I sleep in peace
and wake up to the nightmare.
Always nervous and scared
While comparing my life to double dare.
The environment I cannot bare.
In the mirror I just stare
and pretend to be brave.
But I ‘m scared.
My luck is no where
and bad luck is everywhere.
Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out.
I no longer shed tears.
My balls is a waste of a pair.
I choose not to share
my deepest fears
since no one is near
to hear my fears.
In a world surrounded with snipers
and I am the deer.
Sometimes I dare
to let God to let me
live another day.
I wake up miserable and ashamed
Doesn’t the lord see the pain in my face?
I’m held back since I am part of the African American race.
I keep quiet so I don’t sound like I’m making excuses to some.
But being poor plus misery together,
just add the sum.
So miserable I become numb.
No matter how many scriptures I read,
I will always feel senseless.
The more I pray, the more
I feel like it’s meaningless.
Trust is pointless.
I was born a sinner
so I choose to be devious
because what’s healthy for us
seems to be tedious.
Life is supposed to be gorgeous
but I find it hideous.
How can I be cautious
when I haven’t slayed my demons?
The nightmare of living
and I wish I was dreaming.
My heart is in prison
serving a life sentence.
My mind is in hell burning
like the soul of Stalin.
Life is lonely when dick ridding
is something your constantly refusing.
Social media is the devils technology
and it’s an addiction
Instead of family,
social media become our guardians
guiding us in the wrong direction
like a broken compass.
Love and social media
have one thing in common.
The blindness of each of them
is contagious, harming generations.
Decision made of off emotions
Instead of logic.
Toxic like drunk driving.
We follow with our hearts,
but leave our brain behind
to get caught up in a bind.
Common problem is communication.
Basic skills like talking and listening
we learn in kindergarten
Greed and ignorance is recurrent
leading sinners to sin
instead of asking forgiveness.
The more technology advances,
the diminish of communication
becomes more prominent.
Life becomes faster paced
and we struggle to keep up.
We are forced to be robots
In life and the program we follow is unpredictable.
So can we blame hypocrites for being hypocritical?
Technology increase the ignorance
but in reality ignorance always been existent.
This type of living is ancient,
Youtube and WorldStar
just made the ignorance
Life is violent now and it was violent back then.
The devil is our best customer
and demons behind him march
like American soldiers.
We pricing scanning our souls
when the price is right.
Desperate for a better life,
So we close the good book
for a better outside look.
Looks do fade,
and our bodies go out of business
because the devil found somebody else
to implicate in sin
since he already fooled you.
Now have you serving a life sentence,
now your soul burning.
Money causes a fire that can’t be
sprayed with extinguisher.
Money is the root
Jealously and hate is the stem
Bullets and HIV is the
and the dead body is the flower.
Demonstration of being a slave
to the devils power.
by using divide and conqueror.
So many people are modern day
Men and women blame each other,
exposing each other on social media.
“Men are Trash”, “These Hoes Ain’t loyal”.
Children of God are so spoiled
and we are all disloyal.
Blaming each other on Social Media
Instead of helping each other.
The followers don’t care about your problems
they just entertaining your drama
and this is why I fear of having a daughter
because when years pass by it’s gonna get worst.
We as humans are overworked
Tired to the bone.
Stressed out for feeling alone.
like the voice of baritones.
Life is long but yet its short.
Time move slow when your bored
But move fast when your under pressure
like a single father with 4 daughters.
I ask lord to forgive me for my sins
Lonely nights, so me and my hand got acquainted.
Drinking alcohol to subdue the pain until I fainted.
I look in the mirror and I ain’t shave in a minute.
My beard 6 inches long, I look wasted.
Time is precious
but I ain’t been happy in a minute.
Asking for forgiveness is complicated
because I ain’t forgive myself.
Upset like criminal
because parents refuse to post bail.
Anger consumes me and it’s an unconquerable
Rage increases while drinking the Hennessy.
and hallucinating like my weed was laced.
In a different time zone.
In a different space.
Cutting myself across the face
and watch the blood leak
in the drain.
Situations were too difficult to bare.
Got a mark that stretch from the chin to my hair.
Lost myself in the process
I’m searching for my soul
but I can’t find it.
I give up
I remain soulless.
Full of shit like a toilet.
My life wasted like abortions.
I have a price tag on my body
and for the right price
I give you permission to take
Life is not a race
but I’m made fun of
for not finding my space.
A select few can relate.
My shoes tied
but still falling flat on my face.
Most problems on our own we create
but for heaven sake
bad luck is what I taste.
I wonder if my life was a mistake.
I tried for years to play it safe.
In dreams we hide from monsters
in real life the monsters are in hiding places
with the best disguises.
World full of surprises and I know this
so I always expect the unexpected
like erections in the wrong places
hoping nobody notice
but somebody is always watching.
Scheming, looking for a weakness
and bullies find this amusing.
So I’m paranoid
My heart is void
like the earth before it was created.
A monster inside me is the creation
To my devious patterns
A thin line between good and evil
and caught up right in the middle.
The good ones are constantly belittled.
For every problem solved,
always a more difficult riddle.
So I give up and cross the over to evil
And it was simple
Like crossing the street at midnight
and now inside of me.