Suicidal Thoughts/In Case Tomorrow Not Promised

Some questions to think about and also these could be future blogs to talk about. In fact take a look at these questions, pick one question to blog about it 

1. If you had the chance to find out where your final destination would be after you die right  now  at this moment would you wanna know?

2. For those of you that are not married, do you wish you was still a virgin if you are not a virgin?

3. If fornication was not a sin, for those of you waiting until marrige to have sex or have waited until marrige, would you still have waited until marrige have sex to have sex if you knew fornication was not a sin?

4. If you had the chance to win 5 million dollars, you would steal one of my poems and submit it  to publishing agency pretending you wrote the poem for 5 million dollars?

5. This question for the women, If you had the chance to pick, you rather be a house wife while you husband works or would you rather work and your husband will be a house husband?

6. For the men same question, if you had to pick, would you rather be a house husband while your wife works or you work and your wife stay at home?

7. If you was able to choose your family at birth, would you pick the family your living with now or would you pick a different family?

8. For those you that answered “No” to number 4, do you think I beleive you lol?

9. If you had to pick an age, how old would you want to be when you die?

10. If you had to pick an age to be forever, what age would that be?

11. Let’s say you was getting married next week and tonight was your bachelor/bachelorette party and you had sex with a stripper at your party, would you tell your fiance or would you keep it yourself and never do it again?

12. If you cheated in the past and your current signficant other asked you if you ever cheated on your previous lovers would you lie to him/her?

13. For the women, if a guy you date says to you he doesn’t kiss until the 5th Date, how would you respond?

14. For the men, if a woman you date says she doesn’t give oral sex and never will,  how would you respond?

15. If you could pick one of your followers to meet in real life, who would you pick?

16. Would you send a nudes to your spouse if you are married?

17. If you slept with your spouse’s best friend and your spouse’s friend promised you to not nothing to your spouse, would you accept the promise?

18 Now same question as number 17 but the next day what if your spouse died, then 2 weeks later you got pregnant/or got your spouse friend pregnant, would you want an abortion, hope for a miscarrige, or be proud to have a baby and here’s the kicker, the doctor said you couldn’t have kids so this is a miracle baby so what would you do?

19. You notice that Janurary is New Years, Feburary is Presidents day, March is St.Patricks day, April is Easter, May is Memorial day, June is when summer begins, July is when Indedpenden Day, September is Labor Day, October is Halloween, November is Thanksgiving Day, December is Christmas Day, what about August?

20. What would you rather do, try to force yourself asleep when your wide awake or your try to stay awake when your sleepy?

21. For the women that are single, what if you actually found the guy of your dreams that have plans of marrying you but don’t want kids, would you leave him?

22. For the men, if you was the only guy in this world and everybody else were women, how would you feel?

23. Let’s say you had a one night stan and nine months you had a child, 18 years later that child  asked you  “dad how did you meet mom/vice versa?” how would you respond?

24. If today was your last day of living, did you feel like you accomplished alot, would you die proud or miserable?

25. For the men, what is the worst and best thing about being a man?

26. For the women, what is the worst and best thing about being a woman?

27. Imagine a world without police officers, without jails or prisons, would you be scared to exist with the rest of the human population?

28. Think of the meanest  thing someone had said to you, was it by a stranger or a loved one?

29. What would life be like if music was banned  for a year?

30. What would life be like if social media was banned for a year?

31. What if you was married and your spouse still wanted to use condoms, how would you feel?

32. Would you ever marry a pornstar?

33. If you had to pick an animal what would you pick?

34. If you had a choice, would you rather be an adopted child or adopt a child?

35. If I was your college professor and I asked you to pick one of the previous 34 questions and write an essay, do you think you would get an A on your essay?
I’m uploading my most powerful blog all through out this month. Take a look for the schedule of my blogs posting

On Monday December 11, I will upload a poem “The Unsolved Mystery”.

On Tuesday December 12, I will upload two  interesting  questions that will have you thinking .

On Wednesday December 13,  I will upload, “Get Lost in my Poems part 2” please read part 1 Get Lost In My Poems     . Just a brief summary part 1 was about me inviting my followers to a time travel machine and your going back in time switching in and out of my previous poems. It’s hard to explain you would have to read and it’s clever.

On December 15, I will upload,  “Poetry is the Power of Life”.

  On December 16th, I will upload another interesting question about life for you  to think about.

On December 17th, I will write a poem about the number ‘7’.

On December 18th, I will upload a blog explaining what is silent unity.

On December 19th, I will upload a poem in on a topic in which you will pick a topic for me and all you have to do is comment below in this blog on which topic you would like me to talk about and this is first come first serves. 

On December 20th, I will write a blog on how to build your traffic on word press/blogging and share some tips that helped me. 

On December 21st, I upload  an erotic poem.

On December 23, I will upload another deep personal question. 

On December 24, I will upload a poem “Chase the money not the p*ussy”.

On December 27, I will a personal  embarrassing experience of mines.

On December 29th,  I will upload  a poem “Don’t believe when she says I’m done with him”.

On December 30th, I will upload a poem with a multiple choice question at the end

On December 31st, well this will be a special blog that’s all I will say. 


Suicidal thoughts 

 

I feel extremely hopeless.

I am behaving more reckless.

My behavior is changing.

The pain I feel is way beyond unbarring.

I am preoccupied with death.

I feel like there’s nothing else left,

to do.

I’m tired and I have no one to go to.

All I feel like doing all day is sleeping,

Right now I am online searching,

For a gun,

 

Right now that’s the only thing I really want to put me out of misery.

Pointed at my chest, shoot myself with a hallow tip and go straight through my kidneys.

Or kill myself while driving,

I want lose control of the wheel as I’m steering,

Lose control of the car and run into a truck driver,

and become a non-survivor.

I wish my mom suffered a miscarriage or got an abortion.

I am in severe depression.

I smile on the outside, but burning and torturing on the inside.

I have thoughts that life is not worth living.

I have no tears left, I’m done crying.

I believe in God, but I’m tired of being patient and waiting,

Tired of praying and praying.

My prayers never get answered.

I’m a good warm hearted person, but why do the good suffer?

I’m born in June, I am a cancer,

But I wish I suffered with lung or brain cancer.

I am tired physically ,

I lack the energy,

To live my life.

No energy left to fight.

I ask myself , why did humans have to be created?

Humans on earth have demonstrated,

That life is hard and unfair.

People don’t care.

I honesty believe

its easier to understand animals than a human being.

I rather my brain function as a automatic machine.

 In Case Tomorrow Not Promised

Lord please forgive me for my sins
for not praying when
I didn’t talk to my friends.
Lying and pretending
I was stronger
for not praying
but I became weaker.
Always wanted to
make it
without a hand out.
I never shout
when I needed help.
I didn’t want to express love
Always felt like
I had to remain tough.
Never wanted to cry
in front of any woman
but I felt like crying  every night
so am I really a man?
My family don’t know
my plans
So whoever read this
accidentally after I pass away 
don’t throw this
in this trash
but
to my nephew,
I love you
and stay out of trouble
and pray to the Lord
above you.
Sometimes I wish I was man enough
to protect you.
Listen to your father
he loves you
He twice the man
I ever was.
Be confident
and optimistic.
Don’t be pessimistic
like me
because negativity
don’t capture
dreams.
When u get older
Watch
“The Bronx Tale”
So you understand
what wasted talent
is?
Learn how to fish
Learn how to shoot a gun
Learn about Jesus
Learn how to save you funds
It’s okay to cry in front of others
when your heart is broken
Learn that the words that are spoken
are for to listen you
I refuse to cry in front of you
you know who saw me cried the most,
my reflection
Only in private I showed affection
My life always been in question
for so long for comparing
others to myself.
I felt like I never grew a pair
below the belt.
I’m an ice block
and I’m about to melt.
I’m the water
dripping from the ice block
on a sunny day
and life is going down
the drain.
Never forget to pray
When you eat your food
always say grace
When your grandmother
use to tell me say Grace
I always made an annoyed face
She would tell me fix your face
and say Grace
I was getting tired of trying
not to sin,
so hardcore rap I
began to listen.
Sometimes I wanted
be just like them
I was addicted to
their money, fame, and Popularity
Thought it would help me
overcome my adversities.
I wanted power like Thanos
with six infinity stones.
I wanted money like Bill Gates
living in his 8 million dollar home.
I wanted popularity like LeBron James
with headphones on
as he enters the locker room
putting on his uniform.
My brain so deformed.
I feel like Qtip in prison song.
I wasted my talent.
I’m so poetic.
I could been famous
My poetry is dangerous.
Maybe if my parents
weren’t divorced
then maybe of course
no wait
Maybe if I was an A student
then maybe of course
no wait
Maybe if I was honest
then maybe of course
no wait
You see what I did?
I made 3 excuses
I’m addicted to being pessimistic
Never wanted marriage,kids,
not even a date
but I would adopt you in a heartbeat
but you are my brothers seed
and I have watched you grow.
The previous line I wrote
almost had me in tears.
The post that I wrote yesterday
I want you to read that
because it was sad
I swear if that ever happens to you
you I will kill a bitch for you.
I use the word the word bitch
don’t get in the habit having of
thinking every woman is a bitch
because every woman is not a bitch

I hate science
but music and poetry
and including me,
what we have in common is chemistry.
I picture myself as Tupac
when writing poetry.
Do you know how many favors
people owe me
if I didn’t do favors from the heart?
So don’t give and expect to receive
the pain is sharp
when they eat off your plate
and they already have a full plate
plus they have half on what’s on your plate
and it was only half to begin with
So now left with a fourth of a plate 
Never jealous but I be lying if
I say I wanted to seek forgiveness when hurt
I pretend I do
but revenge is what I plan to do
Would I rather commit suicide
then forgive my enemy?
I’m a christian but I
hate my enemies
and this is the real enemy
Sometimes I think
I should slay  my enemy.
I wanted that type of power
that Suge Knight had
in 95.
The other day I took a HIV
test and it was negative
but if it was positive
I don’t think I would of
cried
but I would of kept it to myself
because what makes me cry
is when my family cry.
I always been shy
but I’m louder then anybody else
when talking to myself about
how will I obtain wealth
Have me worrying so hard  it’s
stressing my health
and yet I’m still paying
for expensive dates
with a smile on my face
as I look in the pretty ladies
in the face to keep her safe
and she thinks I’m strong
and deep when I take off
her Thong off
and work my tongue
and it’s fun
but look at everything
I done
What did I accomplish?
They say the truth
shall come to light
But the truth doesn’t always
come to light
because this secret will
be kept with me in the grave
because your only eight
and you can’t comprehend
and relate to this poem.
But don’t get me wrong
your very smart
much smarter than I was
at eight.
I purposely am writing this
on this date.
If you was 16
I wouldn’t of wrote this for you
because you be able to relate
and this will break your heart.
In fact people that don’t know me
a select few  reading this would feel it in their hearts
I’m 6ft but feel like a midget
I smell like dead fish in a bucket.
but not physically but mentally
physically I am here
but mentally well that’s a whole
different story
You are my little guy, my little buddy.
I never been able to fit in anywhere since elementary
and maybe WordPress while blogging
but around you I feel like a king
You make me feel popular.
Even though I’m broke it don’t matter
because you make me feel rich
For a while I hated my ex but you helped me forgive.
I know your only a kid
but sometimes the best advice is from a kid.
I honestly wish I can do your homework everyday.
I remember that one day I did it for you
so you can play at a earlier time
but I can’t do that all the time
and I feel like a bad uncle for admitting that line
I have a better relationship with you
then with my own uncle.
When your father yells at you sometimes
I do want to give him a taste of his own medicine
but he only doing what a parent is suppose to.
I will should send you this when your 18 and I will be 36.
I can’t send this to you now but because this is over your head right now.
I make a promise to you 10 years from if God willing I’m still living
I will give you this for your 18th birthday
that’ s why I’m going to upload this today
to have this saved.
but just in case if I don’t make it tomorrow
and I become hollow
I want you to take my place and carry on my legacy
and I want you to have this poetry.
I posted 96 blogs and it’s all yours
and always thank the Lord
and I will do the same
so when your 18 I can live to see your face.
Damn I almost shed a tear out my face.
Writing a poem gets tiring trying to put words together to make the rhymes sound better
but I could write about you all day
So when I eat dinner tomorrow
I will say Grace.
In you face I never told you I love you
but I swear to God I do love you
but understand I can’t remember the last time
I said “I love you” to my own mother
In fact I don’t think I ever
expressed to her in person.
I can’t express to anybody in person
but on paper, nobody can never express
the way I can
and I don’t mean that to sound arrogant
it just to show you that I am human
and I do have emotions.
If you really knew the thoughts on my head,

it’s scary even for me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a nightmare
but you make me feel like I can accomplish my dreams
I can motivate myself but I you give me extra the push.
When I read the good book, I wish there was a miracle where I can go back and be in
Adams place
or I can be Eve’s conscious and look her in the face and
say “Don’t eat it please don’t eat it”
I think I would of been strong enough to resist the serpent
or at least I would of question him like why should I eat of this tree
because I know the Earth is full of greed and misery
and I know first hand the pain in the present day 
So lord, take me to the past at 4000 B.C.
and let me help Adam and Eve
and the present and future seeds
In fact I would let the serpent
take my life so everybody else can dwell in heaven
and they all would be naked
because your beauty is exposed the most
when your naked
Wearing your clothes will make you hate the color of your skin
The Earth to me is really hell
So I can imagine what it is really like in hell.
I won’t lie if I had to
to commit suicide
and scarfice my life
for you to be heaven,
I wouldn’t even hesitate
In fact, if everybody was promise
a place in heaven,
If all I had to do was scarfice my
life,I wouldn’t even hesitate
To tell you the truth that wasn’t
even a hard question
until I think about all the rapists
that exist from the past
and exist in the present
I hate a rapist with a passion
and I never been raped
If  a man rape someone
in my family
forget an ass whooping,
he dead.
Kill first and forgive later
because yes I’m a hater 
to a rapist.
I really shouldn’t say that
because that’s negative
but all I’m saying to you
is to never ever become a rapist
no matter how desperate.
I could write all day
and the lord gave me this talent
to share with you  in secret
I decided you will never read this
because this is too intricate
but even though
I don’t show it,
words can’t express how I feel about you.
To be honest when I wrote this
I wasn’t even planning to write this much,
this was just a simple dark deep poem
but you can into my mind like a love song
Two years ago I tried to write a poem
about you.
Couldn’t keep focus enough to write about you.
My skills and vocabulary expanded and stretched like a limousine
and it’s gorgeous like a black woman on ebony magazine
2 two years ago my poetic skills was a car
now poetic skills stretched to a limousine.
I’m a poetic machine
You see, you are helping me to think poetic
in a optimistic view.
I have to take a bathroom break and this poem is too much for you to take
so that’s why I choose to stop because I have to go bad (lol)
This poem is sad but it’s a blessing because I have you in my life so I am glad .
Nobody in my family will ever see this poem
but it will be on word press because I need to share it
because I will go crazy when I have content and thoughts in my head and have no one to share it with.
I won’t say names but I thank my 10 dedicated followers and supporters
for giving me the strength to write this to my nephew.
He will never see it because it’s too much
but since I don’t know anyone of you in person
I will allow you to see this because I need to share this and express this
So at least you and the Lord knows how much I love my nephew.
You never know how much you love somebody
until you actually  listen to music and start writing and think about your deepest  thoughts.
I will upload this now because life is not promised tomorrow
Someone told me on my previous blog to don’t apologize for my writing so I won’t
Life is hard it really easy but it’s not impossible
and when I die I want my poems to be like an hidden fossil
from an archeologist from the future generation

 

On December 19th, I want you to comment below and give me a topic that you want me to write a poem about.  Whoever is the first person to comment and give me a topic, then that will be the topic I will write about(first come first serve)

Picture yourself in a life or death situation right now and life is not promised the next day and you pick one person in your life you had to write a letter to and tell that person your deepest thoughts, your weakness, , your strengths, your mistakes and how much you love them and listen to your favorite song at the same time while writing to you loved one.

9 thoughts on “Suicidal Thoughts/In Case Tomorrow Not Promised

  1. You wrote amazing amazing stuff
    Really
    Please please don’t think about suicide
    A lot of lives get ruined
    And life is important
    Trust me hang on
    Trust me
    Things will all back in place
    After some time
    Fuck everything
    Go on a trip if it makes you happy
    Stay at peace
    Escape for time being
    Draw write
    Do whatever you want to
    And see if things get any better
    But I beg you don’t ever try to commit suicide
    Bcoz life is precious for you and for others
    For your parents friends and people here
    We love reading your blogs
    Really
    I would miss you
    Soo don’t try
    Having suicidal thoughts is not in your control but your actions are
    Lots of love from my side 💙
    I mean it
    Lots of love and virtual hug ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I will be honesy
      I have my really bad days and it gets tiring
      Sometimes I do have negative thoughts that are very deep
      But I don’t have the heart to harm myself.
      I can’t do it. I do believe it will get better so I have faith

      Like

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