Real Life

Fuck a smile

Nothing 2 smile about

Sweating like slaves on the cotton fields in the south

Nervous, anxious, apprehensive

3 different words expressing the same meaning

Some think I’m devious

but I was lying 2 seek peace

but like always comfort is a mystery

This more than a poem

A true life story.

Born with worry

but still giving God the glory

Blessed with a healthy body

but heart is becoming black like coffee.

I don’t give a fuck about being mean

If you don’t like me

Sue Me

The kindness in me vanished

I’m soulless

like a inmate with a life sentence snapping

because you asked him

“Why are you not smiling?”

Money never stretch but the stress in me does

Fuck a hug.

My fear like a kid fearing bed bugs

but 10 time worst

Hypocrites inviting me to church,

will spit on my grave when I get buried in the dirt.

Dehydrated , feeling like I’m in a desert mentally.

Immature mentality some of you may believe

But I complain since I fall victim to the greed

of others within the vicinity.

Fear of living

so I wonder if I rather be dead?

Fearing life is constant headache

that I can’t fight.

Color blind, everything

in black and white.

Walk the streets alone at night

Wishing I was more like Mike

and the tears I refuse to wipe.

Fear of living

is the reason

I love sleeping

to ignore hypocrites preaching.

An abusive parent

having their child stripping

before the beaten

is the equivalent

of how I am feeling.

Deep in my feelings

reminding myself

the affliction

is still remaining.

I’m rewinding

on 2x

the memories.

Listen as you hear the melody

from the piano.

Listen to how the story is told.

Happiness at 10 years old

But things changed at 11 years old.

Scared like a crow just saw a scarecrow.

How you take 50 dollars from an 11 years old?

Karate practice twice a week

was a habit.

“It’s good for you”

An excuse that they use as a tactic

and smooth like ps4 graphics.

12 years old, miserable at football practice.

Did a three peat,

but quit at 15.

I had to run track

because I ran fast.

As you see I had pressure

on my back.

To this day

It’s hard for me to laugh.

I had to quit a job last

year

because I knew I wouldn’t last.

A year past

and yet most don’t know.

I’m getting too old

to be living like a kid.

Stress is way beyond big.

Holding secrets,

making my thoughts

the deepest they ever been.

It’s hard to express feelings

when people don’t listen

so you resort to lying.

Pieces of my heart is missing

making me soulless.

A person you hate conserving

with.

Better off talking to a brick

and their presence

make you sick to your fucking stomach.

So this poem right now

is therapeutic.

I’m having hallucinations

and I’m not smoking

so you know I have real

life problems

and yet I hate I have to solve them.

Feels like I’m trying to decipher

a bomb.

So much under pressure

I’m ready to give up and become

A bum.

Thus is more than just poetry

This is a true life story

What Was The Most Important Lesson You Learned From Your Previous Relationship?

This post is not a poem. My next poem posted will be on June 2.

I gained some new followers but if you have time please read

I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1)

and

I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 2) This is a very long blog personal blog

Some of you might have read those blogs but those are blogs about me opening up and expressing my emotions that I felt 3 years ago. One thing that important to me about blogging is for me to learn about other bloggers. I mostly post poetry but today, I will open up a little bit about my personal experience of mine.

 

 

Have you ever wonder to yourself

1) I am a good person with a good heart, why don’t people appreciate me?

2) Why do people take advantage of me?

3) Why are people so mean and cold hearted?

 

 

 

For years I have been asking myself these questions.

A few years back, during my first relationship, I broke up with my ex through a text message. I admit, I was a coward and it was a bitch move, but overall I was a good boyfriend and I thought I was looking out for the both of us. I fear that one day she was going to get pregnant since at the time I didn’t know how to use a condom. There were other reasons as well but that was the about 75% of the reason why I broke up with her.

So anyway long story short I tried to get back with her, but she wasn’t sure she was playing games. If you read the links I posted at the top, you get the whole story.

One thing that use to drive my crazy at the time was, my ex never gave me a second chance. She told me a lot about her past and the men she use to date. Based on what she told me, I was the only good boyfriend she ever had. All her ex’s weren’t great boyfriends but yeah they all had second chances. One in particular had numerous chances but yet I couldn’t get a second chance. You would have to read the two links I posted above to get the full story to understand why I was thinking like this

But regarding relationships, I learned that

  • you can’t compare yourself to significant other ex bf/gf.
  • I also learned that doing nice things for people does not guarantee an opportunity of happiness with that somebody.
  • Everybody failed relationship will prepare you for the next relationship
  • No matter how nice you are, people will always take advantage of you.
  • Doing nice thing for people will not change on how they feel about you

 

1) I am a good person with a good heart, why don’t people appreciate me?

2) Why do people take advantage of me?

3) Why are people so mean and cold hearted?

 

 

 

Are you struggling to find answers to these questions, comment below and tell how do you feel about these questions!

Also have you ever compared yourself to your significant other’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend, have you ever thought doing nice things for people will get people to like you or change how they feel about you, do you fear falling in love because of the pain from the previous relationship still haunts you?

Comment below your thoughts?

Tomorrow I will be posting a first date scenario similar to this one

What Do You Believe Is The Most Common Mistake Made On The 1st Date?