This Never Happened

Being lonely at times
helps me escape reality in my mind.
Imagine happiness to escape the pain.
Wishing I was a man with fame
instead of being a lame.
Swear at times my mind is a game
playing tricks like a prostitute being a side chick to a pimp.
Remembering all the presents for Christmas but in reality never got shit.
Jealous  of the other kids made me sick to the point wishing I was different.
Reminisce the negative but replace it with the positive.
The positive  is false but that’s what I choose to acknowledge.
Blame myself for not having both parents
but yet I see mom and dad hugging and loving me as if I am the one and only.
Beautiful fairy tale  like a Walt Disney movie.
Walking home from school hearing gunshots  on the block
refuse to listen and instead picturing me and my friends with waterguns.
Selling bricks  hittin licks for me is the hustle to subdue my struggles to make college affordable.
But instead picture myself filling out FAFSA forms to make college affordable.
Dreaming  of making my unborn child proud saying to him  ” I did this for you”
Tears come down as my unborn child reached his rest day before his birthday.
I picture my new friend as my best man in my wedding ceremony
When I really walked in on him and my gf in my house having sex and I pull out my 9mm  aiming at them  wishing in my mind this never happened.

7 thoughts on “This Never Happened

  1. That’s a road of pain right there and if you manage to traverse over hills like that, you’re a strong individual coming out on the other side. I love how you hit the reality pill with what you wanted it to be like. Because there’s this, and then there’s what we would like it to be. Shotguns to water guns, selling dope for hope to filling out apps for education. This is some touching stuff my man, and so real!!! I just love your work, I respect it cause you tell it. From the heart, you’ve walked the road, seen the folds and know hot from cold. This was a powerful post. And the crescendo, just goes to show….ain’t no friends in the game.

    • This was an excellent comment.
      Alot of times this is how I really be feeling.
      That last part is a true story to some it happens.
      That’s a double betrayal.
      But violence is never the answer because reacting off anger without thinking will have you in a state prison

      • Like I said, you write real because people can really feel that way. And very true, the ending is a double betrayal. I always say never apologize for your feelings because they are never wrong. But what you do with those feelings can be. Real talk.

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