I Love You Like Hip Hop

The deep affection I have for  hip hop.
I will always love it until the beat of my heart stops,
Listening to it on the beat box.

I love listening to the beat.
Just the sound, I listen to right before I fall asleep.
I close my eyes
I feel so mesmerized.
Like brown sugar in oatmeal,
Hip Hop, you are so tasteful.
You are my  addiction.
In a good way, unlike a cocaine addiction.
You are healthy and lift up my spirits
As I hear you and I listen,
To your words.
You articulate your sentences, in a powerful way to be heard.
I love you like I love hip hop,
And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
And I always will until the clock stops

Ever Wonder Why Your Life IS Fucked UP?

Mind is static
Like a routers IP address.
A hole in my heart
like a hollow in your chest.
I begin to ponder death
Contemplate the scenery
of the after life
since I have gave up on life.
I tried reaching for the sky
but can’t reach for something
you can’t touch.
Life is double dutch
and the double ropes
is the demons and
I’m struggling to not
come in contact.
20/40 vision
and can’t afford contacts
So as I age
I became unsighted like bats
for putting true love over everything.
Poetry is my Vaseline
to help mitigate
Since the demons in my head
are a pain in the ass.
So used to being uncomfortable,
when the mood is peaceful
automatically assume I don’t deserve
it’s presence
like a naughty kid on Christmas.
Negative is a shark
that smells the blood of my
positive thoughts.
When it devours,
light is overshadowed by the dark.
I worry like a parent searching at the park
for their missing child
 after dark.
Over and over I overthink.
The thoughts deeper than
a stab wound from a shank.
Worry like I have bills and no
money in the bank.
Disappointed like a husband
for only shooting blanks.
I’m always been ashamed of my pace
in life.
Just imagine racing with a tank during a drag race.
Dependent like a house wife
and broke like Buzz Lightyear’s arm.
These negative thoughts are annoying like flies.
When your broke and seek no improvement, time flies.
Like a confident player’s finger wrapped around a naive girl,
my mind is suffocating in this world
So I over eat when I feel lonely.
I masturbate when I get horny.
So embarrassed, so I avoid company.

How To Improve Our Relationship?

For the women that are in a committed relationship  that’s reading this, imagine your reaction to this poem if your boyfriend/husband send you this text message!

 

A confused man with plan.
As I stand, I’m a man
with mind of a little boy
who knows nothing about
seeking joy
and I wonder if you take heed
upon my voice.
Courage is uncertain
in my heart
So sometimes I wonder
Towards you am I deserving?
Emotions I have yet to impart.
Being Impecunious provides
spectacular dreams,
but yet dubious
because of low self esteem
But can you blame me?
Life is complex you see
so believe me for not trying
but I’m trying
to be understanding
in accepting my character
and personality.
But understand I’m not a character
in a urban fiction novel
so try not to be so hostile.
I make excuses because of
fear not laziness.
I admit my wrongs
but I’m not flawless
I was destined to commit sins
since I was born.
So understand
why I have to move on.
Emotionally satisfied
but mentally paralyzed.
Funny thing is I don’t have mixed emotions,
you was perfect but there is more to it
and hopefully later you’ll understand there is better man to have children with.
If I could play the time spent together in slow motion,
you see the dedication without passion.
I was loyal and unhappy.
Emotions in my heart were joyful
but it’s not simple.
Mentally I’m miserable, homesick, disgruntled, and pitiful
but nothing to do with you.
Everything I write for you is true.
I have no choice at the moment but to leave you displeased.
But 10 years from now, you will be pleased,
ecstatic, content, and this will be an paradisiac image of history.
I love you and you love me too.
I was told to find ways to improve the relationship
but the only solution is to leave instead of fixing it.
Last but not least
I apologize for this long text message.

The Pleasure In My Dark Soul

Pay attention
From the heart and soul
I wrote this,
and this poem
by far is the deepest.
Relationship is a test.
A heartbreak is the lesson.
Body needs rest.
Mind has questions.
Heart split into pieces
and each piece
scattered like roaches
in the kitchen
when the lights come one.
Was you prepared for
this lesson on the day
you was born?
I say about 40% of you
reading this are probably
still heartbroken.
Pain we don’t choose
but yet how the fuck
do we accept it?
Ever wonder what was
go through Toni Braxton’s
mind when she wrote
“Breath Again” or
“Another Sad Song”
or Marry J Blige
when she wrote
“I’m going down”.
It’s all a trend.
When you get a chance
give these songs a listen.
What it feels like
to be heartbroken? Broken like egg shells
and going through withdrawals.
Trapped underwater
and it felt like forever.
I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.
Still drowning but occasionally resurface
to be pushed further
into heartache.
A responsibility evaded
will make a dream faded
like a college kid being
told “You ain’t Michael Jordan
so become a janitor”.
It’s like telling your great-grandmother
your too old for romance.
Criticism is constant
and people blame and say
you were being stupid
and get over it.
Those same people are
the biggest hypocrites
when they suffering life problems
because they will call you and
expect you to listen.
It’s a division
between your
mind and heart,
making you bewildered
like figuring out where to
start
when cleaning a messy room.
Pain is intense
like a woman wearing
too much perfume.
Bride and groom
is part of God’s Plan
am I right?
Why is something that is very precious
such a tough fight
like a baby is teething and you trying
to put the baby to sleep at night.
How much is a diamond worth?
What’s more precious,
jewelry or a child’s birth?
Cash corrupts loyalty
and expose greed and jealously.
Misery makes me overwhelmed.
All the shit I been through.
Stress sticking to my mind like glue.
I need relaxation
like a couple on a cruise.
Like soup,
I need something that heals
since stress is like a toxic person
right behind me on my heels.
Life is real and it kills
like cancer.
Stress moves around
like a dancer?
Am I in danger?
I feel like Simba
during the stampede.
My heart breaks
and for years it bleeds
like a girl on her period.
Stress rushes me like
adrenaline.
Ain’t nothing different.
Every day same shit
until death takes me home.
To me pain is historic
like a Maya Angelou poem.
In a world full of thieves
and loyalty made me naive
and oblivious to disloyalty.
Loyalty pushed to the side
like a chick
that’s only purpose to
satisfy’s a niggas dick.
Money and pussy
bullies loyalty
until it no longer has meaning.
An abuse kid with scar and bruises
from beatings
is a mental feeling
when your a slave to loyalty.
So broken
need more flowers
than fried chicken
and place them in the kitchen.
I’m my own hero to the rescue
and I need rest too.
Like A McDonald’s public restroom,
the heart is vacant
and I plan find a way
to keep it occupied.
Reminding myself that my heart scraed
and I should no longer be terrified.
But all I do is tell myself lies.
A heavy load like a man without
ejaculation.
For four weeks,
carrying boulders on my shoulders
for weeks.
Was told complaining was for the weak.
I believe I won’t last long like a man
not having sex in weeks.
Face is wet like pussy
and body is sick and infected
from eating raw meat.
Sleepy,but still writing
because this poem
was calling me.
Words and sentences blending
with a unique style of rhyming.
Lightbulb over my head.
A good feeling like getting some head,
Sparking a light,
so my poem can shine
which excites like a family
welcoming a new-born baby.
But yet, I am here
fighting off habits that are shady.
Gossip and laziness, I’m trying to
detach from my vocabulary.
This poem has mixed feelings
and restore like dental fillings.
Being broken will turn me loose
like a screw or a baby tooth.
“They say heartbreak is short distance
but it feels like long distance
Around the corner
but a week we converse
only a few minutes.
Decrease in the amount of time we spend.
I pretend that I have strength
until the length of me without you extends.
I can’t no longer be more than a friend.”
This is what I think to myself
wishing I was the one that broke your heart
instead of you breaking mine.
Sometimes the thing we humans
hate most is time.
It’s short and never stop
and we struggle to keep up.
So now reaction to my depression
lead me on the roof of a building
Is suicide the objective?
Good question
On a mission like America soldiers
seeking weapons of mass destruction.
I am insatiable for declining
to treasure the rainbow.
Life hard like erections
sometimes I wonder If
Death > > depression?
Phone becomes dry like a desert
and it get worst since you thirst.
Only hear notifications when an email arises,
just waiting for a call or text message
and yet receive nothing.
Do I feel abandoned?
I began to question
Lack of attention is the center
of my attention.
Heartbreak will make you different.
Instead of committing suicide,
I pretend I’m immortal.
I can be untouchable.
Every girl I talk to,
I smile in her face
but my mind says fuck you.
Turn into a player
and break hearts and crumble
them like potato chips.
I don’t give a shit.
Fuck human nature
because it’s too much pressure
wanting to be accepted and liked.
Be making you confused about your identity
like a transvestite.
Fuck a wife and worry about my life
is my motto.
Self-confidence will shoot through the roof
faster than I ever imagined.
I play my strengths to their weakness
like Eve in the Garden
manipulated by the serpent.
A serpent or demon
whatever you wanna call it,
I’m still a savage.
Poison disguised as medicine.
Prince charming
with a soul of a demon.
Fuck forgiveness,
revenge is the mission
through divine intoxication.
Logic or emotion.
Thinking of drinking love potion
while trying to stay focus.
Different choices
determines the outcome of a situation.
An immediate reaction
lead to decisions or using mindful
techniques to determine my destiny.
But still Feeling blue like the child
of Beyoncé.
I’m going “Halfway crazy”
Like Musiq.
Practicing baptism by affusion
Is similar feeling after I got my heartbroken.
I am now born again.

Please read Suicidal Thoughts/In Case Tomorrow Not Promised as well and that is another very deep poem that I may plan to read at an open mic.

1) How relatable is this poem to you?

2) What was your favorite line in this poem?

3) What was the darkest line in this poem?

4) By reading this poem, what was going through your mind?

5) One question that has nothing to do with this poem but summarize in a sentence on how are you different from other bloggers!

Also please listen to “Another Sad Song”, “Breathe Again” by Toni Braxton

Image result for Another sad song toni braxton

Listen to “I’m going down” by Mary J blige

Image result for mary j blige I'm goin down

Listen to “Halfway Crazy” by Musiq.

Image result for musiq half crazy

A One On One Deep Conversation About Death

This was a heart to heart conversation about life and death. Two people are going back and fourth, expressing their deepest thoughts

Michael:

We don’t know what it feels like to die.

Never been in it’s presence or time.

We know it exist and it’s something we don’t wish.

Until you experience the true meaning of life.

Life is about smile and cries but let’s talk about cries

Why do we cry?

Tears falling from the face comes from a broken heart.

Feels like your life fell apart.

Life itself isn’t hard but the people in it make it

unbearable.

A broken heart makes pain unbeatable.

Pain hurts most when it’s unexpected

like an STD for having sex unprotected.

School teaches you education but what about real life lessons?

Feeling like bubble boy trapped in a bubble.

Trying to remain humble but people mock and laugh at you

So bad that you either become suicidal or homicidal.

Suicide will break your mother’s heart on the inside.

Or you can conserve your life by committing homicide.

Turn to a serial killer.

A broken heart turns a person so apathetic

Secrets of deep thoughts exposed

like diaries in dusty attics.

Joyce:

Or matter of fact feeling low like a crack addict or even standing on a bridge thinking of doing something drastic

In your mind you’re thinking to yourself wouldn’t this be fantastic, I gotta have this
The pain released from my soul which would give me happiness


It’s all madness

We all have problems in different shapes and sizes but, most of us take a passive approach and try to hide or disguise it

Like a sad clown behind his mask or forgotten child in need of assistance you didn’t ask
They all say the hurt and pain you had is in the past but, what about that new job that didn’t last or more recently when one of my loved ones just passed


It’s real and part of life. Yes there’s positivity but, there’s also strife. With one there always come the other and nine times out of ten the obvious one outweighs the other.
But I choose life over death.


The best to do list item I keep close to my chest. It’s been weeks tossing over this idea, in which I hadn’t slept.


But what do you expect?


Every day I pick up the pieces of what life couldn’t been and work on ways for how it should be.
One of the keys to success and to see and believe.


Now I know there’s nonbelievers and can’t fathom seeing the other side but, although I see it from their view, I’ve decided to put my pride aside.


Let’s face it, we don’t really decide if we live or die.

Michael:

Because death is promised to us all.
It’s never a goal

but rather we stand still like a pole


or move around like electrons
death come to us all.

Ever since the devil broke his bond
with God

Life is the real death


and death is the freedom

Demons and angels maybe imaginary
and humans are the real demons.

Think about Cain and Abel

It’s all hereditary.

Thou shall not kill

Thou shall not steal


we disobey by our own free will.

Every step u take, we could be stepping in a trap


and be a victim in a person’s attack.

Life is overrated


like sex to a person with a low sex drive.

Babies are forever precious


but even Tupac new parents are devious

just ask Brenda.

Unlike the tribe in black panther,

black people don’t stick together.

We receive hate like the Jews did from Hitler.

A devil in disguise,


poisoning minds

by disguising poisoned mushrooms


into red apples.

What seems healthy


can put you in the grave early.

But maybe an early grave


is the best day


since we escaping dooms day,

you know the place we call life.
Shit I don’t fear death

 


I fear life and I’m tired of the fight

Joyce:

It’s interesting that we think the fear of difference is fear of life itself.

Worrying about other people’s opinions to the point it affects our health.

However, remaining hidden in plain sight like a cheetah that’s stealth.

Or masking our fear with creating problems that haven’t been dealt.


I believe there are demons that walk amongst us on this earth, the same people that need to look in the mirror and go to church.

They need to worry about getting themselves right and avoid at all costs for them not to get hurt.

Betraying their spouse, mother, or brother or throwing a friend’s name in the dirt.
It’s not that death is the better choice for us all but, for some it’s the easier option to befall.
Drugs, sex, money, they’re all a different kind a poison. Leading to our so called miserable lives and causing mass destruction.
The root of all evil is sometimes staring us in the face, evil has no color no matter the race.
Divide and conquer is what has been the trend. The endless violence on each other seems to never want to end.
It’s takes only one voice to be heard, hand to be raised, two feet to be stood on to choose peace. Reminding us all that we all need to love one another as Martin Luther king Jr essentially quoted in his I Have a Dream Speech.
Life is tough and life can seem like a personal hell. But, only God can judge the living based on how we followed his rules well.
So turn the other cheek and love hard towards one another because when that judgement comes God surely won’t stutter.

Questions to think about

1) If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

2) The bible says more people will go to hell then heaven, what’s your opinion about that?

3) If misery didn’t exist and everybody was happy, would this affect music and poetry?

On Tuesday May 1st, I will post my next blog

Is It All About Likes/Comments When It Comes To Blogging?

All about traffic

 

Before I start on how to build your traffic, how to get more likes, how to get more comments from my point of view, I will introduce my self

 

I’m David Hockaday, 27 years old, and I am just your friendly, ordinary blogger.  I decided to make a blog account on WordPress to upload my poems and to speak about other life issues. I must say that I have really enjoyed blogging for the past four months and it has been exactly four months since I have been blogging and I believe this is my 110th blog that I will be uploading.  Now I am going share what experiences learned about blogging. But remember, getting more followers, likes, comments is not primary, the primary thing is to blog from the heart. One thing I must say is, if you want to be a successful blogger, you have to like reading and writing.

Now when I first started blogging, I had no idea what blogging was about. I had no idea on how to gain traffic. I had no idea on how to get more likes and comments. All I knew was that I wanted a place to upload my poems, and I wanted to connect with other people. I remember the first blog that I ever liked and comment on. The blog was about opinions on having sex on the first date. Now I decided to give feedback and comment on the blog. Now to be honest, I wasn’t expecting a reply back because this blogger did not know who I was, nor has she ever heard of me, but to my surprise not only she responded but she followed me. I was not expecting that at all.  So I followed her back. I gained my first follower. So thought to myself, if I can get one follower, I get two. If I can get two, I can get four, If I can get four, I can get eight. Another words, in my mind if I can get one follower, I can get a thousand. So from that point on, little by little, I was researching all over wordpress  searching all kind of topics regarding, sex, heartbreak stories ,poetry, cartoons, deep questions, basically just anything I can relate to. To me in my honest opinion, getting my followers on WordPress is pretty straightforward as long as you show interest in the blogger’s content and you have something to offer in your content and you don’t have to have the best blog in the world to obtain a lot of followers.

Now getting bloggers to like your content isn’t too hard neither. The more followers you get, usually more than likely the more likes you will get.  Usually if you put effort in you blog and the blog is somewhat relatable, people will like your post.

Now getting comments is more complex. Getting bloggers to comment on your blog is not so easy. I’m going to talk about the comment process in my opinion. I read a few blogs, stating how to get people to comment on your posts. The blogs that I have read  about increasing the comment rate on your blogs is very accurate  and what most of them have in common is to not be boring and make sure your organized. I agree with this completely but I will talk about this depth. First of all, if you want more comments, you must reach out to other people and give sincere comments on other people blogs. If you are a blogger having trouble getting comments, ask yourself, “Do I reach out to others to comment on their blogs?” If you are not reaching out to other bloggers, you will not get any comments, you rarely get likes, and you’ll rarely get new followers. Blogging is a give and receive relationship and to be honest, for the typical blogger you will probably do more giving than receiving when it comes to blogging. When your new and nobody knows you, normally you have to be the one to reach out to people. If you’re lucky, once in a while, a blogger may reach out to you first. When you are reading through other blogger’s content, pick a time where you know where you won’t be busy, a time where you won’t be distracted and make sure your fully awake and focused. When you’re tired or busy while reading other’s content, more than likely you will find it tedious to the point you become lazy giving half ass comments. Remember you wouldn’t like it if someone gave you a half ass comment on your blog. Now I can’t lie, I am guilty of this because we are all human and none of us is perfect but if you have a habit of doing this, just make a schedule and pick a time for blogging where you are not busy like maybe before you go to bed, maybe for about half an hour before you go to bed,  use that time to blog since more than likely you won’t be distracted. 40% should be you reaching out to other bloggers, the other 40% should be you communicating and reaching out to the bloggers that already follow you, the other 20% should be used uploading your blogs and trying to find ways to improve your content. When I first started blogging, I was just uploading simple poetry, but overtime I realized that I had to improve if I wanted more traffic so I became creative because poetry can be very boring if you don’t add any style and flavor to the content your posting. So eventually I started making riddles in poetry format, I started making poetry battles(freestyle battles), writing stories, and just asking random deep questions to keep my followers entertained. I would be lying if I said keeping people interested in my content is easy because it’s not but it is definitely worth effort and I love it because the comments that I receive on my posts lights me up like a Christmas tree. So again always find ways to improve your content because nobody is perfect. In fact, look through all your posts on your blog right now, find the blog with the most comments and likes and ask yourself, “What can I do to improve this content?” Always, always respond back to people that leave comments on your post. Have common courtesy and say thank you to the bloggers that leave comments on your blog.  It’s a little rude to ignore the people that left comments on your blogs. Commenting on other people content is a lot of work and for them to leave real, sincere comments on your blog shows that they are interested in your blog. Don’t ignore because you will leave a bad taste someone’s mouth. A bad impression will affect you in a bad way and that’s not with just blogging, that’s with life in general. Also when you are reading through someone’s blog, if you disagree with what the blogger is saying or if the blogger is offensive, either politely disagree with the blogger or just move on. Don’t try to embarrass the blogger in their comment section because, that too will put a bad taste in someone’s mouth and you could lose followers because of that. Politely disagree on move on.

One important thing to remember is to blog from the heart. Yes blogging is about, getting more likes, more comments, and more followers but impressing yourself comes first. Sometimes will upload content that won’t receive any comments and that’s okay because you will always have future blogs to upload that you can focus on.  What works for me, is to leave questions at the end of your blog and telling people to comment below. Leaving questions at the end of your blog, can help you generate more comments. Another thing, make sure your blog is organized. When it comes to organization, I can’t really give advice because I don’t have the most organized blog in the world, but somehow I manage to make my blogs interesting according to my opinion. I always hated decorating and arts in craft as a kid so that’s why I don’t have the most colorful blog in the world.  Another thing about blogging , sometimes when you don’t get no comments or get very few comments from your followers, don’t be hard on yourself. Remember this world is ruled by popularity and I mean no disrespect when I say this. When you’re a new blogger, with barely any followers following you, barely any comments or likes, people will tend to skip over your blog. I know it sucks but that’s just how it is. So it’s on you, to go and search other people blogs and look for more followers and to keep commenting on other’s content. I will tell you something, according to my speculation about blogging, majority of your followers will not comment or like your post and it’s not necessarily because they are selfish and don’t care, it’s just that every blogger has their own niche when it comes to blogging. Example, a Christian follower will more than likely look for other Christian followers and will be more interested in other Christian bloggers because Christianity is probably what they can relate to. A poetry blogger will be more interested in other poetry bloggers. Look at it like this, if you’re a poetry blogger and you have mostly fashion and design bloggers, more than likely you won’t receive too many comments or likes. You may receive a lot of likes, but not that many comments because more than likely most fashion designer aren’t into the poetry and even if they are into poetry, they won’t be into poetry like the way you are into it. It’s not rude for them not to comment, it’s just everybody has their own interest.  So in a situation like this just find more poetry bloggers and comment on their blogs because more than likely you will receive more comments from poetry bloggers than fashion design bloggers if you are a poetry blogger. Whatever you do don’t blog about something you know absolutely nothing about just to impress other bloggers, be yourself, put the effort into improving your content, put effort into reaching out to new bloggers, and your original followers, try and give feedback if you can, and little by little I promise you more comments will come gradually but remember don’t get addicted to receiving comments, blogging from the heart is primary. 

 

My blogs will change the world like pinky and the brain.
With me it’s not money over everything but I’m addicted to the fame.
My words and phrases are more addictive the cocaine
but I don’t do harm to the body, I’m worthy like I’m the brother of Cain.
I plan to make Christian bloggers think different.
I plan to make comedian bloggers be like Cedric.
I plan to make poetry bloggers become more more poetic.
I plan to help new bloggers to use their passion and use dedication.
I plan to make selfish bloggers to reply to responses on comments
I plan to help unpopular bloggers to build their traffic.
I plan to help relationship bloggers that are heartbroken
and expose them to my blogs as token
to listen to the words that are spoken.
I plan to make bloggers that write erotic fiction,
to mentor a virgin.
I’m not perfect and neither are you so blogging is worth it .
Never give up, and always blog from the heart.

I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 2) This is a very long blog personal blog

I sure some of you have noticed  I have been posting a lot blogs for the last 3 days. For the month of December I plan to go all out with my blogs and I will be posting a lot of rel – eatable  content. Tomorrow  I will post a poem “Suicide thoughts” and it’s a deep topic to discuss. Now please for those of you that don’t know me, please click this link Who Am I? . It’s an autobiography of me to learn more about me so you can understand this story. Also please, please read I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1) before reading this blog. I hope you all enjoy.  This is a very, very long blog so I will understand if you get bored but I wanted to share my story because I know a lot of people been heart broken before and I like to break things down for you bloggers to picture what I went through. Also this is a very long blog, so if you don’t like reading long blogs you will get bored reading this.

April 2015

Next day is Sunday and I’m still thinking about the previous night. She text me “Good Morning” and I replied back but I wasn’t in the mood to communicate with her. Throughout the day she kept texting me and I just kept replying back but I wasn’t really feeling the vibe after what happened the previous night. After a while, she noticed that I wasn’t really in the mood so she asked me “Are you okay?” I replied back “I call you later” When she got off work, I called her and I asked “Do you still have feelings on me?” she was a little hesitant and said” On certain days I do, on certain days I’m not in the mood.” Now that I’m wiser looking back at it now, I should of just wished her luck and moved on, but you live and you learn. So anyway when she told me that, I asked her “Well what’s gonna happen between us in the future? She responded “I’m not sure” So I said “We can’t remain friends forever tho, either one day we will get back together or we will go our separate ways.” Now I don’t remember what her response was because this was like 3 years ago but I said what I said to her because I guess I was trying to put the pressure on her so she can really figure out what she wanna do. I felt like she got too comfortable with receiving relationship benefits on a friendship level. I also asked her over the phone why she didn’t want to kiss me and if she was uncomfortable and she told me “Oh no I was just tired and I wanted to go home.” I felt like she was bullshitting because even if you tired if you really into somebody even if your tired wouldn’t you still kiss that person?(just a question to think about)

                                                                     May 2015

Fast forward to May, me and this girl still are communicating but probably like 2 or 3 times a week. At this point I’m focus because I started working 2 jobs so I was busy everyday. At this point I started talking to other girls to get my mind off my ex because at this point I didn’t know what was going to happen between me and her. My ex and I would text about 2 or 3 times a week. I won’t lie I still had feelings for her. Now back in April when we saw the fast furious movie I did tell her we were going to see Avengers age of Ultron in May but after I tried to kiss her and she slammed the car door on my face I was like fuck that (for those that don’t know what happened when we saw fast furious go back to the top of this blog and click on the link and read the 1st part). So it was the beginning of May and we texting back and fourth. I mentioned I couldn’t wait to see the avengers movie. She said when do you plan to see it” I said maybe this weekend”
then I asked her “Do you plan to see it?” She said ” I thought we planned on seeing it together but I guess you don’t feel like driving to queens.” Lol I played it off and said ” Lol my fault I forgot you know I’m a old man I forget simple shit”. She called me an old man. I didn’t forget, I was playing it off because you see, this girl barely kissed me, and we haven’t had sex in months. Now me and her are just friends at this point so I wasn’t really chasing the sex but at this point I’m like if she comfortable enough to hang out with me, comfortable enough to her allow to pick from work, I even gave her money twice(now this was my fault because I volunteered to do this) but whenever I try to make a move or bring up my feelings she goes cold. So now I’m like you know what, I ain’t going out my way for her no more unless she gives it up. So later when I was in school, we was texting back and  fourth. Don’t remember how this started, but I said to her “You can’t say my name lol ” but we just joking. She said “Yes I can lol”. I said “You can’t say my name unless we having sex and I know you not trying to take it there” She put “Lmao but can still say your name”. I said “Lol why well are you going to have sex with me?” She said “No, but I can still say your name” I said “Alright fine, you can say my name while having sex with another guy” She said “No that would be very rude of me to say that” I said, ” Well it’s very rude for you to say my name”, I don’t remember her response but after I left class I gave her a call. I decided that either we get back together or I go my separate way.  So called her and told that. I asked her if she wanted to work things out and get back together. She said she wasn’t sure so I told I will give you 2 weeks to think about it.  The following week she got the nerve to ask me for a favor,something to do with her car. I made up an excuse though, I didn’t do it. Some other things happen during the month of May but I can’t remember everything because it’s been so long. This took place over two years ago.

                                                                June 2015

So now we fast forward to June. Both of our birthdays were in June. Between May and June we barely spoke. I was on the verge of just cutting her off. At this point, I still had feelings but I was starting to get use to not hearing from her. I felt like I started healing. I felt like I was getting stronger or at least I thought I was. So anyway it was  the middle of June  and it was her birthday. It was 9AM and I was contemplating on rather or not if I should text her “Happy Birthday”. So after 10 minutes of being in deep thought, I decided to text her “Happy Birthday” and she said “Thank you!”. From that day until June 22, we slowly started communicating here and there but not often. So now fast forward to about 4 or 5 days later this girl texted me ” You okay?”. Once in a blue moon she would text me this if we haven’t spoke in a while. So anyway, I texted her” I alright wbu?” So she “I’m good” I said” Is there anything you wanna talk about?” She said” Are you seeing new friend?” I said” New friend? do you mean if  I’m dating somebody new?” She said “Yes!” I said “No, but why did you ask me that?” She said “No reason” I said” for real stop playing why you asked me that?” She said” I just want to see you found someone to replace me that’s all”. Now I  don’t know why I said this looking back at this now but my response was” Nah, nobody would ever take your place”.
She responded” Aww 😚😚
So she asked me” How is work coming along?”
I said “I’m just busy you know staying focus working two jobs?” She said ” That’s a lot, but if we was to get back together, how would you have the time?” I said”Good question, but I can make time.” Now I was just thinking to myself maybe she does want to get back together but I still was on my guard because I still didn’t trust her. I somewhat had feelings for her still, but I was healing little by little.  So fast forward to June 22, she texted me ” How you doing?” I said” I’m good!”  We was going back and fourth and she I told her that my supervisor was letting me leave work early. She said” Why?” I said “because it’s my birthday” She said “Omg I’m so sorry Happy Birthday!”  I’m just like “lol thank you”. One minute later, she gave me a call and said she apologizes for forgetting my birthday then she said let’s hang out. I said I’ll let you know. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. So  I asked a co-worker for advice. The co-worker said I should let her take me out for my birthday. So I took his advice(looking back now I should just went with my instincts instead of taking this advice)

                                                                   July 2015

For those of you reading this, if you don’t like what your hearing and if you feel like this is a fucked story then I wouldn’t recommend reading the rest of this story because it does get worst. So now it’s July and I wanted go to a buffet. I picked her up and we went to the buffet. I swear I was not trying to make a move or anything I just wanted to be a simple date that’s all. So we at the buffet, and we are talking. She seemed really excited to see me. Around this time, I was listening to K love trying to change my ways and become more positive. So anyway, I can’t lie, my feelings started coming back, she seemed really excited to see me, plus she just got her license so I was excited for her. She wanted to register for college (now what I am about to say was so foolish, so stupid, so navie) and she owed the school 1000 dollars.  I was working two jobs, I had money, plus I was listening K love radio station, so I was feeling positive and I felt like God was looking out for me. I love helping people so I offer to help her pay for college and I told her she only have to pay me half back by December. She really appreciated it. So after the buffet I was planning to take her home, but  she said she wasn’t in a rush to go home. We decided to go to the mall to pass time. To my surprise, she started holding my hand while in the mall. Now that’s what got me because we haven’t done that in months.  Now think about this, 3 weeks prior, she asked me if I was dating anybody else, if we got back together how would you have the time,  and she started holding my hand, now wouldn’t this lead you on?  So we head back to the car and I was feeling the moment and I tried kissing her. She started pulling back harder. So I’m thinking like alright she just playing hard to get. It’s been a while since like months since  I got close with a female and I feel like this was a good opportunity. This time I didn’t care I was coming on to her. But when I got closer the second time, she said “I  don’t want to get turned on , it’s been a month since I been turned on” I paused for a second because I’m like what the fuck that got to do with me and why you telling that. So I asked her “You had sex a month ago?”  she said “Yes”. Let’s think about this, all along for months I made effort to show her that I care, I gave her money like twice, picked her up from work, went to church with her family, contacted her on a daily, never pressured her for sex up until this point, and she fucked someone else like wow. I was shocked because I let my guard down. In the back of my mind since April I had a feeling she was messing with another guy. I knew it and I tried my hardest to move on but she kept leading me on and I tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. Now I can’t remember what my response was, but I drove her home in silence. I went home pissed of. For the men that’s reading this, I’m sure you can understand how I felt.  So anyway she texted me “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get you upset” I called her and told I think it’s best we don’t talk for a while.  I couldn’t even go to sleep that night. Every day I kept thinking and thinking about this bullshit. I couldn’t focus at work , I couldn’t focus at school , I just kept replaying this shit in my head. I could not let it go.  So I went to God and I prayed. I too realized  that back in October I broke up with her through a text message and I will briefly explain that at the end of this blog. So I prayed and I talked to my mom and she started praying for me. After about a week , I decided to text and ask her why she did what she did?(I know I should of just left her alone) When you love somebody it’s very hard to move on. In fact, when the person you love breaks your heart, you blame yourself and that’s what  I did. Now I can’t remember everything but since I was trying so hard to forgive her, praying to God still,  I decided to forgive her and I texted whatever happened on my birthday let’s leave it in the past and just move on. Now at this point I wasn’t trying to get back with her anymore, but I thought at least we can be civil and move on. The reason why I blamed myself because sometimes I feel like I overthink a lot of things and I create situations and problems  in my head worrying about every single thing and I was trying hard to change that at that time. So I figure maybe I’m just thinking too hard and I should just let this go. So anyway, after I texted her that, she told me thank you. So we started talking a little and I’m slowly letting go what happened then she got the nerve to text me ” You still going to lend me the money?” In my head I’m like you gotta be fucking serious. I’m like what the hell. I should of cursed her ass out. I responded “I don’t know I will think about”. I didn’t plan on lending her money. I thought about it and  I asked myself, why should I lend her money?

Before I continue with the story, I will briefly explain something real quick so you can understand my though process at this time. I apologize for this long blog, but I am trying hard to break everything down so you can understand this. I am going to be completely honest and this is not easy for me to admit this but I think it’s important for you to know this. When me and this girl got together, this was my first relationship and I was inexperienced in all areas. I repeat, I was inexperienced in all areas. So we got together and I was embarrassed by my inexperience and I felt like I couldn’t keep her with her. I had problems staying hard. Truth was I never admitted to her, but I didn’t know how to put on a condom. So I couldn’t maintain an erection. I was extremely embarrassed. So I decided to go unprotected. Still couldn’t keep it up. This shit was in my head all throughout the day. Since I was inexperienced, I use to compare myself to other guys. I was felt like she was going to leave me because of that.  I went to urologist and he gave me cialis and it worked for me. Since I didn’t know how to put on condoms, I just went unprotected. I got addicted to having sex unprotected and I hated condoms. So anyway there was guy she use to date before me and I thought she still had feelings for him while she was with me. Let’s just say because of my lack of experience was the reason why I felt like she still had feelings for the previous guy before I came into the picture. There’s a lot more to say but I feel like I probably already gave you guys a headache so I will leave it here.

 

So back where I left off with the story,  I was thinking about lending her the money but then I thought to myself, what if the guy had sex with was a from the past? Next day, I texted and first thing I asked her was “If I lend you money, will you promise me to pay me back in December?” She said “Yes” Then I asked her ” Remember when you told me you had sex a month ago, was that guy you had sex with a new guy you just met or a guy from your past?  She said” Someone from the past” When I heard that damn, I can’t describe how painful that felt.  The reason why it felt painful because here I am, nice, respectful gentleman, doing everything in my power to be there for this girl and yet she fucking somebody from the past when she clearly tells me that all the guys from her past were trash. W got into an argument and she told me ” I don’t know why you making a big deal, it’s my life and I wasn’t even dating the guy, it was just a fling thing.” I wanted to punch her in the fucking face.  I can’t lie, I went to the bathroom I called my mom and I was in tears.

 

 

This experience changed me. To this day I haven’t been back to church ever since. I stopped listening to K love, I lost respect for women. I was hurt for months until I went to the strip club and I just started paying for sex. Real talk. Believe it or not , the strip club was my healing factor and I was watching porn like crazy. What happened was strip clubs and porn desensitized my mind. I didn’t trust any girls. I only wanted strippers but I wore a condom though I didn’t smash a stripper raw, I ‘m not that crazy. I realize that strippers make bad decisions but they are friendly people that accept you for who you are. A few of them I was getting to know them and I realized that they have a lot potential to be great. Now some people judge strippers and think they are stupid hoes, let me tell you something, strippers make poor decisions but they are warm hearted people(most not all) trying to earn a living and even though they caught a lot of bodies, they will make sure their clients use to protection because they want to catch nothing. A lot of these girls out here getting pregnant fucking every nigga raw, they ain’t no better than the strippers. But eventually I did get bored with the strip club but it did help me though.  As time move on, I started to talk to other females and I realized I had more in common with other females than my ex.  I realized my ex wasn’t for me. This was all a learning experience and you know what, I thank her for breaking my heart. She taught me a lot and I forgive her now. If we was still together I would eventually been miserable. I accept myself for who I am and that I am just an over thinker. Not giving a fuck healed me. Now if I don’t get hard in the bedroom, I don’t give a fuck, if a girl gets upset and think I’m lame then go fuck another nigga it don’t bother me. I realized that being single was the best decision ever. Someone on twitter use to tweet everyday ” I’m glad that I can wake up and not get cheated on” lol I don’t know why but that’s funny to me. I started saying that lol. Now for women reading this, I know there are some good women out there I know,so I didn’t take my frustration out on all women but some of you are fucked up, just being honest. Another lesson I learn is you can’t always trust a christian that lives by the bible day in and day out(no offensive). Some Christians are good people so I’m not placing all Christians in this category, but be careful because some of them will hurt you in the worst. Some of them will just receive from you and will not give you anything in return. I respect church members and it’s a great honor to see them worship God but the one thing that use to annoy me with them was they are so nosy. Like they would always try everything in their power to  try to get me involved in the church activities , they don’t accept no for an answer. For example, they say, “come to the Friday night service, you said you don’t work on Fridays you not doing nothing so come on down” it’s annoying when they do that because it’s like they trying to trap me into coming but all this does is push me away further and further. Like I said I wasn’t perfect because I broke up with my ex through a text message so I’m not trying to appear innocent.  If you would like to hear more about why I broke up with my ex, through a text message and the events take took place then comment below. If you read this long blog from start to finish appreciate you because this took a lot of thinking to write this. I love relating to people that been heart broken because I know how it feels.   I heard this in church once

 

“We all have gotten hurt by somebody and we all will hurt somebody”

 

Am I A False Prophet?

Before I get to the point of this blog, I have funny little dirty joke. For those you that watch marvel movies, did you see “Avengers Age of Ultron”? If you did see the movie did you see  the post Credit Scene?  The  Purple Villain at the post credit Scene is Thanos and is exact words were “Finally, I do it myself”.

That’s Thanos with his gauntlet.Another words the  picture shows Thanos and his hand.

Lol that’s what the typical  married man say to his hand” finally, I’ll do it myself” when he screws up and  his wife makes him sleep on the couch for the 5th night in a row.

Welcome To My Blog, I’m David Hockaday and you came to the right place and I came to drop some knowledge today. For those of you that don’t me, read Who Am I? and I welcome to my blog. For those of that do know me, read this  The Use Of Double Entendre

and comment below and give me an example of a double entendre.

 

Just want to say that tomorrow I will upload a poem “The Shadow of Winter”, 

On Friday I will upload part 2 to my 25th birthday story, please read part 1 I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1) Just to give you a brief summary, this is about how a girl I use to know was leading me on giving me mixed signals and playing games with me. I learned a lot and maybe you should read this if your in a situation where someone your talking to is giving a lot of mixed signals.

 On Monday December 11, I will upload a poem “The Unsolved Mystery”.

On Tuesday December 12, I will upload two  interesting  questions that will have you thinking .

On Wednesday December 13,  I will upload, “Get Lost in my Poems part 2” please read part 1 Get Lost In My Poems     . Just a brief summary part 1 was about me inviting my followers to a time travel machine and your going back in time switching in and out of my previous poems. It’s hard to explain you would have to read and it’s clever.

On December 15, I will upload,  “Poetry is the Power of Life”.

  On December 16th, I will upload another interesting question about life for you  to think about.

On December 17th, I will write a poem about the number ‘7’.

On December 18th, I will upload a blog explaining what is silent unity.

On December 19th, I will upload a poem in on a topic in which you will pick a topic for me and all you have to do is comment below in this blog on which topic you would like me to talk about and this is first come first serves. 

On December 20th, I will write a blog on how to build your traffic on word press/blogging and share some tips that helped me. 

On December 21st, I upload  an erotic poem.

On December 23, I will upload another deep personal question. 

On December 24, I will upload a poem “Chase the money not the p*ussy”.

On December 27, I will a personal  embarrassing experience of mines.

On December 29th,  I will upload  a poem “Don’t believe when she says I’m done with him”.

On December 30th, I will upload a poem with a multiple choice question at the end

On December 31st, well this will be a special blog that’s all I will say. 

I plan to upload as much as I can. October and November I had a lot of success with blogging and  I plan to improve every month. Not only that, I will work twice as a hard to give feedback on my followers and give generous feedback on your blogs.  I will be working hard in December and January because in the spring I won’t be blogging as much because it will  be my last semester of school and I have to take a very hard class and I have to stay focus. By the summer of 2018, god willing if I’m still blogging I will write a personal experience of my year of 2017. I have a lot of work to do but if you want to be successful at something if you have to work hard.  I encourage for every blogger reading this, challenge yourself and look at all your previous blogs. Look  your most successful blog and try to out do yourself this month with a better blog.  When it’s all said and done, I want my blogs, my poems to feel like you are watching a movie or reading a history textbook. I’m trying to make history and I want every blogger to do the same and be proud of your blogs and take pride in your work.  I’m going all out, I’m going to upload some of the most deepest, extreme topic, questions. I’m going all out for the next two months. I plan to change the world with my blogging lol. Well let me calm down, that’s too far but  I want be different from everybody else and I encourage you all to be different. Don’t be like nobody else, be different, be unique, share your thoughts.   A  few questions to all the fellow bloggers(no need to comment below but just think), if you had to share your blog with the world, what blog would you pick to share with the world? What do want to accomplish with blogging?  If you had to delete a blog of yours, what would it be? What blog of yours got the most likes? What blog of yours got the most comments? Who is your favorite blogger? Out of all your bloggers, who is your biggest supporter? If it wasn’t for blogging, how would you release your content? If you could pick a blogger to meet in real life, who would you pick? Another very personal deep question, do you think it’s possible to fall in love with a blogger on word press and if you are in love with a blogger, what would you do about it? In fact, what if you was in love with a blogger that was already married, would you stalk his or her page, or would you delete him/her so you won’t be distracted? The few questions that I asked, no need to comment just think about it

index

 

Men will escape reality when speaking

confusing reality with dreaming.

Revealing the names of women

for the positive attention

like a Superbowl celebration.

He gets an applause,

he gets his props,

boasting about all

the money and women

he got.

Say he dealt with dimes

but won’ t tell you

he had to pay

for their time.

Either he paid for it,

or got rejected

Everything he

says is

incredulous.

Ever work with

a guy at your job

that

said he could

smash every girl

he work with?

Do you really believe

that shit?

It sounds believable.

He has a way with

words with the people.

He has charm

that’s appealing

but where is your

alarm?

Wake the fuck up

and realize the lust

will remain lust.

Another words

it’s like dogs that

can’t fight

but just do

a lot of barking.

He always

swear ever girl

in sight

rather loud

or shy

or perhaps

a dike

“If I wanted too

I could fuck”

he says that

statement a lot.

Thoughts that

dwell on my brain

“Well go ahead, why not?”

He gives reasons

which seems valid

but they really are invalid

when I think about it?

“I’m too old or

the old me would

hopped right on it.

Just excuses

one after another

like a deadbeat father

on why he can’t see

his kids.

You thought he was

poetic

and had

a way with words

like the old Kanye West.

Most people will

take heed and accept

but I will expose every

little secret

and expose him

as a false prophet.

Don’t I remind you of

of J Cole?

Don’t I seem talented?

Or am I’m really the false prophet

in this poem

and I’m trying to

hard to sound poetic?

 

Btw this is for the bloggers that never heard of me, if you married or have a girlfriend/boyfriend, comment below if you have a anniversary coming up and I will write you a poem to spice up the romance if you reblog this to your followers lol. Check out the link Can I Be Your Ghost Writer?