My feelings on black people using the word N*gga

The n*gga word is a cancer and I have used it.
It’s an addiction and I have to stop it.
I won’t lie, in this poem will be honest.
I heard this in R rated movies and rap lyrics.
I love rap music and always will.
Some lyrics are so cold, it gives me chills
and I’m being for real.
There are a lot of black men I look up to,
like Martin Luther King, Barack Obama, Kobe Bryant, Leborn James, there are many more
but I’m just naming a few.
The one black man I admire the most is Malcolm X.
He stands for what he believes in, a strong Muslim that fought for black independence.
Sometimes I wish he still existed and was still living.
I wish I had half the heart that he did.
Because in the 1960’s in America, it was a lot of racist shit back then.
The world was violent for African Americans
and Blacks were outnumbered by the educated whites but Malcolm still choose to fight.
He tried to fight the black man war in America
and I can’t even show up prepared to my own battle.
It’s so sad though thinking about what this world have came to.
I wonder what would Malcolm would do?
I wished he was still alive.
Now in the fourth line of this poem,
I stated ” Some lyrics are so cold, it gives me chills
and I’m being for real”.
Listening to hardcore rap is a good feel
but yet and I hate to say it, because I don’t like to judge other men
but rap has increased the ignorance.
This is old news.

For years gangsta rap has been in the news.
Now I believe almost all rappers mean well
and I get it, its business and they have to make record sales.
N*ggas, bitches*, gunshots, these words in rap lyrics sale.
I’m guilty of using the word ‘n*ggas’ and referring to women as ‘b*tches’.
Truth be told, words have the power to build and destroy, its an addiction.
I was listening to a few Malcolm X speeches, and I also saw a youtube video of his daughter speaking(I will post a video below) about her opinion on the n*gga word
and it made me think.
I want to be a strong black man, but I can’t unless I get rid of my demons.
The negative words I have been using for years.
Now the slang definition of n*gga
N*gga – A word that only black people use to call there homies if a white person uses it they are some deep shit.
Forget about the word n*gga and think about it like this.
How can you get mad about something somebody else do or say to you
if your doing it yourself?
This question I just asked is a poison that not came out the closet
because we only care about how we treat ourselves but not others.
This world is full of hypocrites.
Now nobody is perfect, and like I said, numerous times I have said ‘n*gga’
but I must stop it and I will pray I never use this word again.
Now maybe not all black would agree, but I’m just saying what I believe.

There are plenty of black intelligent people that are capable of achieving many things that use the word “n*gga” on a daily basis but in this world, sad to say, but you barely get judged by what’s in your heart and by  your actions, but very quickly you  get judged by what you have, what you wear and what you say.

Now everybody is welcome to comment on this

Should black people use the word n*gga?

Please look at this video below:

Death Tried To Follow But Couldn’t Keep Up

My mind is desolate
my world is dark as its ever been.
It feels like death follows me.
I tried to remain nowhere to be seen,
but I’m being stalked to death
by death.
He knows the size and shape of shadow
and he didn’t use a measuring tape.
Should I dig my own grave and drift to other side?
Is it time to end my life, should I commit suicide?
Jump off NYC buildings, shoot full metal jackets, drinking bleach, or starve myself to death
before I become next.
I don’t run away, I refuse to get chased
but I’m too arrogant to get slayed
by deaths name
so should I put myself in harms way
by my own hands, I think this too myself
while drinking straight liquor without a chase.
Forget the precious creation of my face, I’m running out of time and death
just jumped ahead to second place from eight place.
Death shall not win my race, I will always be first place.
This is my race, I created the track, death just runs on it.

Do people really mean it when they say “Take As Long As You Want”?

“Take as long as you want”,

Hmm is this statement overrated?

Even the strongest lungs aren’t perfect.

I know that has nothing to do with this,

but think about it for a minute.

Let your conscience visit for a second

and listen.

When you say “Take as long as you want”

do you really mean it?

Does patience exist forever or does it

began to vanish?

It’s hard to abandon the ones you love

or the ones that mean well and giving it

eveything they got, but

what if it never get better?

Are u going to help that person forever?

Are you going to stay around that person forever?

Do you know anything on this planet that last forever?

Well have you ever written a love letter?

After you written that love letter did you get rejected after?

Your heart just experinced a disaster.

You gave everything you got but it still didn’t get better.

Here are some provided examples:

Imagine as a woman being with a man that can’t obtain an erection.

Its the beginning of a relationship, he gets embrassed, but you work with him to fix.

But it’s almost 2 years and still don’t notice a difference.

Its still the same shit.

He visited a urologist, received cialis, but erections are still non-existent.

So in this case 2 years later, would you still have patience even though you love him?

Would you reminisce the amazing sexual intercourse from you exes?

Would start to wish that your current boyfriend had the confidence like your ex boyfriend?

Your ex-boyfriend calls you, would you reject his call or would you answer it?

Vice versa as man being with a woman that want to pratice abstinence.

She necessarily don’t want to wait before marriage, but she want you to be patient

with sex

since she had really bad experiences in her previous relationships.

Its been 3 years, you know her deepest secrets, she tell you everything about her personal busniess, you seen her in her weakest moments, you wiped the tears,

you always tell her how much you care,

ya hold hands in public, you treat her like a queen in private, you showed her that in this world, they are true gentleman, and no matter how much lust dwells within the hemispheres of your brain, you continue to remain patient agaian and again.

Hell, you barely even had the chance to caress her, and you know sex is something you been wanting to have with her, so you finally approach the idea of sex with her, telling here that you are ready take it to the next level, but she says she still don’t feel comfortable with you to take it to the bedroom, and she need more time.

You say its okay I understand , no problem that’s fine.

But is it really fine or are you lying?

Are you willing to wait 3 more years?

Are you willing to wait 2 more years?

Is this really fair?

Would you abandon the one you love even though you care?

Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself is this true.

If you gave it everything you got but still wasn’t getting it, would you want that person trying help you abandon you?

Do you know what it feels like to have somebody give up on you?

Questions:

After reading this poem, I provided some questions for you to think about:

1) How do you truly know that you are ready to have sex with your signficant other? Is being comfortable a good enough reason to have sex or is there more to it?

2) If you boyfriend you have been with for a while, is having a hard time obtaining an erection and he tried everything from visiting the urologist and taking medications but nothing is working, could this affect your relationship?

3) Does being too patient get you hurt in the long run?

4) What is one thing no matter how hard you try that you just couldn’t accomplish?

5) Does hardwork really pay off?

Pick two out of fivethe questions that caught your interest the most and comment below?

For Relationships/Marriages

Below I have three questions for everybody that’s in a relationship or married. The first 2 questions were asked by my girlfriend and I liked these thought provoking questions.

If you were single and had one shot left at love would you choose your Ex at least knowing who you’re dealing with or gamble and pick a “Next”, a person who could be better or worse than the last situation?

What are topics between us that you think would be difficult to bring up or talk about with each other? Us specifically or between couples?

If you just started dating somebody, is necessary to speak to your significant other on the phone everday? Also could you be in a relationship with somebody that rather text than speak on the phone?

Pick one question out of the three that caught your interest and comment below your answer!

I Destroyed The Old Me

A version of me will be different completely.
The keyword “will” becuase I’m still trying.
All I know is I need a change, but don’t know how.
So many times been knocked out to the ground.
Life is about about angels and demons.
Demons , we think of a 1/3 of rejected angels that follow Satan.
Evil smiles with pitch forks beings causing havoc,
but disgiused in music with explicit content, unprotected sexual intercourse, weed smoke or any drug even cigarettes.
An great feeling becomes an addiction thats unnoticeable,
but it makes you feel noble.
Pain in life is global, and to a certain extent, we are all spolied.
This is a sample of what I been going through.
I been negative since a child in elementary school.
I wrote so many poems that expose dark secrets in invisible journals.
I no longer want to be a slave of life, I want to be a colonel.
I had the arrogant mentality, saying to myself
“Lord I deserve you”
but I realized this type of thinking will have the lord curse you.
I need a new sin washed away, and I will began to pray.
I can’t express it yet because I’m not ready to,
but lord knows a change is overdue.
I’m my own worst enemy that ambushed myself into misery.
If I don’t change now, no matter how many accomplishments accomplished, I will face defeat.
In the future I just saw a sneak peak and I learned there is a slight difference between failure and defeat.
Failure everybody goes through, but some will get defeated and destroyed.
Failure can be temporary if we fight for the future.
Success almost feels impossible and this couldn’t be any truer.
So allowing the enemy in you destroy yourself seems much easier.
So how to go against the odds and rise above?
Do I drown myself in a white tub
to wash the sins so I can pray to the lord above?
Well I’ll start with acknowledging my fears and weaknesses
and I’ll continue writing for the next 30 minutes
until 9:36.
I try my hardest to give a fuck, but people make me not give a fuck.
Life is no training program, you learned your lesson after you fuck up.
Who do you trust? I mean people change their character like a street fighter video game when money involved.
Working hard, but its not really about working hard.
Hard workers die younger and younger everday.
Life becomes harder everyday.
I always thought when life gets harder, you work harder.
But nah, its about working smarter.
Your brain is a muscle and overtraining it won’t make it grow faster, it just delays the process.
I have so many accomplishments on hold, I’m delayed in the process.
But I’m learning to stop making excuses, I just have to do it.
I refuse to be destoryed by my own enemy, even though I’m clueless.
But I know the tools handed to me was by a demon since I tend to be oblivious.
But its not gonna work this time, becuase even though I am thrown to the wolves, I will acknowledge my common sense.
Common sense is all about survial of the fittest
and I will survie the earthquakes and reduce it to a thunderstorm
so when I witness a dark cloud, I will no longer complain
becuase the sunlight is apporaching soon, I just need to be patient.
Just a few more minutes while writing this poem in a moment of silence.
I need a moment of silence because I just destoryed my final demon.
But if you are wondering why have a moment of silence for a demon, its because in the good book, we are taught to love our enemy.
Kill then with kindess and be friendly.
Sometimes I do feel the world is against me, but I know God is with me.
I no longer have fear, I can do anything.
For example, this thought provoking poem I wrote just now within 40 minutes.
This is day 1 of the rest of my life.
I will now allow the lord to fight my battles for the rest of my life.
I will be the best version of myself and now with the lord on my side, I am ready to fight.

She Is A Flirt

Black leggins , ass shows, shes a flirt.

She blew a kiss at the Jill Scott concert.

Black heels, leggings match, captivating

And I front like my dick not erecting.

Instinct like tarzan being king of the jungle.

I know you don’t love me, headed for trouble

Ass twerking, titties poppin, moves seductive.

Eyes watching like celebrities at the red carpet entrance.

Eyes flashin, a gurdain angel built like Satan

leading to a sticky situations.

Hoes don’t trust them, but I don’t listen.

Thought I was forever untouchable,

but god made my persona humbled.

Because yesterday I was Superman,

but today begging for backup plans.

Long strokes made my heart pumps,

and the sperm cums.

I blast it simutanteloulsy,

while beatin it like tap drums.

Release it in 30 seconds like five long deep breaths.

Wished had butter hands to miss this catch

when she threw her name in my palms.

Flirtatious adavnces, extremely contiguous,

made sins outrageous, thoart sore and face sweats.

Stench of dirreherra in my sweats.

Intercourse was raw like Eddie Murphy scene.

Had her on her kness, her thighs my face was in between

but she put me in a wheel cheer intentionally.

The lust was addicting like candy, her voice was tempting, she moved seductively, my strokes were sastfiying, but yet secretly destroying me, when sperm kept cuming like royalty checks for publishing poetry.

The lust is still addicting, I’m admitting

in embrasssement, since her sudden disappearance, I’m still ejacaulating, for hallcuintating, that releasing of semen.

Damn she was a freak and damn she was a flirt.

Do You Feel Unwanted

Skating on thin ice, taking a risk on my life.

Confused like the identity of a dyke.

Am I afraid like the 40 year virgin trying to get laid?

I complain about wanting more money, but do I want to get paid?

I complain about reckless people, but do I really want to play it safe?

I tell myself I am going to make it, but will my talent go to waste?

It’s me aginst the world and suicide is tempting like being freaky to a Tupac temeptations song,

but unlike Paul, these negative thoughts I am learning to ignore

by listening to a gospel song

even though the devil finds his way in the church.

Should the church doors be locked at all times

since the demons are at work?

With the good, comes the bad, like a young lady with a pretty face and no ass,

or a nice ass with a unbeautiful face?

But am I sinning again for judging something I didn’t create?

How can I place criticism on something I didn’t help build or help create?

Well other people do it all the time so I should follow the crowd?

Is that a good reason why I should smoke loud?

Is that good reason why I should continue pulling down her panties underneath her night gown

knowing that I don’t plan to wear a glove when peoples intentions is brutally cold like russia during WW2.

An STD do comes unexpectedly like a dream just came true.

Back and fourth thinking what should I do?

The demons are active like volcanoes and

are on the loose

and I’m screaming like simba when witnessing

his dad slipping

when scar was the one that let his grip loose.

Never trust a hand that didn’t raise you or feed you.

Everbody in this world don’t have a mind that’s 1+1 = 2.

We are all suppose to be created equal, but that line in the constitution is deceitful.

Racism is alive and its a disgiuse between the eyes.

Sexism against girlfriends and wives, so protection is deprived.

Young ladies in this world are the remainders

since satan divides.

Men only want to be fruitful, but some

unintentionally multiply

but when a fetus comes to life, a man is subtracted, stress and anger is added,

famililes is now divided.

Life blows like a sega genesis cartridge.

Marriage almost damn near facing extinction

and its hard to make a relationship work

when your partner doesn’t have what it takes to make it work.

So when your birthday comes up, ever think to yourself, was you an unwanted birth?

From Interracial couples, True Love, and Black People

This post is about my feelings on interracial couples, why I think true love is hard to find and black people as a whole.

Please click on the link below to listen to my podcast. For those of you that have a podcast, please comment below your info so I can listen to your podcast

Listen to this episode of my podcast, Spoken Word Poet, Everything About Life https://anchor.fm/david-hockaday7/episodes/Everything-About-Life-e45a0p