I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 2) This is a very long blog personal blog

I sure some of you have noticed  I have been posting a lot blogs for the last 3 days. For the month of December I plan to go all out with my blogs and I will be posting a lot of rel – eatable  content. Tomorrow  I will post a poem “Suicide thoughts” and it’s a deep topic to discuss. Now please for those of you that don’t know me, please click this link Who Am I? . It’s an autobiography of me to learn more about me so you can understand this story. Also please, please read I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 1) before reading this blog. I hope you all enjoy.  This is a very, very long blog so I will understand if you get bored but I wanted to share my story because I know a lot of people been heart broken before and I like to break things down for you bloggers to picture what I went through. Also this is a very long blog, so if you don’t like reading long blogs you will get bored reading this.

April 2015

Next day is Sunday and I’m still thinking about the previous night. She text me “Good Morning” and I replied back but I wasn’t in the mood to communicate with her. Throughout the day she kept texting me and I just kept replying back but I wasn’t really feeling the vibe after what happened the previous night. After a while, she noticed that I wasn’t really in the mood so she asked me “Are you okay?” I replied back “I call you later” When she got off work, I called her and I asked “Do you still have feelings on me?” she was a little hesitant and said” On certain days I do, on certain days I’m not in the mood.” Now that I’m wiser looking back at it now, I should of just wished her luck and moved on, but you live and you learn. So anyway when she told me that, I asked her “Well what’s gonna happen between us in the future? She responded “I’m not sure” So I said “We can’t remain friends forever tho, either one day we will get back together or we will go our separate ways.” Now I don’t remember what her response was because this was like 3 years ago but I said what I said to her because I guess I was trying to put the pressure on her so she can really figure out what she wanna do. I felt like she got too comfortable with receiving relationship benefits on a friendship level. I also asked her over the phone why she didn’t want to kiss me and if she was uncomfortable and she told me “Oh no I was just tired and I wanted to go home.” I felt like she was bullshitting because even if you tired if you really into somebody even if your tired wouldn’t you still kiss that person?(just a question to think about)

                                                                     May 2015

Fast forward to May, me and this girl still are communicating but probably like 2 or 3 times a week. At this point I’m focus because I started working 2 jobs so I was busy everyday. At this point I started talking to other girls to get my mind off my ex because at this point I didn’t know what was going to happen between me and her. My ex and I would text about 2 or 3 times a week. I won’t lie I still had feelings for her. Now back in April when we saw the fast furious movie I did tell her we were going to see Avengers age of Ultron in May but after I tried to kiss her and she slammed the car door on my face I was like fuck that (for those that don’t know what happened when we saw fast furious go back to the top of this blog and click on the link and read the 1st part). So it was the beginning of May and we texting back and fourth. I mentioned I couldn’t wait to see the avengers movie. She said when do you plan to see it” I said maybe this weekend”
then I asked her “Do you plan to see it?” She said ” I thought we planned on seeing it together but I guess you don’t feel like driving to queens.” Lol I played it off and said ” Lol my fault I forgot you know I’m a old man I forget simple shit”. She called me an old man. I didn’t forget, I was playing it off because you see, this girl barely kissed me, and we haven’t had sex in months. Now me and her are just friends at this point so I wasn’t really chasing the sex but at this point I’m like if she comfortable enough to hang out with me, comfortable enough to her allow to pick from work, I even gave her money twice(now this was my fault because I volunteered to do this) but whenever I try to make a move or bring up my feelings she goes cold. So now I’m like you know what, I ain’t going out my way for her no more unless she gives it up. So later when I was in school, we was texting back and  fourth. Don’t remember how this started, but I said to her “You can’t say my name lol ” but we just joking. She said “Yes I can lol”. I said “You can’t say my name unless we having sex and I know you not trying to take it there” She put “Lmao but can still say your name”. I said “Lol why well are you going to have sex with me?” She said “No, but I can still say your name” I said “Alright fine, you can say my name while having sex with another guy” She said “No that would be very rude of me to say that” I said, ” Well it’s very rude for you to say my name”, I don’t remember her response but after I left class I gave her a call. I decided that either we get back together or I go my separate way.  So called her and told that. I asked her if she wanted to work things out and get back together. She said she wasn’t sure so I told I will give you 2 weeks to think about it.  The following week she got the nerve to ask me for a favor,something to do with her car. I made up an excuse though, I didn’t do it. Some other things happen during the month of May but I can’t remember everything because it’s been so long. This took place over two years ago.

                                                                June 2015

So now we fast forward to June. Both of our birthdays were in June. Between May and June we barely spoke. I was on the verge of just cutting her off. At this point, I still had feelings but I was starting to get use to not hearing from her. I felt like I started healing. I felt like I was getting stronger or at least I thought I was. So anyway it was  the middle of June  and it was her birthday. It was 9AM and I was contemplating on rather or not if I should text her “Happy Birthday”. So after 10 minutes of being in deep thought, I decided to text her “Happy Birthday” and she said “Thank you!”. From that day until June 22, we slowly started communicating here and there but not often. So now fast forward to about 4 or 5 days later this girl texted me ” You okay?”. Once in a blue moon she would text me this if we haven’t spoke in a while. So anyway, I texted her” I alright wbu?” So she “I’m good” I said” Is there anything you wanna talk about?” She said” Are you seeing new friend?” I said” New friend? do you mean if  I’m dating somebody new?” She said “Yes!” I said “No, but why did you ask me that?” She said “No reason” I said” for real stop playing why you asked me that?” She said” I just want to see you found someone to replace me that’s all”. Now I  don’t know why I said this looking back at this now but my response was” Nah, nobody would ever take your place”.
She responded” Aww 😚😚
So she asked me” How is work coming along?”
I said “I’m just busy you know staying focus working two jobs?” She said ” That’s a lot, but if we was to get back together, how would you have the time?” I said”Good question, but I can make time.” Now I was just thinking to myself maybe she does want to get back together but I still was on my guard because I still didn’t trust her. I somewhat had feelings for her still, but I was healing little by little.  So fast forward to June 22, she texted me ” How you doing?” I said” I’m good!”  We was going back and fourth and she I told her that my supervisor was letting me leave work early. She said” Why?” I said “because it’s my birthday” She said “Omg I’m so sorry Happy Birthday!”  I’m just like “lol thank you”. One minute later, she gave me a call and said she apologizes for forgetting my birthday then she said let’s hang out. I said I’ll let you know. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. So  I asked a co-worker for advice. The co-worker said I should let her take me out for my birthday. So I took his advice(looking back now I should just went with my instincts instead of taking this advice)

                                                                   July 2015

For those of you reading this, if you don’t like what your hearing and if you feel like this is a fucked story then I wouldn’t recommend reading the rest of this story because it does get worst. So now it’s July and I wanted go to a buffet. I picked her up and we went to the buffet. I swear I was not trying to make a move or anything I just wanted to be a simple date that’s all. So we at the buffet, and we are talking. She seemed really excited to see me. Around this time, I was listening to K love trying to change my ways and become more positive. So anyway, I can’t lie, my feelings started coming back, she seemed really excited to see me, plus she just got her license so I was excited for her. She wanted to register for college (now what I am about to say was so foolish, so stupid, so navie) and she owed the school 1000 dollars.  I was working two jobs, I had money, plus I was listening K love radio station, so I was feeling positive and I felt like God was looking out for me. I love helping people so I offer to help her pay for college and I told her she only have to pay me half back by December. She really appreciated it. So after the buffet I was planning to take her home, but  she said she wasn’t in a rush to go home. We decided to go to the mall to pass time. To my surprise, she started holding my hand while in the mall. Now that’s what got me because we haven’t done that in months.  Now think about this, 3 weeks prior, she asked me if I was dating anybody else, if we got back together how would you have the time,  and she started holding my hand, now wouldn’t this lead you on?  So we head back to the car and I was feeling the moment and I tried kissing her. She started pulling back harder. So I’m thinking like alright she just playing hard to get. It’s been a while since like months since  I got close with a female and I feel like this was a good opportunity. This time I didn’t care I was coming on to her. But when I got closer the second time, she said “I  don’t want to get turned on , it’s been a month since I been turned on” I paused for a second because I’m like what the fuck that got to do with me and why you telling that. So I asked her “You had sex a month ago?”  she said “Yes”. Let’s think about this, all along for months I made effort to show her that I care, I gave her money like twice, picked her up from work, went to church with her family, contacted her on a daily, never pressured her for sex up until this point, and she fucked someone else like wow. I was shocked because I let my guard down. In the back of my mind since April I had a feeling she was messing with another guy. I knew it and I tried my hardest to move on but she kept leading me on and I tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. Now I can’t remember what my response was, but I drove her home in silence. I went home pissed of. For the men that’s reading this, I’m sure you can understand how I felt.  So anyway she texted me “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get you upset” I called her and told I think it’s best we don’t talk for a while.  I couldn’t even go to sleep that night. Every day I kept thinking and thinking about this bullshit. I couldn’t focus at work , I couldn’t focus at school , I just kept replaying this shit in my head. I could not let it go.  So I went to God and I prayed. I too realized  that back in October I broke up with her through a text message and I will briefly explain that at the end of this blog. So I prayed and I talked to my mom and she started praying for me. After about a week , I decided to text and ask her why she did what she did?(I know I should of just left her alone) When you love somebody it’s very hard to move on. In fact, when the person you love breaks your heart, you blame yourself and that’s what  I did. Now I can’t remember everything but since I was trying so hard to forgive her, praying to God still,  I decided to forgive her and I texted whatever happened on my birthday let’s leave it in the past and just move on. Now at this point I wasn’t trying to get back with her anymore, but I thought at least we can be civil and move on. The reason why I blamed myself because sometimes I feel like I overthink a lot of things and I create situations and problems  in my head worrying about every single thing and I was trying hard to change that at that time. So I figure maybe I’m just thinking too hard and I should just let this go. So anyway, after I texted her that, she told me thank you. So we started talking a little and I’m slowly letting go what happened then she got the nerve to text me ” You still going to lend me the money?” In my head I’m like you gotta be fucking serious. I’m like what the hell. I should of cursed her ass out. I responded “I don’t know I will think about”. I didn’t plan on lending her money. I thought about it and  I asked myself, why should I lend her money?

Before I continue with the story, I will briefly explain something real quick so you can understand my though process at this time. I apologize for this long blog, but I am trying hard to break everything down so you can understand this. I am going to be completely honest and this is not easy for me to admit this but I think it’s important for you to know this. When me and this girl got together, this was my first relationship and I was inexperienced in all areas. I repeat, I was inexperienced in all areas. So we got together and I was embarrassed by my inexperience and I felt like I couldn’t keep her with her. I had problems staying hard. Truth was I never admitted to her, but I didn’t know how to put on a condom. So I couldn’t maintain an erection. I was extremely embarrassed. So I decided to go unprotected. Still couldn’t keep it up. This shit was in my head all throughout the day. Since I was inexperienced, I use to compare myself to other guys. I was felt like she was going to leave me because of that.  I went to urologist and he gave me cialis and it worked for me. Since I didn’t know how to put on condoms, I just went unprotected. I got addicted to having sex unprotected and I hated condoms. So anyway there was guy she use to date before me and I thought she still had feelings for him while she was with me. Let’s just say because of my lack of experience was the reason why I felt like she still had feelings for the previous guy before I came into the picture. There’s a lot more to say but I feel like I probably already gave you guys a headache so I will leave it here.


So back where I left off with the story,  I was thinking about lending her the money but then I thought to myself, what if the guy had sex with was a from the past? Next day, I texted and first thing I asked her was “If I lend you money, will you promise me to pay me back in December?” She said “Yes” Then I asked her ” Remember when you told me you had sex a month ago, was that guy you had sex with a new guy you just met or a guy from your past?  She said” Someone from the past” When I heard that damn, I can’t describe how painful that felt.  The reason why it felt painful because here I am, nice, respectful gentleman, doing everything in my power to be there for this girl and yet she fucking somebody from the past when she clearly tells me that all the guys from her past were trash. W got into an argument and she told me ” I don’t know why you making a big deal, it’s my life and I wasn’t even dating the guy, it was just a fling thing.” I wanted to punch her in the fucking face.  I can’t lie, I went to the bathroom I called my mom and I was in tears.



This experience changed me. To this day I haven’t been back to church ever since. I stopped listening to K love, I lost respect for women. I was hurt for months until I went to the strip club and I just started paying for sex. Real talk. Believe it or not , the strip club was my healing factor and I was watching porn like crazy. What happened was strip clubs and porn desensitized my mind. I didn’t trust any girls. I only wanted strippers but I wore a condom though I didn’t smash a stripper raw, I ‘m not that crazy. I realize that strippers make bad decisions but they are friendly people that accept you for who you are. A few of them I was getting to know them and I realized that they have a lot potential to be great. Now some people judge strippers and think they are stupid hoes, let me tell you something, strippers make poor decisions but they are warm hearted people(most not all) trying to earn a living and even though they caught a lot of bodies, they will make sure their clients use to protection because they want to catch nothing. A lot of these girls out here getting pregnant fucking every nigga raw, they ain’t no better than the strippers. But eventually I did get bored with the strip club but it did help me though.  As time move on, I started to talk to other females and I realized I had more in common with other females than my ex.  I realized my ex wasn’t for me. This was all a learning experience and you know what, I thank her for breaking my heart. She taught me a lot and I forgive her now. If we was still together I would eventually been miserable. I accept myself for who I am and that I am just an over thinker. Not giving a fuck healed me. Now if I don’t get hard in the bedroom, I don’t give a fuck, if a girl gets upset and think I’m lame then go fuck another nigga it don’t bother me. I realized that being single was the best decision ever. Someone on twitter use to tweet everyday ” I’m glad that I can wake up and not get cheated on” lol I don’t know why but that’s funny to me. I started saying that lol. Now for women reading this, I know there are some good women out there I know,so I didn’t take my frustration out on all women but some of you are fucked up, just being honest. Another lesson I learn is you can’t always trust a christian that lives by the bible day in and day out(no offensive). Some Christians are good people so I’m not placing all Christians in this category, but be careful because some of them will hurt you in the worst. Some of them will just receive from you and will not give you anything in return. I respect church members and it’s a great honor to see them worship God but the one thing that use to annoy me with them was they are so nosy. Like they would always try everything in their power to  try to get me involved in the church activities , they don’t accept no for an answer. For example, they say, “come to the Friday night service, you said you don’t work on Fridays you not doing nothing so come on down” it’s annoying when they do that because it’s like they trying to trap me into coming but all this does is push me away further and further. Like I said I wasn’t perfect because I broke up with my ex through a text message so I’m not trying to appear innocent.  If you would like to hear more about why I broke up with my ex, through a text message and the events take took place then comment below. If you read this long blog from start to finish appreciate you because this took a lot of thinking to write this. I love relating to people that been heart broken because I know how it feels.   I heard this in church once


“We all have gotten hurt by somebody and we all will hurt somebody”


41 thoughts on “I Will Never Forget My 25th Birthday (Part 2) This is a very long blog personal blog

      • Don’t take this wrong way:
        Never be apologetic for what you share and how you share on your blog. This is your space to be as creative and open as you choose to be. It is a privilege for us readers to read your poetry and stories that we all will find something you write to relate to.
        Real recognize Real!
        You inspire me!

      • Well thank you for the advice and it comments like these that give me the motivation to write from the heart. I still have alot to share this month
        As I’m always here to support your writing as well and I’m privileged to have you as a follower.
        I loved your comment

  1. “I also asked her over the phone why she didn’t want to kiss me and if she was uncomfortable and she told me “Oh no I was just tired and I wanted to go home.” I felt like she was bullshitting because even if you tired if you really into somebody even if your tired wouldn’t you still kiss that person?(just a question to think about)”

    Hell yeah. Tired doesn’t have a lot to do with it… 🙂

    Hey, what is “stroy”? It’s one of your tags.

    Thanks for sharing this. Your vulnerability is admirable. But your strength? Truly inspiring.

    • Lol I meant story I spelled it wrong. I was tired as hell writing this becuase this took a lot of thinking involved becuase this happened a while ago so I may have a few grammatical and I apologize becuase I wrote this and 2 other blogs so I’m worn out lol

      I thank you for reading this and I apologize for this post for being so long

      • Ahhhh, shoot, did not mean to call out the typo. My bad. Totally embarrassed now. Forgive me.

        I don’t care how long it is. It’s you. That’s all that matters. Don’t forget to sleep, silly. Love your writing. 🙂

  2. This is quite the story. Thanks for sharing more of the real you. We all carry our skeletons and it’s admirable that you are able so be so raw and honest about you and your life. It motivates me to share some more of my own real experiences.

    • Thank you for reading this yeah at this point I’m comfortable on word press to share everything. You as well be sharing some deep content about love and heartbreaks I pay attention. Little secret I pay attention to my favorite followers and supporters (don’t tell nobody lol)

      • Well thank you for paying attention to what I write. I mainly write about love and heartbreak yes, but there’s so much more. That’s why I said you have motivated me to maybe open up more on other subjects that have affected my life a lot. I will keep your secret hehe. 😊

  3. I have so many comments to say on different parts of this story but it will take forever. The only simple thing I will say is “BRAVO” I’m so proud of you – the only thing I hate is that and experience like that desensitized you into really not trusting a woman or a christian woman for that fact. One bad apple really does spoil the bunch, I hate you wasted your good values on someone that didn’t appreciate you nor what you had to offer. I loved the story and I agree with the blogger at the top, don’t ever apologize for what you write on your blog – your audience isn’t for everyone and if they don’t like it, they can leave but for the ones that are here, it’s because we want to be here. Keep writing from your heart and I do hope one day….REAL, TRUE and AUTHENTIC LOVE will be restored for you. (((hugs)))

  4. Well thank you for your support as always. It’s like 10 dedicated followers, that really are consistent and give me to courage to write this because I am comfortable writing this so I thank them(your one of the 10 followers btw but don’t tell nobody lol) I only apologize because I felt like people would give confused and a headache with this long post. But your right, I shouldn’t apologize. Thank you for four hugs and I feel much better now and things are looking bright for me
    Thank you for your feedback

  5. What happened to you was sad and it takes a lot of strength to relive it and write it down. But don’t let your experience with one person bias you. As you said some ladies are a mess but there are good ones too. Don’t be desensitised. Smile.

  6. “This was all a learning experience and you know what, I thank her for breaking my heart. She taught me a lot and I forgive her now. If we was still together I would eventually been miserable.”

    I really like this part. I truly believe that is what it’s all about. We love and we learn. This is a awesome post. So raw! Like someone said above, I have so much to say but I won’t. Thank you so much for sharing.

    • I know this was a lot to take in and what this girl did was fucked up, she was sneaky but you know what it’s all good because I forgave her and I hope she learn from her mistakes and be happy. I only brought this up because this whole story I never told nobody the whole story. I did tell my family the important details and the events take took place but they didn’t the deep thoughts like me paying for strippers and me comparing myself to a guy in her past. They didn’t know the deepest thoughts that was going on in my mind. The events that took place are something to remember what was going through my mind is what really important to me becuase most people don’t tell you their deepest thoughts in their head, like they will tell you the events take took place which led to a heart break but not the deep dark thoughts that was running their mind while going through a situation. This story is not in an essay format, but I wrote this as if I was having a conversation with you to expose my thoughts. You might have negative thoughts about this girl but she as well was going through some personal things in her life and she as well was hurt before me. When we get hurt, we end up hurting somebody else because we don’t know how to forgive. A lot of people gave me credit for opening up and sharing this, well I appreciate the credit but this wasn’t too hard for me to express. The hardest part was trying to remember everything because this happened a long time ago. Now if i was in person explaining this, then it would be hard. On paper expressing my emotions is the most beautiful thing and the thoughts flow but in person well that’s a different story
      I appreciate you as a follower and thank you

  7. I read it all and I appreciate your honesty and rawness. When I first started writing, I used to worry about my posts being too long and if people would even bother reading so I understand your apologies for the long read. I realized true followers/readers would appreciate the long posts because it takes a lot to put all of that in words and out there.
    I enjoy reading long posts just as much as I enjoy writing them and this blog has motivated me to keep writing my heart out and not cut it short even if it seems way too long. Thanks for that!
    I’m also glad you’ve been able to learn from your experiences, we all have that crazy first relationship when we didn’t know what the hell we were doing.
    When next you get together with someone, that is if you want to, it’s not going to be all rosy but I pray they are into you just as much as you are into them. You are a deep thinker like myself and as much as it may seem like a burden, it is actually a blessing.
    (Sorry for the long comment lol)

    • No need to apologize for the long comment I appreciate it. This relationship helped me a lot. Believe or not, I am not a saint. What this girl did was fucked, it was sneaky, but after everything I don’t think she is a bad person, she just didn’t make decisions which end up hurting me. I hope she learn from her mistakes and find somebody happy. I try to give a warning about my long posts, because sometimes as a follower reading another person’s blog, sometimes it get hard to try to really understand when the post is long but you know what I learned, it’s not how long the post is, it’s what written in the post. You can have a short post that doesn’t relate to anybody and you can have a long post that most people can relate to. Some people have more to say than others. Anybody can get a follower but true dedicated followers are hard to get and I appreciate you as my follower. Enjoy your weekended
      If you ever have any questions about this blog or any of my other blogs, or just about me in general, you are always welcomed to comment on my blogs even if you disagree because I am always grateful to hear your opinion

  8. This was something else, a lesson learned is a lesson earned. That’s why I look at women and shake my head, because they make themselves look bad by what they do, men get heartbroken too. They just don’t see it because they’re to busy being the victim. That’s my mindset after reading your story so I can feel your pain, it’s a good thing you didn’t loan her the money or you would have been heart broken and broke. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you were a saint throughout the story but I do feel you frustration and at least you learned from your mistakes. The way you choose to get back at women was a little wild but hey, to each it’s own🙂, like one of your blogs said, prayer is the answer. It takes power to spill but it takes true power to clean it up and you have true power. I wrote a blog inspired by you called Deadly Seven, I mentioned your blog name on it……hope you don’t mind.
    Anyway, loved this post! This is something you can’t forget!

    • I appreciate your support. This is not the only time a girl played games with me, but the most serve . I’m not a saint because you can see I was having sex with strippers, and broke up with a girl over a text. I try to tell the whole side of the story. At the end of the day, this girl was fucked up but I won’t say she was evil because it’s just heart was not in the right place. I learned that you should be friends first before you commit to somebody and I didn’t do that. She was hurt but some guy that she loved before me. Now I’m not saying it was okay for the things that she done for me but before we judge we have to understand where people come from. Again still was fucked up with what she did but she too was going through a lot with in her personal life. So I’m trying not to expose her at all, this was just something that bothered me in 2015 deeply. As bad as I had it, there are some men that have it worst. Some men actually catch STD’s, get rapped in child support, or end up in jail because of a woman so I’m grateful of this heartbreak. I guarantee I will never ever let a girl use me or get inside my head like this again. I have a whole different mindset now. But when reading, if you have negative thoughts about this girl, I understand that but you know what I just hope she learn from her mistakes and be happy.

      • That’s good that you learned and accepted your mistakes and you’re not putting all the blame on her and bigger props to you wishing her well in her future, shows big character on your part. Let me hit you with something. Do you think women/men who have been hurt in their past relationship go out with someone to hurt them just so they can see how it feels to hurt someone for a change instead of getting hurt?

      • That’s a very question
        I believe that a few of them do. Sometimes someone catches HIV from a past lover, that person will go around and sleep with other people and infect them. Some women take their frustration out on all men for being hurt and some men take their frustration out on all women when getting hurt.
        Alot of men when they get heart broke, they turn savage using every girl for sex all becuase one girl hurt them.
        The opposite don’t trust each other all because of what one person did in the past.
        Yes I do think some people purposely will hurt their partner for being hurt in the past.
        Sometimes people think hurting others will make them feel strong, confident, proud but all this does is make you feel more weak and destroy yourself more

      • Pretty sad way to lose a good person in your life, just because of something that was done to you by a bad one. You can’t go through life thinking everyone you meet will one day let you down. That’s to bad.

      • Very true, and I do believe that sex is the weapon of revenge when it comes to getting even with someone. And the weapon of choice.

  9. Wow….that’s all I can say. I don’t know u but I feel like I know u…do u get that? It’s a good thing u learnt from everything I guess. But one thing, not every female is like that..I have a lot of friends that r in actuality very nice people. Don’t let what happened with a person make u think it will happen with everyone. Good job

    • ” I don’t know u but I feel like I know u…do u get that?” I had that feeling one time. I think we get that when we can relate to somebody else’s experience.
      i just want to say thank you for taking the time out to read this because it really means a lot to me,
      I will check out your blog shortly

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