Fuck a smile

Nothing 2 smile about

Sweating like slaves on the cotton fields in the south

Nervous, anxious, apprehensive

3 different words expressing the same meaning

Some think I’m devious

but I was lying 2 seek peace

but like always comfort is a mystery

This more than a poem

A true life story.

Born with worry

but still giving God the glory

Blessed with a healthy body

but heart is becoming black like coffee.

I don’t give a fuck about being mean

If you don’t like me

Sue Me

The kindness in me vanished

I’m soulless

like a inmate with a life sentence snapping

because you asked him

“Why are you not smiling?”

Money never stretch but the stress in me does

Fuck a hug.

My fear like a kid fearing bed bugs

but 10 time worst

Hypocrites inviting me to church,

will spit on my grave when I get buried in the dirt.

Dehydrated , feeling like I’m in a desert mentally.

Immature mentality some of you may believe

But I complain since I fall victim to the greed

of others within the vicinity.

Fear of living

so I wonder if I rather be dead?

Fearing life is constant headache

that I can’t fight.

Color blind, everything

in black and white.

Walk the streets alone at night

Wishing I was more like Mike

and the tears I refuse to wipe.

Fear of living

is the reason

I love sleeping

to ignore hypocrites preaching.

An abusive parent

having their child stripping

before the beaten

is the equivalent

of how I am feeling.

Deep in my feelings

reminding myself

the affliction

is still remaining.

I’m rewinding

on 2x

the memories.

Listen as you hear the melody

from the piano.

Listen to how the story is told.

Happiness at 10 years old

But things changed at 11 years old.

Scared like a crow just saw a scarecrow.

How you take 50 dollars from an 11 years old?

Karate practice twice a week

was a habit.

“It’s good for you”

An excuse that they use as a tactic

and smooth like ps4 graphics.

12 years old, miserable at football practice.

Did a three peat,

but quit at 15.

I had to run track

because I ran fast.

As you see I had pressure

on my back.

To this day

It’s hard for me to laugh.

I had to quit a job last

year

because I knew I wouldn’t last.

A year past

and yet most don’t know.

I’m getting too old

to be living like a kid.

Stress is way beyond big.

Holding secrets,

making my thoughts

the deepest they ever been.

It’s hard to express feelings

when people don’t listen

so you resort to lying.

Pieces of my heart is missing

making me soulless.

A person you hate conserving

with.

Better off talking to a brick

and their presence

make you sick to your fucking stomach.

So this poem right now

is therapeutic.

I’m having hallucinations

and I’m not smoking

so you know I have real

life problems

and yet I hate I have to solve them.

Feels like I’m trying to decipher

a bomb.

So much under pressure

I’m ready to give up and become

A bum.

Thus is more than just poetry

This is a true life story