed

and now back to family

they complaining expressing their hurt

and this is how life works,

the ones that don’t have it like that

will give you their last

and the ones that got it like that

are tight with it.”

It hurts because money rules the world.

I said over and over

“Loyalty push to the side when the price is right

and it been like this

way before Bob Barker’s time.”

Judas betrayed Jesus

for 30 silver pieces

way way before social media existed.

“Performing miracles isn’t impressive

because money is the real magic.”

Mind is playing tricks

falling victim to the devil’s wish

selling him your body and soul

and you just became his trick

and he pimps

you out to be worldly.

“Is worshiping God boring?

If the answer is yes

is this the reason

why more people go to hell then heaven?

How can we make worshiping God more exciting?”

Excitement comes three times,

when the dick is hard,

when the pussy is wet,

and when money involved.

Its an addiction we can’t stop.

If money was promised

to every person

that go to church on Sunday,

more people would be worshiping God.

Wouldn’t you agree?

See how this is fake pretending?

People only around to seek cheese

until you speak up and say no.

Behind your back

they make fun of the way you speak

after they take your money.

A few post back I said

“Same niggas they say

“Money over pussy”

put

“Pussy over family””.

Mothers out there fucking their son’s

right hand man to receive money in their hand.

Some mothers fuck for free.

If one of my friends

fucked my mother he dying for free.

“But I don’t have friends,

I have family.

So another words,

never trust a friend

because they can never be family.”

Friends are temporary like the temp agency.

We chase the wrong ones,

chasing the popularity.

“As a kid in high school,

was told talking to bitches

was what make you popular

because niggas want bitches

and bitches want niggas

that are popular

and being around fine bitches

is what make niggas popular.”

“High school is popularity chasing and chasing

something is a full time job

which is time consuming

and chasing too hard for something

will get you nothing”.

“Chasing too hard for something

will have trying

to pretend to be someone you not”.

It will make you look eve more corny.

Like a comedian trying to hard to be funny?

“Sometimes good things will come naturally

but we hate patience with a passion

and this destroys us spiritually

and we disconnect with God

and feel empty

like being in a relationship with somebody

w/o the chemistry.

But we get comfortable in solitary

so avoiding communicating

leads to cheating

and looking over your shoulder

to make sure you don’t get caught.

But we just students and bad experience

is the teacher but some students

don’t listen

so we try avoiding

getting caught

but being lucky isn’t guaranteed”

I will reiterate that

“Sometimes good things will come naturally

but we hate patience with a passion

and this destroys us spiritually

and we disconnect with God

and feel empty

like being in a relationship with somebody

w/o the chemistry.

But we get comfortable in solitary

so avoiding communicating

leads to cheating

and looking over your shoulder

to make sure you don’t get caught.

But we just students and bad experience

is the teacher but some students

don’t listen

so we try avoiding

getting caught

but being lucky isn’t guaranteed”

What is guaranteed?

Taxes, death

but what else is left?

Never guaranteed life

but we guaranteed

we will die the moment

you planted inside a woman.

Not guarantee to see life

some cells never make out the vagina

Some lives die inside but did God do those lives a favor?

Life is not sweet like candy

you’ll either will learn this now or later.

Either way it don’t matter

because I’m still bitter.

This is more than a long poem

I’m expressing true life emotions

and I’m doing ya a favor. I

tell the cold hard truth

and the amount of people that lie

you’ll see that the crowd is wide

like an angle that’s obtuse.

Lies we get so use to

we don’t believe it

when we actually meet a person

that tells the truth.

My poetry might not be great

but it speaks the truth

even if it embarrasses my personality.

So much to say

I have alot to say

I can write for days

while you observe the pain on my face.

My hidden emotions is my excuse

to how I became a talent poet

and I can tell a life story better than fresh prince

But what happens after I finish telling my life experiences?

So my question is, will I have another poem left in me

after this get uploaded?

I will upload a part 3 and maybe a part 4 .

Pussy Over Family

Niggas that say “paper over pussy”

will put pussy over family.

Nigga will fuck his brother wife

if attracted to thickness on her thighs.

Loyalty in the family is a disguise

when the right pussy is the prize. Like an inmate serving double life

his mind is a prison locked

and lustful thoughts are the cages

trapped inside his mind.

Money gives him too much pride

but pussy just made him a sucker for life

when his brother walks in the room

while he is inside his wife.

Pussy is addictive if your mind isn’t handled right

Whats Unforgivable In A Relationship

My plan

is to kill a man

that fucked my spouse

in my house.

It hurts my stomach

as I picture him

taking off her blouse.

Quiet as a mouse

as watched

from the windows

from outside

covering her mouth.

Giving it to her good

I can tell by the looks

on her face.

I felt ashamed.

I felt the pain

and I’m crying

by the window frame.

 I pull out the pistol.

Revenge need to get out

of my system.

I try to subdue

my resistance

as I converse with

my bullets.

They thought I was foolish.

The dragon was whispering

and provided me

with  hollow tips.

I aim at the window

Pow Pow

I shoot two bullets

to stop the movement

of them having sex.

The feeling felt like the best

I ever had.

I went in the house

but become more sad.

This was really bad

I thought to myself.

I made a mistake

and it’s too late

to take back

I looked down at the dead

bodies and what I thought

was my wife

was actually  my daughter.

Holy Shit

I killed my own daughter.

This was really bad

I thought to myself.

I made a mistake

and it’s too late

to take back

Death makes no mistake

Or does it?

 

1 Peter 3:9 –  Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get Lost In My Poems Part 2

Just want to say thank you to my followers. I wrote Get Lost In My Poems part 1 in August. Click the link to see what that poem is about. Evey poem that I wrote since the end of August up until yesterday  all have a connection with each other  which makes one huge poem. This giant poem contains different poems that I wrote since the end of August which are life lessons, comedy, child like, sexy, dark,suspense,relationships,stories ect. I am here to share with and to take you on a journey. Picture this as a poetry museum  and I  am your tour guide and I will let you hop in the time travel machine to switch back and fourth between my poetry(Warning do not eat before you hop in the time machine because you will vomit and I’m not giving your money back because I’m broke and I need it)

 

Pay The Fare Now Or Get Out!

 

 

 

Your Still Here Smart Move, Keep Hands In The Machine At All Times, Be Safe!

 

I’m genie and your Aladdin

aladdin

and I will sure you a vision.
My poems are dream

and hop in this automatic time machine.

The Poetry Automatic time machine

But first allow me to introduce myself
and take you to show you

Who Am I?.

 

You’ll see I am.
My life is a Journal

Now let’s go back  into another time period in August where I wrote about my journal

 

and my journal is very personal.
It’s the book where I choose

Hop in the time machine to learn about the art of ghostwriting

to ghost write

from time to time.
Some people

 

Let’s travel to see life is like as a blind man

visuallyimpaired

are blind

so I’m the guide
to lead them out of

 

Hop in to see what’s it like on a dark day

darkness and
help them

For every dark night there is always a brighter day

 

shine.
I do that, introducing

Hop in and let’s imagine what the world is like

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the power of imagination.
The different thoughts
can be segregated
into sections

 

Hop in to see common mistakes men and women make

having you confused

When your trying to

 

Ever tried to pretend to be something that your not? No , well hop in

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be heartless for being

heartbroken.

But sometimes you have
to understand

 

Everything you do is a decision, hop in and make a choice

the choices

and decisions from others.
So in the meantime

Our future is not looking to good, hop and read all about it

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pray for a better future

But watch out

Hypocrites are more common than you think, hop in

for the fake teachers

and pastors.

Pretend to worship

 

Don’t get fooled by the blue dress

Bluefairy

Jesus but really the devil

in disguise.

Sometimes what you

 

You ever told a lie? You say no, well I will ask you that again after you read this , hop on in

believe is the truth

is really a lie

But sometimes it’s better to lie
and truth doesn’t always come to light
since we don’t what’s in
a person’s mind

 

Suicide thoughts are more common then you think. Most people will tell you don’t think about suicide but in order to relate and help those that are suicidal, you have to come down on their level and show them they are not alone, so hop in!

suicide

when they commit suicide

but I can brainstorm
and come up
with clues

You didn’t know, I can come up with riddles did you, come hop in and you can’t leave this poem until you solve the riddle and I left clues

like trying to solve a riddle

but sometimes
people are critical
around murder scenes
which is bloody

 

I was trying to scare the shit out of the bloggers for Halloween, hop in!

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and scary like Halloween

 

Loyalty is a blessing but don’t let people take advantage, so read about it and hop in!

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Being a slave to loyalty

will get you heartbroken
for real
where your missing meals

Look at cheating from a different angle, hop in

 
because your girl fucking

another guy

This poem will ruin your appetite, hop in!

landscape-1492181150-delish-breakfast-crunchwrap-supreme-2

 

ruined your appetite.
We need to heal

Prayer is need when your heartbroken, just hop in and pray!

and prayer is the secret

When we are defeated
like a poor kid
under a roof of
a single parent on

 

Christmas is overrated, hop in and see!

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christmas.
So sometimes we believe

 

Does money buy happiness, answer that and hop in!

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money is

 

Welcome to the magic show, hop in!

magic

and we keep

Always stay quiet because there are advantage to being under estimated, quiet like a mouse but if one’s in my house I’m am going to kill it, I despise rodents hop in!

quiet

and the paper

Look out for yourself, fuck everybody, hop in!

I don’t give

or receive

 

Never forget the oil, hop in!

the blessings

for being poetic.
In a dream I was told

Just ask  J Cole what a false prophet is, hop in!

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I was a false prophet.
So maybe I play games
with the people
as I hide in my shadow
like the groundhog

Winter is coming really soon, read a winter story hop in!

in the winter

and I just confused the

Yup, more drama, hop in!

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followers.
Both the

Men do dirt, read all about it hop in!

men

 

Women do dirt, hop in and learn!

and women

Interracial couples are lovely, come hop in and see!

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white

I have to represent the black women they deserve it, hop in!

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and black

argue about what they
lack in each other
Women blame Men
and men say

One of the most famous quotes when lying “That ain’t me” hop in!

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That ain’t me
Passing a blame is a disease

Do you know God’s plan, well read this poem hop in!

since ancient times.

We all pay for our crimes.
I will end on this note

We need a change, hop in!

Biggie-Smalls-Picture-Quotes-1

We can’t change the world unless

We change ourselves.

This world is ruled by the wealth
and I

You will learn all about fear when I am done with you, hop in!

fear

 

Please make sure your are 100% sure if you are ready to jump the broom, don’t wait until the night before, hop in!

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like a man before his wedding

who is not too affectionate

 

but still smiles at the woman of

 

his life

A woman has problems, read  part 2the story and hop in!

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and her wedding dress

 

so tight

Perfect way to elope, take a look at this hop in!

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Originally wanted to elope

 

but she said nope.

Read this and I hope you learn to stop judging people, hop in!

 

You may think he lame

Hop in if you want to play a game with me!

but he play no games

 

and he keep it real

 

and straightforward

I’m taking you back to this poem so you can see the table of contents of my poems for December, hop in!

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unlike false prophets

Do ya remember the ending of the story lmao, hop in!

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that make up stories

 

to receive the glory

 

by any means necessary

My mind be on some next shit, when it comes to this poetry stuff, hop in!

e9ddf-gunrangestare

 

and sometimes it’s a mystery

 

to me

 

why people

 

believe and worship,

Popularity is overrated followed by dick riders, hop in!

 

power,fame and money

This is for the women to think about, hop in!

 

but question yourselves

I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 2) This is a very long blog personal blog

I sure some of you have noticed  I have been posting a lot blogs for the last 3 days. For the month of December I plan to go all out with my blogs and I will be posting a lot of rel – eatable  content. Tomorrow  I will post a poem “Suicide thoughts” and it’s a deep topic to discuss. Now please for those of you that don’t know me, please click this link Who Am I? . It’s an autobiography of me to learn more about me so you can understand this story. Also please, please read I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1) before reading this blog. I hope you all enjoy.  This is a very, very long blog so I will understand if you get bored but I wanted to share my story because I know a lot of people been heart broken before and I like to break things down for you bloggers to picture what I went through. Also this is a very long blog, so if you don’t like reading long blogs you will get bored reading this.

April 2015

Next day is Sunday and I’m still thinking about the previous night. She text me “Good Morning” and I replied back but I wasn’t in the mood to communicate with her. Throughout the day she kept texting me and I just kept replying back but I wasn’t really feeling the vibe after what happened the previous night. After a while, she noticed that I wasn’t really in the mood so she asked me “Are you okay?” I replied back “I call you later” When she got off work, I called her and I asked “Do you still have feelings on me?” she was a little hesitant and said” On certain days I do, on certain days I’m not in the mood.” Now that I’m wiser looking back at it now, I should of just wished her luck and moved on, but you live and you learn. So anyway when she told me that, I asked her “Well what’s gonna happen between us in the future? She responded “I’m not sure” So I said “We can’t remain friends forever tho, either one day we will get back together or we will go our separate ways.” Now I don’t remember what her response was because this was like 3 years ago but I said what I said to her because I guess I was trying to put the pressure on her so she can really figure out what she wanna do. I felt like she got too comfortable with receiving relationship benefits on a friendship level. I also asked her over the phone why she didn’t want to kiss me and if she was uncomfortable and she told me “Oh no I was just tired and I wanted to go home.” I felt like she was bullshitting because even if you tired if you really into somebody even if your tired wouldn’t you still kiss that person?(just a question to think about)

                                                                     May 2015

Fast forward to May, me and this girl still are communicating but probably like 2 or 3 times a week. At this point I’m focus because I started working 2 jobs so I was busy everyday. At this point I started talking to other girls to get my mind off my ex because at this point I didn’t know what was going to happen between me and her. My ex and I would text about 2 or 3 times a week. I won’t lie I still had feelings for her. Now back in April when we saw the fast furious movie I did tell her we were going to see Avengers age of Ultron in May but after I tried to kiss her and she slammed the car door on my face I was like fuck that (for those that don’t know what happened when we saw fast furious go back to the top of this blog and click on the link and read the 1st part). So it was the beginning of May and we texting back and fourth. I mentioned I couldn’t wait to see the avengers movie. She said when do you plan to see it” I said maybe this weekend”
then I asked her “Do you plan to see it?” She said ” I thought we planned on seeing it together but I guess you don’t feel like driving to queens.” Lol I played it off and said ” Lol my fault I forgot you know I’m a old man I forget simple shit”. She called me an old man. I didn’t forget, I was playing it off because you see, this girl barely kissed me, and we haven’t had sex in months. Now me and her are just friends at this point so I wasn’t really chasing the sex but at this point I’m like if she comfortable enough to hang out with me, comfortable enough to her allow to pick from work, I even gave her money twice(now this was my fault because I volunteered to do this) but whenever I try to make a move or bring up my feelings she goes cold. So now I’m like you know what, I ain’t going out my way for her no more unless she gives it up. So later when I was in school, we was texting back and  fourth. Don’t remember how this started, but I said to her “You can’t say my name lol ” but we just joking. She said “Yes I can lol”. I said “You can’t say my name unless we having sex and I know you not trying to take it there” She put “Lmao but can still say your name”. I said “Lol why well are you going to have sex with me?” She said “No, but I can still say your name” I said “Alright fine, you can say my name while having sex with another guy” She said “No that would be very rude of me to say that” I said, ” Well it’s very rude for you to say my name”, I don’t remember her response but after I left class I gave her a call. I decided that either we get back together or I go my separate way.  So called her and told that. I asked her if she wanted to work things out and get back together. She said she wasn’t sure so I told I will give you 2 weeks to think about it.  The following week she got the nerve to ask me for a favor,something to do with her car. I made up an excuse though, I didn’t do it. Some other things happen during the month of May but I can’t remember everything because it’s been so long. This took place over two years ago.

                                                                June 2015

So now we fast forward to June. Both of our birthdays were in June. Between May and June we barely spoke. I was on the verge of just cutting her off. At this point, I still had feelings but I was starting to get use to not hearing from her. I felt like I started healing. I felt like I was getting stronger or at least I thought I was. So anyway it was  the middle of June  and it was her birthday. It was 9AM and I was contemplating on rather or not if I should text her “Happy Birthday”. So after 10 minutes of being in deep thought, I decided to text her “Happy Birthday” and she said “Thank you!”. From that day until June 22, we slowly started communicating here and there but not often. So now fast forward to about 4 or 5 days later this girl texted me ” You okay?”. Once in a blue moon she would text me this if we haven’t spoke in a while. So anyway, I texted her” I alright wbu?” So she “I’m good” I said” Is there anything you wanna talk about?” She said” Are you seeing new friend?” I said” New friend? do you mean if  I’m dating somebody new?” She said “Yes!” I said “No, but why did you ask me that?” She said “No reason” I said” for real stop playing why you asked me that?” She said” I just want to see you found someone to replace me that’s all”. Now I  don’t know why I said this looking back at this now but my response was” Nah, nobody would ever take your place”.
She responded” Aww 😚😚
So she asked me” How is work coming along?”
I said “I’m just busy you know staying focus working two jobs?” She said ” That’s a lot, but if we was to get back together, how would you have the time?” I said”Good question, but I can make time.” Now I was just thinking to myself maybe she does want to get back together but I still was on my guard because I still didn’t trust her. I somewhat had feelings for her still, but I was healing little by little.  So fast forward to June 22, she texted me ” How you doing?” I said” I’m good!”  We was going back and fourth and she I told her that my supervisor was letting me leave work early. She said” Why?” I said “because it’s my birthday” She said “Omg I’m so sorry Happy Birthday!”  I’m just like “lol thank you”. One minute later, she gave me a call and said she apologizes for forgetting my birthday then she said let’s hang out. I said I’ll let you know. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. So  I asked a co-worker for advice. The co-worker said I should let her take me out for my birthday. So I took his advice(looking back now I should just went with my instincts instead of taking this advice)

                                                                   July 2015

For those of you reading this, if you don’t like what your hearing and if you feel like this is a fucked story then I wouldn’t recommend reading the rest of this story because it does get worst. So now it’s July and I wanted go to a buffet. I picked her up and we went to the buffet. I swear I was not trying to make a move or anything I just wanted to be a simple date that’s all. So we at the buffet, and we are talking. She seemed really excited to see me. Around this time, I was listening to K love trying to change my ways and become more positive. So anyway, I can’t lie, my feelings started coming back, she seemed really excited to see me, plus she just got her license so I was excited for her. She wanted to register for college (now what I am about to say was so foolish, so stupid, so navie) and she owed the school 1000 dollars.  I was working two jobs, I had money, plus I was listening K love radio station, so I was feeling positive and I felt like God was looking out for me. I love helping people so I offer to help her pay for college and I told her she only have to pay me half back by December. She really appreciated it. So after the buffet I was planning to take her home, but  she said she wasn’t in a rush to go home. We decided to go to the mall to pass time. To my surprise, she started holding my hand while in the mall. Now that’s what got me because we haven’t done that in months.  Now think about this, 3 weeks prior, she asked me if I was dating anybody else, if we got back together how would you have the time,  and she started holding my hand, now wouldn’t this lead you on?  So we head back to the car and I was feeling the moment and I tried kissing her. She started pulling back harder. So I’m thinking like alright she just playing hard to get. It’s been a while since like months since  I got close with a female and I feel like this was a good opportunity. This time I didn’t care I was coming on to her. But when I got closer the second time, she said “I  don’t want to get turned on , it’s been a month since I been turned on” I paused for a second because I’m like what the fuck that got to do with me and why you telling that. So I asked her “You had sex a month ago?”  she said “Yes”. Let’s think about this, all along for months I made effort to show her that I care, I gave her money like twice, picked her up from work, went to church with her family, contacted her on a daily, never pressured her for sex up until this point, and she fucked someone else like wow. I was shocked because I let my guard down. In the back of my mind since April I had a feeling she was messing with another guy. I knew it and I tried my hardest to move on but she kept leading me on and I tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. Now I can’t remember what my response was, but I drove her home in silence. I went home pissed of. For the men that’s reading this, I’m sure you can understand how I felt.  So anyway she texted me “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get you upset” I called her and told I think it’s best we don’t talk for a while.  I couldn’t even go to sleep that night. Every day I kept thinking and thinking about this bullshit. I couldn’t focus at work , I couldn’t focus at school , I just kept replaying this shit in my head. I could not let it go.  So I went to God and I prayed. I too realized  that back in October I broke up with her through a text message and I will briefly explain that at the end of this blog. So I prayed and I talked to my mom and she started praying for me. After about a week , I decided to text and ask her why she did what she did?(I know I should of just left her alone) When you love somebody it’s very hard to move on. In fact, when the person you love breaks your heart, you blame yourself and that’s what  I did. Now I can’t remember everything but since I was trying so hard to forgive her, praying to God still,  I decided to forgive her and I texted whatever happened on my birthday let’s leave it in the past and just move on. Now at this point I wasn’t trying to get back with her anymore, but I thought at least we can be civil and move on. The reason why I blamed myself because sometimes I feel like I overthink a lot of things and I create situations and problems  in my head worrying about every single thing and I was trying hard to change that at that time. So I figure maybe I’m just thinking too hard and I should just let this go. So anyway, after I texted her that, she told me thank you. So we started talking a little and I’m slowly letting go what happened then she got the nerve to text me ” You still going to lend me the money?” In my head I’m like you gotta be fucking serious. I’m like what the hell. I should of cursed her ass out. I responded “I don’t know I will think about”. I didn’t plan on lending her money. I thought about it and  I asked myself, why should I lend her money?

Before I continue with the story, I will briefly explain something real quick so you can understand my though process at this time. I apologize for this long blog, but I am trying hard to break everything down so you can understand this. I am going to be completely honest and this is not easy for me to admit this but I think it’s important for you to know this. When me and this girl got together, this was my first relationship and I was inexperienced in all areas. I repeat, I was inexperienced in all areas. So we got together and I was embarrassed by my inexperience and I felt like I couldn’t keep her with her. I had problems staying hard. Truth was I never admitted to her, but I didn’t know how to put on a condom. So I couldn’t maintain an erection. I was extremely embarrassed. So I decided to go unprotected. Still couldn’t keep it up. This shit was in my head all throughout the day. Since I was inexperienced, I use to compare myself to other guys. I was felt like she was going to leave me because of that.  I went to urologist and he gave me cialis and it worked for me. Since I didn’t know how to put on condoms, I just went unprotected. I got addicted to having sex unprotected and I hated condoms. So anyway there was guy she use to date before me and I thought she still had feelings for him while she was with me. Let’s just say because of my lack of experience was the reason why I felt like she still had feelings for the previous guy before I came into the picture. There’s a lot more to say but I feel like I probably already gave you guys a headache so I will leave it here.

 

So back where I left off with the story,  I was thinking about lending her the money but then I thought to myself, what if the guy had sex with was a from the past? Next day, I texted and first thing I asked her was “If I lend you money, will you promise me to pay me back in December?” She said “Yes” Then I asked her ” Remember when you told me you had sex a month ago, was that guy you had sex with a new guy you just met or a guy from your past?  She said” Someone from the past” When I heard that damn, I can’t describe how painful that felt.  The reason why it felt painful because here I am, nice, respectful gentleman, doing everything in my power to be there for this girl and yet she fucking somebody from the past when she clearly tells me that all the guys from her past were trash. W got into an argument and she told me ” I don’t know why you making a big deal, it’s my life and I wasn’t even dating the guy, it was just a fling thing.” I wanted to punch her in the fucking face.  I can’t lie, I went to the bathroom I called my mom and I was in tears.

 

 

This experience changed me. To this day I haven’t been back to church ever since. I stopped listening to K love, I lost respect for women. I was hurt for months until I went to the strip club and I just started paying for sex. Real talk. Believe it or not , the strip club was my healing factor and I was watching porn like crazy. What happened was strip clubs and porn desensitized my mind. I didn’t trust any girls. I only wanted strippers but I wore a condom though I didn’t smash a stripper raw, I ‘m not that crazy. I realize that strippers make bad decisions but they are friendly people that accept you for who you are. A few of them I was getting to know them and I realized that they have a lot potential to be great. Now some people judge strippers and think they are stupid hoes, let me tell you something, strippers make poor decisions but they are warm hearted people(most not all) trying to earn a living and even though they caught a lot of bodies, they will make sure their clients use to protection because they want to catch nothing. A lot of these girls out here getting pregnant fucking every nigga raw, they ain’t no better than the strippers. But eventually I did get bored with the strip club but it did help me though.  As time move on, I started to talk to other females and I realized I had more in common with other females than my ex.  I realized my ex wasn’t for me. This was all a learning experience and you know what, I thank her for breaking my heart. She taught me a lot and I forgive her now. If we was still together I would eventually been miserable. I accept myself for who I am and that I am just an over thinker. Not giving a fuck healed me. Now if I don’t get hard in the bedroom, I don’t give a fuck, if a girl gets upset and think I’m lame then go fuck another nigga it don’t bother me. I realized that being single was the best decision ever. Someone on twitter use to tweet everyday ” I’m glad that I can wake up and not get cheated on” lol I don’t know why but that’s funny to me. I started saying that lol. Now for women reading this, I know there are some good women out there I know,so I didn’t take my frustration out on all women but some of you are fucked up, just being honest. Another lesson I learn is you can’t always trust a christian that lives by the bible day in and day out(no offensive). Some Christians are good people so I’m not placing all Christians in this category, but be careful because some of them will hurt you in the worst. Some of them will just receive from you and will not give you anything in return. I respect church members and it’s a great honor to see them worship God but the one thing that use to annoy me with them was they are so nosy. Like they would always try everything in their power to  try to get me involved in the church activities , they don’t accept no for an answer. For example, they say, “come to the Friday night service, you said you don’t work on Fridays you not doing nothing so come on down” it’s annoying when they do that because it’s like they trying to trap me into coming but all this does is push me away further and further. Like I said I wasn’t perfect because I broke up with my ex through a text message so I’m not trying to appear innocent.  If you would like to hear more about why I broke up with my ex, through a text message and the events take took place then comment below. If you read this long blog from start to finish appreciate you because this took a lot of thinking to write this. I love relating to people that been heart broken because I know how it feels.   I heard this in church once

 

“We all have gotten hurt by somebody and we all will hurt somebody”

 

I Just Have To Ask Why

I didn’t plan on blogging right now, but look at this blog as bonus blog. From time to to I may just surprise you with a bonus blog.

I want my blog to be like a video game and just picture as the secret level or cheat code.
A bonus blog is just extra content and mini blog for you to look at while I work on my primary original blogs. I Just may upload bonus blog from time to time 

Men:
1. When you just started talking to a girl you just met,  why lie and say you not talking to other girls if you really are?
2. If you cheating on your girl on a regular basis then why get mad as soon as she is having lunch with a male co-worker?
3. Most women do want men to lead and take charge but why do you talk to your woman as if she is a child and you trying to be too dominant?
4. Why do you lie by any means neccessary to get pussy?
5. If you love having sex with different women, why cheat instead why not remain single?
6. Now I can’t lie because I kind see where men are coming from on this, but if you want a threesome then why not just try to get a threesome while you single instead of asking your girlfriend/wife for one?
7. If you a one minute man, why do you want a threesome?
8. Why you say “These hoes ain’t loyal” or “can’t trust these hoes” if you having sex with hoes unprotected knowing that they had sex with other guys?
9. Why have sex unprotected and get a girl pregnant if you have no chance on taking care of your kids?
10. Why do you expect your wife/girlfriend to give you head all the time?(head is good but most girl don’t want to do it all the time)

For the women

1. Every time when a rich or famous man cheat, why is the reason because “niggas ain’t shit”
2. If your looking for a relationship, why would you have sex with a guy you barely know that didn’t claim you yet?
3. Why do you say you want a big dick if you know you can’t handle it?
4. Now I can understand if this was all this time but why do you get mad if your boyfriend/husband falls fast sleep right after the 1st round of sex?
5 Why do you  want to try handcuffs and a  blindfold during sex? (I think this is crazy)
6. I have seen this on Facebook and twitter, now I don’t judge but if you don’t have a car, don’t have a decent job, still living at home, why do you think your ready for a baby?
7.Why do you try to trap a man into becoming a father just to get childsupport , don’t you think it’s better to be married to a man you love 1st so your child can have both parents in his life?
8.Now when giving head, why do you get mad when a man errupts in your mouth when you know sometimes when a man climax he usually have no control or the will power to control it?
9.When you having sex unprotected, why get mad when he doesn’t pull out but yet you refuse to take plan b or any type of contra- eptive  method?
10. If your man cheated,  why take him back? and why get mad or fight the girl your man cheated with if you don’t know the girl personally?

My Personal Thoughts On Cheating

This is not a poem becuase I wrote a poem “Who Cheats More Men Or Women?“about cheating already. This post is  sharing a page in my journal and in this journal, I will discuss my opinion on cheating. This blog is very long so if cheating is a topic you are not interested in, then you may want to exit this blog because you probably will get bored reading this. I didn’t plan on writing a blog about cheating but after reading a blog yesterday about cheating, I had  thoughts on my own about cheating. 

For some reason, I really am trying to understand why people cheat on their spouse/signficant other. For those of you that read my “Who Am I” post some if you already know that I am an over thinker and cheating is one of those topics where I really over think. Since I’ve been blogging for the past two months, I’ve came across alot of blogs on failed relationship stories, heartbreak stories, and cheating stories. In this blog, I will discuss and breakdown cheating in different ways.

    Now why do people cheat? So many different ways I can break this down. So many ways to look at this. People are like snowflakes, no two people are alike. We all unique in our own way. Everybody comes across different situations along their path so the outcome of a bad situation will be either a good one or a bad one. But what are some of the common  reasons why people cheat? People will cheat when they feel neglected from their partner which leads to loneliness. People will cheat because they are taking advantage of their partners trust. People will cheat becuase they are pressured from their peers to do so. People will cheat becuase the relationship is long distance and they know for fact they can get away with it becuase their partner is like 75 miles away. But a very common reason why people cheat is becuase of sex. Sex is powerful. For the love sex is the root of evil just like money. Sex is almost as powerful as money. Money too will make person cheat.
“I seen wives turn whore for the right man” quoted by Tsu Surf (for those of you that don’t know, Tsu Surf is a battle rapper). When I think of this quote, automatically money and sex comes to mind. I really believe the two most important reasons why people cheat is becuase of sex and money. Last but not least, another very common reason why people cheat is becuase people can’t let go of the past. This reason I will discuss in detail in the second to last paragraph of this blog.

   Now I am going to talk about why people cheat. Well first of all, men and women cheat for different reasons. Many people believe men cheat more than women. I feel like when a man cheats, he is automically placed in the “Men Are Trash” category but why is that? When women cheat it’s a different story. I’m not saying that people are accepting women cheating, I’m not saying that at all but when women cheat, alot of times people will say ” She was wrong for cheating but she should at least picked  a random guy instead of her boyfriends brother” or “Well she was wrong to cheat but you can’t judge becuase you don’t know the whole story.” Now why is it different when a woman cheats?

First of all let’s talk about cheating men. I am a man so this will be easier to talk about. It’s simple, men glorify other men cheating. For some reason, when a man treats his wife/girlfriend like a queen, sometimes other men will bash him calling him pussy whipped. He looks like a sucka among other men. In the previous paragraph I stated that sometimes people are pressured to cheat from their peers. This is common with men. I’m going to tell you a quick short story. There was a guy I use to work with who was faithful in his marrige. He told me and the other male co-workers about how he was at a bar and he was approached by a young sexy girl in her early twenties on Halloween. She was giving obvious clues that she was into to him and she asked him ” What are doing later on tonight and can I have your number?” His response was “I’m sorry but I am happily married.” When he told us that, alot of the male co-workers were laughing at him. Their response was ” Yo you did some sucka  shit. Why the fuck did you tell us that? Yo for now on, I’m going to call you ‘Theodore Huxtable’.” To myself I’m thinking like “Why are they laughing at him, he did the right thing? He choose to faithful to his wife.” On top of that, him and his wife were having problems but yet he choose to remain faithful. I brought this story up to show you an example of how men being faithful are looked upon as soft or weak men . So sometimes men will cheat to  for the respect and positive attention he will get from his male friends. Another reason why  men cheat is becuase of sex. Sometimes men get bored of having sex with the same person. Sometimes men are addicted to girls that are promiscuous. Sometimes men just addicted to busting an nut(ejaculating) in whoever by any means neccessary. Another quick story I will discuss.

I don’t know this guy   personally but a friend of mine use to be friends with this girl that was a little on the promiscuous side. This girl was engaged to this guy and she was in love with him. But things went sour when the guy got her pregnant. He pressured her to get an abortion. She didn’t want to but she gave in. After she got an abortion, the guy broke up with her. He broke her heart in a million pieces. She lost the love of her life and a baby. Fast forward a year later the same guy that broke this girl’s heart had a new girlfriend. But even though  he had a new girlfriend, he still remained in contact with his ex fiance and eventually he started cheating on  his new  girlfriend with his ex fiance. What made this really bad was, when he was cheating, he wasn’t wearing any protection. In my opinion I think he cheated becuase the sex was probably better with his ex fiance then with new girlfriend and he was addicted to the sex , I believe he was taking  advantage of his ex fiance promiscuous ways  becuase he knew he can get it any time, and he didn’t plan on leaving his new girlfriend so he probably figured he can have sex with his ex fiance for the time being even but since  didn’t plan on getting back with her and loved his current girlfriend he probably figured in selfish that he wasn’t doing nobody no harm. So this story is an example of how powerful sex can be. Good sex lead to cheating. Another thing that’s common in men unlike women is that a man could love his wife and kids with all his heart, never have plans of leaving his wife but will still have sex with numerous women. Prime example of this, look at the movie “Baby Boy”.

   Now let’s talk about cheating women. Unlike men,  majority of the time women cheat when they are not sastfied with the relationship. Some women want money, some women want male company, some women want spectacular  sex, some want all three and probably more  Men usually tend to only put forth the effort to make a relationship strong and healthy in the beginning. Once he gets comfortable(another words once he gets the p*ssy) he will gradually decrease putting forth the effort(especially if he knows he hittin the p*ssy good). Women love good sex but after a while women will feel like the sex is becoming reduant. I believe good sex will make the average woman patient towards men that don’t put forth the effort but after a while women will get fed up. So sometimes when women get fed up they have 2 options, either break up or cheat. A select few will break up but majority will cheat but alot times cheating is not intentional. Women get approached more often then men do so in my opinion, it’s easier for a woman to cheat. Most women don’t wake up and say “Hey I am going to cheat on my man today”, cheating is a bad decision that usually is made when a person is at the wrong place at the wrong time. Another common reason why women cheat is  they secretly still have feelings for their ex.

       Half of the time when women cheat, they will cheat on their current partner with their Ex from the past. I believe that most women have that one guy in the past that they can’t seem to let go no matter how hard they try.  Being stuck over an ex is like being addicted to an fatal attraction because most likely her ex is usually an asshole that treats her like shit. For the men that’s reading this, do you ever wonder why do women seem to go back to the same no good men that treats them like shit? Well it could be that she is in love with him and can’t let him go. It could be maybe because he has money and just only interested in the money. She could be lonely and is afraid of being single or it could be possession where she doesn’t want nobody to have him. All of these reasons are common reasons why people go back their Ex but another common reason in which people don’t bring up is  sex. What I’m about to say is something I think the average women would agree which is,  it’s not hard to find good sex but it’s rare to find a guy that’s spectacular in the sex department. I’m talking about the perfect size penis, big and thick but not too big, nice lips, nice body, very good with hands, very experienced, able to last a long time without cuming, knowing when to go back and forth between short and deep strokes without having to tell him. The type of guy that possess theses qualities in the bedroom are hard to find and if the average girl find him, she don’t want to let him go. Women do love spectacular sex, but the problem is the men that are very skilled in the bedroom are usually(not all) shitty men, assholes, douche bags, etc because they only have sex to offer in a relationship and nothing else. So this makes women very frustrated because even though women love sex they do want to feel appreciated. Now those you of reading this, are wondering what does this have to do with cheating? I will explain.  If sex is all a man has to offer then this can cause alot of problems. Now for the women reading this, have you ever had a boyfriend that you argued with all the time and you knew the relationship was unhealthy and you would leave him but after a couple of weeks past you end up going back to him? If you did go back to him, was one of the reasons going back to him was because the sex was spectacular? After breaking up with your ex, have you ever quickly jumped into another relationship to help you move on? When you got your new boyfriend, was you happy or was you starting to miss your ex boyfriend twice as much? If you was missing your ex boyfriend what was it about your ex boyfriend that you was missing? All these questions that I’m asking one after another do you see where I’m going with this?

Women(as well as men) will sometimes search for a new soulmate when heartbroken just to be happy again. They think finding a new boyfriend is their escape from the past. But 95% of the time when your heartbroken it’s because you still in love with your ex so your ex will be on your mind constantly. So because of this, women will compare their current boyfriend to their ex in every area and it will be almost impossible  for the current boyfriend or any guy for that matter to compete with the ex.   
So now all it takes is a phone call or text from your ex for her to cheat. After that one phone call or text, she will start to miss him more and more. More than likely  the no good ex will sweet talk her feeding her bullshit lies talking about he miss her and he wanna see her again. Now she will play hard to get and act she don’ t miss him telling him she’s found a new man  but the ex could see right through that bullshit lie and will use charm and persuade her more and more. The more he persuade her, the harder it is for her to resist until she finally gives in and meet up with him. In her mind she thinking “We just gonna talk for a half an hour and that’s it.”  Once they meet up, she will be a little hesitant and nervous because deep down she misses him but yet still don’t want to make it obvious. The ex will try his best to make her comfortable and he will move closer so he can make his move. Slightly touching her, complimenting her on her looks which makes her so  vulnerable to the point that sex is on her mind. She will remember all the times her and the ex had sex in the past and how good and experienced he was. Sex will began to conquer her mind and control her body making her horny tricking her into thinking that no man can ever compete with her ex. She is now stepping back in familiar territory and she has now found her comfort zone. The ex will read her body language and take advantage and make his move. All it takes is one kiss. Once the ex kisses her, 9/10 times she will completely give in and stop resisting which leads to cheating. More than likely she will have sex with her ex and realize that maybe she can work things out with her ex. Great sex will change a person’s mind in a heartbeat. What I just explained is a very common reason in which why  women cheat but I feel like most people don’t bring this up or don’t want to admit it.
        I’m going to summarize this blog and talk about how to avoid cheating. Alot people automically assume if you cheat you trash. On Twitter every I’m reading a tweet about your automically trash if you cheated. Everybody on Twitter swear they are loyal. I’m gonna tell you this, most people cheated at least once but most won’t admit it. The ones that didn’t cheat sone of them haven’t been in a situation where they had the option to cheat. It’s easy to avoid cheating when your approached by somebody you have no feelings or attraction for. But once your in a situation where your approached by someone your attracted to or started developing  feelings for, is it really easy to avoid cheating? Cheating is dead wrong never an excuse regardless but it’s not always easy to resist. Also people need to stop judging people. If someone cheated and you don’t know the whole story or situation, then you can’t automically assume the cheater is a piece of shit. Get the facts first before you determine that. There are a select few of people that never have and never will cheat no matter what. For those of you that avoided cheating (especially when the person was attractive) you definitely have my highest respect.  For those that find it hard to resist cheating, well here some tips to help you stay faithful

1.  Don’t be selfish breakup and move on if your unhappy in your relationship
2. Never let your peers pressure you to cheat because if you cheat and you get caught and your signficant other leaves you, those same  peers of yours that encourage you to cheat will not be there to support you
3. If you still have feelings for your ex, do not get into a new relationship until you are completely over your ex.
4. Once you break up with your ex, delete his/her number and move on. Don’t answer their phone calls.
5. Don’t cheat if the sex is wack. Communicate with your partner and try to work with your partner. If the sex doesn’t improve at all then you break up with your partner, not cheat. To be honest I don’t even think that wack sex is a good reason to breakup with your partner but it’s better than cheating
6.Now sometimes cheating does happen on spur of the moment and if it does, at least wear a condom. The worst thing is to have an affair and not wear a condom.

I will repeat this, cheating is wrong no matter the situation. If you got cheated on, don’t ever give your signficant other that cheated on you a second chance. Cheating is wrong but some cheaters are worst than others and sometimes when we don’t make scarfices or put fourth the effort in a relationship to make our signficant other happy, you can lead your signficant other to cheat. We all want happiness but some of us just look for happiness in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    
    
       
              

Who Cheats More Men Or Women?

1
How would you feel if this was your parent?

 

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How would you feel if this was your parent ?
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How would you feel if this was your parent?
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I can’t even that lie this one is the most fucked up. If I was the husband and I read this bullshit I would hurt somebody. Forget your wife fucking another man but sucking another man’s dick will is the worst.

 

Women would say Men
Men would say Women

To be honest

I don’t see a difference

Cheating is wrong regardless.

Why disrespect

your boyfriend/girlfriend

wife/husband?

I can list a shitload

of reasons why

cheating is existing.

It doesn’t matter because

it’s never a valid reason.

It don’t matter who

cheat more because

men and women

are both doing it.

Why do men

and women do it?

Unsatisfied with their current

partner

So in return

they search for a new lover.

Hell some would

go far

and sleep with

the significant other’s

brother or sister.

Sometimes people

are satisfied and

completely happy

in a relationship

but yet still take

the relationship

for granted.

What I don’t understand

is why when some of

us get cheated on

we give our

significant other

second chances?

Giving significant other

a second chance is

only going to

make your significant

other take you for granted

and use the 2nd chance

to his/her advantage.

Besides remaining

single, how do we

stop people from cheating?

Truth is you can’t stop it

because you can’t control

nobody Else’s actions.

Sometimes to others

cheating is an addiction.

But whatever the reason

it’s wrong regardless.

That’s why some people

don’t take chances

and would rather die

single then to

get cheated on

That’s a good question

to my followers

would you rather die single

and never experience love

or experience love but

get cheated on?

 

index

For anybody reading this, if you are interested in who I think cheat more between men and women then I too can post up another in a few days going in depth on who I cheat more and why and the reasons why men and women cheat and to discuss the similartites and differences between why men and women cheat and I can explain the different levels of cheating
This poem was to explain that it don’t matter which cheats more, cheating is wrong both ways and we need to stop blaming one particular sex for doing most of the cheating and learn to move forward and learn how to exist with each other without blaming each other for everything that goes wrong.

For anybody reading, if you agree, disagree, or have anything to add, comment below and tell me what you think?
Always open to hearing others opinions

“What I don’t understand
is why when some of

us get cheated on

we give our

significant other

second chances?”

Just curious for those of you reading this, if you have an answer can you explain why people give second chances when cheated they get cheated on. I never understood that. I know love is powerful and people should be forgiven but I just don’t see how people can give second chances.

 

rkelly-downlow-5
If don’t wanna end up like R Kelly then don’t cheat. Watch “Keep it on the down low” video.

 

 

 

That Ain’t Me

Keeping sercets from you cost me dearly.
I never meant to hurt you, I offer you my apologies.
All this time lying to you and stabbing you
in the back
What’s done is done and I wish I can take back, as I reminisce the sexy sound of your laugh.
From laughing with me to crying about me
You was crying when you found out and I was too.
All the scarfices you made for me when I told you I loved you.
Now you in denial and leaving me is what you had to do.
I don’t blame you  because I am responsible  for putting you in foul mood.
Many times I lied to you but loving you was always the truth.
I was raised with the qualities of a gentleman.
I scarficed our relationship, I was being a selfish man.
Be trust me that ain’t me, I’m not a selfish man
and I regret the one night stand with the other woman.
She was the previous   woman and believe me I kept resisting 
but to her it didn’t make a difference.
One day she caught me off guard in the bar while I was drinking 
and I was only drinking to the subdue the stressing of all the child support money I was paying.
I kept praying and praying but from God I didn’t receive nothing.
so she knew my struggles and offer me to help with my troubles.
Before you, I was with her and she’s my child’s mother.
I really was in love with you but I had still had hidden feelings for her.
She tricked me into telling me she wanted us to be together 
and didn’t want our child to grow up with out a father.
That hit home becuase I know what it’s like to grow up with out a father.
We kept talking then one thing led to another.
She have a sexy laugh like yours and she starting laughing.
Next thing you know I was deep in my feelings
So at each other, we were just staring
Then from staring  we started kissing.
So then went to the car and I drove to a motel that wasn’t so far.
Now I swear to you from the bottom of my heart 
I crushed our symbol of love, I did this for my son.
Today I told my mom everything she said like father like son.
My dad cheated on my mom and left the family,
and yesterday you said your 3 months pregnant and we having twin babies
but you still don’t want nothing to do with me.
I am begging you please let’s be a family.
I don’t want be like my father and I don’t want my kids to grow up with a single mother and a distant father.
A dead beat was never part of my dreams.
My father is like that but that ain’t me.

I Owe You

I will never forget the day,

the time and place

where you jumped in front

of my face

We were at the park playing basketball

and I’m not paying attention at all.

My back was turned

where the neighborhood

Gang banger was behind the fence,

aiming at my head from a distance.

Now having my 1st near death experience

thinking what a coincidence

when you grabbed me and pushed me

to the ground.

But unfortunately you got shot

in the windpipe.

You sacrificed your life

to save mine.

It’s so sad to see you die.

It’s hard for me to sleep at night,

but not only because the fact

that you died,

because I have a regret

and I owe you this secret,

and I’m ready to expose it.

as you look down from heaven,

just know that your wife

and I had an affair

and she’s pregnant.