Fuck a smile
Nothing 2 smile about
Sweating like slaves on the cotton fields in the south
Nervous, anxious, apprehensive
3 different words expressing the same meaning
Some think I’m devious
but I was lying 2 seek peace
but like always comfort is a mystery
This more than a poem
A true life story.
Born with worry
but still giving God the glory
Blessed with a healthy body
but heart is becoming black like coffee.
I don’t give a fuck about being mean
If you don’t like me
Sue Me
The kindness in me vanished
I’m soulless
like a inmate with a life sentence snapping
because you asked him
“Why are you not smiling?”
Money never stretch but the stress in me does
Fuck a hug.
My fear like a kid fearing bed bugs
but 10 time worst
Hypocrites inviting me to church,
will spit on my grave when I get buried in the dirt.
Dehydrated , feeling like I’m in a desert mentally.
Immature mentality some of you may believe
But I complain since I fall victim to the greed
of others within the vicinity.
Fear of living
so I wonder if I rather be dead?
Fearing life is constant headache
that I can’t fight.
Color blind, everything
in black and white.
Walk the streets alone at night
Wishing I was more like Mike
and the tears I refuse to wipe.
Fear of living
is the reason
I love sleeping
to ignore hypocrites preaching.
An abusive parent
having their child stripping
before the beaten
is the equivalent
of how I am feeling.
Deep in my feelings
reminding myself
the affliction
is still remaining.
I’m rewinding
on 2x
the memories.
Listen as you hear the melody
from the piano.
Listen to how the story is told.
Happiness at 10 years old
But things changed at 11 years old.
Scared like a crow just saw a scarecrow.
How you take 50 dollars from an 11 years old?
Karate practice twice a week
was a habit.
“It’s good for you”
An excuse that they use as a tactic
and smooth like ps4 graphics.
12 years old, miserable at football practice.
Did a three peat,
but quit at 15.
I had to run track
because I ran fast.
As you see I had pressure
on my back.
To this day
It’s hard for me to laugh.
I had to quit a job last
year
because I knew I wouldn’t last.
A year past
and yet most don’t know.
I’m getting too old
to be living like a kid.
Stress is way beyond big.
Holding secrets,
making my thoughts
the deepest they ever been.
It’s hard to express feelings
when people don’t listen
so you resort to lying.
Pieces of my heart is missing
making me soulless.
A person you hate conserving
with.
Better off talking to a brick
and their presence
make you sick to your fucking stomach.
So this poem right now
is therapeutic.
I’m having hallucinations
and I’m not smoking
so you know I have real
life problems
and yet I hate I have to solve them.
Feels like I’m trying to decipher
a bomb.
So much under pressure
I’m ready to give up and become
A bum.
Thus is more than just poetry
This is a true life story