Would a 14 year old be proud of what I’ve become?

Would a 14 year old be proud of what I’ve become?

When I read this question, I thought to myself this might be deepest.

My life I do take extremely serious, but why do I move so careless?

For years, I’ve tried so hard to be fearless

but I’m just a scared little boy mentally with a bad porn addiction.

What is living the dream?

Is it doing what you love, or is it about the money?

Does life flow smooth like milk and honey

in the promise land

or is life collapsing like the holy temple in 70 A.D.?

I’ve yet to figure out my real feelings

What do people think when they recongize my true identity?

I have lots of battles I have to fight and I’m running out of soldiers.

Lack of preparation increases the pressure.

I wake up sometimes and my heart beat fast.

Worry from the future and worry from the past.

I wonder how long this anxiety disorder will last.

Do you know what it feels like to wake up nervous because knowing ahead of time you are going to have a hard day?

You physically living safe in life, but your brain is 100 grand in an apartment without a safe.

Mentally sometimes my thought process is unsafe.

My long term memory is 200 GB, and its 170 GB full.

Almost 30 and I tell you, when I was 14, I didn’t vision this.

I didn’t vision still living with my father.

I didn’t vision barely making minimum wage.

I didn’t vision life getting harder, I thought life would of got easier since I didn’t care for childhood.

Now damn near almost 30, I have accomplishments, but to be honest, I feel like it’s not enough.

I’m tired of working for a boss.

I’m tired of dreaming.

I’m tired of sexual intercourse due to my porn addiction.

I’m tired of studying.

I’m tired of trying to advance in my career.

No matter how many times I make an effort to succeed, I get nowhere.

Life is too fast paced.

I feel like a 4th grader stuck on 1st grade reading level.

It’s like I’m close to the pot of gold behind the door

but I don’t have an access code.

No matter how many times I have tried to find a way to be happy, access is denied.

Will a million dollars make me erase all the pain or would I still find reasons to be miserable?

I won’t blame everything on my childhood, but I wonder if I grew up in a different family, different home, would I be in a much better place or is misery is where I forever belong.

It took me almost 30 years that I have a huge anxiety disorder.

I wish I had good things to say, but I be lying to every 14 year old.

So to every 14 year old that’s reading this, I speak advice into your souls.

Life is cold, but please if you not happy living at home or doing what you love for a living 10 years later,

It will put a pile of bricks on your shoulder that will slow you done making you feel like 65 when your only 25.

You don’t have to believe me, I’m the living testimony.

I one thing I do have good going that I’m proud of is my poetry.

I love to write and I believe I’m good at it.

I wish there was a way I could make a living off of it.

So to every 14 year old reading this, take my advice and don’t follow my footsteps.

8 thoughts on “Would a 14 year old be proud of what I’ve become?

  1. This was deep and hard hitting my man. That’s a question that’s answered from so many perspectives. When I was 14, I wanted to be a ball player on television and if I didn’t do that, then I didn’t make it. But as each birthday passed, each goal became different, from ball player to singer, from singer to lawyer and from lawyer to actor and so on. But then the goal went from being a hustler to being happy and although money can’t buy happiness, it can lease a lot of laughter. The road to success is long but it has many stops and where you get off doesn’t determine whether one failed at life. So, would an average 14 year old be proud, that can only be told by the eye of the beholder but if that 14 year old was your kid…as long as one wasn’t locked up, low down or no where to be found. Then yeah, that 14 year old would be proud of you.

    • Everything you said is valid.
      “. So, would an average 14 year old be proud, that can only be told by the eye of the beholder but if that 14 year old was your kid…as long as one wasn’t locked up, low down or no where to be found.” I saw this question o LinkedIn and it had me thinking.
      It’s been a while since I’ve been on here.
      How have you been?
      How was your Christmas?

      • That question does give a person pause to wonder, while also making one reflect upon oneself also.
        I haven’t seen you on here for a minute my man, things been good for ya I hope. Things have been good for me and Sparkling Freeze and my Christmas was a blessed one as I hope yours was too. Hope your New Years was a bang and keep positive posting to kick off that New Year!😉

  2. My Christmas was good and so was my New Years!
    Another year and another journey.
    I just hope this is a prosperous year.
    Work is keeping me busy.
    U still writing?
    Am I’m glad you and sparkling freeze are going strong

  3. I’m 16 and your poem had so much relevance to me. Thank you for your advice, I feel that it helped clear things up for my future and I hope that you find happiness one day.
    If you’re looking to indulge in a sad story or two give my new page a look.
    Thank you and good luck

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